Liberty sat on the floral print couch her mother had bought in hopes of livening up their living room. No one had had the heart to tell her the couch stood out like a sore thumb. The vibrant greens and pinks didn't match the drab beige paint or the Victorian mirror hanging on the wall. Liberty ran one hand along the ugly fabric as she quickly flipped through the channels on the television in front of her. Lately she'd been feeling like a sore thumb herself. She was tired of watching JT and Mia holding hands in the hallway. She was tired of walking by the park and seeing them playing with Bella in the snow, building snowmen or making snow angels. It should have been her wonderful life. It should have been her and JT playing with their child in the snow. She'd made the wrong decision and now she was the one living with it while JT played father to someone else's kid.
Liberty sighed as she sat the remote down and turned her attention to the large picture window. The snow was falling, big flakes covering the ground in a perfect blanket. Once upon a time, winter had been Liberty's favorite time of year. Sitting by the window...a fleece throw over her lap and a cup of hot chocolate cooling on the end table...she'd stick her nose into one of her favorite books and get lost in a world of make believe. Her all time favorite A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens was now laying open on the couch beside her. It was worn from years of rereading. Several pages dog eared from numerous interruptions that had drawn her attention away from the book. She'd pulled it out hoping to find that some part of the old Liberty still lied inside of her, hoping the book would some how bring back the innocence she'd lost. She'd made it to page four before discarding the book for the television, flipping through one Christmas movie after another in hopes of finding something that would distract her from her recent self pity. But she'd grown tired of that too, just as quickly.
"What are you doing?" Danny asked coming in and flopping down next to her. He snatched the remote from the spot where she'd discarded it and found a channel broadcasting Jim Carrey's version of The Grinch That Stole Christmas.
"Nothing." Liberty mumbled in irritation as her brother began to laugh at the television. In her opinion the original had always been better than the remake. You just couldn't redo the classics and expect them to be the same, be as memorable.
Out of the corner of her eye she watched her brother, so young, so unsullied by the vastness of the world around him. She'd have given anything to be that naive again. To go back to the coveralls and round rimmed glasses, to have the whole world back at her fingertips. She'd settle for going back just a few months ago, to the hospital, to the first and last time she'd held her child. She'd have done thing differently if given the chance. This Christmas would have been her baby's first Christmas and he'd have been spending it with her and JT and their families. Sometimes life just wasn't fair.
Without a word to Danny, Liberty stood up and made her way out of the living room. She pulled on her heavy winter coat and zipped it up to her chin before silently making her way out the front door and into the fridged December air. She wasn't entirely sure where she was going as she made her way down the sidewalk and around the corner. Maybe she'd go to Manny's, the two had bonded somewhat after Liberty had given birth. Manny knew what it was like to feel overwhelmed by the thought of motherhood at such a young age. Manny knew what it was like to make a hard decision regarding a child and more importantly she knew what it was like to have to live with that decision. But Liberty knew Manny would be celebrating the holidays with the Nelson-Simpson clan and while she and Manny had grown closer, she and Emma had not. She hated that things came so easy for Emma that Emma always seemed to get everything she wanted. Fist place in the Science fair, Chris, Sean being released from jail in time for the holidays, it seemed uncanny that one person could end up with so much while everyone else just got to stand by and watch. Yes, Liberty was jealous. Who wouldn't be? The girl was blessed and it wasn't fair.
Liberty turned onto Spruce Street and made her way past the church on the corner. She'd gone there several times with her grandmother when she was younger. The way the vastness of the vestibule had echoed through the empty seats, the way the candles had flickered, it had been a sensation that Liberty had treasured ever since. She made her way up the snow covered steps leaving behind foot prints that were disappearing as quickly as the snow could cover them.
It was just how she'd remembered it, right down to the echo. She made her way to the front of the church sitting down in the first pew. The silence was nearly deafening as she starred up at the crucifix and said a silent prayer. She wanted to move on from her mistake, to be released from the burden she was carrying. She wanted desperately for an old fashioned Christmas like the ones she was used to, family gathered around the dinner table, Christmas carols being sung around a piano, laughter filling every corner. But most importantly she wanted the feeling back. That holiday cheer that crept in when you least expected it and made you forget, if only for a day, that the outside world wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Liberty was so deep in thought and prayer that she didn't hear the heavy doors pull open or the soft squeak the person made as they entered the church. In fact, she didn't hear anything until he stopped beside her pew and cleared his throat. Liberty turned slowly to see who had interrupted her and found herself looking into the soft brown eyes of Jimmy Brooks. She couldn't remember a time when they'd ever shared more than a few words if any. She knew him by sight only. The basketball star and the over achiever had no reason to associate, no reason to socialize. Liberty quickly stood up and made her way past Jimmy as she headed towards the doors he'd just entered.
"Liberty," He started turning his wheelchair so he was facing her retreating form. He paused as she stopped in her tracks then in a concerned voice asked, "Are you okay?"
Liberty nodded, refusing to turn around. She didn't want him to see the tear that had escaped and was making its way down her cheek or the agony his interrupting had etched on her face. She'd found one moment of peace while sitting in that pew and with Jimmy's arrival it had been ripped away from her.
"You want to talk about it?" Jimmy tried again moving closer to the girl he really knew nothing about. He wasn't sure why he was asking. He wasn't sure why he'd left the warmth of Ashley's to weave his way though the freezing cold and venture into a church he'd never set foot in before. But there had to have been a reason and perhaps the girl standing in front of him held the answers.
Liberty reached up and wiped away the tear before turning around to face Jimmy. There was a softness causing his brown eyes to shimmer, a concern stretched out in the thin line of his lips. She crumbled into the nearest pew, casting her eyes down as she fidgeted with her fingers. She took a deep breath, trying desperately to find a way to put her heartache into words, small words so the jock would understand.
"I feel like the world is falling down around me and I can't stop it." Liberty blurted out. "I gave up my baby, I lost JT, I…I just can't seem to find that holiday spirit that I use to love."
Jimmy wheeled closer, sitting a hand on top of Liberty's hands that were now folded in her lap. He waited until she looked up at him before speaking, "Until the shooting, until I ended up in this hunk of metal I spent every Christmas alone. I'd eat dinner with either the Kerwins or with Spinner's family then go home and watch television until my parents called from what every country they happened to be in that year. You haven't lost the holiday cheer, Liberty. You're just looking for it in all the wrong places."
"What if I'm too tired to change directions now?" Liberty asked as the tears bubbled up behind her eyes. "What if I don't know where else to look?"
"What if you stop trying so hard? Maybe you're not meant to find it, maybe it's meant to find you." Jimmy offered.
Liberty nodded and smiled softly as a comforting silence fell over them. He was right. She knew it somewhere deep inside her but she'd never been very good at waiting around. Liberty liked control, she liked structure and the lack of it was driving her insane.
"My parents are throwing a holiday party tonight, nothing big just some people they work with and some family friends. Why don't you come?" Jimmy suggested.
"Oh, I don't know…" Liberty started.
Jimmy cut her off before she could completely back out, "Ash and Spin bailed on me. Please don't leave me alone with the old people."
Liberty chuckled as she bit her lower lip in contemplation, "Okay."
Jimmy smiled, "Great. The party starts at seven. Its casual so no worries about getting all dressed up or anything."
"I should get home. I didn't exactly tell anyone I was going out but I'll see you at seven." Liberty replied standing up. She started down the aisle way but stopped and turned back around. "Thanks Jimmy."
"You're welcome." Jimmy returned. He watched as she made her way back out into the snow. It wasn't until she was gone that he turned around and made his way back to the front of the church. He lit one of the prayer candles as he looked up at the crucifix and said a little prayer. It was different then his usual prayers. This time he wasn't asking to walk again, this time he was asking for a favor for a friend.
00
Liberty stood on the door step of the Brooks's residence, her hand poised above the door ready to knock. Inside her head a debate was going on. One voice was telling her to knock, another telling her to turn tail and run. Liberty took a deep breath and knocked on the door. She waited trying her hardest to tune out the voices. What felt like an eternity was only seconds before a woman answered the door.
"You must be Liberty." The woman said with a wide smile. "Jimmy told us you'd be coming. Please come in."
Liberty nervously stepped through the doorway into a room filled with greens and reds in every direction. On the opposite side was a huge fireplace radiating warmth through the entire house. Beside it stood a huge pine tree decorated with golden balls and bright red ribbons. It was something right out of her dreams with the most gorgeous glass angel adorning the top.
"May I take your coat?" Mrs. Brooks asked, continuing to smile warmly at Liberty.
She nodded, shuffling the tin box from hand to hand as she slipped her jacket off. It wasn't until after she handed Mrs. Brooks her coat and watched her put it into the hall closet that she remembered the box.
"Um, I brought these." She started, handing over the golden tin box with its red and green ribbon. "My mother made them."
"Well, thank you but you didn't have to bring anything. We're just glad you could join us. It'll give Jimmy someone to talk to." The woman replied, ushering Liberty further into the living room. "These things can get a little boring for Jimmy with all the shop talk. He's in the kitchen if you want to go say hello and please, Liberty, make yourself at home."
Liberty thanked the woman before heading through the doorway that obviously led to the kitchen. Inside she spotted Jimmy hanging out by the doorway watching the snow that had continued to fall through out the afternoon. She watched him for a moment as he wheeled himself back and forth in the same spot. Earphones stuck out of his ears and trailed their way down to the MP3 player sitting in his lap. She wondered what he was listening to but quickly shook the thought from her head as she made her way over to him.
Jimmy looked up at the person who was now standing beside him. He smiled softly at her before pulling the earphones out of his ears. He wasn't sure why all of a sudden he was drawn to her, a girl he'd hardly ever spoken to in over four years. But there was something in her chocolate eyes that made him want to help in whatever way he could.
"So what do you think?" Jimmy asked, motioning with his hands to indicate the house around them. "The rents have been going a little crazy these past two years with the decorations and stuff."
Liberty swept her eyes around the room. Food was lying on ever counter and table surface the holiday decorations had invaded this room as well as the living room. A spring of mistletoe hung above the entry way and above the stove giving new meaning to 'kiss the cook'.
"I love it." Liberty said barely above a whisper. "My parents use to go all out too but this year…"
"This year…" Jimmy probed, trying to get Liberty to continue.
"I think…it was just too hard for them…too hard for all of us." Liberty replied, turning her eyes from Jimmy to look out into the snow covered back yard.
"Liberty." Jimmy started reaching up and taking the young girls hand. "What was too hard? What happened?"
Liberty was dumbstruck for a moment. She had thought everyone knew. The gossip mill had been out in full force once she had returned to school after the baby. Was it possible that Jimmy didn't know about the pregnancy, about the adoption?
Liberty pulled a chair out from the kitchen table and sat down as Jimmy turned himself to face her, "Last year I got pregnant and I gave the baby up for adoption. The adoptive parents moved to Seattle shortly after. I guess we're all just second guessing ourselves now. I mean, that baby was part of our family and we just opted to give it away. I opted to give it away."
Jimmy let out a low whistle, "I'm sure you made the best decision you could. I mean, being a teen mom isn't easy. My mom had me when she was in high school and she said it was the hardest thing she's ever done, balancing work, school, and a child. It's a big responsibility."
Liberty let out a sarcastic chuckle, "I'm supposed to be the queen of responsible."
"Believe it or not, not everyone has all the answers all the time." Jimmy replied with a friendly smile. "Sometimes the hardest decision we have to make is the right one."
"How did you get so wise to the ways of the world?" Liberty asked half joking, half serious.
"Lying in a hospital bed with a bullet lodged in your spine you've only got two choices. You can fight or you can die. I chose to fight." Jimmy explained locking his brown eyes on hers. "Now it's your turn. You can choose to let your decision run your life or you can choose to live it yourself."
Liberty offered him a soft smile as the first cord of a piano rang through out the house. Her attention was drawn to the living room doorway where the sound had floated in from. She hadn't heard a sound like that in way too long and it brought back a million memories, good memories.
"I hope you brought your singing shoes." Jimmy teased. "My mom's huge on the Christmas caroling. She say's it reminds her of her childhood. I told her she wasn't old enough for a mid life crisis."
Liberty laughed, really laughed, for the first time in what seemed like forever. It was a good feeling. In a soft, low voice she offered, "Thank you, Jimmy, for everything."
Once again Jimmy wrapped his hands around Liberty's. "You're welcome." He offered with a warm smile and a gentle squeeze, "Now how about that singing?"
Liberty nodded standing up, her hands still wrapped inside of Jimmy's. Finally he let go and the two headed into the living room where the rest of the party had already begun to sing Silent Night. She smiled at him shyly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she belted out the words to one of her all time favorite holiday songs.
00
"Did you have fun?" Jimmy asked as Liberty slipped her winter coat back on.
Liberty paused mid zip and nodded, "I don't know how to thank you, Jimmy. Tonight was…well, it was what Christmas is supposed to be. What I remember it being."
"So, you think you may have found that holiday spirit after all?" He continued.
Liberty smiled, "You know, I think I may have."
"Then that's all the thanks I need." Jimmy offered before pulling a neatly wrapped box onto his lap. He looked up at Liberty and handed her the box before trailing off, "It's not much but…."
Liberty stared down at the box to shocked to speak. Why had he gotten her a present? He barely knew her. Why was he being so nice, so helpful, so…amazing? Why was he succeeding at making her feel better when everyone else had failed?
Liberty swallowed the lump in her throat, "Jimmy, you shouldn't have. I…I didn't get you anything."
"You did." Jimmy said with a little laugh. "I'm glad you came and I hope you have a good Christmas. You deserve it."
"Jimmy," Liberty called out as he started to back away. She paused once he was stopped and staring up at her. She took a deep breath and without thinking leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, "Merry Christmas."
Liberty walked out of the Brooks' house humming Silent Night as she made her way down the snow covered sidewalk and headed towards home. Christmas had always been her favorite time of year and thanks to Jimmy Brooks it still was.