MEMO: I'm going back to how I wrote the third and fourth chapter
I looked at my stats page, and I found out that I've had only about 100 hits on this chapter, which is less than a tenth of what I had in my first chapter, which is REALLY disappointing- 1000-to about 500 in the second chapter- 300+ in the third- 250+ in the fourth- 200+ in the fifth- and now only a hundred- which to me I really don't like that much and so I have to ask...
How should I improve my story?-
Please tell me this in the reviews or so- I only got like five in the last chapter
Thanks for reading...
Disclaimer: The beginning's enough of a disclaimer to me...
Bella's View
"Sisters?" I asked, obviously confused.
She shrugged, smiling. "Yeah," she nodded. "I guess we are now."
"Thanks," I nodded in agreement, smiling. We were both changed now- and I guess people who were changed would have to stick together as in different clans. But I knew I could not be part of this clan. I didn't like some- or particularly- one of the people in it.
"Go now," she told me, laughing. "Make a life for your self. Youhave the money, and that should be enough to cover apartment expenses for at least a while. You can get a job as a model- just about anyone will hire you. Pose for playboy," she cracked. I laughed.
"No thanks," I said, grinning. "Thanks though," I said, "for the money that is, and for all your help."
"No problem," she replied. "I have too much to spend for myself- well actually, no since it seems in three hundred years Carlisle really has to earn more. I can't stand keeping the same model of a car for more than a few years."
"Aren't they like for about 300k or something," I asked, confused. I knew that they had money and all, but my own Dad who I saw so seldom couldn't afford me more of a car- which even in my eyes was great and all- for more than a few hundred or so dollars it seemed.
Charlie, I thought. I wondered how he was now. I wondered how Mom and Phil were right now. I wondered how Jessica was. I wondered if they knew...I wondered how...STOP it Bella, I warned myself. Stop it right now. They aren't part of your life any more.
But I knew I could not do that. Looking down at the money in my hand, I decided to send it to them later.
"Hey Rose," I asked. "Can you send this to Charlie and Mom and everyone." I handed her the money back.
"Nonsense Bella," she replied. "I gave that to you. If you want though, I'll send them some more. You can believe me when I say that I've made more than enough to go along in my life. Almost 75 years of collecting gets you bored. With Emmet too..." she trailed off.
"Well, thanks anyways," I replied, still holding the money out. "Still take it though. I assure you that I want nothing to do with it. I still will pay you back for your generosity however. Bye then," I said, putting the money on a counter when I left the room, leaving her puzzled.
"Hey Bella," she called, coming after me. "Take my number. And you also, just to let you know, will have problems adjusting when it comes to the sleep counter. For about a year I think- or less depending on who knows what- you'll have the capability of sleeping, but probably no more than that. You won't need it, just to let you know," she finished, handing me a paper which I assumed had her number on it. I was right.
"Thanks and bye," I called, stepping out of the house, for one last time. "Don't know when I'll get around to getting a phone, but I'll try in the next few years. See you," I waved and left.
That was the last time that I ever saw Rosalie Hale again.
For a while at least.
I ran, blinded, right after I left her- nonstop.
I tried to run to a forest, some type of woods where I could clear my head. I woke up to find myself in Finland. I knew that nothing bad could happen there- it being the least corrupt country in the world (note- true fact).
I was in a slush of snow, I noticed. I instantly knew I was somewhere North.
It stained my clothes, making them damp on my now freezing body. I wasn't sure if I could freeze to death or not.
Cradling myself, I rocked myself back and forth for what seemed like days. They were only hours.
The feeling of my hand burning, I remembered after his lips touched it- one last time. The feeling of the electric volt surging through my body, I recalled. I remembered myself trying to think of happy I would be with him- forever. Just him and me.
"Forever," I whispered. "It was supposed to be forever..."
"Edward," I had called out, stopping for a few short moments. He had turned around to look at me, his eyes a smoldering my own- since I couldn't believe that they could have gotten any lighter. "I love you," I cried to him, from the couch.
"I love you to Bella," he said, looking at me longingly. I remember myself telling me that he was probably trying to remember how I was like a human, I had thought. I was giggling when he said that, half crying, half laughing from the couch. I knew that was probably the last memory I would probably ever have of him.
"Edward," I whispered, clenching my teeth shut due to the cold. I looked down, and noticed I was only in a nightgown. "I don't love you." I managed, against the cold.
I knew I should have listened to what Billy had said, instead of being shown to the cruel reality of life, love, and deciet.
"See you soon then," I had sang happily, a smile playing on my lips.
"If you don't find yourself in an accident by that time, then yes," he replied curtly. Oh god that was true, I thought. I bit my tongue at the thought, fighting the urge to cry. We had both found ourselves laughing at that- but within seconds when I had opened mine- I noticed it was only me. He had disappeared.
-
I was crying when a lady found me. She was on a sled pulled by snow dogs I noticed. She found me, shivering with my eyes red and swollen.
I had stopped crying. I realized I wasn't able to do that anymore. I just couldn't.
She was speaking to me, I noticed. Trying to calm me. Her husband, who I had not seen was beside her. He picked me up and put me beside them.
I didn't realize what was happening at that moment. They were trying to speak to me, I remembered. In Finnish too- a language I most certainly did not know.
I had reacted irrantionally then and had pushed the man at my side out. I didn't see what happened, but I had most certainly heard a crack and a few screams. I had ran blindly south. I didn't see myself tear past buildings and apartments.
I doubted the people noticed me as I ran.
I doubted I ran into anything. Edward was right, I thought. Running was like a second nature only next to thinking, I thought.
I found myself in a jungle. I cried there, half laughing and half crying all over again. Out of relief and exhaustion of finally reaching somewhere where I knew that not many people came.
I cried for days, perhaps weeks. This part I knew.
I remembered him holding me, me wishing that he would never let go. I remembered myself getting embarassed around him when I had to go brush my teeth in the morning. I laughed at the memory.
I realized that I wanted to see him once more. Just once. To ask him why he did it. Just to ask him...
Oh god Edward, I thought. Oh god.
The rest of my life flashed before me like a bolt. I couldn't remember what was happening at that time. I didn't know where I was.
I couldn't think, or laugh, nor walk nor talk.
I couldn't even cry.
I awoke in a hurry, finding a tiger examining me. I was leaning against a tree. I remembered that they killed by snapping the neck.
I wasn't scared though.
I killed it and drank, not realizing what I was doing.
I hated myself at that point. Hated myself for killing an innocent animal, something that didn't deserve to die. Someone called the king of the jungle- just opposite the lion.
I found the blood of it lingering at my lips and fingers, and I licked it helplessly- not leaving a drop nor stain behind.
And I fell asleep once more.
I found myself this time leaning against a wall. I was sweating out of exhaustion.
I smelt a man at my side, watching and observing what I was doing.
I didn't know what was happening.
"Eh gore," he said. I didn't understand what he was saying. "Pagal he thou- agar kamine aplo ke mil ja the per kya hotha. Onlog upke betch the the..."
"What?" I asked, confused. I didn't know what was happening.
I felt a breath lingering near my neck.
"Angraise?"
"Excuse me?" I asked, confused.
"You English," he said. "You crazy. They find and sell you."
"Who?" I asked.
"Scoundrels. This India. Bad place," he said.
"English good,' I told him, dazed.
"Yes," he said. I noticed his hand was fingering my hair, rubbing it in his two fingers. He was right next to me. His blood's smell was over whelming, pushing me at my limits of restraint. I could sense what he wanted.
His eyes were watching me, drifting up and down my body as I was something to explore.
I fought the urge to kill him then. I didn't believe men like that deserved to live...
"No," I told him.
"Too bad you," he said. Too bad for you, I thought.
"I go," I said, trying to stand up to leave.
My body wouldn't let me. My legs refused to move. I was trembling.
It was at that point that the urge took me over and I broke his neck.
I suddenly remembered Edward saving me. That day I had figured out what he was. That day I had fallen in love with him. So easily, I thought.
So Easily that I had fallen in love.
I wouldn't have stopped him, I thought. If he had killed those men right there and then, I would not have stopped him.
I think that was what made me fall in love with him in the first place.
"Oh god," I gasped. I wasn't able to breathe. I was stiff and cold. This was India, I realized. And yet I had never been colder or alone.
NOTE: TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS CHAPTER.
THERE'S A LOT GOING ON IN THIS CHAPTER AND I JUST WANTED TO GET THROUGH THIS PART...
PLEASE REVIEW!