Title: The Great Psychological Escape
Author: TWBasketcase
Rated: T for mumbo jumbo
Chapter Summary: After school is out, Carl stumbles into Richard's office for his regular cleaning duties. While inside, he gets a bit of a surprise.
A/N: I know I am evil! I know you guys have been waiting for Bender and Allison, but I want to include Dick and Carl in here too. Things are going to get increasingly harder for Richard as time goes along, so it only makes sense to save the heavies for later. This one is a bit short, but I hope that you enjoy anyways!

Chapter 4 – The Eyes and Ears of the Institution

Richard sat huddled over his desk and reviewed his notes. Things were not looking good for Shermer High school's student population! His last three patients were a solid example of this theory, and Richard was a bit concerned.

Andrew Clark was worrisome. The boy had some real punishment issues that frightened Hash. He beat a young boy into submission by holding his ass hostage because his father was angry with him. A naked boy nonetheless. Andrew clearly had a sadistic side to him that enjoyed the thought and concept of physical punishment. He knew that boys like him grew up to be addicted to dominatrix services. In Andrew's case, there was a clear underlying homosexuality that ran rampant that perhaps suggested that said dominatrix would or could be male. He wasn't sure if there was a particular name for male ones, and he wasn't in too much of a rush to find out. They were icky, dirty people.

Brian Johnson was even worse. The boy had clear homicidal tendencies running rampant through his being. Not only did he perform manual stimulation on a defenseless elephant, but he killed it and tried to kill his teachers too. Boys like Brian were only good for one thing in this life and that was the Navy SEALS. Unfortunately for Brian, Richard noted, was that he was way too scrawny and jumpy to ever succeed in that field. He had the right attitude, just not the physical requirements. Brian was not only a danger to himself, but also to the other children of the school…and his poor dog, Buddy. Richard was hoping that by getting Brian to write his journal and see his anger for himself, Brian could find the source of his problem and the two of them could work on it together.

And then there was Miss Standish. At first glimpse Richard thought she was just a beautiful and innocent girl who must have made a mistake to end up where she was. At second glance though, Claire proved to be a seriously disturbed girl. She wasn't as much of a threat to other people as much as she was to herself. She was completely delusional and in a very erotic kind of way. Richard was worried that she would somehow trick herself into believing more dangerous things than that of an obvious criminal being in love with her. Claire was someone he needed to make sure didn't make a fool out of herself. A girl like her wouldn't be able to handle anything ruining her reputation.

Richard sighed and sat back in his chair. It had been a very long, but very successful day if he did say so himself. His new plan of taking that extra step had really paid off and possibly even saved some lives! His patients were obviously oblivious and ignorant of their conditions and their symptoms. He was just glad that he got to them in time before something disastrous could have occurred.

His office door crept open silently and the sound of a cart banging around could be heard. Richard lifted his head and grinned at the younger gentleman in front of him. "Well hello there Carl! Has your day just been super so far?"

Carl didn't appear to be listening. He only stood at the entrance of Hash's office with his hands on his hips. He gave Richard an angry frown. "What the hell were you doing in here?"

Richard scratched his head. "Carl, there is no need to be bitter. I was only relieving stress! It's a very healthy thing to do you know."

"Oh really?" Carl retorted, his voice dripping wet with sarcasm. He kicked at a pile of cue cards and folded his arms. "Were you twirling around on your chair again?"

Richard narrowed his eyes at the straight forward question. "How would you even know anything about that, silly? Of course I wasn't doing such a ludicrous thing!"

Carl snorted at that and pointed at his head. "I know everything that goes on around this joint, Hash. You can't fool me. I know exactly what you were doing! You were twirling around and setting your cue cards free. As a matter of fact, I can bet money that you were giggling the whole time you were doing it too. The tornado game?" Carl accused him with a smug grin spread across his features.

Richard's face fell. There was no way that Carl was pointing to his head and saying that he knew everything! Carl was not the professional! Carl was a janitor! He would not let the smart alec custodian beat him at his own game! "Spying on people for black mail again, were you? I thought you knew that it got you into trouble, Carl!"

Carl's arms fell to his sides and he frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Let's have a chat, shall we?" Richard pointed to the wooden seat in front of his desk and gave Carl his best pouty face.

Carl gave him a slightly disturbed look, but took the seat anyways. "I get paid by the hour, what the hell."

Richard flashed a huge grin. "That's exactly what I said earlier!"

Carl glared at him and looked back at the mess on the floor. "How does that not surprise me…?"

Richard cleared his throat and pulled out a manila folder. He scrawled the name 'Carl Reed' on the top and quickly organized himself into psychologist mode. He adjusted his glasses and smiled. "I noticed that your picture is up in the front of the school."

Carl looked puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

"The trophy case of course!" Richard exclaimed enthusiastically. "Shermer High School Man of the Year 1969; that is a very prestigious award. Not only is the winner voted in by his peers, but by his faculty as well. Usually the nominees are decided by Ivy League scholarship winners."

Now Carl looked very suspicious. "What about it? Was it vandalized again? If it was I am so going into his locker again!" Carl looked as though he had murder in his eyes and a good idea of just who to look for.

Hashimoto waved him off. "It was not ruined, Carl. It just interests me is all."

He sat back down in his seat and his expression changed. "Why?"

"What school picked you up, Carl? For a scholarship, that is."

Carl blinked. "Brown."

Richard perked an impressed eyebrow. "And what did you major in?"

Carl frowned impatiently. "Philosophy."

Hashimoto smiled at him. "That doesn't surprise me." He scribbled a big question mark down on Carl's file and sniggered at it. "So what made you pursue a career as a custodian?"

Carl stood from his seat and grunted angrily, getting ready to get back to his work. Richard could tell he didn't want to talk; the first sign of denial. "Underlying anger usually turns into an explosion Carl." He clicked his clicky pen a few times and leaned back in his chair.

Carl glared at him. "I couldn't find a job in my field, you happy?"

Richard shook his head and watched as Carl turned towards the door. "No, I am not, silly! I think this is a classic of a self esteem issue. I would even go as far as saying borderline personality! We are having such a breakthrough!" In his excitement, he threw another pile of cue cards on the floor – much to Carl's chagrin.

"Borderline what!?" He screamed, instantly flying back to Richard's desk. Richard held his hands up over his head in defense, as Carl breathed down his neck.

"Borderline personality! Emotional dysregulation…you can't see anything else but black and white!" When Carl backed up and sat down in his seat, Richard dropped his hands and watched Carl suspiciously.

"That is absurd! I told you I was a philosopher! That means you think of all different sorts of ways to look at things…"

"Yet you couldn't even find a job! You believed that there was no need and you weren't good enough so you settled for something as lowly as a janitor!" He waved his arms wildly for emphasis.

Carl crossed his arms and snorted. "That's absurd!"

Richard smiled crazily. "Your wife divorced you, and she took your kids!"

Carl glared. "That's enough!"

"Do you have a good relationship with them?" When Carl said nothing he continued, "You have unstable relationships and you spend all your time at a low end job with no one. You have no sense of self worth or social activity!"

Carl opened his mouth to speak, but could form no words. He finally stopped fighting and tried to listen to what Richard Hashimoto had to say. Richard smiled at him and drew a happy face beside the question mark.

"Do you see this picture? Hmm? Do you see it very well?" Richard placed a finger on his chin as he spoke. He smiled widely. "This is you! You are confused, hallucinating, and you don't even know who you are anymore! You are supposed to be a major philosopher yet you think you're a janitor!"

"Wait a second, Rich, I am NOT hallucinating…" Carl argued.

"Oh but you are!" Richard waved his index finger in the air for emphasis. "You have built this vision in your head that you are this great and almighty force…in a high school. You have no idea where you are really supposed to be! For all we know you could be thinking to yourself that you are a child molester, and that is why you are really here!"

Carl held up a hand. "Are you fucking serious? That can't be…"

Hashimoto nodded. "Oh yes, it can be! When you lose yourself that much you can end up doing just about anything and not really know why. It's a type of behavior that is quite common; being sexually promiscuous and destructive. I think there is more to you being in a school than you let on, Mr. Reed."

"You think I like kids? That I don't know the difference between left and right, and that I may be lost?" Carl looked exasperated.

"Precisely!" Hashimoto cheered. "Trust me; I am so on a roll! Four for four!" He grinned crazily and began to click his super-special-Shermer-High-Wolves-clicky-pen.

Carl looked stunned, and inwardly Richard was cheering. He had finally gotten through to the overly sarcastic custodian. Carl rubbed a hand over his balding head and sighed. "What else do you suppose is wrong with me?"

Richard sighed dramatically. "I think you're a peeping Tom."

Carl's eyes bulged out of his head. "What the fuck?"

Richard chuckled and grabbed his belly as he did so. "I do, Carl, I really do. And I am always right by the way!" He pumped a fist into the air and sat again. "I am under the understanding that you peek through things that don't belong to you? Am I right? Am I? Tell me because I want to hear it!"

Carl grunted. "Yeah I look through those punk asses' lockers. I take their notes too. Sometimes I find some good records or even some magazines…"

"What about pictures Carl? Do you ever find some pictures that you just can't resist taking?" Hashimoto was doodling again.

Carl gave Richard a macho grin. "Of course I do. I have found all sorts of different porno mags and pictures that female students have in their lockers. What kind of high school would it be if I didn't?" He shrugged his shoulders as if it were the most obvious thing in the whole world.

Oh no. Not to Mr. Hashimoto it wasn't.

"You take them, don't you?! You take those pictures and you keep them in a safe spot so that no one will ever know! I will bet that there are probably a lot of inappropriate things that you steal, Carl!"

Carl looked a bit sheepish. "Well sometimes, but…"

"I bet there are even personal clothing items that you find interesting…maybe like girl's panties?" Richard put on his accusing face. All he wanted was for his patient to admit his problems.

"Well I've seen them in the school before, but…" Carl was cut off again.

"Well I think that's all for today, Mr. Reed. I have certainly figured out what your deal is." Richard drew a swirly on the file and a picture of underwear. "You are definitely a hallucinating, borderline personality, panty sniffing, peeping Tom. There is no other explanation. I just can't be wrong. You can. Not me, only everyone else."

Carl paled a bit and then stood from his seat. He dusted his pants and put his work gloves back on. "Um…thanks?"

"Not a problem, Carl, anytime you want to talk…" He put his hand up in a phone-like gesture. "You just give me a call, okay?"

Carl spun on his heel and quickly walked out of the room. Richard smiled happily and spun on his super-fun-big-green-leather-chair-that-twirled.

Except Carl forgot to clean up his little mess.

Richard sighed and then pointed a finger up in the air. A large smile spread across his face. "Oh well, I guess it's time for a ten second clean up! One, two, three, go!" He ran from his chair and began to time himself out loud.

Everyone could use a good exercise anyways!

TBC

A/N: Sorry if you hated that, but I love Carl. Once again any mental illness was exaggerated and should not be taken personally. This story is only for fun and twisted pleasure. Please review.