Notes: Still appreciate the feedback- I'll do my best to clear up any confusion throughout the chapters. I think I know what was confusing everyone, so I'll elaborate a bit more in this chappie (and below). If you have a major issue with a muddled up brain, please PM me and perhaps we can figure out a way for me to better express what's going on too. I'm always open to changes/alterations to make things easier to understand/read. I don't wanna lose anyone for the sake of misunderstanding. Sometimes my chapters take a while, I do actually research the episodes carefully to try and help add some umph and awe in the writing XD

Recap/Clarity: Angel & Buffy meet. Angst. Lilah attacks. Clarification: Angel, unconscious, begins to regain some of a memory he isn't supposed to ever have since he made the decision to alter the way things essentially turned out. Angel was human longer than one day, but since his human self went back via a spell at Giles' recommendation, he guided his past (human) self to make a different choice on the 'day that never happened' through influential warnings issued by the Mohra demon. Savvy?

Thank You Alice & Danielle. (Because) motivation, ideas, and persistence are valuable.

Broken

"You gave it up," Doyle remained standing before Angel. They were standing in what seemed to be a very vivid and unwanted reminder of something Angel had yet to even experience- either that or he already did and didn't recall everything. "Gave everything up, actually. Takes alot of strength to pull off what you just did there." Doyle shoved his hands in his pockets and walked in front of the vampire, who was still staring blankly at his... wait... was that his future self? Either way, Angel could tell he had been human at this point, somehow.

"N-no... I-I didn't... couldn't..." Angel stared at the scene before him in disbelief. It was rushing back to him somehow. He'd been forced to do the spell, to salvage everything he'd worked so hard to create. There was good reason, but he could not quite put a finger on it. "But why? ...How?"

"Oh, but you did. Gave it up for the girl, actually. For Buffy. Angel, look, I'm not allowed to tell you everything. The mind... well it needs to discover things on it's own. Besides, you know I'm dead- you hallucinating chump. I'm not really even here. I'm just a figment of your imagination, created out of guilt..." He paused, speaking softly with a visible glisten in his eyes now, "...all this time and you still feel responsible for my death?"

Angel looked away, unsure how to answer Doyle's question. The truth was that he didn't care if his mind created Doyle out of sheer guilt or if it was fate, he was just glad to have the man guiding him at this time. "How did Buffy know about this? She asked me just a while ago- she knew... Somehow she... remembered."

"Do you remember what you told Buffy that one time she tried to read your mind? After the whole Faith ordeal? Ya know, it was a pity I never got to meet the dark slayer..." Doyle heaved an unfortunate sigh before looking up at Angel expectantly.

"Well, yeah..." Wondering how Doyle would possess the knowledge of that day, Angel had to settle for reasoning that Doyle was, in fact, simply a figment of his imagination. Angel thought back, remembering the day Buffy had been so paranoid about getting some foretold 'aspect of a demon.' When she finally received the aspect, she was 'gifted' with the ability to read minds. Buffy attempted to use that newly-acquired skill as a strategic ploy to get answers to uneasy questions instead of trying to be straightforward and honest with him.

"You can't get into my mind."

"How did you...why not?"

"It's like the mirror. The thoughts are there, but they create no reflection in you."


"... but the mirror thing? I still don't understand how that relates in any way to how Buffy is remembering something that never happened. Call me crazy, but I'm not making a connection here."

"Yeah... well you were pretty right then. Vampire minds, complicated things. All the thoughts are there, the memories as well, but they still create no reflection- there's no real rebound or escape for them. In order to find what you need, you just have to know where to fish, exactly. Ever wonder where your uncanny photographic memory comes from?" Doyle cocked his head, offering a simple grin.

"Not particularly." Angel shifted slightly. He had the urge to ask Doyle where this spur of knowledge came from, but the fear of hearing the guide tell him once again that he was simply 'a figment of his imagination' didn't bring about a sense of comfort for the broody vampire. "Even so, how does this connect with Buffy?"

"I don't need to tell you that vampires have particular connections to those they choose to sire... Something- it's all in the blood." Doyle let out a sigh, "You've always had a connection to Buffy, I could even see that through the loser you had become by the night I had raided your apartment. You were really a sight, I tell ya. Anyone ever tell you you're almost as much a bastard drunk as when you're Angelus?" Doyle merely smirked, trying to lighten the mood up a bit. Surely that statement was exaggerated a tad. "Well, back when you bit her, though..." Doyle's eyes moved up to meet Angel's, "You sealed that connection. It's... complicated. You could almost say you'd marked her, but you two shared a destiny already.. what with dream-sharing and all. Buffy... when she died... she dove into a portal, that much you knew. Having fallen into another dimension, she somehow gained access to the other (forgotten) version or... set of memories. She's got 'em both, mingled in her mind... which leads her to her current fragile state. Thing is, well, everyone still has those memories... deep within... but without a trigger, they are benign, lying dormant without purpose."

"The trigger... that was... her death?"

"Score one for the hallucinating vampire! Close enough, anyway. You felt her die, didn't you?"

Angel closed his eyes and his nod was almost too small to be noticed. "I did." Swallowing, he looked up at Doyle with a quick change of subjects, still pressing for more answers, "So... I just went back to warn myself- my human self...that some 'great darkness' is coming and-and... that made me-"

"Go to the Oracles and revoke your humanity," Doyle finished impatiently, obviously not unfamiliar with the whole story. "Do you understand now?"

"No. It makes no sense! Why did I do it, Doyle? There has got to be a reason!"

"I'm afraid I cannot answer that. That's... not my business to tell."

Angel was about to argue with Doyle in an attempt to get more information, when his train of thought was broken and the memory before him continued to play out as it had began. Part of it wasn't entirely his memory, however, he could affirm that much after his human self ended up leaving the room.

"So am I going to get an explanation anytime soon, then?" Buffy leaned in the doorframe, looking across at Angel and Giles accusingly. "Cause, you know... places to go, vamps to slay- I've got a pretty busy schedule."

"Yes, well... umm..." Giles began to stutter, trying to improvise something convincing to tell her.

"It doesn't matter anymore," Angel muttered, clenching a fist and closing his eyes. "It's done." With that, (human) Angel strode out from the Magic Box in a defeated manner. There was nothing more to tell from his perspective- it was over now. He didn't have the heart to look into Buffy's eyes now, she'd only argue with the choice that he'd made... and God forbid he meet Kat's eyes. She would have been his undoing had the young girl been there earlier. It's a good thing Giles had sent them away, or he couldn't have pulled that off.

A long silence ensued as Buffy watched Angel leave the room. Needless to say, she was confused as ever, she looked up at the one man who had any idea of what was going on. "Giles? I know you have something to do with this. Just give me the truth, I have to know."

"You once asked me to lie to you. I do not have the truth, nor a convincing lie..." the man took in a deep breath, rubbing a temple as if trying to pull the recollection from his mind. "But a simple theory is all I could have to offer."

Buffy glanced down at Kat, her eyes beginning to tear, "He did not just... give it all up?"

Giles cleared his throat, holding true to the promise to Angel not to tell Buffy anything of the spell. Instead, he lied to her. "The good guys are always stalwart and true and the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats. We uh, always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after."

Kat couldn't suppress a quiet snort while she called Giles' bluff with a smile, "Liar!"

Buffy closed her eyes, straining to keep the tears from falling as she ran her fingers through her daughter's hair. That did it. Were they ever going to get a chance to finally rest? "Thank you," she whispered rather unexpectedly. But to whom or for what, none could truly recall.

--

Buffy stood there, arms crossed. Her expression shot to Lilah only asserted the fact that she was completely uncooperative. "Where's Angel?" She commanded, looking up at the ceiling in ignorance of the lady's wishes. She'd already accepted the fact that they'd captured her for a reason... or ransom. Funny thing was, she did not care anymore- it didn't matter. It was times like these that she truly wished her friends would have let her stay dead. She'd followed Lilah quietly, without opposition. Buffy still wasn't sure if she'd have even bothered to put up a struggle even if they hadn't dragged Angel off the scene with the threat of staking him. How much and what they knew about her and Angel's past was anyone's guess. She had to be careful since she wasn't about to hand anything over on a silver platter though. If anything, she was almost content in providing herself with the entertainment of watching these idiots run in circles hopelessly as they desperately attempted to sway what they wanted to hear from her lips.

They'd came upon Buffy and Angel so quickly, and she'd cursed herself for not hearing them sooner- or broken away with Angel. This attack was not random, it was definitely planned carefully. Somehow, Lilah had proved enough of a distraction or, perhaps, surprise to the broody male to catch him offguard long enough to allow a few shady snipers to launch tranquilizer darts at him. A sedative dose by which, if Buffy was told correctly, could probably knock out a cow twice over. Then she found herself trying to understand why she was comparing Angel to a cow. She had to hand it to them, they had this drill ironed out pretty well. Buffy knew Angel would probably object to her giving in so easily... and he would probably be angry, but that guy still didn't understand the fact that she didn't really need him in her shadow every waking moment of her life. She was strong enough, after all, to fend for herself and make her own decisions.

"You've come back from the dead what... twice already?" Lilah pressed, placing both hands on either side of the table and staring down at the blonde in an attempt to lock eyes with the Slayer before her. She meant business. Her voice seemed to break Buffy's thoughtful trance, and the slayer looked up at her with a cheesy grin. She wasn't going to make this easy for the freaky lawyer-woman.

"Yep, a-and this morning my fortune cookie told me 'You cannot slide uphill.' Shoulda listened to the fortune cookie." Buffy smirked, letting out a clearly annoyed sigh and drumming her fingers on the table. Then she added lightly, "I think maybe that's where Angel gets all his crypticness." Anything to throw off and deviate this stupid lawyer-bitch from getting any information of value. Who did she think she was, anyway? Buffy took this moment to move her eyes to the woman's neck which, undoubtably, sported a fresh bite from some vampire. It looked recent, though not too deep. "Looks like you didn't listen to your fortune cookie," Buffy joked, nodding to her neck suspiciously.

"Yeah well, Angel was having one of his better days."

Wait- did she miss something? Angel bit Lilah? She just couldn't fathom the dark... handsome... shadowy figure looming over- ack, no. This psychopath had to be mistaken, Angel was a good boy- he didn't bite. He actually told her that once. She had him pinned in the back alley after kicking him to the ground. What a way to meet a guy... and she still remembered the astonished (but undeniably adorable) look on his face. 'I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite.' Of course, that was before she even knew he was a vampire- or that he really didn't bite for reasons of his own anyway. He was really Joe-hopeless. Just the thought of that memory led her to stifle a snicker, and she glared up at Lilah with distaste. Shaking her head back into the now of things, "Wow. For being a lawyer, you're really stupid." Stupid 'to cross paths with Angel' was something she was dying to add but just didn't. Something inside her stirred angrily... jealously even. Why was Angel close enough to this woman to be within biting range? Maybe she didn't want to know.

"You know, Buffy, you may think this is a joke- but I assure you... your cooperation is..." a light seemed to twinkle in her eyes while she formulated a response, "Let's just say it's mandatory. Well, if you want Angel to come out of this with... whatever it is you people call it... his useless unlife." The smirk that followed darkened the pressing lawyer's features while she pressed for more information almost made Buffy shudder, "Now, the second time you came back from the dead, I understand, it was... three months after your death?"

Biting her lip and deciding how to answer this question, Buffy closed her eyes, trying to block out the thoughts that followed. The ones that reminded her of the welcoming elimination of time, space, temperature... nothing had mattered. She'd been in Heaven for a duration of time that she couldn't even fathom to measure. Three months wouldn't even do it justice- she'd simply been ripped out far too soon. She was happy,"I was dead." Her statement, dry and void of any emotion, rang throughout the small room where she'd gotten the undivided attention of Lilah. "I was dead and I was supposed to stay dead," Buffy added, her voice lowering in order to keep out the shakiness that would accompany her explanation. Her eyes pinned the brunette with a fiery anger, "You have absolutely no idea what I've been through."

"No... but we do have slight expertise in that area. We brought Darla back just a little over a year ago, actually. Terrible work to bring back an entire body and soul from nothing." When Buffy said nothing to her response, Lilah sighed and tried a different approach. A more sympathetic one. "Buffy, we just want to know what you've been through. We can help you."

Buffy didn't even want to get onto the subject of Darla. Whether what Lilah told her was true or not, she just was not going to hear any of it. "Look lady, I have enough problems paying the bills, you think I want to give you details on my life? You already know I'm 'Buffy,' no doubt you somehow targeted me for my uncanny ability to conquer death. Why don't you just wave your hands like a raving lunatic and get the rest of the information from my brain with the stupid shameny creeps o-or wizards or whatever you used to bring Darla back? In case I haven't already made it clear- I reeeeeally don't like you, therefore, I don't think I'll be sharing any information with you this fine evening. I do appreciate the offer, however."

"Yes well, from what I understood that earlier, you just wanted to die."

"Is that your business?"

"Anything that has to do with Angel is my business."

"Okay, firstly- creepy, secondly... well, never mind. Just very creepy." Then Buffy closed her eyes, shaking her head angrily. Just when she thought Angel was a professional stalker- these cheeses make him look like an amateur. Looking up, as if in she were truly going to contribute something useful to the conversation, she beamed mockingly, "Do you get cool uniforms?"

"This isn't helping Angel."

"Why are you after him anyway? What makes Angel such a priority?" Buffy pressed her elbow against the table, leaning her head on it attentively now. She figured she probably wasn't going anywhere anytime soon- and definitely not without Angel either.

"Angel will be playing a pivotal role in the approaching apocalypse. The one to end them all...What makes him a priority, my dear, is none of your business. What we can't figure out is exactly how much he would do for you. First, we thought we could break him if we put Darla in the picture... but Angel.. see, he's stronger than we expected. Did you know he intentionally allowed Drusilla and Darla free reign to attack seventeen and kill fifteen of our best lawyers- me included?"

"Kudos to you for surviving." What Darla and Drusilla did was really none of her business... and didn't Lilah say that Darla's soul was in-tact? Either this lawyer was making up a pretty enormous web of lies, or Buffy missed alot of action in Los Angeles. "Hey, I really don't see where this conversation is going... so unless you have information on where I can, y'know... pick up Angel and mosey on my way, I don't see ho-" but her voice stopped abruptly as they dragged a very dazed vampire in to her presence.

No matter how hard she tried, she found herself unable to hold back the concerned outburst that escaped her lips, "ANGEL!"