26 Goodbye

As she opened her eyes the first thing she registered was the agonising pain that shot through her body the instant she regained consciousness. For a while her mind could focus on nothing but that, she tensed her body against it, but that just increased the pain in intensity and so she forced herself to relax and waited with gritted teeth for it to subside to a bearable level.

She didn't know how long she lay there, her mind was consumed with the suffering of her body, she was vaguely aware of someone calling her name, but it was a while before she registered that she knew the voice. Taking a deep breath against the sharp pain that shot through her ribs with each breath, she opened her eyes and found herself staring into Toby's. Her instinct was to reach out and hug him but upon raising her arms only a few centimetres she decided against it and knew that him hugging her would cause the same intense torture to her entire body. For the first time she realised just how much her body had gone through, just how right Jareth had been. She wouldn't have survived this had he not taken her soul to the Labyrinth, and that was when it hit her, the memories, the agony of what those men had done to her, the violation, the torture, the misery.

Her grief consumed her for a second, her body recoiling against the burning that was now replacing the physical pain. The shame and mental anguish that was consuming her soul. She could still feel them, still feel what they'd done. She hated them, hated herself, she felt dirty, disgusted, worthless, but most of all she felt grief, a grief so strong that for a moment she had to close her eyes again, against the worry she could see in Toby's. Her own pain was too much right now, she couldn't handle his too. But she had to, she owed him that much. So slowly, very slowly, she opened her eyes once more, and this time took in her whole surroundings.

She saw a stark, clean hospital room, saw the machines surrounding the hard hospital bed she was laid on, felt the tubes coming from them into her body. The tubes and machines that had been keeping her alive until now. The room seemed too clean, too mechanised, too modern, it looked like what it was, a room full of alien machines that kept people alive whether they had a desire to live or not. That was the problem with society today, with doctors, they had a responsibility to their patients to keep them alive, but they never asked whether that patient wanted to live, they never even took that into consideration. The patient was just another body, not a person, not a soul, a body. She'd been a body for the men too… But she couldn't think of that, not now, first she had to talk to Toby.

Once again she slowly opened her eyes and this time she could truly focus on Toby's face, the concern she saw there made her want to break down and cry, but now was not the time.

"Sarah? Sarah? SARAH?."

She could hear the desperation in his voice, so steeling herself against the pain she knew would come with trying to speak, she said;

"Yes Toby, I'm awake."

She watched as the tears formed in his eyes, mirrored by those in her own. He threw himself down and hugged her and she bit her lip to stop herself from screaming from the agony that shot through her as he did so. Eventually he pulled away, the tears falling freely from his eyes now as he began to speak rapidly.

"You went to sleep and wouldn't wake up, and you were so hurt and that machine kept beeping and then the doctors wouldn't let me in and then they did and you were still asleep!" He'd pointed to the machine that monitored her heartbeat, at the moment it was silent, her heart rate steady, but she knew if she died it would beep continuously. That's what he meant, she'd died, and not just once. The weak spells, passing out, seeing the doctor, she'd died. Each time her body had died, her soul had weakened, and when she'd seen the doctor, for a second she must have been shocked back into her body when they brought her back. She'd died…

Realising Toby was still looking at her and crying she gritted her teeth and raised her right arm, the one without a pot on it, to his face, brushing his tears away with her fingers.

"It's okay Toby, I'm here."

"And you're not going away again, ever? Cos they said you might go away and not come back, that you might go to sleep forever. You're not going to sleep forever are you?"

This time she couldn't keep the tears back. As she looked into his sweet little face, with all the innocence of a seven year old showing through, the grief became too much. She knew what she was about to do would break his heart, and break her own in the process, but it was the right thing to do, it was the only way to save them all.

"I'm sorry Toby, I have to. My body's too weak, I need to rest. I'm going to a better place, one where I'll be happy." She saw his little face crumble, and so did her resolve. This was the hardest thing she'd ever done, she was having to say goodbye to her baby brother, forever. Steeling herself against the tears, her voice wavering regardless, she carried on. "I promise I'll never forget you, and I promise things will get better for you. Dad will get well again, but you've got to help him, he can't do it by himself. Karen needs your help too, she's got to change, you've got to make her realise that. I know you can do it, you can make things better. Love them both for me, just as I love you, tell them I'm sorry, but I have to go."

"But why Sarah, why do you have to go? You're awake, you're okay now. Why do you have to go?" The tears were flowing freely now, but Sarah barely noticed it, the grief inside her was too much, every part of her was telling her to stop, to wipe away his tears and tell him she was never going away, but she couldn't, she had to do this. Raising her arm once more she brought his head close to hers so she could kiss him on the forehead before beginning to speak once more.

"You know I love you Toby, I always have done, I always will. You're my baby brother and you'll always be in my heart. But it's time for me to move on. I love you Toby, never forget me."

As she looked into his eyes for the last time, as she said her final goodbye, she felt a peace flow through her. For all the pain, for all that her heart was breaking, she knew it was the right thing to do. She closed her eyes, and for the first time in years, she smiled, a smile that truly reached her heart.

Through his tears Toby vaguely heard the machine beside him begin to beep, and he knew his sister was gone...