Dear Mario,
I have figured it out. It's all coming together now. The fog has lifted. I was blind but now I see. The puzzle is solved. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Another case I say!
Sincerely,
Princess Peach
Oh wait, I forgot to tell you what I figured out. I'll start at the beginning. Yesterday Bowser ordered me to make him Toaster-Strudels. So I open the freezer door and what do I find? Well, I can safely say there weren't any Toaster-Strudels. Turns out I stumbled upon the place were Bowser decided to keep all his crap. You know, his Shrinky-Dinks kit, hooked-on-phonics, expired coupons for Burger King, a moose lamp. Most of the stuff was probably the things even Good Will wouldn't take, but despite that I decided to see what I could find. And I found something very interesting: a letter addressed to you!
Immediately I read it and I was shocked- it was a copy of a letter about me setting up a restraining order. Bowser set the whole thing up! Isn't that a riot? God, who would fall for that? Oh wait, you did. So I guess that explains a few things.
Sincerely,
Princess Peach (for real this time)
PS: You do understand what this means don't you? You can save me now!
So step on it…!