Tirza ran through the hallways, crying hard, feeling the panic rising up inside her. It was only by chance that she ran into Remus, quite literally.
"Tirza?" Remus asked. He was alarmed at how upset she looked. Something was definitely wrong.
"D-dad... he..." Tirza threw her arms around him, sobbing hysterically.
"Calm down, what's wrong?" Remus questioned gently.
"H-he's g-gonna leave me!" She clung to him. "I'm gonna be alone! I'm..." Her face went very white and she started to shake.
He picked her up and carried her quickly into his office. "Tirza, talk to me, tell me what's going on!"
"I'm gonna be sick," Tirza whimpered, running into the restroom.
Remus stood in the doorway. "Would you like a potion to help?"
Tirza nodded, on the verge of throwing up.
He got her a potion and handed it to her. "Here you go."
Tirza quickly took it, and leaned back against the wall of the bathroom waiting for it to take effect.
Remus sat on the floor beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders. "What happened honey?"
"Daddy's gonna die," Tirza whispered. "He's gonna die too. I'm scared, I don't want to watch him die, I don't want him to die! I don't want to be alone!"
"Where did you hear he was going to die?" Remus asked in alarm. "He seemed perfectly fine to me."
"He's gonna, I know it! He's making a will that means he's dying and I'll be alone. I love him I don't want him to die. He can't leave me!"
"Honey, calm down," Remus spoke gently. "He's not going to die."
She buried her face against him as tears continued to stream down her face.
"Tirza he has a will because...well he wants to make sure when he eventually dies you are taken care of. I even have a will."
"But... mom had one when she died... I don't want him to die uncle Remus. I don't understand why he needs one if he isn't dying!"
"He wants to make sure that if anything happens to you, that you will be protected."
"Promise?" Tirza whimpered.
"I promise. He only wants to make sure that you're provided for, for the rest of your life. He also wants to make sure there is someone to watch over you. Your father loves you very much Tirza and that is why he did this."
"You can do that even if you aren't dying? Are you sure?"
"Of course," Remus soothed. "I'm not dying and like I said, I have one."
She nodded slowly, still holding onto him tightly.
"We don't plan on leaving you for a long time but we want to make sure that you are cared for"
"Okay," Tirza said softly. "I-I got so scared."
Remus nodded, rubbing her back gently. "I know you did, you had every right to be."
They sat quietly for a few minutes longer.
"I wonder if dad's looking for me..."
"Most likely he is; probably very worried about you too."
Tirza hugged him tight. "I better go find him. Thanks uncle Remus; love you."
"Love you too," Remus said, dropping a kiss on her head.
-------------------------------------------------
She headed for the dungeons, figuring that was the best place to start looking for her dad. Tirza didn't have to look long before she found him halfway there.
"Tirza! I was so worried!" Severus called, sounding very relieved indeed.
Tirza ran over to him, throwing her arms around him. "I'm sorry. I got really scared," she whispered. "I'm so glad you aren't gonna die!"
"I would never leave you like that baby," Severus whispered in her ear. "At least never willingly." He picked her up and carried her to his chambers, thinking once again how nice it was that she still fit into his arms.
"I'm glad you wouldn't." She sniffled slightly as they sat down on the couch.
"I didn't mean to scare you like that, you know. I suppose I didn't think about how strongly it may upset you," he admitted.
She snuggled tight against him. "Daddy… Where would I go?" Tirza sounded a little frightened at the thought of the unknown.
"Albus would be next in line, then Lupin. I thought very long and hard about the people you are close too, about which ones I would trust my only daughter too. This wasn't an easy decision to make, by any means, but it is made and will be final after a visit to my lawyer's office to fill out the necessary paperwork."
She nodded. "I don't want you to leave me dad. I haven't even gotten you that long... I'd like to be with them, but not if I can be with you."
"Of course," he agreed. "I don't plan on leaving you for a very long time Tirza." Severus kissed her head.
"I love you so much dad," she buried her face in his robes.
"I know Tirza; I love you too."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Sadly, Severus wasn't surprised to find Tirza up late that night. He checked on her, as always, before going to bed himself; he had found her awake, her face wet with tears.
"Sweetheart?" he asked, entering the room further and sitting on the edge of her bed. "What's wrong?"
Tirza rolled over to rest her head on his lap. "Bad dream, about mom."
Nodding, Severus began to rub her back slowly and gently. "Want to talk about it?" He could feel her shaking her head yes.
"About when she died. She felt so cold, and she was really thin then and… I was holding her hand when she was dying. It felt like hours and hours, and then I was all alone when she did. She just closed her eyes, this horrible look on her face and then… died. I kept telling her I loved her; I didn't want her to go, I didn't want to be alone. I didn't have anyone else but her, I thought."
Severus' heart broke for Tirza; he could only imagine how frightening and horrible that had been. He cursed Ariel for allowing, or perhaps making, Tirza be there as she lay dying those last days. What an entirely selfish decision for a parent to make.
He wasn't surprised when Tirza sat up and moved onto his lap. "She didn't say she loved me back daddy. I don't know why. Maybe she just didn't love me anymore."
"I'm so sorry baby," Severus whispered. He rocked her gently in his arms, offering her what comfort he could, seeing as he could never take away these awful memories. Severus knew that the earlier upset had triggered this, and mentally kicked himself for not preparing a better way of breaking his will to her; he could have possibly saved her this stress.
"I can't tell you what your mother was thinking Tirza, and you cannot know what she was thinking then either. All you can do is remember the good things and times that happened before she passed, and remember that you are here with me now. I love you, more then anything sweetheart, more then you will ever even understand."
"It was so horrible daddy," she sniffled. "I didn't want to be there, but she said she didn't have anyone else. Just me, because you were a bad man, she said and chased us away. She said I couldn't leave her, and I didn't want her to be all alone either. She just went all cold and then all these nurses came cuz the machines were buzzing really loud. And then… they covered her up and rolled her away…"
Severus held her as tight as he possibly could without crushing her slight body. "I'd give anything to take away those memories Tirza, take away that pain," he whispered. "It's alright to cry you know, I know you are sad and hurting love. You can always have my shoulder to cry on, no matter how old you get, understand?"
She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck. He could feel her tears beginning to fall onto his shoulder. Severus kissed her head and continued to rock her slowly, whispering words of comfort to her.
Nearly an hour later, Tirza was asleep in his arms. Moving slowly so he didn't wake her, Severus stood up and tucked her back into bed, making sure the covers were tucked tight around her. He put molly into her arms, and kissed her cheek.
Severus stood there for several moments, watching her sleep, her face looking more relaxed then when he had first come into her room. He hoped she would be able to sleep peacefully through the rest of the night.
"Your mother should be glad she's dead," he whispered, knowing Tirza couldn't hear. "Otherwise I would have the great pleasure of killing her myself, for the things she has done to you."
If only Severus knew that he had so much more to learn…
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hi grandpa!" Tirza called brightly a few days later. She entered the headmaster's office and hugged him tightly.
"Hello sunshine!" Albus smiled and hugged her, kissing her forehead. "What brings you to my office today, hmm? Lemon drop dear?"
Giggling, Tirza nodded and popped a lemon drop in her mouth. "I have a question for you, but you don't have to answer if you don't want too."
"Well, ask first and then we'll decide," Albus told her, sitting down in his chair.
Tirza took the chair in front of the desk. "Dad doesn't like talking about what he did back when he was… well… a death eater. He really won't say anything about it, other then he did become a spy for the good guys, obviously."
Albus took a deep breath. Her tone made the topic sound so much lighter then it truly was. Severus had risked his life day after day after day once he realized he had made a dreadful mistake in joining the Death Eaters. It was a miracle that he survived it.
"What makes you wish to talk about those dark times, Tirza? Surely there are better things we could talk about." He wouldn't avoid her questions entirely, but they weren't something he especially liked to talk about either. However, Albus knew that if he answered her questions she would be told the proper things and he could not trust she would be if she asked anyone else.
"Because, I was wondering something. I know dad joined them on his own, like he wasn't forced. And I know he realized he made a HUGE mistake, and he told me that you helped him and trusted him and then he became a spy. I was just wondering, if you knew he joined them, why did you trust him grandpa?"
Albus let out a long breath. "That, my dear, is a very loaded question; as well as a very intelligent question to ask. The answer isn't easy, in fact it's quite a sad story. I was not in the habit of attempting to rehabilitate Voldemort's servents. Your father, however, was different. He proved that to me without any prodding on my part."
Tirza nodded, looking very interested. "Will you tell me grandpa? Please? I want to know! I know dad's a good guy, but still, there's loads I don't know about him and I don't want to make him upset by making him tell me."
"I will tell you Tirza, but only because I believe you are a mature enough young girl to understand the things I will say. All I ask is that you keep this between you and I. You may tell your father, of course, but I would like you to not discuss this with your friends, house, or classmates," Albus instructed.
"Okay. I promise I won't say anything to them grandpa," she promised in a very serious tone.
"Death Eaters are much more… evil and hateful and horrible then most even know. Only those of your father's age and older really understand. Your generation only vaguely knows bits and pieces of information, most of which is an extremely watered down version of the truth," Albus began…
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: YAY finally a new chapter. I am SO sorry for the long delay in getting this ready! And just as a note: we all know how Snape earned Dumbledore's trust in HBP. This, however, is the Tirza version of how Snape earned Albus' trust. Basically, just forget everything about Snape in HBP and worship my version of him LOL! Hugs, Kerry