Sean handed Emma the pizza boxes then paid the delivery guy. He fought the urge to smack the pimply faced teen upside the head as the boy's green eyes scanned Emma from head to toe, lingering a little too long on the blonde's tee shirt pulled tight across her chest.
"She really is as flat as a board, huh?" Alex's words floated back to him. Sean's eyes traveled from the delivery boy to Emma. Somehow the statement didn't quite fit anymore. He shut the door as Emma disappeared into the kitchen with the pizza boxes.
"Plates?" She called out from the other room.
"Paper plates are in the cabinet beside the sink," Sean replied as he headed into the kitchen after her. Then as an after thought, he called back over his shoulder to the rest of the group, "I thought you guys were hungry? The food's not going to serve itself."
00
Alex walked into the kitchen, gently nudging Jay back and stepping in front of him. "Ever heard of ladies first?" she asked, taking the plate that Sean was offering.
"Ladies? I don't see any ladies." Jay teased.
Alex rolled her eyes before playfully elbowing him in the stomach. She picked a pepperoni off the pizza and popped it into her mouth before handing him the plate.
"What the hell?" he huffed, taking the plate from her hand.
Alex picked up one of the pop cans sitting beside her and handed it to Jay, "You don't like them anyway."
"Doesn't mean I want your grubby little fingers all over my pizza," he replied as he side-stepped Manny and headed for the doorway. "How am I supposed to know where your fingers have been?"
Alex laughed as she ignored the curious glances Manny, Emma, and Sean were shooting her way. She quickly grabbed another can of pop and another plate before following Jay back into the living room.
Alex sat down on the arm of the recliner where Jay had already made himself comfortable. She swung her legs around letting them tangle with his. They could both sense the awkwardness but chose to ignore it. She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he picked the pepperonis off both slices of pizza then reached over and placed them on her plate.
It had been their second date...or maybe it was the third...when the routine had started, a movie night at his house since his parents were out for the night. They'd ordered pizza, a large pepperoni and sausage with extra cheese.
"Why didn't you just get half without the pepperonis?" she had asked when he started to deface the pizza by picking off the best part.
He'd simply shrugged then asked her if she wanted them. Now, four years and a messy break up later they'd fallen right back into the same routine.
Alex finished off her first slice of pizza leaving only the crust, which she handed to Jay. He smirked up at her, his blue eyes shining from the same memory she'd just been reliving. Alex nudged him playfully with her shoulder before reaching for her pop can and taking a drink.
00
"What was that?" Manny asked, still watching the doorway where Alex and Jay had disappeared back into the living room.
"Looked like flirting to me." Emma replied with a faint smile.
Sean laughed a little. He'd seen it more than anyone. The way Jay and Alex were when they were away from the Degrassi crowd, the softer side of both of them. People just assumed they didn't care about anything other than themselves but the truth was that they cared about each other.
"So, what exactly happened anyway?" he asked, trying to wrap his head around the breakup. "I thought for sure those two were destined."
"Destined for jail maybe." Manny started, catching the warning look Emma shot her way. She ignored it as she continued, "Or America's Most Wanted. The short version. He cheated, she found out."
Sean let out a low whistle, sure Jay talked a big game but anyone who bothered to get to know him knew that's all it was, talk. He just found it hard to believe Jay would cheat on Alex.
"With who?" he asked.
He'd have had to be blind not to see the look that passed between Emma and Manny. A mixture of panic and pain of reassurance and trust, it caused the hair on the back of his neck to stand up.
Sean clenched his jaw and asked again, "With who?"
"Funny you should ask." Manny said with an uneasy chuckle. She noted the panic on her best friends face and felt a little hurt. Did Emma really think she would blast her little secret to Sean? "You remember Amy, don't you?"
"Are you serious?" Sean asked, relaxing slightly. "Amy and Jay?"
"Yep, scandalous, right? It was quite the spectacle." Manny explained.
Emma let out the breath she'd been holding, "Why don't we change the subject? This conversation is making me lose my appetite."
"Good idea." Sean agreed giving her a reassuring smile. He picked up his plate and a pop before nodding towards the door and asking, "Shall we?"
00
"Man you should have been there." Jay said a few hours later when they were all lounging around the living room. He'd just finished telling a story about a party he'd been to that got so out of hand that the cops were called and a fire was started. "It was a killer good time."
"Yeah, sounds like a load of fun." Emma replied sarcastically from her spot on the floor.
"Like you'd know anything about fun." Alex snorted.
Emma uncontrollably looked at Jay as red started creeping up her neck. She quickly looked away as he started to smirk. Fun? Not exactly what she'd call her little fling with Jay. Closure, comfort, curiosity, probably some other C words she couldn't think of at the moment, but fun was definitely not one of them.
"You were wasted?" Sean asked. "Please tell me you didn't drive yourself home."
"Honestly man, I have no idea how I got home." Jay replied with a snicker.
Alex rolled her eyes and looked down at her Vans. She knew exactly how he'd gotten home. Towerz had called, waking her up at two o'clock in the morning mumbling something about Jay…drunk…cops. She'd taken the last bus across town to pick his sorry ass up despite the fact he'd cheated on her, despite the fact they'd broken up. He'd hurled on her brand new Vans, the ones she'd only worn once, while she was trying to get him to hand over the keys. Needless to say she wasn't at all upset the next day when he didn't remember her part in his getting home.
Emma yawned, drawing everyone's attention away from the story. She looked over at her best friend who was curled up on the couch, snoring softly. Then she looked up at the clock on the VCR. It was well past midnight and she was exhausted. Maybe tonight she'd actually get some sleep. Maybe tonight she wouldn't have the nightmares.
"You guys must be exhausted." Sean said, his gaze on Emma. "Long drive and all."
"As long as I'm not sharing a bed with you I'll sleep like a rock." Jay teased.
Alex smirked, "Good. Then you can sleep in the car."
"Ha, ha." Jay replied sarcastically. "So Cameron, where do you want us?"
"Well before I knew about the break up I figured you guys would take my parents room and Emma and Manny could have mine. But now…." Sean trailed off, looking over at Manny.
"Good luck." Emma laughed. "Once she's out there's no waking her up."
"Its fine." Alex offered. "Jay can sleep on the floor."
Jay shot Alex an annoyed look, "Gee thanks."
Emma stood up and grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch laying it over Manny before following Sean and the others out of the living room.
00
Jay tossed the covers back on the king size bed in Sean's parent's room. He sat down on the edge and started to take his shoes off.
"What do you think you're doing?" Alex asked, shutting the door.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Jay shot back. He was beyond tired from the drive. His only thought was sleep.
"It looks like you forgot where you're sleeping." she replied, reaching across him and grabbing the pillow beside him. She tossed it on the floor beside the bed before walking around to the other side.
Jay let out an aggravated breath, "You're serious?"
"As a heart attack." Alex replied, leveling him with a dead serious glare.
Jay rolled his eyes and shook his head. He wasn't in the mood for an argument but the thought of sleeping on the floor wasn't all that appealing. He glanced down at the pillow then back at Alex.
"It's not like we've never slept in the same bed before. Afraid you won't be able to keep your hands off of me?" Jay snickered.
"Try afraid I'll kill you in your sleep." She shot back in irritation.
Jay thought about if for a moment then shrugged, "I'm willing to risk it."
"Yeah, well I'm not." Alex replied, losing her patience. "One of us is sleeping on the floor. You decide."
Was she serious? He cocked an eyebrow in curiosity as he watched her bend down and pull out the bottle of pain pills. She gritted her teeth as she stood back up and twisted the cap off. Could he really make her sleep on the floor in her current condition? No.
Jay sighed and stood up. He pulled off his shirt and lowered himself to the floor pulling one of the blankets off the bed to cover him up. He was annoyed but at this point it was probably better just to let it slide.
"Night," he mumbled, rolling over and closing his eyes.
Alex bit her lip against the pain as she climbed into bed and reached over to turn off the bedside lamp. She was too tired to gloat about her win, too tired to rub it in Jay's face. She lay there staring up at the ceiling and despite the pure exhaustion, she couldn't fall asleep.
00
"You want top or bottom?" Sean asked, shutting the door behind them.
"Huh?" Emma asked, turning around a little shocked.
"The bunk beds." Sean explained, pointing towards the beds. "Tracker always liked the bottom one. I think he was afraid of the long drop if he fell out."
Emma chuckled at the thought of Tracker being afraid of the top bunk or maybe it was the image of him falling off and hitting the floor. "Bottom's good."
After a few seconds of awkward silence Sean cleared his throat, "I really did miss you, Em. I wanted to call, to come back but…I just couldn't do it."
Emma nodded. She understood completely. There were still nights she'd make up in a cold sweat from nightmares of that day, of Rick, of the gun. She knew why Sean had left, why he needed to be with his parents, away from Degrassi, away from her.
Emma sat down on the edge of the bed, her eyes down cast as she fidgeted with her own fingers. Sitting there in Sean's room, the smell of him was almost over powering. It dredged up a million memories most of which made her smile.
"Do you think you'll ever come back?" she asked, keeping her eyes fixed on the floor. Her voice caught in her throat but she forced the words out. She feared the answer but she needed to know.
"I don't know." he replied softly. The bed gave under his weight as his shoulder softly bumped hers. "I still see it, you know, when I close my eyes, the hallway, the gun. I'm just not sure I can face that again."
Emma nodded, trying her hardest to hold back the tears that were fighting to get out. She knew what he was talking about because she'd felt the same way. Every time she'd have to go down that hallway she'd be right back there, watching the scene unfold all over again. Living through it once was bad enough but living through it every day was torture.
Emma swallowed the lump in her throat, "We should try and get some sleep."
"Emma?" Sean asked, reaching over and taking her hand in his. "I'm sorry."
Emma forced another fake smile. She was getting pretty good at it, "Its okay. I understand."
Sean leaned over and kissed her gently on the cheek before turning off the light and climbing into the top bunk. He stared up at the ceiling but instead of the bubbled up plaster he saw Emma's brown eyes swimming with tears.