Characters: CJ, Toby, Andy Abbey and OFC. And a little of everyone at some point.
Disclaimers: Oh if wishing made it so.
Rating: PG-13.
Feedback: You know you want to…
Notes: Yeah, I know I said it wouldn't continue here, but it didn't lead to where I thought it would so it's here! And the hugest of thanks to Angie, my new beta. The good stuff is hers, the dross is mine. As always, for K with my love.
SAFE HAVEN
Closing the door behind her, CJ crossed the room to sit on the edge of the bed. "How's she doing?" she asked.
Abbey lay Jilly's wrist back down on the bed. "Okay. She should be wakening soon. Heart rate is up a little, and stronger too. Listen, I need to talk to you about something. When I sent for supplies, I was going to catheterize her, partly to keep an eye on her fluid levels, but mostly because she's too weak to be up and about. But I noticed she's having a slight reaction to the IV in her arm and I don't want to make her any more uncomfortable."
"Yeah, she reacted when she had one before. I think it's the latex." CJ replied, stroking Jilly's arm, feeling the heat from the red rash surrounding the IV.
"The other option was to get continence pads, but the pants that came with them are huge; I'd have to duct tape her into them! I sent Lily to the scour the pharmacy and she found some toddler training pants; is that okay?"
"We've used them before." CJ said
"Why?"
"She has, or, at least, she used to have problems sleeping. She'd go to bed then have horrific nightmares. We'd hear her screaming and go up; she'd still be asleep and we'd have to waken her to make them stop."
"Like she did in your office?" Abbey looked down at the sleeping girl.
"Yeah. Sometimes she'd be wet when we got there, or sometimes it would be the abrupt wakening that would do it."
"What were the nightmares about?"
"All sorts of things. She was lost; or trying to find one of us; someone was chasing her; she was locked in a cupboard. Sometimes we couldn't get it out of her." CJ took hold of Jilly's hand, stroking it softly.
"Did she get professional help?" Abbey asked, careful not to sound judgmental.
"Andi took her to the doctor, who gave her sleeping pills. The first ones had no affect but when the dose was increased she was like a zombie. She'd sleep for hours and sleep very deeply – too deeply. The sleep was never refreshing; she'd waken just as tired as when she went to sleep."
"And was so sound that she wouldn't wake if she needed to?"
"Yes. The first few times she was so embarrassed and then she became scared to sleep incase it happened again."
Abbey nodded. "Catch 22. Some people just aren't good subjects for sleeping pills and sedatives. I'm forming the distinct impression that she's one of them. So what did you do?"
"Took her off the pills. Depending on her mood, we'd get her into the pants and her pajamas, easily, with persuasion or sometimes by force - which had the added bonus of exhausting her. We'd let her fall asleep with one of us, usually downstairs; the dreams didn't seem as bad when she wasn't alone. Then when she woke with one, we'd put her to bed and nine times out of ten she'd be okay."
Abbey paused and bit her lip in thought. "Well, I'll see how she goes on, but I'll get her doctor's details from Andi and get her records sent over. In the meantime," she opened the bag of training pants and laid one on the bed, "I have a feeling we may be too late for this."
She gently lifted the covers back, touching a finger to Jilly's damp clothing and nodded. "It's not much though. If you look in the bureau in the bottom drawer you'll find…" she stopped, as Andi and Toby came in to the room.
"How is she?" Andi asked.
"Wet." CJ said quietly.
"Oh Abbey. I'm sorry – I should have thought about it." said Andi crossing over to Abbey.
"Oh honey, don't worry about it, it's not a problem. There's plenty of bedding and it's just a small amount. It's because the bag of fluid's going through so fast." Abbey reassured Andi with a squeeze of her arm, as CJ brought over fresh bedding.
Toby lifted Jilly in his arms. Abbey picked up the IV bag and directed him to lay Jilly on the ottoman at the foot of the bed. She grabbed a box of wipes, which she handed to Andi, as Toby placed the sleeping figure down.
Andi slipped the damp shorts off, opened the box of wipes, and began to clean her sister.
As Toby and CJ stripped the bed, Abbey watched as Andi flinched at the sight of the bruising and marks, and tried to distract her. "I wish they'd had those wipes when my girls were small!"
Andi smiled, "What did you have?"
"A damp washcloth, a towel and lots of cream. It took three times as long and I used to end up with more cream on me than on the baby."
"I can't imagine you being anything but thoroughly competent and in control of the situation." said Andi, as Abbey handed her the pants.
"Sweetie, for a woman who could perform surgical procedures without blinking you'd have thought I'd had a competence transplant! I didn't have a clue what I was doing!"
Andi leant forward, gathering the sleeping girl up towards her, then sat back, Jilly cradled against her. Jilly stirred, wriggling slightly and turned her head into Andi's neck. Andi rocked her softly, then looked at Abbey "Neither did I. And I guess I made more of a mess of it than you did."
"I don't think that's true. Otherwise she wouldn't have come back." Abbey replied.
Finished at last, Toby lifted Jilly from Andi's arms and carried her over to the bed.
"Let me prop the pillows up, we need to get her awake." Abbey said, suiting the action to the word.
"I think she is." Toby said, placing her against the pillows, as Andi sat on the edge of the bed by her sister and Toby took his place behind her.
Four pairs of eyes watched anxiously as Jilly frowned slightly, a hand coming up to rub her eye. She opened her eyes, blinking a few times as if her brain was still trying to catch up.
Abbey checked her pulse then asked softly "Jilly, how you feeling?"
Jilly looked at her, frowning again in concentration, then said, "Feel groggy."
Just in time, Abbey grabbed the basin as Jilly began to vomit again. "It's okay, sweetie, it will pass; it's just the sedative making you sick." Abbey said, rubbing the girl's back.
Jilly swallowed and took a deep breath, managing to control the retching.
Abbey poured some mouthwash into a beaker, and held it to Jilly's lips, "Small sip, swirl and spit it out."
Jilly did as she was told and then leant back on the pillow.
CJ crossed the room to relieve Abbey of the bowl and dispose of it.
Abbey checked Jilly's pulse and temperature as the others looked on.
Andi stretched her hand out to her sister. They intertwined fingers and spoke volumes in the silence.
"Good. Your temperature is down a little and your heart rate is up a little. Keep going and I may let you out of bed sometime this century." Abbey said laying the thermometer on the bedside cabinet.
Jilly smiled slightly, her eyes beginning to look heavy. "Andi…I'm sorry…"
"Sshhh. We'll sort everything later. We're not going anywhere." Andi replied, as CJ came to kneel on the floor next to her.
They watched as Jilly's eyes closed and her breathing deepened. Abbey moved a strand of the copper hair from Jilly's face and said "Natural sleep is the best medicine for her right now. The longer she can sleep the better."
A muffled sob interrupted her and she turned to see Andi pressing a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle her tears so as not to waken her sister. The events of the day had overtaken her. She hugged her stomach, bent double, the tears coursing down her face. CJ held on to her tightly, as Toby sat on the bed next to her trying to quieten her as he had before. These were not the angry, frustrated tears of earlier though, and they could not be hushed. They were tears of three years worth of guilt, fear, loss and, most of all, love, and there was no dam that could stop them now until they were spent. Andi sank onto the floor into CJ's arms and Toby knelt behind her still rubbing small circles on her back. They caught the odd word here and there but she was past the point of coherence.
Finally, Abbey took the situation in hand. She knelt next to CJ and put her hand on Andi's head. "Andi, I need you to listen to me now. Look at me, Andi!"
CJ forced Andi to sit up, holding her shoulders as Andi clung to her friend.
Abbey continued, "Andi, you need to stop crying, or you'll make yourself ill. I've got my hands full with Jilly. If you're sick you won't be able to help her and she's going to need all the help the four of us can give her."
CJ took a turn "Andi…don't do this - none of this is your fault, stop blaming yourself. Whatever's happened in the past doesn't matter, Jilly's here now and she needs you, us…all of us."
"My…fault…" Andi spluttered between tears. "Sent…her...away"
"But she came back, that's the important thing!" CJ pushed on, desperate that Andi listen to her.
"So…many…marks!"
"They're on the outside, they'll heal."
"Broken." Andi was gasping now, her voice a hoarse whisper.
"We'll fix her. We've done it before." CJ stroked her cheek with a gentle finger.
Andi lifted her eyes to Abbey, the crying now more controlled.
Abbey looked back and saw the exhaustion replacing the emotion. She stood up and turned to Toby. "Put her to bed. The room straight opposite."
Between them, CJ and Toby got Andi to her feet and lead her out the room.
A moment later, CJ returned to find Abbey replacing the bag of fluid on Jilly's IV.
"How is she?" Abbey asked.
"Mostly exhausted, I think." CJ replied. "She's stopped crying but she's fighting sleep. Toby's trying to out-stare her so she'll probably be asleep in a minute." CJ bent down and dropped a kiss on Jilly's forehead. "Abbey…thank you for everything you've done; and for everything you will do."
"You're welcome. I'm seeing a whole new side to the three of you." Somehow Abbey managed to smile.
The sound of footsteps in the corridor made them turn to see The President come in. "I thought I'd come see the mystery that's been keeping my wife occupied." he said, kissing her cheek. "How you doing, Claudia Jean?"
"Well, the day feels like it's been seventy two hours long, but I'm okay." she replied.
Jed looked at Jilly and sat down gently on the bed. He put his hand out and stroked her hair. "She really does look like her sister, doesn't she? Where is Andi, by the way?"
"She's finally asleep." Toby said from the doorway.
"Thank God, I was worried I'd have to sedate her too. She's exhausted, poor love. And so are you two," Abbey turned to CJ and Toby. "You're staying here, by the way. I've had stuff brought over for you." She pointed to some bags in the corner.
CJ looked at Toby and nodded towards Jilly. "I'll take this one. You stay with Andi."
The President stood up "That just leaves us then" he said. "Dr Bartlet, you are now officially off duty." he propelled her toward the door.
Abbey turned, "Come get me if you need me; either of you." and followed her husband.
Toby crossed the room and looked at Jilly. She looked content and at peace for the first time in what he assumed was a long while. He kissed her softly, then turned to CJ. She gave him a watery smile and he smiled back as he pulled her into his embrace. Neither spoke for a bit, just softly rocked together.
Finally, CJ gently pulled out of his embrace. "I'm going to fall asleep on my feet if I don't go to bed."
"Me too." He headed for their bags, bringing CJ's over to her. "Come get me if you need me." he said
She nodded. "You too. Goodnight, Toby."
"Night Ceej."
CJ paused. "You've not called me that since…"
"Yeah. I know. It just goes with Button." He kissed her cheek and closed the door behind him.
With one eye on the sleeping girl, CJ pulled her pajamas from her bag and slipped into them quickly. She climbed into bed next to Jilly, trying hard not to wake her, but with some sixth sense, Jilly half-opened her eyes and looked at her.
"Sshhh. Go back to sleep, baby." CJ said, gathering Jilly in her arms.
Jilly obediently closed her eyes, resting her head on CJ's shoulder, rubbing her face on the soft fabric, as she put her thumb in her mouth. CJ stroked the girl's cheekbone softly, feeling her body relax. She remembered this ritual from all those years ago, night after night, and wondered when she'd stopped missing it; that feeling of contentment and stability, of being someone's safe haven. She made a long arm and turned off the light, before wrapping her arm back around Jilly, who moved her thumb out of her mouth.
"Ceej…"
"Go to sleep, baby."
"Love, Ceej."
"Love, Jillybean."
CJ swallowed past the lump in her throat and fought the tears pricking in her eyes. She'd stopped missing that too at some point along the way.