AN: Sorry about the delay again, but I've rewritten this chapter a couple of times now, the other versions just didn't sit right with me, but this one seems to have written itself so that's a good sign to me that it's the right one. Let me know what you think:o)

Oh yeah and thanks to all of you that have submitted a review, you don't know how much they mean to me :oD

He reached over and gently smoothed her hair back.

And felt his heart breaking again.

He knew that it would be hard when she remembered what happened, but he had hoped that it wouldn't be so bad. But from what Don, Munch and Fin had told him and then her doctors he was scared for her.

For all of them.

If this proved to be to much for her to cope with, then he didn't know what he and his kids were going to do. They couldn't handle another loose like that so soon.

He didn't know when she had crawled in under his walls and made herself at home in his heart, but know that he knew that she was there, and just how much she meant to him, he wasn't about to let her go without the fight of his life.

Olivia stirred in her sleep and moved into his gentle touch, seeking the warmth and the safety he provided to her without even trying.

He'd been in a couple of times during the day to see how she was doing, but she had been asleep each time so he hadn't been able to talk to her, but when he had arrived her doctors had asked to see him. They knew that Don had had to tell her what had happened to her, and they were worried about the way that she was handling this new information. She had shut just about everyone down who had gone in to help her, be it with her physio to the orderlies who delivered her food, though she had spoken to Munch and Fin even they had noticed a difference in her. Her doctors were worried that if she kept this up for much longer then she would be putting herself at risk. Her body was so weakened by what had happened it wouldn't take much to set her recovery back weeks.

He felt a tear slip down his cheek as he watched her sleep, her doctor had told him that he had had to sedate her not to long ago and she would probably sleep through the rest of the night. Apparently one of the nurses had tried a little to hard to get Olivia to do some of her exercises and then to eat that Olivia had become agitated, again risking her recovery. The nurse had since been sent to another ward for the remainder of the night. She was young and eager and had thought that she was doing the right thing.

Elliot chuckled softly as he remembered running into the young woman on his way in, he had only just finished talking to the doctor when she shyly approached looking like someone had just killed her puppy. He had reassured her that she hadn't done anything to wrong, and that Olivia could be rather difficult to deal with at times, even on a good day.

And today had apparently not been a good day.

He reached out and gathered up her hand and continued to stroke her hair with his other. She was laying on her side, the side where there was less damage, in one of the few positions that she could lay in without to much pain.

He hated seeing what Cathy had done to her, and he felt his anger at his ex-wife and himself well up in him again.

He should have seen the warning signs that something was wrong.

He should have been able to stop this from happening to Olivia.

He should have been able to stop her from having to suffer from this pain.

But he hadn't seen the signs and he hadn't stopped Cathy and now all he could do was wait, and hold her hand, and try and hold his family together.

His family.

God he was lucky to have his family.

He had been blessed with four fantastic kids, who had proved to him every minute of every day of the past 4 weeks just how wonderful they truly were. They had been amazing, helping each other with their grief, then the move, and the waiting. The only arguments he'd heard from any of them lately had been about who would get to visit Olivia and when.

Then there was Cathy's parents and her brother and sister and their own families. He'd been a little worried about how they would handle this. But he shouldn't have been, and after talking to her parents at the funeral he'd understood that they to felt responsible for what had happened to Olivia. That they to felt to blame for not seeing the warning signs that their daughter and sister had needed their help.

His parents, and brothers and sisters had been unbelievable with their unwavering help with everything from bringing food and stuff to the hospital, to playing taxi to those who wanted to visit, to banding together with Cathy's family in helping him keep his family together, and when he said family he wasn't just talking about his kids.

His families had all banded together with the sole purpose of helping each other through this, and making sure that Olivia would pull through as well. And now their strength was going to be tested, because Olivia needed them all now more than ever. She'd never had a proper family before, didn't know the close bonds that families formed to help each other in times of need. She'd only seen it from the outside while growing up, but since she'd joined SVU she'd slowly begun to realise what family should be.

And now she'd go from being an only child of an abusive alcoholic to having five parental figures worrying over her, along with all the other family members that came with that, and then there was Elliot, and his kids.

God he loved her.

Hadn't really realised just how much until recently, when he'd almost lost her.

And now he was faced with loosing her again.

Olivia started to stir in her sleep again, only this time he could tell that it was the start of a nightmare.

He leaned closer to her and kissed her forehead before whispering to her, soothing her.

"Shh baby, it's ok, your safe Liv." He continued to smooth her hair back and gently rub her hand. "No one is going to hurt you baby. It's ok, I'm not going to let anyone else hurt you."

After a few moments she settled down again, back into a deep and restful sleep that she so desperately needed.

He never forgot the first time he'd seen her having a nightmare, it had been early on in their partnership and it had been their turn to catch twenty minutes in the crib. He'd been lightly dozing, dreaming about his kids when he heard her start thrashing around. When he'd heard her call out he'd been instantly awake and by her side in a second. It had taken him a few minutes to wake her from that nightmare, but once he did she had shared a little about her past, and he'd learned about some of the demons that constantly haunt her.

He'd been unprepared for some of the things that he learned that night, but it had been the start of a very strong partnership, which had continued to grow over the past few years.

One night when she'd slept at his place after a hard case, she'd had a nightmare which had woken not only him but Kathleen as well. The nightmare had been a bad one, and Olivia hadn't woken up fully. After the worst of the nightmare had passed and he had noticed that Kathleen was standing there watching he had tried to hustle her back to bed, only to be told by Kathleen that she was going to sleep with her Livia, cause she needed someone to watch over her while she slept.

His heart had melted that night as he stood in the doorway watching Kathleen climb into bed and hug Olivia, protecting her from the bad dreams, and then promptly fell asleep herself.

Olivia had been a little surprised to find Kathleen cuddling her the next morning, and when she had asked Elliot what had happened he'd just shrugged and said that she sometimes did that.

It hadn't been a total lie, Kathleen would often climb into bed with him and Cathy when she'd had a bad dream, never bothering to wake either of them, just quietly climbing into bed and seeking the comfort of her parents. She hadn't thought twice about offering that same comfort to someone she loved who she thought needed it.

He found himself drifting off to sleep thinking about all the times they had all spent together.

"Love you Liv…" he whispered before sleep finally claimed him.

Olivia slowly woke up, her head felt a little fuzzy, and someone was holding her hand.

She opened her eyes a little and saw Elliot asleep with his head on the side of her bed.

God he looks cute.

She looked around the room.

There was something that she needed to remember.

Something important.

Something that she felt wasn't right.

Then it hit her.

Again.

Cathy was dead.

And it was because of her.

She looked down at Elliot again and felt her stomach roll, and her heart clench. He must hate her so much. She was the reason that his wife was dead. Her. How could he bare to be in the same room as her, how could he bare to touch her no less hold her hand so gently? His family had been ripped apart because of her, and yet he was here, sleeping at her bedside holding her hand.

Why?

She slid her hand from his and turned away from him as the emotions over took her again. God she hated this, it would be so much better if she'd never been born.

She heard him wake up and stretch, but she couldn't look at him. Now that she knew what happened, and he knew she knew, it was too much. He'd have no reason to hide his true feelings now. The hate he must be feeling. And she couldn't bare to see the hate in his eyes directed at her. She loved him to much to be able to handle seeing that from him. She'd rather be dead any day than have to face that.

"Liv?"

She wouldn't face him, couldn't.

Couldn't hold back the sobs that racked her body at the sound of his voice, so full of concern.

"Liv, look at me."

She felt his had on her shoulder.

"Do you want me to get a doctor? Are you in pain?"

Still she couldn't look at him.

Elliot felt the panic start to rise in him. He'd known when she woke up, and then when she took her hand away he'd decided it was time for him to wake. But now she wouldn't talk to him, wouldn't look at him, and she seemed to be crying. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to hold her, hug her, let her cry on his shoulder, but at the same time he was scared that if he did he'd only hurt her.

"Please baby, look at me, tell me what you need?" He moved around to the other side of the bed, not being able to see her face was almost killing him. He crouched down beside her bed and reached out tentatively to her. "Come on, talk to me Liv, please. You're scaring me."

She shook her head.

How could be scared for her? How could he even care about what happened to her, after what had happened. The feel of his hand on her shoulder broke her, she could never deny him anything he requested.

"W-why?" She sobbed.

Elliot looked at her for a moment, his heart breaking for the hundredth time as he saw the pain in her eyes, not just physical pain, but emotional.

"Why what baby?"

She reached up and brushed away some of the tears that washed her face. There was no hate in his eyes, only concern, and what was that?

Love?

No, it couldn't be, his wife was dead because of her, no one could love her, her mother had taught her that lesson when she was still little.

"H-how can you not hate m-m-me.?"

He looked at her confused for a moment, trying to figure out where her mind had taken her, then it clicked into place for him. She was blaming herself for what had happened. God. She'd been the victim in this whole thing, and she was blaming herself!

He couldn't stop himself, he gathered her up gently into a hug, holding her close and revelling in the fact that she was still alive, that he could still hold her.

"I could never hate you Liv, you're not to blame for any of what happened." He whispered into her ear, then gently kissed her hair. "This is not your fault, Cathy was sick and you were the one to pay for that sickness."

Olivia shook her head.

"It's not your fault baby, no one blames you."

She wanted to believe him, wanted to trust the warmth in his voice. Him holding her like this felt so right, but that didn't change what happened. She tried to pull away but she felt his arms tighten around her.

"Shhhh, it's not your fault Liv." He buried his face in her hair as he spoke to her, praying that she would believe him, trust him enough to let him help her. "No one blames you, we're all worried about you. We need you Liv."

She shook her head again, trying to deny what he was saying, but he wasn't letting her go, wasn't letting her retreat, to hide.

He felt her protests getting weaker.

"We need you Liv, we all love you." He gently rubbed her back as he felt her starting to relax into his arms, "I love you, please don't shut us out, don't shut me out. I can't loose you."