A/N – Just a note say that this was written during my 3rd hour AP history class, with my best friend reading over my shoulder. So many of the randomness and unconnected ness…I have to give her credit for. Mainly cause she will hit me if I don't. Thanks for reading and for the wonderful reviews.

Chapter 5 – An Engaging Night

Forman Basement

(There is a form under a blanket on the couch. Country music can be heard. Kitty runs down the stairs and goes into Hyde's room. She comes back out confused. Then she sees the lump)

KITTY: Stephen??

(She pokes the lump. Hyde pops up. He looks terrible.)

KITTY: Stephen, it's been 12 hours. Maybe you can turn the country music off. Eric is going to be home in less than 5 hours. Maybe you should get up and help me put the finishing details of the party together.

(Hyde just looks at her with sad eyes)

KITTY: (Giving him a hug) don't worry honey. She will forgive you. You know what? Maybe you should tell her that you got the final divorce papers 3 days ago. Maybe that might help her forget.

(She sees that Hyde isn't going to move or do anything)

KITTY: Or, maybe I should just, you know, bring you something to eat…

(Kitty runs upstairs not knowing how to help Hyde. Hyde watches her upstairs then covers him with the blanket again.)

(Opening Song)

THE RECORD STORE
(Kelso and Fez are talking, and staring at a customers butt)KELSO: I still can't believe our little Hyde went off and called the girl he loves fat. FEZ: Yeah. Now we have to get him a present. What says "congratulations on your being a dumb-ass and can I nail Jackie"? KELSO: Oooooooh we should get him one of those big electric knives! Those suckers will cut right through your hand. (Randy comes in, Leo walks up to him )LEO: Can I help you?

RANDY: Leo, it's me Randy. I got hired last week? We drove in together?? LEO: Oh yeah, Frankie! RANDY: Randy! LEO: No, it's Leo. (Kelso walks up the customer with the nice butt)KELSO: Hey there pretty lady!!! Do you want to touch my hair?

GIRL: (looks Bored) heard it (she walks away)

KELSO: Hey at least I am not foreign!!RANDY: Hey man, Maybe you should, you know come up with some new pick-up lines. Then the girls will flock to you.

KELSO: That will never happen. All the Girls want them some Kelso.

(Randy walks up to the girl and taps her on the shoulder)

RANDY: Hey, um…I just wanted to let you know that I like your shoes. (Starts to leave)

GIRL: wait?? Is that all???

RANDY: yea that's it

GIRL: well thank you. You're really sweet. Here (she takes his hand and writes on it) is my number call me sometime. (She walks away)

RANDY: (Going back over to Kelso and Fez) And that Boys is how it's done!!

Forman Kitchen

(Kitty and Red are sitting at the table eating lunch. Donna Runs in)

DONNA: (extremely tense) Okay...Mrs.Forman, I know I should be helping you with Eric's homecoming party and be worrying about his flight, but I cant have him come back to his Best friend acting like this, and the only way to Fix this is by Getting Jackie to Forgive Hyde!!!! YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!!!!!

(Kitty looks shocked by Donna's outburst. Red just is pissed off)

RED: I am going to leave. Anything about you kids and Romance just sickens me.

(Red leaves)

DONNA: (crazed) Mrs. Forman I am begging you!!!

KITTY: okay…okay, I will help. But I don't know what I can do. I have tried all day with Stephen. But he doesn't listen. All he does is lay there and listen to country. It's been like a sad, sad bar for about 13 hours here.

DONNA: well Jackie has been no better. She's locked herself in my bathroom, and she's been crying non-stop. I think we should switch. I take Hyde and get Jackie.

KITTY: Just maybe that will work…But we have to get them together…How??

DONNA: I will take care of that. Just get Jackie out of the Bathroom

KITTY: Okay, will do!

(They both go their separate ways)

FORMAN BASEMENT

(Hyde is still under that blanket. The song "Crazy" is playing in the background. Donna is just standing next to him. Suddenly she kicks him)

HYDE: (popping up) What the hell?!?!

DONNA: Get up you lazy lump of crap!!

HYDE: (being a smart ass) Well, I'm not getting up if that's they you're going to talk!!

DONNA: (Pissed) I will talk how ever that fucken Hell I want. MY BEST FRIEND has been crying her eyes out for more than 12 hours straight. She's locked herself in my bathroom. You broke her heart…why??(Yells) WHY?????!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

HYDE: (yells) Because I love her dammit!! (Quietly) and I didn't want her to know that I'm weak.

(Donna gives him a confused Look)

HYDE: (explaining him) I couldn't take it anymore. Her running around with less to no clothing on…and not being able to touch her, to hold her…and…well…(becomes uncomfortable)

DONNA: ewwwww!!! Don't need to know that! (Sighs) well now you have to fix this…any ideas???

(Hyde thinks for a moment)

HYDE: I have one idea…

DONNA: well….?

(Hyde pulls out a small velvet box)

HYDE: I could give her this…

DONNA: (looks very shocked) Hyde…are you sure…I mean this is a HUGE step… and as mad is she is…she might say no…

HYDE: (Gets a determined look on his face) I am sure. (He gets up and walks into his room)

HUB
Kelso is playing pinball; Fez and Randy come in FEZ: Bad news Kelso, we can't have Eric's party at our place. Our landlord said he'll evict us if we have anymore crazy parties.

KELSO: How was I supposed to know that raccoon had rabies?

RANDY: Why don't we have the party at his place…seeing as Hyde shows his face…

(Donna comes in and hears this)DONNA: Hey, that's not a bad idea. I just have one question. Who the hell are you?! RANDY: I'm Randy; I work at Hyde's record store. Go to college part-time. Manage bands. If you name a city I can tell you the time zone.

DONNA: Boise. RANDY: Mountain. DONNA: Impressive. RANDY: Okay Kelso, you'll be in charge of getting rid of the Forman's as we get strippers for the homecoming!!! KELSO: That'll be easy. DONNA: Without starting a fire. KELSO: Why don't you just handcuff me and throw me in a well Donna!! (He gets up and walks around) Uhhh Mrs. Forman is a woman, which means that she used to be a chick. So therefore, I will just play on her insecurities. FEZ: Kelso, I really doubt you can pull that off. KELSO: Sure I can. Mr. You-Never-Gonna-Lose-Those-Love-Handles...

FEZ (hiding his sides with his arms): I stand corrected...

RANDY: Okay now, the best thing about a homecoming party is tricking the guy into thinking something bad is gonna happen and then taking them someplace great! FEZ: I thought the best thing was bringing women who normally hate you pretend to like you because you have a dollar. DONNA: What a wonderful tradition. RANDY: So what we need is a crazy way to get Eric here without him expecting anything. KELSO: Wait a minute, I'm a cop! RANDY: Yeah! Me and Fez will be in the Cruser with Hyde, you pull us over, arrest us and bring us to the party in a police car! KELSO: NO! I left my gun at the playground! (he runs off)

Donna's Room

(Jackie is laying on Donna's bed sobbing. She has a hat on with all her hair tucked into it. Kitty comes in)

KITTY: oh honey!! (starts to rub her back) Oh honey…please stop. I brought some brownies… (Jackie Screams/cries and throws the plate at the wall. It shatters. Kitty jumps)

KITTY: (mumbles) and I thought Stephen was bad

JACKIE: (sits up and clings to Kitty) Stephen?? Ummmm…how is he?

KITTY: no better off than you. He loves you…and by hurting you, he hurt himself.

JACKIE: If he loves me so much why did he do this? Why does he want to hurt me!??!?!?

KITTY: oh honey, he doesn't want to hurt you. He's just plain stupid. We never noticed because Eric was stupider. He just doesn't know how to deal with women. Also…well he just can't control those dirty urges of his when it comes to you!!

(Jackie looks a little shocked. Then gives a little grin)

JACKIE: yea…I love his dirty urges…

(Kitty looks appalled. Jackie realizing her mistake covers herself)

JACKIE: (embarrassed) I mean…hes a bad, dirty boy…and…and…he should be punished!!!!

(Kitty looks even more appalled)

JACKIE: (turning red) I am going to shut up now

KITTY: (still a little freaked) Jackie, you should get up, and get ready. And for the love of god take off that god-forsaken hat (Rips it off and gasps)

(Jackie covers her head but its no use. We see she has cut her hair. It's about shoulder length and really choppy)

KITTY: (slowly) Jackie…what happened??

JACKIE: (Starts to cry) my hair…

KITTY: (starts to laugh) oh my goodness. Now don't cry. My mother always said, "Never cry over spilt milk"…I guess that doesn't really apply here does it?

JACKIE: (cry/laugh) no…

KITTY: now don't you worry. We will get this all fixed up!! Only…if you promise me that you will go and see Stephen. Do you promise me?

JACKIE: yes…

(They both play with Jackie's damaged hair silently crying and laughing)

FORMAN KITCHEN
Kitty is making lettuce, Fez and Kelso come in

FEZ: Hi there Miss Kitty! KITTY: Hi boys!

KELSO: Heyyy. So, tonight, you and that husband of yours got any big plans? KITTY: Well we sure do.We are having that party for Eric here now. Donna told me!! KELSO: So you're staying home again. Sounds to me like your marriage is dead (he walks to the fridge) KITTY: What? Our marriage is fine. FEZ: Oh puhleaze! Red's got you working harder then a hot-dog-salesman at a fat guy convention. KELSO: You know, when was the last time that Red took you out for a night on the town? KITTY: Well...a couple of weeks ago he took me to the movies and then when it was over he came back and he picked me up. KELSO: Mrs. Forman, Red needs to take you out tonight. On a REAL date, that lasts at least, what, three (he looks at Fez who is waving "up") three-and-a-half hours?

KITTY: You know what? You're right. Red comes in RED: Kitty! What's for supper? KITTY: Well, that's up to the chef at Frenchies. We're going out tonight and I'm getting the most expensive thing on the menu. RED: The six dollar steak?! Kitty, we're in a recession! Kitty walks out FEZ: Boy Red, that woman is testy.

KELSO: Stay out of it, chubby. FEZ: I'm retaining water! (he runs off)

THE WATERTOWER

(the boys are climbing up. The pot leaf, Jackie+Kelsoand the huge circle are still there. The boys can be seen now carrying up paint cans. They set the cans down)

KELSO: ah the water tower…So many good and horny memories. You know Hyde…Jackie and I almost did it here once….what was that Fez??

FEZ: ah…BURN!!

(Kelso and Fez laugh. Hyde also laughs. Fez and Kelso stop. Hyde keeps laughing)

FEZ: what is so funny you son of a bitch?!?!

HYDE: (still laughing) its funny, Kelso almost violated Jackie up here (stops laughing) But she and I did do it here (points) here (points) and Here (points)

FEZ: ah BURN!!! And very sexy!!

KELSO: Uhh!!(Walks away with paint can. And Starts to write)

HYDE: (looking uneasy)Dammit where is Donna? She should be here by now!!

KELSO: (walking over to Hyde) Well we have to get this done…she can help us later.

HYDE: ( a bit reluctant and nervous) Fine…

(The boys paint. Finally they finish and you can see "Welcome Home Eric" written. You can hear voices.)

JACKIE: Donna please…. I don't want to be here…to many memories

(Donna Pops up)

DONNA: Jackie its fine…We are all alone anyways…

(Jackie pops up she is again wearing a hat)

BOYS: HI JACKIE!!!!

JACKIE: (turning to Donna)You Whore!! You said we would be alone!!

DONNA: I Lied. And take that hat off…it looks terrible (rips the hat off)

(Jackie hair comes out of the hat. It is in a short little chin length bob. Everyone is shocked)

KELSO: (in a rage) OMG!! Who are you?!?!!? Cause you sure aint Jackie!!!

DONNA: (smacks Kelso) Shut up! ( pats Jackie on the back) I am going to go and help Mrs. Forman. Kelso…Fez come with me!

(They leave)

(Jackie is left alone with Hyde. Jackie plays with her short hair)

HYDE: (nervously, but trying to be Zen) hi...

JACKIE: (shyly) hi….

ERIC's CAR
Eric is driving, Randy and Fez are sitting next to him

ERIC: Fez, I'm sick of driving you around just because your belly has got the rumblies! I want to get home and see Donna!!

RANDY (whispering to Fez): Hey, there is Kelso's cop car...

FEZ: Let the party begin... ERIC: What?

FEZ: Step on it, grandma! (he stomps on the gas)

ERIC: OW, what are you doing man?? Get off my foot! A siren wails ERIC: This is unbelievable!

RANDY: Ah man, just what we needed, getting pulled over by a cop... FEZ: Yeah, this is gonna ruin the whole evening... They snigger COP: License and registration. FEZ: SURPRISE ERIC! Who the hell is that? COP: Get out of the car sir. Eric gets out RANDY: Errrr Fez...I know you said all us white people look the same, but that is not Kelso... FEZ: Oh I know what is going on here! If Kelso pulls us over, then Eric will be suspicious. So he sent another cop to make the joke more realistic. Oh Kelso, you beautiful genius. Fez gets out of the car Eric: Nice job Fez, you just got me a ticket. # hours back and I'm in troubleFEZ: Ah starting of slow with a ticket huh. Nice touch! I'll take that (he takes the ticket from the cop) ERIC: Fez what are you doing?! COP: Sir, give me back that ticket before you... FEZ: Before what?! It starts to snow?! (he rips the ticket to pieces and throws them in the air) Brrrrrrrr!

COP: Okay that's it! FEZ: What are you gonna do piggie? Throw us in jail?

JAIL
(Randy, Fez and Eric are in jail )FEZ: He threw us in jail. ERIC: Fez, I don't know why you are smiling, but I promise you won't be when I sell your ass for a get out of jail free card! FEZ: First of all, this ass is worth at least a 20 of those. And second of all; WELCOME TO YOUR HOMECOMING PARTY! Eric: A homecoming party has beers, and topless ladies. This place has iron bars and a bum wearing no pants sitting on my jacket...THAT IS NOT A CUSHION! (he walks away)

RANDY: Fez, I don't think this is part of the bachelor party. They fingerprinted us!! FEZ: Well I don't know. Maybe that's how the strippers know what to charge. You know, at the end of the night, they count the fingerprints on their boobies and they know who ows what. RANDY: Dude! You are scarily optimistic! Something clearly got messed up! FEZ: Trust me, this is all part of Kelso's plan. I guarantee you he is on his way over here right now.

THE ICECREAM STORE
Kelso is talking to the girl behind the counter

KELSO: The thing about being a cop is, we may look like normal people, I mean, I don't obviously, but we have to go through rigorous training to be able to withstand any kind of mental, physical, or emotional pain (he takes a bite from his ice cream) AHHHHHHHH BRAIN FREEZE! OOOOOOWWWWWW..HHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!

WATERTOWER

(Jackie and Hyde are looking at each other uncomfortably)

HYDE: I…uh…Like your hair…it looks cute…

JACKIE: (relived) thanks…I thought I could use a change…

(Awkward silence)

BOTH: Look I'm sorry…what?...Huh?... Red Leather Yellow Leather (they both laugh)

JACKIE: (stops laughing) I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things to you. And I guess is was acting like a slut and being a little to mean to you in your horny state…

HYDE: No, Jacks, you shouldn't have to be sorry. I am the one who is a dumb-ass. And I am sorry. (He takes her hands)

HYDE: Look Jackie…I know I am not perfect. But I love you. Without you I wouldn't be where I am today. You have always believed in me. And even though I always say the wrong thing and do something stupid I want to try and make you happy.

(He gets down on one knee. Jackie gasps and starts to cry)

HYDE: please let me try Doll. I want to see you walking down an isle to me…and only me. I want to be in the delivery room when you are giving birth to our children. I want to grow old with you, and watch our family grow. And I want to know that When I die that I have your love, and you will be there holding my hand. So…Jackie Beulah Burkhart, will you give this crazy fool a chance at making you smile everyday? Will you marry me?

(Jackie is still crying. Hyde strokes her hand a bit, and then he stops. He stands up and turns away)

HYDE: (thinking she rejected him) well, at least I hope we still can be friends (walks toward the ladder)

(Jackie scream/cries and launches herself at him. Hyde is shocked)

JACKIE: (crying) yes!!!! Yes I will marry you!!!

HYDE: (surprised) really??

(Jackie kisses him with passion)

JACKIE: I love you, how could I say no.

(Hyde laughs and takes out the ring. Jackie squeals as he slides it on. Hyde pulls her close)

HYDE: (whisper) I love you…the future Mrs. Stephen Hyde

(Jackie squeals and begins to kiss him. As they are kissing it begins to snow. Jackie pulls away and looks at the sky)

JACKIE: (in a blissful state) snow…I love snow…the first snow of the year…

HYDE: (looking at her) must be a sign

JACKIE: (nodding and smiling) yes, must mean everything is perfect.

(They kiss sweetly)FORMAN KITCHEN
Red and Kitty come in
KITTY: See now, wasn't it great to get out for a change? We had a good meal, nice conversation and look, we stayed out past nine! It's like New Year's Eve! RED: How about that dopey waiter that flambeed his tie? Yeah, those French bastards you stick to what they're good at. Baking bread and losing wars!

Red walks into the livingroom, where Leo and two strippers are waiting LEO & STRIPPERS: SURPRISE!

RED: What the hell?? STRIPPER 1 (walks up to Red): Happy Homecoming Eric! (She sees Kitty) Who is this? RED: That's my wife! STRIPPER 1: Well she can watch, but that's extra. Leo starts the music and the strippers dance around Red

JAIL
Randy, Fez and Eric are still locked up ERIC: I can't believe you guys got me thrown in jail. I cant do this….i cant be someones bitch…what about donna

FEZ: Guys, I'm starting to think this might not be part of the whole bachelor party plan. Unless she is a stripper. RANDY: You know what? She might be...why don't you tell her to shake it? FEZ: You know, it's so nice to finally have someone on my side! (to the sergeant) Hey baby, why don't you rip off that phony uniform and start shaking your moneymaker? SERGEANT: Are you talking to me?! FEZ: That's right momma!

SERGEANT: First of all, I'm not your momma. And if you ever talk to me like that again, I will pull your skinny ass through these bars and find fifty new ways to use my night stick! FEZ: I don't know if she's a stripper, but she sure knows how to turn a boy on... Kelso walks in RANDY: Kelso! Where the hell have you been? KELSO: There was an emergency at the ice cream stand. They hired a new girl and she's super cute. ERIC: Yeah guys, so I'm loving spending my first day back in jail. What are you guys gonna do for my birthday? Set me on fire, push me off a cliff? KELSO: I'll take care of this (he walks up to his collegue) Ahh listen sergeant, ahhh, I think there was like a big misunderstanding. You see, I was supposed to arrest these guys, on trumped up charges, and then take 'm to a homecoming party in the police car and then we were gonna watch some strippers dance and get drunk. But I was totally gonna be back by the end of my shift. Isn't that hilarious? Scene change. Now Kelso is also in jail KELSO: That lady has no sense of humour.

FORMAN LIVING ROOM
Kitty, Red, Leo and the strippers are still there. Red turns off the music RED: I want all of you people out of my house NOW (he pushes the strippers towards the door)

STRIPPER 1: HEY. We're not going anywhere untill we get our money. I got an unemployed husband to feed. RED: Leo, pay these women. LEO: I don't have any money man. All I have is a ticket for the 1974 World's Fair. One more year, I can't wait! RED: Well I'm all out of money since big spender here had to get the salad bar. KITTY: Well for heaven's sake Red. I'll just write the girls a check and the boys can pay us back later. STRIPPER 1: Fine. It's a hundred dollars. KITTY: Well clearly I am in the wrong profession (she walks off)

JAIL
Fez, Randy, Kelso and Eric are still 'inside' KELSO: Listen Forman, I'm sorry about this mess man. But you can't get married and not expect your buds to throw you a party. I mean, your life is over, we gotta celebrate! ERIC: Yeah. Where were you guys gonna take me anyway? KELSO: Your house. ERIC: Huh. Where I live. Yeah I can see why you needed an elaborate plan to get me there. SERGEANT (walking over to them): All right, since officer Kelso was responsible for this, the rest of you are free to go (she opens the door) It's not your fault your friend is a complete moron. KELSO: Well that's true. You can't choose your friends. FEZ: Don't worry Kelso, we're your buddies, we're not gonna leave you.

RANDY: Well I hope he gets out soon. We only have those strippers for another half hour! FEZ (to Kelso): I'll see you in hell! (he runs off, Randy and Eric follow him)

FORMAN LIVING ROOM
Kitty and Red are sitting down, Fez, Randy and Eric come in FEZ (walking in): Let the fiesta of flesh begin! (he sees Kitty and Red) NO ai NO! KITTY: How dare you invite strippers into my home?! The whole place smells like strawberries and baby-oil. RED: You idiots tricked me and Kitty into going out and having a good time. Do you know how FURIOUS that makes me? RANDY: Sir, if I could just explain... RED: Who the hell are you?!

RANDY: I'm Randy and I just want to say I'm sorry. We tried to do something nice for our friend and things got really out of hand but I apologize for any disrespect that we may have shown you (he offers Red his hand) RED (shaking Randy's hand): Well Randy, I'm impressed. That something so articulate could come out of such a dumb-ass! (To Fez) And YOU, you owe me a hundred dollars!

FEZ: Fine (he gives Red his money) but you better put on one hell of a show. KITTY (looking at Red counting the money): Why is it all in one-dollar bills? RED: Because that's how you pay strippers (Kitty looks at him) I was in the war for God's sake! (They leave) Kelso walks in KELSO: You guys are not gonna believe this. I was fired! I'm off the force. ERIC: Man, if only I have said I didn't want a party maybe none of this would have happened! Oh well. KELSO: It was humiliating. They took my badge and they took my gun and then when I went to say goodbye to the police dog, I accidentally shot him. There is only one thing that would cheer me up tonight.

FEZ: A strip club?! KELSO: You freaky little mindreader! Let's go, I'll drive. We'll take my cop car.

ERIC: Wait, you didn't have to turn that in? KELSO: They didn't even ask! DURING END CREDITS: THE RECORD STORE
Eric and Randy are standing, Leo brings in a giant cake. LEO: All right guys, sit back and enjoy the show (he turns some music on) The music plays while they watch the cake ERIC: Err Leo, when does the show start? LEO: This IS the show man.

RANDY: Where's the stripper? LEO: What do we need a stripper for? We got a giant cake!