Jay watched out of the corner of his eye as Alex shifted uncomfortably in her seat. The pain pill was starting to wear off and her bruised ribs were making it hard for her to sit in one position for too long. The car was relatively quiet and had been for a while.
"Are we almost there?" Alex asked, finally settling on a position that eased the pain slightly.
Jay nodded, taking his eyes off the road long enough to look at his ex and ask, "You okay?"
She scoffed, turning her head to look out the window so he couldn't see the pain flashing through her brown eyes. They'd been through the same song and dance before, too many times to count. This time there was one thing different. This time they weren't together.
Jay bit his tongue and sat back trying to find a position where Manny's knees weren't pressing into his back. She'd fallen asleep about an hour ago and was still snoring softly. Her legs bent up against the back of his seat leaving him with one hell of a kink.
He looked up in the rearview mirror; Emma was literally on the edge of her seat. She'd been getting more and more restless the closer they got to Wasaga. Her eyes were glued to the window as she nervously tucked a stand of hair behind her ear and silently counted down the exits, 362, 361, 360…
Jay veered the car on to the exit ramp and weaved through the vaguely familiar streets that would lead him to Sean's house. Emma gently shook Manny to wake her up and Alex, once again, shifted uncomfortably in her seat. A few minutes later, Jay was stopping the car in front of Sean's trailer.
"Sean lives here?" Manny asked, her voice laced with shock and disgust.
Alex and Jay exchanged an annoyed look as they climbed out of the car and flipped the seats up to let the other two girls out. Jay led the way up the steps to the door.
"Anyone home?" He asked, not bothering to knock as he pulled the door open and stepped into the dimly lit living room.
"It's about time you got here!" Sean said, shaking his friends hand before pulling him in to a brotherly hug.
"You try driving two hours with a car full of chicks." Jay replied, stepping further into the tiny room.
"Bathroom?" Alex asked, cutting off the boy's laughter and sliding her sunglasses up on top of her head.
Sean pointed to the hallway off to the side and added, "Last door on the left."
They all watched quietly as Alex headed down the hallway. Once she'd disappeared into the bathroom, Sean turned towards Jay with a questioning look. Jay simply shrugged his shoulders before following Alex's footsteps down the hallway.
Sean turned back to Emma and Manny, "Glad you guys could come. I wasn't really sure your parents would let you."
00
Jay tapped on the bathroom door but didn't wait for one of Alex's sarcastic comments before pushing the door open and walking in. She glared up at him as she cupped a handful of water and swallowed the pill she'd already popped into her mouth.
"How bad is it?" Jay asked, shutting the door behind him.
Alex lifted up the side of her shirt, revealing the black, blue, and yellow bruise across her rib cage. Jay let out a low whistle and took a step closer, but Alex quickly pulled her shirt back down and backed away.
"Lexie," Jay sighed as he pulled himself up onto the counter and looked down at his feet.
"I'm fine," she shot back as she crossed her arms defiantly and leaned back against the wall.
"You're not fine," Jay said, looking back up at her. He pointed to the bruise and added, "That's not fine."
Alex rolled her eyes, "It's nothing I haven't dealt with before."
"You're mom's boyfriend?" Jay asked, already knowing the answer.
Alex nodded, "The latest in the revolving line of losers." She gave Jay a pointed look before adding, "They lie, they cheat, they steal... I guess that's something my mom and I have in common."
"That's not funny, Alex." Jay replied defensively, clenching his jaw against the flash of anger and regret that shot through him.
"It wasn't supposed to be." she replied.
"I said I'm sorry, okay? What more do you want from me?" Jay asked, his voice rising in anger. "It's not like things were all that great between us anyway."
"That's my fault, right? I mean, god forbid Alex get a life that doesn't revolve around her boyfriend." She shot back.
Jay was silent. There wasn't anything to say. He'd screwed up. It was his fault and his fault alone. Normally he'd push the blame on someone else but this time there was no one else to blame.
"I'm sorry," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He looked her straight in the eyes and with a deep breath repeated, "I'm sorry."
"So am I," she said, stepping in front of him and reaching for the door.
Jay reached out and gently grabbed her arm, "Alex."
"Don't, Jay." she said before opening the door and walking out of the small bathroom.
00
"Come on in," Sean said stepping back and motioning for the girls to move out of the doorway.
Manny and Emma made their way into the living room, sitting down next to each other on the worn out, old couch. Emma tried to get her nerves under control. She was afraid this whole thing would turn out to be a dream, that any eye contact with Sean would find her staring up at the basement ceiling, in her bed at home, alone.
"So, Sean," Manny said breaking the awkward silence that had fallen over the group. "What have you been up to?"
"Not a whole lot. School, work, the occasional bonfire, that's about it." Sean replied, his eyes still watching Emma as she fidgeted on the sofa. "What about you guys? Anything interesting going on back in Toronto?"
"Interesting? Not so much." Emma replied, her voice low and unsure of itself. Sean couldn't help but think that this wasn't the Emma he remembered.
Sean opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by loud voices drifting into the living room from down the hallway. He was used to Jay and Alex's little spats. He knew it wouldn't last long and before the night was over they'd be holed up in some dark corner or room half naked and in heavy make out mode. He looked back over at Emma and Manny, the look on both of their faces telling him maybe more had changed then he was aware of.
"Someone want to tell me what's going on?" He asked. But before anyone could respond, Alex appeared in the room.
"What?" she asked when all eyes turned towards her. But she didn't wait around for an answer. Just as quickly as she'd appeared she disappeared out the front door, letting it slam shut behind her.
"They broke up," Manny said, cutting through the silence. "A couple months ago."
Sean was shocked. Sure, they fought, they argued, they yelled and screamed, but that's what they did and after they'd always kiss and make up. He'd only been gone for a few months. How could everything and everyone change so much? Sean looked up at Manny and asked, "Why?"
She shrugged but he could tell she knew the reason. He turned his attention to Emma who looked so small, so fragile, and so ready to break at any second. If Emma and Jay's lives had gotten so screwed up, what was happening to everyone else he cared about?
Jay walked into the room trying to hide the complete exhaustion he was feeling. Emotion was not his friend. He forced a smirk before asking, "What'd I miss?"
"Just a bunch of small talk." Sean replied. "I don't know about you guys but I'm getting hungry. Should we order pizza or something?"
"Pizza sounds good," Manny replied with a smile.
Jay shrugged, "Whatever. I'm going to get the bags from the car."
"I'm going to use the bathroom." Manny said as she stood up. She could feel Emma's pleading eyes on her back as she made her way out of the room. Sink or swim, Manny thought, Emma had to face Sean on her own.
"Still strictly cheese?" Sean asked as he reached for the phone.
Emma nodded with a smile. He still remembered the way she ordered her pizza. It was comforting in a way that very little had been lately. She waited for him to hang up before finally looking him in the eyes and saying, "I've missed you, Sean. A lot."
00
Jay lifted each suitcase out of the trunk, sitting them down on the ground by his feet. He felt the on set of a slight headache at the base of his neck but tried to ignore it. So far awkward didn't even begin to describe this little getaway. He was concerned about Alex, worried that Emma would spill the beans to Sean, and annoyed with Manny in general. He lifted the cardboard tab on the case of beer and pulled one of the cans out. He popped the top and tilted the can to his lips, letting the warm liquid run down the back of his throat. He hated the burn of warm beer and the way it didn't quite settle on his empty stomach, but if he was going to get through this first night he was going to need some kind of buzz and he was fresh out of the good stuff.
He sat down on the edge of the trunk and took another long drink. He closed his eyes savoring the peace and quiet. He ignored the nagging voice that told him he wasn't going to find any answers at the bottom of the can in his hand and that his drinking was making him more like his mother than he cared to admit. He knew he'd eventually have to face his problem unless it killed him first.
"Getting st faced isn't going to make Santos any less annoying," Alex said sarcastically, breaking into his thoughts. She sat down next to him, her arm slightly touching his.
"And those pain pills you're popping won't make the bruises go away," Jay replied reaching behind him and pulling out another can. He offered it to her but she declined.
Jay finished off the can he'd already started. Once it was empty he tossed it into the trunk and opened the new one. He could feel Alex watching him from the corner of her eye. She knew him better than anyone and he had to admit that scared the hell out of him. He started to take another drink when she reached over and took the can from his hand. He watched silently as she tilted the can and let the liquid run out and splash onto the ground.
"What the hell did you do that for?" he asked, but his voice sounded more weary than angry. He just didn't have the energy to fight with her at the moment.
"You know why," she replied, standing up and kicking at a rock by her foot.
She was right. He knew why. She'd been the only person by his side while his mother's drinking had ripped his family apart. It was her bedroom window he'd climb in through, her bedroom floor he'd crash on when his parents were yelling so loud the cops got called.
He snickered and with a sly smile teased, "Because deep down you're still madly in love with me."
Alex rolled her eyes. "You wish," She replied but Jay could sense that he wasn't too far from the truth.
I missed you too, Em." Sean replied as he reached out for her hand and pulled her close. He wrapped his arms around her, breathing in her familiar scent of dove soap and wild berry body spray.
It was the first time, Sean had admitted it to himself, his feelings for Emma had never really gone away. Sure, he cared about Ellie and a part of him had even loved her to some extent. But it was true what they said about the first love never really going away. There was a place somewhere inside of Sean that would never be able to let go of a certain blonde headed environmentalist no matter how far away from Toronto he ventured.
He pulled back slightly, looking her straight in the eye and despite all the sorrow and pain that clouded them over he could see a very familiar sparkle. Without even thinking he leaned in and kissed her and she kissed him back.
00
Manny paced the small bathroom, four steps from the shower to the door. She looked at her reflection in the grimy mirror as she tried her best not to touch anything. She was bored out of her mind. It took everything she had not to head back to the living room. Her nosy side wanted to know what was going on. There was no mistaking that Emma had missed Sean since the grade nine break up. There was no mistaking that Emma had been jealous as hell when Sean had started dating Ellie, even if she'd refused to admit it, and there was definitely no mistaking that Emma had been devastated when Sean had decided Wasaga Beach was the place he needed to be.
Manny knew how much her best friend needed this, needed to see Sean. She couldn't help but feel slightly jealous and despite her best efforts, an image of Craig floated through her mind. She sighed and shook it away. She refused to think of Craig, to miss him. She'd made up her mind that she was moving on and she wasn't going to let a little hint of jealousy mess up her plans.
Manny paced for a few more minutes, then with one last look in the mirror she opened the door and headed back out into the living room. She stopped in her tracks at the sight of Emma and Sean kissing. She couldn't control the smile spreading across her lips. She thought about retreating back down the hallway but instead she took another step into the living room and cleared her throat.
"Sorry," she muttered as Sean and Emma pulled a part and looked in her direction.
Emma's cheeks turned a light pink as she quickly took a step away from Sean. She laughed awkwardly in an attempt to break the silence, "Pizza should be here soon."
"Good, because I'm starving." Manny said as she slumped down on the couch.
"You're not the only one," Jay added as he stepped in through the front door, suitcases in both hands and duffle bags thrown across his shoulder.
"Here," Sean said, moving toward his friend and taking one of the suitcases from his hand.
"My knight in shining armor," Jay joked as he dropped the rest of the luggage on the floor beside him.
"Pizza's here," Alex added, stepping around Jay and into the living room. She walked over to the beat up recliner and plopped down, picking up a car magazine off the table beside it.