Dear Princess Peach,
I haven't sent you any letters since the mailbox is within 50 feet of Bowser's castle so I'm not allowed near it. If you want me to write to you so much why did you even start it anyways? I can't even get Toad to send them for me because he is so scared of Bowser's castle he wets his pants every time he sees it and they don't sell pampers in ice world. Luigi can't do it either because he is in Mongolia protesting the exploits on lemurs or whatever. I haven't seen him in a while, but last time I heard he stopped wearing shoes. Eventually, Toadsworth did it for me but that was only after I threatened to use his head as a trampoline. I think I'll use it anyways when he gets back though.
About the whole Simon Cowell thing, I don't know how well Simon can yodel, but I think Bowser has a shot. I once heard Bowser in the shower; he aint bad. If this contest thing gets in to dancing, Bowser will win for sure. After all, in the Mushroom Kingdom everything can be solved by dancing so he's had some practice. It took two and a half gallons of Gatorade and some serious practice with "D-Qwon's Dance Groove" to beat him. The castle didn't smell too good after that…
Anyways, if you want more letters from me, release me from the restraining order.
Sincerely,
Mario
A/N
TV: Welcome to D-Qwon's Dance Groove. Are you ready to get your groove on?
Mario: Yes.
Okay, sort of a weird author's note. Hopefully I will think of what to write soon. And maybe if we're lucky, Luigi might come back from the lemur protest and we can party like its 1982! Yeah!