Title: The Great Psychological Escape
Author: TWBasketcase
Rated: T for language…and just messed up themes.
Chapter Summary: Make way for Miss Queen Bee!
A/N: More craziness! I'm baaaaaaack!! Haha! This one will take a look at Claire. I know you guys want Bender and Allison, trust me they will be here soon. For now though, please enjoy chapter three!

Chapter Three – You Use it to get Respect

Richard put his head in his hands and leaned over Doris' desk. The plump red headed lady was glaring, and trying to smack him away with her newspaper. Richard just loved it when she got so emotional! It really made him feel loved and her type of emotions were sure signs of arousal! He just knew it!

"My little buttercup, do you really see the need to abuse an innocent newspaper?" He fluttered his eyelashes at her and smiled.

She pushed her horn rimmed glasses up her nose and scrunched up her face. "Am I going to have to go to Dick about sexual harassment again?" She tried to shoo him off, her bright blue moo-moo dress fluttering around her fat ankles as she did so.

Richard's face burned red. "Doris! You don't have to talk about my genitals that way! You can come to me about anything! You should now that already, my petal!"

She shuddered. "Dick as in Vernon, Hash!" She slapped his hand. "I will complain!"

Mr. Hashimoto placed his hands on his hips. "You would not invite Mr. Vernon into our little affair! How could you? I am for you and you are for me, Doris! Can't you see that we are true earth mates?! It's just super!"

Doris gave him an exasperated look. "Are you off your rocker, Richie? Earth mates? I thought the term was soul mates?"

A look of emotional astonishment passed over his features and he leapt over the desk to envelope her into a tight hug. "Soul mates! Yes, Doris! I will be your soul mate from now until forever! I knew that we were meant to be, I just knew it! You are so super!" He closed his eyes and swayed back and forth as he tried his damndest to get his arms all the way around her.

She pried him off and set him a few feet away from her. "Richie…I don't know how to get through to you!"

He smiled affectionately at her. "Of course you do!" He placed his hand over his heart and locked a passionate gaze on her. "You get through to me right here. My pumper. That's where it counts my cookie crumb."

She opened her mouth to protest once more to his insane pet name calling, but was cut off by a soft voice clearing her throat.

"Excuse me?" A pretty red headed girl stood at the entrance of the office with a back pack on her shoulders, and a small hand bag clutched in her hand. She looked a little off put, as though she had never been there before. Richard sure never saw her there before.

And she sure was pretty!

He looked at Doris. "She looks just like you! I bet you looked as super as her when you were in high school!"

Doris looked at him as though he were retarded. The girl looked horrified at the thought. Richard ignored them both. "So who are you, little one?"

The girl's eyebrow rose slightly at the short man. "Claire Standish. I was sent down here by my French teacher."

Richard beamed. "Well that's super, Claire! Why don't we just step foot into my office?" He looked back at Doris apologetically. "We'll have to continue this at lunch time, okay?"

Doris looked relieved. "Just get out of here!"

The red headed teenager followed Mr. Hashimoto into his office. He closed the door behind her and skipped merrily back to his big-old-fun-green-leather-chair. He sat in it hard enough to give it one nice whirl around and settled into his desk. He pulled out a fresh new manila folder and scrawled her name across it. "Are we ready to start today?"

She nodded and he twirled his special Shermer High Wolves clicky pen through his fingers. Oh how he loved clicky pens! "Great, so would you like to tell me why you are here today, Miss Standish?"

She looked confused. "Oh…I was called down. I never made any appointment, sir."

He bit his lip and giggled nervously. "Right. One moment please!" He spun hard to his left and dug through his drawer until he found his trusty-cue-card-from-Vernon. He smiled when he saw her name. The words beside it read "skip", "shopping", "rich", and "bitch". He bit his lip at the curse word and looked up at her politely.

"It looks as though you got yourself into some trouble, Miss Standish. Truancy? Do you want to talk about it?"

She shrugged slightly. "I guess so. I don't really see anything wrong with it. I was just having a bad day, really." She had her hand bag set on her lap and her legs crossed at her ankles. This one looked as innocent as pie, but with his 'hardcore' background in psychology, he knew better then to judge them that easily.

"Claire, skipping school is a horrible thing! That was why you got put into detention." He scribbled a heart on her file. "Do you want to tell me about detention and how you dealt with it?" He folded his hands on his desk and cocked his head to the side.

She shrugged. "It was the only one that I've ever had. It was pretty…well, special actually. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me."

He shook his head. "So you like punishment, Claire?" He was a bit confused; most students hated wasting their days away at school when they didn't need to be there.

She shrugged once more. "I met my boyfriend there. We hit it off very well."

Hashimoto bit his lip; he knew all about women who met their husbands by writing them letters to their prison cells. They were usually desperate, depressed whores. "How did you and your boyfriend start dating Claire?"

She blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Did you know him from before? Or was that the first time you ever met him?"

She shifted in her seat. "It was the first time. He was kind of mean at first, he called me a prude, a tease, and he stuck his head up my skirt, but…"

"You enjoyed the attention so much that you accepted him in a fit of hormonal emotion?" He scribbled down a paragraph in her file and shook his head sadly. "I've seen this sort of thing happen before."

A concerned look passed over her features. "You have?"

He nodded somberly. "Yes Claire. In patients that have been diagnosed as Erotomanic delusional disorder."

Claire looked horrified at the sound of that. "What does that mean? Am I a freak? What is it?"

He bit his lip. "It's a form of psychosis, or a psychotic disorder. You are delusional Claire, and maybe a bit obsessive compulsive."

She swallowed. "How?"

"You believe that these bad people from detention who have sexually molested you are good people who are in love with you. You want everything to be so perfect for you that you act out in fits to make sure it happens your way. This is very serious!"

"Oh my god!" Claire paled considerably. "I only skipped school because I needed an escape…"

"No!" Hashimoto yelled with a cracking voice. He was on a roll! He was almost at a breakthrough! He pounded his fist on his desk for emphasis and it made the poor girl jump. "You left school as a premeditated arrangement! You knew what you wanted and you were going to do everything in your delusioned mind to make it happen!"

"You think so?" She asked quietly. She looked as though she were going to cry.

"I know so! Claire, every single piece of evidence points at me being completely right and you being totally psychotic! You should listen to me, I should know!" He drew a stick woman and then drew a bunch of vertical lines through her. "You see this diagram?" He held it up high for her to see.

She nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Bad girls like you end up in jail! Not only are you obsessive compulsive and erotically delusional, you will soon start to see some symptoms of split personalities! I have seen evidence of it already!"

Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped. "When?"

He put the folder back down and grinned crazily. "When your alter ego subconsciously decided for you to skip school so that you could manipulate crazy criminals in fits of sexual anger and seduction…" he took a deep breath. "…Into respecting you! You honestly believe that this false love and adoration is a means to get respect, and deep down you think its more! You believe its more!"

Claire looked horrified. "They thought I screwed to get respect!"

"And you do!" Hashimoto accused.

"But I am a virgin!"

"That's your alter ego screaming at you, you whore!" He yelled and pointed a finger at her. She gasped in shock. He took a deep breath and realized he flew off the handle. He straightened out his suit jacket and composed himself before continuing. "What I mean is you honestly want to believe – and think that others believe – that you are innocent and naïve. But you really are a psychotic, frisky freak!"

The girl began to tear up in spite of herself. "Oh my god! What will they all think of me?"

Hashimoto shook his head sadly. "No lower than they already do, young lady. I know that these new revelations could possibly bring on feelings of shame and sadness, but it is normal for girls your age! You want to fit in…but your mind brought it too far Claire. You are way too obsessive about your reputation."

Claire wiped her tears away. "Oh what should I do? I can't let anyone find out! This would be the end of me for sure! Mother would never accept it! I would be exiled!" Claire sighed overdramatically and clenched her fists.

Richard backed off a bit. "Young lady, what you have to work on is that if you keep throwing yourself at people and letting them molest you and other things…you'll only get worse! Every sure mental disorder you have has the possibility to grow into something bigger and even worse!"

"Like the blob, on that movie?" Claire asked, sniffling.

He nodded. "Yes Claire. You're like an ever growing psychopath. There are normal people – like me – who are willing to help! We can get a super duper schedule worked out, and I can help you with everything you need!"

"You would do that for a freak like me? Someone who doesn't even know who they are anymore?"

"Of course!" He waved her off. "I already am dealing with a schizophrenic sadomasochistic homosexual and a homicidal maniac who's into bestiality and necrophilia! You aren't any better than they are!"

Her eyes widened and she began to cry again. "I am the same as them?"

Hashimoto smiled and clicked his clicky pen like ten times. "Of course you are! They are messed up! You are on my list of dangerous students! You are all a threat to yourselves and each other! Of course you are no better!"

She couldn't even manage a word out of her pouty lips. They just wobbled in fear and sadness.

He reached over and touched her hand comfortingly. "That's why I am here, young lady. I am the good doctor who's not really a doctor! I was born ready to tackle these sorts of problems head on, Claire! You are in good hands!"

She nodded her head and her bottom lip wobbled again.

He stood from his great-big-fun-green-leather-twirly-chair and walked around his desk so that he was standing in front of her. "Everything is going to be okay, Claire. Just come back and see me three times a week. I have one assignment for you the next time you have a scheduled appointment, is that okay?"

She nodded her head. "Anything you want, sir."

He smiled. "Okay! I want you to bring the person that you believe respects and loves you. We will destroy his image, credibility, and any other connection you have to him. We'll do an in depth not-really-couple counsel. We'll fix your problem once and for all, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay, sir, I'll do that."

"That's a good girl. Oh, and on your way out, will you give this to Doris please?" He handed her a lined piece of paper that had a crudely drawn heart in the middle. The heart had arms and legs and was waving at her. It was walking a puppy and it said 'I luv u' on it. Claire's lip wobbled once more and she walked out of the room sobbing.

Hashimoto sat back down in his seat and grinned. Another slam dunk! He only needed one more and he was going for the home run!

What a super feeling it was indeed!

TBC

A/N: All mental diseases listed in this chapter are real diseases but were depicted completely wrong and were very exaggerated. If you have any questions feel free to ask. I'm sorry if you thought it was lame. Please review. I should have the next chapter up soon!