004. Insides
Internalisation
Gregory House kept his thoughts to himself, he kept himself to himself, he kept his emotions, his feelings, everything that made him him to himself. He knew most people thought he was open and honest but they only saw what he allowed them to see. And all he would let them see was the mean and nasty Dr House. Because that was safer. That kept people away. People could only hurt him. The last time he'd willingly let someone close they'd allowed him to be mutilated. They'd gone against his wishes and they'd done it deliberately.
But that was willingly. It was only in the last few months that he'd realised that someone had gotten close to him and he'd never realised it. Okay, he'd never really tried to keep James Wilson out but he'd also never gone out of his way to let him in either. But somehow it had happened.
He hadn't realised it until he saw Wilson chatting and laughing with that nurse. He didn't know the nurse's name; he certainly couldn't recall seeing her before. Possibly she was new. Whichever it was Wilson was leaning in and flirting with her for all he was worth. Now House had no reason to complain about that; Julie had left him three weeks ago and the divorce was proceeding rapidly. Wilson certainly had the right to flirt with whomever he liked.
But what had him frozen to the spot, staring at his best friend and the anonymous nurse was the unreasoning and entirely unexpected jealously that was surging through him. All he could think was How dare she? He's mine! And he had no idea where that thought was coming from. And no idea what to do with it now that it was here.
As he stood frozen and riddled with invidious covetousness, Wilson seemed to sense he was there. He looked over at House and his expression, which had been flirtatious and amused, changed suddenly. The flirtatious quality faded and Wilson's whole face warmed and the amused smile became one of fond curiosity. As House continued to watch, Wilson said something to the nurse. Her face fell and she gave Wilson a small, wry smile before patting his arm and walking off. Wilson didn't watch her go; instead he walked over and grinned at House.
"Hey, House. Is it time to go? You promised beer and pizza."
House stared for a moment then gathered himself, burying the jealously, burying the vague, possibly important thoughts he'd had about that jealously, burying everything.
"Yeah," he said quietly. "Yeah. Let's go."