Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, so fuck off Switzerland! Pick a side already!
Matt awoke to crashing on the front lawn of a giant mansion in The Middle of Fucking Nowhere.
Matt, eyes widening: Fuck ya!
Matt then ran into the building a noticed the giant TVs, the gourmet kitchen, the bowling alleys, the diamond studded urinals, and best of all, THE POOL!
Matt, no wearing a black pair of swim trunks with bleeding skulls on them: POOL PAR-TAY!
All of the Smashers, no in swim trunks or bikinis, except for Falco who, being German, wore a Speedo, but being a bird, he had no cock, so nothing showed, jumped into the pool.
Matt, noticing Sasuke (sorry fangirls, no Speedo on him.), Luigi, and Bowser: What the fuck? I thought you guys died?
Sasuke, Luigi, and Bowser: Fuck!
All three exploded, dying the pool a dark red. The three then came back to life almost instantly.
Matt: What the fuck?
Sasuke: Hey loser, we're video game characters in this universe, so we have a stock of lives saved up.
Matt, now covered in their blood: So... does the blood also disappear?
Sasuke: No! That'd just be retarded!
Matt, still covered: I have to go take a looooooooooooooooooooooooooong hot shower now.
Matt then ran out of the Blood Pool and was on his way to the Men's Locker Room when he crashed into Dr. Nick.
Dr. Nick: Hi everybody!
Matt, taking out a hatchet: That's it time to die! Wait a second...
Matt then took out a Wii controller and hit the a button a few times and was back in his normal black trenchcoat, wielding his Keyblade of Darkness. Dr. Nick the shit himself with enough force to propel himself into the attic. Matt used a teleportation jutsu to follow.
Matt, clanking bottles on his fingers: Dr. Nick! Come out to play-ay!
Dr. Nick: Hi everybody! ... SHIT!
Matt then grabbed Dr. Nick slit his throat with his Keyblade, then tossed him out the window into the Blood Pool. Matt was about to leave when he noticed a chained up chest with a warning sign on it.
Matt, reading the sign: Warning: This box contains Pokevirus! Keep out of the hands of ALL living creatures!
Matt, using his Keyblade to pick the lock: Fuck that! No box tells me what to do!
Matt then opened the box, causing a cloud of green dust to fly out and go strait into Matt's lungs. He looked around after it happened and noticed nothing had happened.
Matt: What a jyp! This isn't how it happened in Pat's story at all! I'm going to the game room!
Matt then took the bus down the hall, over the bridge above the indoor water park, through the shopping mall, and to the outside of the game room. As Matt entered, he noticed Ray and Darth Vader playing DDR.
Darth Vader: I'll teach you to steal my family's chickens!
Ray: Ya right!
Matt, sneaking up behind them: HI GUYS!
At that moment, a cloud of the green dust exited his mouth and zoomed into the mouths of Ray and Darth Vader who had gasped at the sudden intrusion of their DDR match to the death. The two then glowed green as the grew horns, fangs, and tails. The two then slammed through the wall to go terrorize a little child's birthday party.
Matt, shocked at what had just occurred : That green dust... would make excellent pie seasoning!
Matt then coughed op some of the green dust into a sugar shaker and ran off to the kitchen to prepare for the day's big "Super Smash Person (Damn Political Correctness!) Annual Pie Baking/ Eating Competition"!
(5 hours later)
Matt, wearing a Chef's hat in front of a mountain of green-crusted pies: Let the eating begin!
All of the Smashers just sat back and watched Matt scarf down every last pie on the table, afraid that Matt had made Diarrhea Pies again, like he had a week ago. That sucked. Matt had finished the pies and was resting on top of the table when he started to glow green.
WW. Link: OH NO! Matt's turning evil...er...est...ter...er!
The light soon faded and he looked down at himself.
Matt: WHAT? I'm exactly the same! That bites... oh well... POOL PARTY!
Katara: Isn't the pool all bloody?
Kelly: Oui ! Elle a raison ! Je conviens…. l'OH qui suis moi badinant, personne ne peuvent me comprendre ! Je souhaite baiser Katara et ses mésanges énormes toute la nuit longtemps ! Dans une orgie lesbienne géante avec Hinata et Sakura ! Avec les vibrateurs bordés doulble et everthing ! Ce serait si chaud ! Je suis une lesbienne, et personne ne connaîtront parce que personne ici ne parle assez français pour comprendre toute la ceci!
Matt, stopping her: Uh, I just understood everything you just said, and it was soooooooooooo hot! (Come on people, just look for key words and you'll get the basic picture.)
Kelly: ... Sacrebleu!
Matt: Anyway, Katara, the pool is clean! I hired Speedy Gonzalez to clean it up.
A tiny whirlwind then spun up to Matt.
Speedy Gonzalez, taking his pay: Eh holmes, this is an obvious Mexican stereotype!
Matt: No it isn't! It's a stereotype against mice!
Speedy Gonzalez: That don't make no sen...
He was silenced because Matt had shot him through the head with a pistol, killing him instantly.
Matt: POOL PAR-TAY!
Everyone was back in there swim wear and partying in the pool.
Matt, stomach growling: I'm hungry! Hey! A Bar-B-Q rib cart!
Matt then went over to the cart and ate his fill of ribs, leaving a thick coating of Bar-B-Q sauce on his hands.
Naruto, wearing and orange pair of swim trunks with the Leaf Village symbol on them: HEY MATT!
Matt then turned around too fast and slipped on a bar of soap labeled "Plot Device", causing him to crash into Naruto, smearing BBQ sauce all over his curse seal.
Naruto, glowing with red chakra: OH NO! BBQ SAUCE! MY ONLY WEAKNESS!... BESIDES BULLETS, FIRE, KNIVES, ACID, AND OTHER LETHAL THINGS!
Naruto's body then exploded, releasing the Kyubi in the pool.
Kyubi: Foolish mortal! Now I am free!
Matt, taking out a pokeball: Not for long mother fucker!
Matt threw the pokeball at the Kyubi, catching it instantly, but the ball happened to hit a pool toy, and bounce into Matt's mouth and down into his stomach.
Matt, as the Kyubi was released inside of him: Ah fuck!
Matt then transformed into 9-tailed Matt, and took out his Fox Fire Keyblade, and started to slaughter the other Smasher and destroy the mansion.
Matt, blade going through Kelly's colon: THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
Suddenly, Sean Conery appeared out of nowhere.
Sean Conery: If you haven't guessed by now, this is a Highlander paro...OH GOD! MY LEGS! THE PAIN! TTHHEE PPAAIINN!
Matt had just destroyed the last of the mansion and slaughter the last of the Smashers, plus Sean Conery, when his cell phone rang.
Matt's Phone: I'm turning Japanese! I think I'm turning Japanese! I really think so!
Matt, picking up: Yo, what do you want now?
???: Our scanners sow your done in that universe, so your next assignment is the 3rd Rock From the Sun universe.
Matt: Oh fuck no! The Order is not making me go there! That show sucked hard Ton-ton (Those kangaroo things from Star Wars.) ass! I'm taking my weeks vacation NOW!
Matt then hung up, coughed up the Kyubi's pokeball, pocketed it, then bent himself a hole back to his place for a whole week of playing the Gamecube!
THE END!
Anyway, So, Review, because, well, the more reviews I get, the more I get motivated to write, and the more I write, the closer I get to writing a sequel to "If I were a Pokemon Trainer", So click that button now, and do it again for every chapter you didn't review on! I'm counting on you! I like pie! Meeps!