Author's note: Okay well I got a pretty good response last time and I need to improve on my grammar, I tried this time to go over the chapter a few more times and look for those mistakes but I'm sure some got missed. Is anybody out there a beta reader who can help me with my grammar lol? Or can someone tell me how to get one 'cause I dunno. Anyways hopefully you readers will enjoy this, any questions or complaints just tell me, but please (pretty please) review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order SVU or any of its characters I'm just borrowing them for none-profit purposes.

Casey hit the snooze bottom on her alarm clock, just wanting an extra ten minutes of sleep. Her ears were pounding and she felt like vomiting. With a certain disdain she remembered putting herself to sleep with, well, vodka. Somehow at the time she'd thought, even though she'd been to the bar it was fine to have a nice glass or three of vodka.

She couldn't remember what had been so bad that she had needed the vodka, but somehow she figured once her head cleared it would all come rushing back. Her alarm went off again and she was tempted to just ignore it, but she knew, hangover or not, she couldn't be late for work.

She nevertheless arrived a few minutes early for work, by then she was only feeling the dimming affects of the hangover, which soon enough would be completely gone.

She sat at her desk not willing to get up and do anything. She remembered vaguely suddenly wanting Olivia, wanting to love her, to be with her. Her mind was going a million miles per hour trying to come up with explanations. She certainly couldn't be gay, she'd definitely been in love with her fiancé who she was certain was a male. And bisexual didn't seem to fit either; she'd simply never liked a girl before. And yet here she was all of the sudden, with all these new emotions and feelings. Even if she was bisexual why hadn't she known this when she was a teenager, like normal people?

She gave a little huff and took sip of her coffee was still steaming. Ok, she thought, she had a crush, on a woman, now what did she do? Did she forget about it and just get a boyfriend, distract herself for a little while? Or was she supposed to confront the issue head on?

She certainly couldn't tell anyone, never, even as a teenager she'd never told anyone about her crushes, they were her secret. She searched her memory looking for where this whole liking both genders started. At one point when she was a teenager she did remember having a crush on a girl, but she'd long since figured it was just a faze.

For the next few weeks she kept her calm, tried to act normal, which in itself, proved to be rather easy. It was like any other crush really, like that boy in high school who you know is way out of your league but you like anyways. You never tell anyone about that crush and frankly it doesn't seem to matter.

She felt for the most part at peace with herself, even though she still felt awkward around Olivia she still liked being in Olivia's presence. Never once did the possibility, however slim, register into her head that Olivia in turn might like her back. It was too impossible; Olivia liked men, end of story.

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One year later:

It was only mid-November, leaves were still scattered on the ground, all wet and soggy from the recent rain. Dani was still Elliot's partner even Casey knew for a fact that Olivia had returned even if she hadn't told Elliot yet. Casey felt a feeling of contentment having Olivia back where Casey knew she was safe. She'd had boyfriends over the last year but something, like a ghost of a feeling, still lingered for Olivia.

She and Olivia were at Casey's house, chatting about the precinct gossip. Olivia had 'casually' asked about Elliot about a million times and Casey was getting annoyed.

"I think," Olivia began, "That I'm jealous of my replacement…I mean it's just….he seems so much closer to her than he ever did to me, like this last year he's been so distant….and now. I dunno."

Casey fought hard not to cringe; it seemed obvious that Olivia had feelings for Elliot. Of course Olivia did, who else would she like? She certainly couldn't like Casey, certainly not another woman.

"You have a little crush don't you 'Liv?"

Olivia's facial expression didn't change, then again Olivia was good at hiding her emotions, and Casey knew that well, "No, falling for colleagues isn't aloud, not in my book anyways." Olivia replied with a small smile.

"So do like him then."

Olivia shook her head, "I just missed him a lot and now it's like he's replaced me, I mean I don't like him in that way but he's my partner, not hers."

"I know I'm just kidding." Casey answered and then paused for a moment, "Have you ever liked anybody from work?"

"Yeah, I mean do break my rules every so often."

They both giggled girlishly, though Casey wasn't sure why they were all of the sudden acting like teenagers. She regained herself, she wasn't a kid anymore, maybe once upon a time she would have begged Olivia to tell her who she liked, but not anymore, she was an adult now and her teenage years had long since come to a close.

"When do you plan on returning to work Olivia?" Casey asked, adopting a serious, lawyer-y tone.

Olivia shrugged and her gaze went all weird and distant like she was seeing something that Casey wasn't, "Soon I guess, I just need some time to get over the whole being undercover thing. I know I wasn't supposed to get close to the people I was with but I did, and well those guys became my friends." She said then took a deep breath, "It's weird being back because even though I wasn't gone very long it's like all of the sudden I'm a stranger, the new kid again."

"I know, just come back soon okay? Everyone misses you even if you don't think they do, they do." Casey said gently and then muttered, "I know what it's like to be the new kid but even I got accepted soon enough…and everyone already knows you, they wont treat you like some stranger when you get back."

Olivia's distant gaze broke and she turned to look at Casey, "Sorry Casey I know what it was like for you when you first came, you have to understand we all just missed Alex a lot."

"I know," Casey began, running a hand through her hair, "don't worry, just promise me not to let the fact that Elliot likes your replacement keep you from coming back as soon as you can."

"I wont, anyways, it's late I should head home." Olivia responded getting up and heading towards the door.

"Bye then." Casey said as Olivia walked out her door. She looked longingly at Olivia's back, walking steadily away. She wondered again if Olivia really did like Elliot, and if not him then who? She felt young and weak, she couldn't help but feel like wasn't supposed to have feelings for Olivia, women maybe, but not Olivia.

Olivia was straight and Casey had never been given any hints that told her otherwise. She felt a knot form in her stomach like all at once the feelings she had for Olivia became intense like they'd never been before. She swallowed hard, she had to face the truth, Olivia couldn't possibly like her, and she had to move on because nothing would ever happen with Olivia.

Yet even when she forgot about her feelings she didn't, they were still there, the ghost of a deep longing and love that she couldn't get her mind around. It was like her heart was being squeezed tighter and tighter, being made into a tight little ball of emotions screaming to have their voices heard.

Author's note: Okay now, there's always the possibility that this chapter was way worse than the last one, if it was please tell me and I might try to redo it, but I don't think it's that bad. Okidokes?