MEMO: OOH! Thank you guys so much for all the reviews…! – This story definitely has the most alerts (but not by much, and I think my other story is going to catch up soon- both actually)- but still, thank you!- I can't believe that like 40 or something people have it pop up on their emails that I just wrote this!

To clarify things- Edward believes that Bella is dead…and so he wants to die himself now…- that should clear it up for those of you who were confused (at least a little bit)

Okay, and I'm probably not going to be able to update for awhile (week), just to let you guys know- but I update eVERy single chance I have on the computer….which actually isn't that much (as you guys should be able to tell now- but still)

Okay, and REVIEW!

Edward's View

2 years later

The past two years had passed quickly- for me at least. It had happened that Esme had confronted Carlisle about my behaviour- my constant avoidance of her, and my constant lack of attitude, music…

"Dead," she would call me. "Edward, you're dead."

And I would agree.

"Took you long enough to figure that one out Esme…" I would always trail off.

"It's been over a year now Edward," she used to say back then, back when I was not so fortunate. "She's gone, she's dead Edward," her voice always get light at this part. "She opened your heart Edward, you need to understand that…but if she's gone for good now Edward, as she is- it meant that she wasn't supposed to be with you." Right, right, right- I would sing in my brain. But Alice had disappointed me, she hadn't changed her- "If it were meant for you Edward, it would come back, but Bella's not coming back now…you have to understand that. You may not be able to find anyone Edward, perhaps never again- but don't lose what you have…Not again…"

And here I would always leave.

But that was back then.

And this was now.

I was a lot happier now however, a lot more than I had ever been- before B.B. at least. (Before Bella)- and this was the best I'd been since A.B. (you guess).

I was being drugged. Daily. Hourly. Minutely practically.

The moment I would begin to think about her, my Doctor had instructed, I was to plunge this syrum into myself, and inhale it. Then I would lose consciousness…for a bit anyway…and I would think about her. I would, and it would help me to get over it, at least according to Carlisle.

I would think about her being happy, being not with me, fully knowing that she had only been kidding about suicide, it didn't matter now though…what she had said- she was dead.

I was really happy. And sometimes, now and then- I could tell where Esme stood, and when Alice was and so on…I couldn't read their minds anymore I had found out. It was quite confusing to me now how I had done it- I couldn't make out anything anymore…there was a point and purpose when that was just not fun anymore.

With losing Bella, I had also lost my ability. I had lost what allowed me to read minds, which was- I suppose- to want to hear them, to want to know what they were thinking, to want to be able to help…but that was then, I reminded myself, and this is now.

With Bella, I had lost the ability of want. I had lost the voices in my head. I had lost all that made me me. I had begun to notice things though- Alice and Rosalie- always looking distressed, Emmet and Jasper- always confused. I didn't have to read their minds to know that they didn't know what was happening to the two of them, but it didn't take much to figure it out.

Apparently without my mind reading- they were falling apart. Jasper had to be home schooled, apparently. He couldn't afford to lose control anymore. I didn't go to school, and so that was all right.

Alice stayed away from home as much as possible, Rosalie always with her. They had begun to wrap themselves in a tiny little bubble quite often lately…it filled me with confusion.

I lay on that for quite a few days, then dropped it.

It must have been normal for them at least- Esme and Carlisle were doing the same. They were falling apart, literally- and they didn't know how to mend it. Apparently the bachelor was left with that for the previous decades…

And now the bachelor was more like a widower, I supposed- a hard, dead, cold, widower-ooh, I though- those words applied exactly to me as well. No wonder I was a widower type thing now, I mused to myself.

I could never offer comfort, never the least warmth- and I could never offer life or happiness, for I was dead already. And now I supposed I was like that on the outside too.

Emmet sometimes brought food home for me nowadays, since I couldn't afford going outside, I hadn't had any sense of taste or smell whatsoever in the past ½ year which I had spent at home…in my room mainly.

And now I was having dinner.

With six other little people looking at me excitedly. They were pleased by my progress.

Midway through my meal though- I noticed Alice and Rosalie in that bubble again, sharing thoughts to themselves. Thoughts I had once been able to hear.

I then set down my buffalo, after one more bite, and looked at them.

I now could only suppose the want had come back.

"She's alive," I whispered, confused.

They verified.

"Yes Edward," they both said in chorus.

I didn't know what happened then, but something in me snapped- and I immediately found myself propelled in Emmet's arm. I smiled as I saw both of their faces- Alice and Rosalie both were bruised, and bleeding…

I would find out where she was, I now knew, and hunt her down myself.

She had made me give up too much for her in the past few years…to much. And she was alive, and yet she had never even bothered to find me…

She obviously hadn't loved me, as I had thought, so it was okay I bargained. She wouldn't be strong, and she wouldn't be that fast either-she was just new. After I got rid of her, I decided, permanently- then it would be time to get rid of myself.

I mentally thanked Carlisle for the drugs after all.

Bella's View—!

2 years had passed so quickly. I had found myself speaking their language- had found several loyal servants, and had found myself a new and happy life. I loved India, I decided. In my previous life, I had never been farther than Alberque (says in New Moon- don't know where that is though).

There was so much to do- I giggled!

Being in charge of everything here was definitely fun…I was a god.

The God.

Apparently they had decided to go monotheist on me…

I couldn't resist another laugh.

Advantage, I crowed, never take advantage of others- but most importantly- never let anyone take advantage of YOU.

I wasn't taking an advantage of them though, I was saving myself FROM the advantage, if they hadn't been helping me out, then who would KNOW where I would find myself in…

There was so much to do.

But most times, I kept myself entertained. He still aired in my thoughts hourly- I would laugh and giggle some more as I would hear him cry and sob, and beg for forgiveness, ooh, I wondered to myself, could I ever give it to him?

Could I be that generous, after what he had showed me?

He had left me, and so he didn't deserve much anymore………………..

I hated him so much.

So, so much.

And yet now, here I was- two years later.

Still having the same fantasy, the same hate.

And yet now I was crying.

I was actually crying somewhat.

And it was because of him.

Because I missed him.

And now I found forgiveness possible.

The toy part I had so imagined had started to become only a myth…something I had told myself not to get my heart broken once again…

"No, no, no Bella!" I would scorn myself. He left you- you don't go back to him.

These thoughts had been coming an awful lot lately.

It was getting a bit more than scary.

I didn't like them.

And yet they didn't seem to leave.

And then I thought of forgiving him…of crying, of my truck exploding, of Alice counting down the seconds.

And so I knew it was time.

Time to confront him.

Time to get rid of him.

And then, I knew, I could get rid of myself.

These Indians couldn't have me forever.

I would begin my search within the hour.

And soon enough, I knew, Edward would be gone.

And then I would be gone.

And then I would be so happy.

Life was so great, I cried.

For the first time in my life, I was indefinitely happy.

There were so many promises in store for me now. And I could get them. And then I'd be happy.

"We receive freedom after we have paid the full price,"

Rabidorath Tagore

And the price was almost paid. Just had to find him, and get rid of him.

And then I could be happy.

At last.

NOTE: OOH THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING! I hope you guys enjoyed it at least, I don't know how it sounds since I wrote it (authors can't read their own work really)- PLEASE REVIEW!

Tell me if you liked it, loved it, hated it, or that I could do better. Or that Bella and Edward could do better. Tell me if you have questions, or confused, have comments…PLEASE REVIEW!- in general, thanks for reading!