Dirty Little Secret
Chapter 3 - Straitjacket Feeling
The day went past without any noticeable incident – apart from Paris's grumpy mood, but that was nothing new. Rory went to the library, walked around the campus looking for a nice place to sit down and read, consuming coffee over coffee – and at the end of the day, she was in her dorm again. Another coffee in her hand, a book in the other, she sat on her bed and read, trying hard to ignore the rising guilt she felt inside. It wasn't exactly guilt, it was a feeling she couldn't name. She felt weird, she wanted to talk to her mother about it but she knew she couldn't. What's the point of having a secret when you talk with someone about it who shouldn't know about it?
She remembered her mother's reaction when she had told her she was going with Robert to a party and not with Logan. It didn't seem as if Lorelai Gilmore approved of that. And just pretend Rory would tell her about Finn, …
Rory sighed and lowered her book, taking a sip of her already cold coffee.
"Uh, gross", she muttered, putting the cup on her night stand.
She closed her book and looked at the place where Finn that been lying on her bed. She recalled the night with him, how free she had felt, how good. Thinking about it, she suddenly felt something else. Fear. What if he already forgot about her? What if she has been a one night stand for him after all? What if –
A knock on the door stroke her thoughts. She jumped up immediately, ignoring the fact that her mind kept telling she was pathetic, and walked quickly to the door. Opening it, she backed up in surprise.
"Hey, Ace", Logan said with a smirk before entering her dorm, walking past her.
"Oh, hey Logan", she said, accepting a kiss from him, still rather shocked, and deep inside, even a little disappointed.
"So, how was your weekend?", he asked, sitting down on the couch in the common room, crossing his arms behind his head.
Rory slowly closed the door, before she walked over to him and sat down beside him.
"It was, um, okay", she said, turning to him.
She must have looked at him rather weird, for he suddenly furrowed his forehead.
"You alright?"
"Of course I'm alright", she blurted out. "Because I haven't been waiting for you to call at all!"
"You – what?"
"Oh come on!", she yelled at him before she got up again, walking into her room. She heard him sigh and then saw his figure in the doorframe.
"Ace", he said, watching her how she sat on her bed, staring out of the window. "I thought there were no strings attached and –"
"Yeah, I know that! But I still expected some proof of life from you the last days!"
"I'm sorry, Ace", he said quietly, walking over to her. "I didn't expect you to be worried about me."
"Well, maybe I am", she whispered, turning to look at him.
He threw her a smile, before he pulled her into a tight hug. "We're good again?", he asked after a while and she couldn't do anything but nod.
She pulled her arms around his neck and let him kiss her, halfway enjoying that he was here again, the rest of her being far away, mostly thinking about someone else. She kept ignoring her mind, telling her that now she has done it, she was that kind of girl. She closed her eyes and leant into the kiss with Logan.
After Logan was gone later that night, she cuddled into her sheets and stared at the ceiling. She didn't know what to think. This whole situation was so confusing and yet she didn't know why she was so confused. What if the thing with Finn had been just a one night stand? And what if Logan would treat her better now? But what if everything was totally different? She sighed and closed her eyes. Only moments later, she jerked her eyes open again, sitting up in bed, grabbing her cell from her night stand, automatically dialling the number of her mother. She was aware that it was past midnight. But she just had to talk to her mother.
"Hello?", the tired voice of her mother answered the phone.
"Hey, mom", Rory replied, lying back down again, the cell pressed to her ear.
"Ooh, the lost child is talking to me in my dreams", Lorelai said. "Hey kid, just remembered you haven't called your dear old mother for the whole weekend?"
"Sorry, mom, I just had so much to do", Rory said, slowly.
"Yale is consuming you, huh? Just tell it the next time, 'No, Yale, not this weekend! I have to call my mother!'"
"Sorry I'm calling so late."
"You sound weird, everything alright with you? And what is it with all the apologies?"
"I'm fine and I, I don't know, I just –"
"Speak up, kid, what's wrong?"
"I – everything's fine, Logan's been here before ad everything is just fine. And I just wanted to hear your voice."
"Now that's an answer I can live with", Lorelai said.
Rory had trouble keeping her voice steady, she wanted so desperately to tell her mother about everything that happened the last two days – but she couldn't. So they talked about everything else that was not important. The moment she said goodbye to her mother, Rory felt tears welling up in her eyes. She placed her cell carefully back on the night stand and stared up at the ceiling again. A silent sob emerged from her throat and before she knew it, she fell asleep, crying mercilessly.
When she woke up again, it was still dark outside. She took a glance at her watch and realized that only three hours had passed. She sat up and rubbed her swollen eyes. She still felt as if there was a heavy weight on her chest, pushing her down. Sighing slightly, Rory got up from bed, slipped into her jeans, pulled over a sweater and walked over to the window, about to open it to inhale the cold night air.
It was then that she saw the shadow in front of it.
She almost shrieked loudly, but suppressed her shock quickly when she recognized the person standing in front of her window.
"Finn", she mouthed and suddenly everything that troubled her before was gone again. He just made everything so easy.
She opened the window and watched how he climbed into her room.
"Hey, love", he said, kissing her on the cheek.
"Do you know how late it is?"
"Yes, it is almost four o'clock, love, is your watch broken?", he smirked, sitting down on her bed.
She watched him silently, leaning against the open window.
"Or are you not available now? I heard from a certain other fellow that he left you sleeping in your bed."
Rory stared at him. "You talk about me?"
"No, Logan talks, a lot, quite annoying sometimes, but he does", Finn told her.
"Hmm, interesting", she muttered, still watching Finn. "And… and you are not mad?"
"Why should I, love? He likes you and if I complain I don't get the chance to get to like you the way he does."
She just smiled at him, walking over to him slowly.
"And I thought you would actually forget about me", she whispered, sitting down next to him.
"I couldn't, love", he said with a wink and pulled an arm around her.
"I just wasn't so sure", she said, leaning against him.
"That's why you cried?", he said quietly.
"I – what?"
"Your eyes, they look as if you have been crying, love", he said, watching her. She looked up at him, puzzled. "Hey, I have several sisters, I am used to girl tears!", he added with a smile.
"Well, I was just confused…"
"Yes, this is new for me as well, love", he replied, kissing her temple.
"It is?"
"Yes, well, what shall I say? I don't usually see the same girl twice", he smirked.
"You are unbelievable", she said, shaking her head, grinning.
"I know, love, I know", he agreed and bent down to kiss her.
She turned to him and pulled her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. They ended up lying on the bed, Rory on top of Finn, her lips playing with his, their tongues wrestling, their hands exploring each other's body. She was just messing with the buttons of his shirt, when they both heard a noise from the common room. Rory immediately stiffened, looking towards the door. Finn rested his hands on her waist, following her glance.
"This whole noise thing will be giving me a heart attack someday, love", he whispered. "How about a change of venue?"
She looked at him and nodded, quickly climbing down from him. He crawled from her bed as well, his shirt halfway unbuttoned, his hair messier than usual, his cheeks red from their wild kissing. She was already standing by the open window, her hair as messy as his, her cheeks even redder. He grinned at her and climbed out at first. Rory shot another glance at her door, before following Finn outside into the dark. She pulled the window shut and listened hard, leaning on the wall next to her window, Finn right beside her.
There was another noise and then Rory's door burst open, an angry Paris standing in the doorframe.
"That was close", she heard Finn whisper.
She merely nodded before looking around into her dark room. The door was still open, but Paris was nowhere to be seen. Rory sighed, shaking her head at her roommate.
"That girl really gives me the creeps", she heard Finn say, when he leant past her to take a look inside as well.
"Yeah, she got that effect on everyone", Rory said, grinning. "I just wonder that's wrong with her now…"
"Don't let her bother you, love", he said, looking at her. "We got other things to do."
He threw her a grin and grabbed her hand, leading her away from her dorm room window onto the dark and empty campus.
"And that would be?"
"Be a little more imaginative, love", he said, pulling her behind a large tree, pinning her to the wood by his body.
"I never liked camping", she said, giggling, when he began to nibble on her earlobe.
"I'm not going to camp with you, kitten", he whispered, moving on to caress her neck.
"Well, that's good", she said, resting her hands on his shoulders, stretching her neck when he began to suck on the side of her neck. "Don't you think we're getting caught?"
"But isn't that the thrill, love, the fear of being caught?"
"It's your ass, anyway", she mocked.
"You like my arse, don't you?"
"Finn!"
"Rory!"
"You're making me blush", she whispered, letting her hands wander through his hair.
"But no one will see that, love."
"Hmm, that's true…", she admitted, giggling, as he kissed the hollow of her throat before he moved back to her mouth, gnawing playfully on her lower lip. She replied his movements by placing her arms around his neck tighter, pressing her lips against his, standing almost completely still, squeezed by his body and the tree in her back. They kissed passionately, their lips closing around each other's, his warmth melting with hers. She leant closer to him, totally absorbed by his presence, entirely lost in the effect he had on her. Finding herself somewhere on the campus, pinned against a tree, embraced by him, she felt safe, very safe.
This was right.
They were so lost into each other, that they couldn't hear the voices moving towards them. Just when Rory leant back to catch her breath, she heard the potential disturbance coming closer. She pressed closer to the tree and pulled Finn with her, holding her breath with her eyes wide, listening closely. He did the same, yet his eyes rested totally calm on hers. The voices grew quieter again and were soon after absorbed by the darkness.
Rory couldn't help but sigh noisily.
Finn grinned at her before he backed up, grabbed her hand and ran with her across the campus, she followed willingly, her mind unable to say anything, her body too shocked to resist. He finally stopped right in front of Rory's favourite library. She looked up at the impressive building before she looked back at Finn.
"Ever snogged between Wilde and Kafka?", he asked, catching her eye.
She raised one eyebrow. "I don't know what surprises me the most, you knowing my favourite place or you knowing Kafka", she said with a wide grin.
"You're really underestimating me, love", he said, trying to look hurt.
She just leant up to kiss him, before she realized how easily they could be seen, right in front of the library. She didn't mind, however, that his hand was still holding hers.
"So, ready to go?"
"What? We can't go in there. It's closed!"
"As if that would stop me, love", he said, winking.
"But –"
No buts, he just dragged her after him, heading to a window near the main entrance.
"No, Finn, we can't! That's not like the dining hall or the kitchen; this is a library full of very valuable and very old books!"
"I'm almost hurt you like books more than me, but I guess that's normal about you", he mocked, squeezing her hand a little.
"I guess you have to get used to that", she replied, smiling up at him.
"But this means that you like me, love", Finn combined, furrowing his forehead playfully. "Not as much as all those books over there, but at least a little." He looked at her. "Right?"
She replied his gaze, smiling mysteriously.
"I'll take that as a yes", he said after a while of watching her, before pulling her into a hug, almost lifting her off the ground by doing so.
She buried her head in his chest, pulling her arms around his waist tightly. It was a miracle how he could mutate from a playboy to a total teddy bear within seconds. She's never experienced anyone with so many different faces. He was incredible.
"I am?"
"What?", she said against his chest, feeling his soft skin on her cheek where his shirt was still unbuttoned.
"You said I'm incredible."
"Oh", she muttered, giggling against him. "I've been thinking loudly…"
"Do that more often, love, I'd love to hear your dirty thoughts", he smirked, kissing her hair.
"I bet", she replied, lifting her head a little to look up at him.
He looked at her, his eyes as calm as the sea, with a small spark inside, announcing the next big wave that could twirl her around without much effort whenever she wasn't expecting it. She was about to lean up to him, when a loud voice called out to them.
"What are you doing here?"
Rory's heart missed a beat, the words totally petrified her – and it was Finn, who dragged her away from the building, holding her hand tightly, running away from whoever had seen them. He stopped after a while, slipping into the dark entrance of another building, pinning her to the wall again, hiding her completely from anyone possibly passing them. She clung onto him, totally out of breath.
"No one's seen us, love", he whispered, tilting his head.
"But –"
"Yes, someone saw two figures making out in front of the library, that's all. No faces, nothing. Just two dark figures. Could have been anyone", he said quietly.
"I really hope you're right."
"Darn, me too", he smirked.
She chuckled at his comment, leaning her head against his chest, her hands still grabbing his shirt tightly.
"So, what next, love?"
"What do you mean; what next? I still have to recover from that last encounter…"
"I guess you have to get used to that, love", he said, grinning.
"Apparently…"
"But I mean it, what are we doing next?"
She looked up at him, her thumbs playing with the buttons of his shirt. She almost fell for his gaze again, if it wasn't for a thought that stroke her with even more impact as the thought of being caught. "Oh dear!", she shrieked and backed away from him. "What time is it?"
He looked at her puzzled, before his gaze wandered towards his watch. "Almost 5.30."
"Oh my god!", she shrieked again, running headlessly away from him, before he finally caught her hand and pulled her towards him again.
"What's wrong, love?"
"I got a class at 8!"
"Darn, you must be popular by the professors! Yet you still have two hours and a half, a lot of time to prepare!"
"But I have to sleep", she whined.
"Sleep's slightly overrated, love", he smirked. "So, do you like a coffee?"
She stared at him with her eyebrows raised.
"You like coffee, I know that."
"No, that's wrong", she said. "I worship coffee!"
He laughed at that and hooked his arm into hers, leading her through the still deserted campus to where the nearest coffee stand was. Of course the place was still empty, but he did as if it wasn't and leant playfully against the imaginary coffee stand, ordering two coffees and even paying the imaginary salesman. She watched him highly amused, how he leant in mid-air. When he walked to her, offering her an imaginary coffee cup, she just laughed at him.
"You know, I prefer real coffee", she chuckled, looking at him as he took a sip from his non-existent coffee.
"Be more imaginative, love", he said again, standing next to her.
"Oh I am, I dream of butterflies", she said and looked up at him with her lower lip pushed forward.
He couldn't help but laugh, laughing so hard he had to hold his sides after a while. Instead of joining him, she merely grabbed his hand and pulled him away again, not stopping until they reached her dorm room window. Rory quickly checked the window, it was still open. After that she turned to Finn, looking at him with a wide smile on her face.
"I don't know if it's too late to say good night, but –", she said, moving closer to him. "Good night, Finn", she mouthed, before she leant in to close her lips around his, kissing him hungrily.
When they broke apart again, Finn watched her with a huge grin. "From now on I'll imagine you with thousand butterflies, jumping over pink clouds and –"
"Don't mock me", she said.
"I wouldn't dare, love", he said and kissed her again. "Maybe I'll dress up as a butterfly when we see each other again", he continued.
"Ooh, now I want to see that!", she said, feeling a wave of joy swimming around in her middle as he mentioned to see her again.
"You will", he said and winked. "Sleep well, love", he added and placed a kiss on her temple. "And try not to snore too loud in class!"
With that he turned around, waving her goodbye as he vanished behind the next corner. Rory, however, climbed through her own window as soon as he was out of sight. The minute her feet touched the floor, an angry voice rang in her ears.
"Where have you been?"
She looked up to see Paris looming inside her doorframe. "What?"
"You heard me, where have you been?"
"Out, mother!", she replied, mockingly.
"Don't you have classes? And why do you come trough the window? Lost your key? Do you know what trouble we'll get if one of us looses a key? And just imagine what happens when someone finds it and sneaks into our dorm, robbing us? Sneaking through your underwear? Huh? Imagine that, Rory!"
"I didn't lose my key, Paris."
"Then why did you climb through your window?"
"Why not?"
Paris glared at her. "I called your mother and told her that you weren't in your room."
"You did what?", Rory blurted out, quickly walking to her night stand to snatch her cell, dialling her mother's number.
"Now look who's popular today", Lorelai answered.
"Mom, I am so sorry. She'll never call you again!"
"She had her reasons, I assume. Weird Paris-reasons, but anyhow. Where have you been anyway?"
"Out, I couldn't sleep, so… I walked around campus a little. I didn't know that was such a big deal", she said, also addressing Paris who still stood in her doorframe.
"Well it's your life, hun", Lorelai replied. "Just tell Paris to get a puppy!"
"A puppy?"
"Right, PETA wouldn't approve of that. Just tell her to get somebody else to call in the middle of the night, telling her who's not home or whatever."
"I'll tell her that, mom", Rory said. "Bye!"
"Bye, honey."
"How could you call my mom, Paris?", Rory yelled at her roommate while putting her cell on her night stand again.
"Forgive me for thinking you've been kidnapped! With your window open, and voices in your room long after Logan has been gone –"
"Damn it, Paris, get a life!", she blurted out and stormed to her door, shutting it right into Paris's face.
Groaning mildly as she turned to look at her clock, she decided to stay awake, waiting for the sun to come out. She might even get to breakfast early enough to eat some cocopuffs. She lay down on her bed, her arms crossed under her head, staring at the ceiling. Her mind was about to get its voice back, for it flashed her with various thoughts that she just wanted to ignore.
She just closed her eyes and made a decision made might make everything a lot easier.
She just had to do it. No regrets, no guilt, no thinking, just doing, acting, living. Wasn't it a great feeling to have two boys caring for her, making her feel happy? Who could say that about themselves? She had a dirty little secret and she didn't want to change that. It felt great and it made her feel alive. And that's what she wanted. She didn't want to mourn about a boyfriend neglecting her, she didn't want to cry anymore; she wanted to enjoy this situation.
From now on, she wasn't willing to think about this again. She had thought enough. From now on, she just played along. Living her life.
She couldn't know that living her life the way she did was about to bring her to an edge that might change everything.
A/N: Due to the fact that I just want to share these chapters with you, I'm uploading another one - can you imagine? Three chapters in one day! You better feel special now! xD
Disclaimer: GG including Rory, Finn, Logan, Lorelai and Logan belong to ASP, titles as usual to The All-American Rejects.
Ooh and thank you so much for reading this and thank you loads to thebigkind - thanks for being my first reviewer on this, thank you also for the favorite, I feel special, I can tell. I love the fact that you're loving this. So I hope you'll enjoy the upcoming chapters! Thanks again!
Also a thank you for everyone reading this and considering to review, I love you all already xD