Memo: SO sorry it took so long to post an update- I've been catching up on updates for other chapters and stuff- but still- I'm going to post this today….

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Disclaimer: I can't claim Stephenie Meyer's work after New Moon…

Edward's View-

I found my life going on a terribly boring edge. In someone else's perspective at least.

To me it was devastating. Every where I turned I could see her, every face seemed to be hers- at the moment I had seen her last. She had looked so happy, so exuberant, so full of life, something I knew I would never see again.

I knew she would recover shortly- I didn't deserve someone like her I knew. Not scared of a monster like me- who kept telling her how luscious she was, got angry sometimes and wouldn't give another thought, and sometimes drew up conclusions which would make her furious. But she never argued with it.

"in my head there's only you now


this world falls on me


in this world, there's real and make believe


this seems real to me"

I felt like the Beast- in the Beauty and Beast at least. I had never understood Bell's view on the Beast and how she had ever cared for him. I could only understand the Beast's view- looking at this I saw myself with Bella- how she got mad, and then with one look at me she hushed down. I saw myself as Kong, in King Kong.

This was not going to be going smoothly, I knew.

Somehow I had fallen in love with her hopelessly- and I reminded myself only of Kong. I would do anything, I knew, anything, to protect her. She was all I had in the world anyway.

And I knew that she had more in the world than me, and I knew that it was time- time mainly which made me draw back. We, I knew, could not go onto the full King Kong video- with her risking her life, perhaps losing it to protect me. My life was worth nothing, compared to her I knew.

"one more kiss could be the best thing


one more lie could be the worst


and all these thoughts are never resting


and you're not something i deserve"

I didn't know what to do…all those meaningless hours in front of me. I tried to stay away from everyone I knew- especially Esme. There were times when she scared me- telling me it was not my fault for what had happened. She kept trying to hush me; to calm me down. Rosalie just looked at me in repeated pity whenever she was there- thank God she had gone away with Emmet (who looked jumbled whenever he saw me- never sure of what to say or to stay for too long for the fear that I was reading his thoughts). Alice and Jasper had gone away though for awhile- somewhere about going some place where they could find some excellent hunting, and the population was less than scarce.

It was not that hard to guess. Either some hot region like the Sahara- which I didn't believe for there weren't enough animals, or the Arctic since Alice said that she had some before and thought that Jasper might like them.

Then there was Carlisle. He was the only one acting normal- the only face I could make out in the jumble of them.

Mostly now I had hung out in various music stores when I was not at home- in my room- and doing absolutely nothing. I guess moping would be considered even more of a lively thing than I was doing. I had bought all the top hits in the last decade or so- none of them particularly appealing however.

I found one to peak my interest by a band named "Life house"- but after seeing the groups name I had immediately given up on it- that and their hit "You and me" had taken quite an effect on me. I didn't like it.

"The Reason" by Hoobstank I could somewhat understand, and the one I found myself comparing to most was "Let go," by 3 doors down.


"you love me, but you dont know who i am


i'm torn between this life i lead


and where i stand


you love me, but you don't know who i am


so let me go


let me go


i dream we head to what i hope for


and i turn my back on loving you


how could this love be a good thing


when i know what i'm going through


in my head there's only you now


this world falls on me


in this world, there's real and make believe


this seems real to me"

Those words related to me more than anything, "No matter how hard I try, I can't escape these things inside," I thought. How very true, how very true.

Within a week of that however, music had turned to be the enemy- except for this song of course. This one song which related to me in many more ways than one. I could've written them- and yet they could not be composed so well.

(Note: These lyrics are part of that "Let go" song by 3 doors down).

I knew I couldn't bother her now, Charlie for one would never forgive me. I knew Bella would be in the recovering stage at this process, planning of her next steps in life. Mike Newton, I thought- at this point I couldn't even find myself repelled at the thought for he was a lot better for her than I could ever be- was probably helping her heal. Him, or her friend Jacob Black who would probably help her into the next process of telling her how his father, Billy, was just an idiot and that they had never meant anything bad against us.

She had to be fine without me, I knew. She might get desperate, like she had demonstrated with the bag of blood she had stored earlier- but I hoped that this would only go to a certain extent.

I just hoped she could get better.

Besides, I thought. Just wait a few more decades- which would probably go effortlessly, and then I thought- hoped- I could visit her then. And I would find her fine- married, with kids and everything. And there she could tell me how she hated me and never wanted to see me again. I smiled at the thought.

Just a little while longer, I thought. And then she'll be fine without me. And by then- Jasper and Emmet could probably do me a favor if I bribed them enough.

Bella's View-

India I found to be the most interesting of places. I had mistakenly wandered into the sun once, and the men had found me-a tribe had found and recovered me. And now I found myself having a blast as a God.

Thinking of Edward, thinking of all my little discliples if I turned them they could go hit him and beat him and I would laugh mercilessly and remind him that he had left me, and now I was the same thing as him.

But he couldn't have me.

No, I thought. He couldn't. I'd already lost my heart, and didn't want to lose it again. He had already broken it, and I didn't want to find myself in another accident if he decided to break it again- decided to go after Rosalie and Alice- for this time I could hurt a lot more people than just myself.

I was already dead and invincible, for I knew he didn't care about me.

When in doubt, I thought, forget it and start over.

And here, I thought, I could be a Queen! I could stop all men in their tracks and stop romances wherever they stood and no woman would have to go through what I had gone through. The world could be a better place I rejoiced!

The people bought me great feasts- wine and silverware (which I had no idea how they acquired but couldn't ask because I didn't understand whatever language they were speaking)- goats and fruits and delicacies I had never even dreamed of.

I settled fine with the tiger however that they had brought to entertain me, and immediately admired it's brilliant colors. I was a hunter just as well, I realized. A carnivore.

I laughed in delight. I could forget about him entirely, and start over from scratch. I giggled and I laughed- dismissed all my little friends who came to serve me- and found myself having quite a grand time.

But it was not until night fell on the third day, and everyone had seemed to go to bed that I remembered the reason I was truly here. To forget him, I recalled.

To try to forget what I was doing all this for, was him. Why I allowed Alice to change me- so I could spend the rest of my life with him.

Spend eternity, I thought, with him. Forever.

That was only a dream now however. Only a dream.

He didn't want me, had left me without even a good bye. With false hopes. He had left me, alone and happy- giving me the idea that I could plan out the next three millenias with him doing God knows what, and then he could take that short of time to leave me.

To abandon me.

To make true that statement I had believed all along, he didn't love me. I was simply a fascination to him, something to toy and play with. My heart was nothing to him. He truly was the predator, I bargained, only doing this for the fun- and it seemed like I could only make so much, and he had left.

Then he had found a joke to play with me, with one final act. Seeing how much my heart could take- making me fall in love with him, and then breaking it. Just as a joke, I thought.

I hated him now more than ever, I thought.

More than ever.

'

Note: You guys asked for Edward's point of view and so I put it here- hope it was okay at least since I didn't know what to put in it…

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