"Homecoming"
-
Part 1: The death of St. Jimmy
My heart is beating from me
I am standing all alone

Please call me only if you are coming home
-

I had a feeling you would read this. I told you only to look here if you were leaving, so this had better be good. It will be a big step for you to get out of this town, but if you do, I'll be waiting for you. You will be able to find me, don't worry, because I will find you. I do not break my promises. But, please Dib, only come and find me if you are going home.

Zim

-

Waste another year flies by
Waste a night or two
You taught me how to live

-

Should I? He mused, looking the letter over. He did owe Zim a lot. And how could Zim know if he even went to find this note? Zim was just waiting, not even sure if Dib was even going to think about it. Or he was so sure that he was going to leave, because he had to always be right, that he told him where it was just so he could buy some time to find him. But if he was going to find him, how was he going to do that? Did he know which direction Dib was going to leave in? Or was he taking it for granted, like he used to do often?

And what about himself? Should he leave? Dib wondered why he was even unsure on the subject. Sure, he would waste another year here, doing nothing, or he could try to fix the mess he made out of his life. That would only take a night or two here to gather things and tie up loose ends. Zim had reminded, no, he had completely forgot, so Zim had taught him again what he needed to do, what he needed to leave behind.

The people he needed to head to.

All of the past reasoning flew out of his head as Dib seriously contemplated suicide.

-
In the streets of shame
Where you've lost your dreams in the rain
There's no signs of hope
The stems and seeds of the last of the dope
-

"I can't face that again," Dib said softly and the soft rain drowned it out. The rain also drowned the hope that Zim was watching him. It must have been a lie, he could not be waiting for him here, or anywhere. He frantically tried to remember, but it was not coming. He could not go back like that. She had a name and he had to remember it. But as he continued walking down the street. Nothing came to him. The past dream of going back died. He could not go back.

Out of habit, his fingers searched through his pockets, right before he swore. He was not going back to those bad habits, he was not going to go through the hell of waiting for his fixes, he could do just as well without it. He no longer felt sad, he felt frustrated with himself, as if the final truth was setting in. There was no hope for him, by the age of seventeen he had managed to ruin his life to the point of no return. Still, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, the smoke being drowned by the rain.

-

There's a glow of light
The St. Jimmy is the spark in the night
Bearing gifts and trust
The fixture in the city of lust
-

He stepped back into the somewhat familiar streets, the street lights barely shedding any light on the black filth that surrounded him on the street. In the distance, he saw the Hotel. He wanted to believe that he had saved the people there, but were the people he killed worth that? He was not sure what he had been thinking back then, but it had seemed well enough at the time.

Thinking it over as he walked away from it and towards the bridge, he had saved them. As long as that was what they thought, that was what was true. He had given them something to cling to in the city of the Dead, the gift of hope, the thing that they had needed the most. The last he remembered hearing from Gretchen about the Hotel was that his gifts had let them be able to save many more people, he could remember the exact number.

He cursed again. He remembered why Gretchen had not come back. He had told her not to. Overall, it was the best thing for her to do, keep her as far away from him as possible, but it still had hurt her badly. And the social animal in him wished that he had not done it as well, leaving him with no one to talk to in his last days. For he was absolutely certain that he was not going to allowed anymore then a few more.

He stopped as he saw someone on the bridge. What made him pause was not that fact that someone was there, it was the fact that the person looked like him. He blinked as he then recalled the name of the person who looked like him.

Zeph.

-

What the hell's your name?
What's your pleasure and what's your pain?
Do you dream too much?
Do you think what you need is a crutch?
-

Dib.

"Zeph, nice to see you again," he said. Zeph nearly fell of the bridge, grabbing on the railing and turning to face him.

"Who is it?" he asked, nervously.

Dib noticed the desperation in Zeph's eyes. He was just as far gone as he was. "Well, you used to know me as Jimmy, but my real name is Dib."

Zeph's face turned into one of shock. "Jimmy?"

Dib walked up next to Zeph and leaned against the railing. "Nice to see you too Zeph.

My pleasure is, was, being needed. My pain is being ignored.

Zeph calmed down. "What brings you back here?"

Dib shrugged. "I needed to think."

"About what?" Zeph frowned, looking at the water. "This isn't the best place to go and think about things you know."

"It is for me," Dib replied.

No, I need those dreams. What else do I have to hold on to?

"You seem to be not doing well," he said to the other. Zeph looked at him for a bit before letting out a small laugh.

"If you must know," he pulled a gun out of his pocket, "I came here to kill myself, but have lost the nerve to do it."

"Why?" Dib rose an eyebrow.

"It just doesn't seem worth it, all this pain," he shook his head, his black scythe covering his left lens. "I have so many health problems, and nothing seems to help. I hate it."

"So..." Dib looked the gun over. "You're just going to kill yourself?"

"I would," Zeph assured him. "If I wasn't so afraid of pain. I'm scared that the pain might keep me alive. It was why I was going to take this way out."

Is it?

-

In the crowd of pain

St. Jimmy comes without any shame
He says "we're fucked up"
But we're not the same
And mom and dad are the ones you can blame
-

"Right," Dib threw his cigarette off the bridge.

"You going to stop me?" Zeph looked at him suspiciously.

"No, it's your decision," Dib turned back to face him. "If you want to end it that badly, I can't think of anything that will make you reconsider, well, anything in words."

"Good," Zeph breathed, seeming to prepare himself for his actions. He stopped and pushed his glasses back up to look at Dib. "What are you really doing here?"

Dib gathered his hair straight up above his head. He pulled out his pocket knife and cut his hair, leaving the majority of it on the ground. He looked up at Zeph.

"We look the same now," he smirked, as Zeph looked shocked. "We're both fucked up, but we are definitely not the same. I'm having second thoughts about the wonderful offers of death."

"You're... going to commit suicide?" he sounded lost.

"So are you," Dib said. "But I am just so confused, it doesn't seem worth it... at least, not for a little bit, I want to think something over for a bit."

-
Jimmy died today
He blew his brains out into the bay
In the state of mind

It's my own private suicide
-

Zeph stayed quiet for a while, then laughed softly again.

"Sorry," he said when Dib looked at him. "It's just that you... you seemed so strong to me, able to handle the world. To hear you have the same problem as I do... makes one think. We could be more alike then you think."

Dib knew better then that. If Zeph gave himself a chance, he would have a chance in this world. But since he was not, he was doomed to his fate. Not that Dib believed in fate.

"Would you mind if I borrowed this?" Dib asked, taking the gun from Zeph's hands.

"W-" Zeph paused, his eyes widening as Dib checked that there was one bullet. Dib put the gun up against his black hair and pulled the trigger.

Sorry... whoever you are.

-
Part 2: East 12th St.
Well nobody cares
Well nobody cares
Does anyone care if nobody cares?
-

He'll have to substitute that equation for x2 and then put that in the computer for the results. While that is going on she will have to carefully monitor the chemical system in-

"Sir, should I let her in?"

Membrane glared as his concentration was broken. "I don't care."

-
Jesus filling out paperwork now
At the facility on east 12th st.
He's not listening to a word now
He's in his own world
And he's daydreaming
-

His newest second assistant left him alone, probably going to tell her to go in if she wanted to. Membrane went back to his reports. With his damaged hands, the only thing that he could do with them anymore was type down his instructions for the scientists to do in the lab. His hands were not steady enough to trust around the chemicals or machinery, something that tore at his heart each day that passed.

He remembered when he was able to benefit the world with his inventions. It was all that he ever wanted to do, play with the scientific method. It just so happened that he thought of the unknown and could help people with his inventions. Even if it hadn't, he would still only want his science, helping mankind became a bonus for him. Now he could not even just play with his science experiments. In his new lab, he just gave suggestions for others to be able to do in the actual labs. It almost made him loathe his equations. People constantly came to pester him, and all he wanted to do was write down the equations, because he would never be able to do anything else. So, he ignored them. After a while, they would go away.

-
He'd rather be doing something else now,
Like cigarettes and coffee with the underbelly,
His life's on the line with anxiety now,
And she had enough,
And he had plenty
-

"Dad, I hear you're in a bad mood," she came in. Membrane sighed, he should always tell these secretaries to not say that to her. Now he would have to explain himself to his daughter, and that was becoming harder and harder to do.

"You're back," he said, pressing a shaking hand on one of the buttons to save his process before he turned to her. "Are you staying this time?"

She stayed quiet, her medievally clothed form still in thought. "You did not answer my question."

"Now, now, daughter," he gave her a smile. "If you heard that from Sinnej, you know that it has to be true."

"So you're not going to like what I'm going to say," she stated plainly.

Membrane's heart sank. "Is it about Dib?"

She shook her head. "No, it's not. Zim has not come back. There's been a large rainstorm in the south, so he's either in hiding, or he's not coming back."

He patted his knee as she came over and sat on his lap, resting her head against his shoulder. "I'm sure he's fine. He will bring him back. It's just a delay by the rain, as you said, little angel."

"I've had enough of this," she whispered hoarsely. "Why the hell wouldn't he come back?"

-
Somebody get me out of here
Anybody get me out of here
Somebody get me out of here
Get me the fuck right out of here
-

"He will, Zim will bring him back," he soothed her as she regained her composure.

"I'm staying," she said finally. "Zim might come soon. He might come with him."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I know that you don't like it here."

"I'm sure," she nodded, averting her eyes. "I know you don't like it here either Dad."

-
So far away
I don't want to stay
Get me out of here right now
I just wanna be free
Is there a possibility?
Get me out of here right now
This life like dream ain't for me
-

Was it that obvious? Membrane wondered as he watched his youngest child fall asleep on the window sill, the television on quietly, but still flashing it's program. He had tried to make it seem as if this had made him content, but she was not fooled. He did not know why he wasn't, this was obviously the closest he could get to his dream anymore. As far away as it was, there was nothing he could do about it, though he spent many hours pouring over theories for hand surgeries that might be able to help him. None of them seemed to be able to fix what they considered fixed to the best of their abilities.

Everything that was happening seemed so real, but he had started to wonder whether he was imagining all of this. It was to real, too harsh of a reality for him. He had started there and had dug himself out of it, so why was he back where he started? This time, there was not a path forward for him. But he could always clear the paths forward for his children.

-
Part 3: Nobody likes you!
I fell asleep while watching spike TV
After 10 cups of coffee
And you're still not here
-

Zim blinked his eyes, only then realizing that he was not awake. That confused him, what had just occurred to his body. Sleep was not something that happened to Irkens, but Zim had watched Gir do it enough to finally realize what had happened to him. It reminded him of the Irken shut down, but it was different. You could still think that you were awake. He reached across him for his coffee, only to realize that it was cold. Scowling, he brought out a laser and aimed it in the cup, making instant hot coffee. Coffee and waffles was his main diet, but coffee did not remind him of Gir, so he had that more often. He tried to remember what he had actually been doing before the sleep had claimed him.

Was Dib coming? He isn't here.

-

Dreaming of a song
But something went wrong
But I can't tell anyone
'Cause no one's here
-

To pass the time, Zim tried to remember his dream, only to fail miserably. He could only recall snatches of it, which confused him greatly. Why couldn't he think of it? He could recall most everything else that had happened in the past ten years, but not something that had just happened? He wished that he could ask someone, like Membrane who actually answered his questions when he asked them, unlike her who used to laugh at him and make some smart remark. But he had found this trail cabin that no one occupied to wait at. To reach Membrane's northern recluse, Dib would have to come this way.

-

Left me here alone
And I should have stayed home
After 10 cups of coffee I'm thinking
(where'd you go?)
-

But he hadn't. The rain continued as Zim stayed put, living only on the supply of coffee that he had brought. He waited and waited. Maybe he was giving the Dib too much credit, maybe he was not going to come. But Zim was pretty sure that he would. Dib was finally coming out of the darkness that he had buried himself in and was beginning to think again. He would come soon.

Zim lifted his cup up again to realize that he had finished it already. Grumbling to himself, he went to make his tenth pot of coffee. While the rain just continued to pour, there was nothing else to do.

-

Nobody likes you, everyone left you
(where'd you go?)
They're all out without you havin' fun
(where'd you go?)

Everyone left you, nobody likes you
(where'd you go?)
They're all out without you havin' fun
(where'd you go..go..go..go..)
-

"Just like skool Dib," Zim said out loud, as if that would cause Dib to come in the door. "You never could do it right. You would just keep surrounding the problem, as if you confused it you might solve the problem. Well, that won't always work."

He stared at the black depths of his drink. He wondered why he had gone down to do this in the first place. He sure as hell did not owe her anything. She never did anything for him. As he pondered that, Zim found himself slipping back into the black oblivion of sleep.

-
Geeze...Ha..
-

He snapped awake, looking around to see where he was.

"He's not coming," Zim sighed, trying to figure out what he had done wrong.

-
Part 4: Rock and roll girlfriend
I got a rock and roll band
I got a rock and roll life
I got a rock and roll girlfriend
And another ex-wife
I got a rock and roll house
I got a rock and roll car
I play the shit out the drums
And I can play the guitar
I got a kid in New York
I got a kid in the bay
I haven't drank or smoked nothin'
In over 22 days
So get off my case
Off of my case
Off of my case!
-

"What a horrible concept for a show," she muttered, changing the channel. "He drank and smoked his way to death. He'll shoot himself in the head."

-
Part 5: We're coming home again
Here they come marching down the street
Like a desperation murmur of a heart beat
Coming back from the edge of town
Underneath their feet

-

Why? She held his body, unable to find the power to stop her tears. She did not care that the blood stained her clothes and skin. When Jose said he had found him here, Gretchen had hoped that he had been mistaken. But there was no mistake.

Now, she just sat there, rocking the body back and forth. The others would be coming soon, a quiet mass to a funeral. There had been a few that had decided to take the "easy" way out, but this one was unexpected. He couldn't have been this hurt right in front of her, could he?

-
The time has come and it going nowhere
Nobody ever said that life was fair now
Go-carts and guns are treasures they will bear
In the summer heat

-

Damon stood behind her. He had followed her here against her wishes, though she hadn't found the time to tell him not to come. Audry was holding him back, so he could not see the blood very well, but it was not as if anyone could miss it. A head shot did not seem to ever stop bleeding. If Gretchen could think it through, she wouldn't have been able to near the splattered brains on the sidewalk. But she couldn't.

She gripped the cut hair on the ground between her fingers. She had changed nothing. She had promised herself to make a difference, but she had failed. All summer, spring, and winter she had to change his mind and she had failed.

It made her wonder what he would think about this.

-
The world is spinning
Around and around
Out of control again
From the 7-11 to the fear of breaking down
To send my love a letterbomb
And visit me in hell
We're the ones going
-

It was not the person in question who was watching, but from a distance there he was. The shock of seeing the blood was still on the top of his mind. He had not expected that to be the outcome of his going to the bridge. He had expected to die that day. But seeing his blood had started the world again. No longer did things appear to be standing still. Sure, things seemed to be twirling around a little fast, but that was just to catch up with the time when it was only floating in space. Everything that had come by he had screwed up, but now he understood. He was going to hell for it, for what he had done, for what he was going to do, but not yet.

-
Home
We're coming home again
Home
We're coming home again
-

He laughed. That had taught him. And now he knew where he was going. He was going home.

-
I started fuckin' running
As soon as my feet touched the ground
We're back in the Barrio
But to you and me, that's jingle town
-

He did not go down and tell them that they had made a mistake, he left that night. It was best that they thought that way. He went back west, where he knew he had to go. Whether someone found him or not, he did not care.

The buildings were familiar. Not much work had been done here, considering how all of the people who had lived here had fled. There was the occasional worker or two, the people who were fixing the southern part of town. The rubble had been cleared there and the buildings were mostly set up. But as he traveled north, more and more stone and dirt showed. No one had cleared out the worst part of the city yet. He did not care, he was nearly there.

-
Home
We're coming home again
Home
We're coming home again
Home
We're coming home again
Home
We're coming home again
-

He stopped in front of the house, the front door the only thing really standing of the front part of the house. Dib stepped through and looked at the remains of his house. No one was there. He had killed Zeph, left Gretchen, and the only place he knew for nothing.

She was not here.

-Nobody likes you
Everyone left you
They're all out without you havin' fun

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Okay, before anyone gets confused, when Dib puts the gun up against "his" black hair and uplls the trigger, his was referring to Zeph. Just for the people who did not understand. One more chapter left! I thank the many people who have read and reviewed, especially my latest ones, K-chan 16 and Dancing Feather.