019. Love
Head In The Sand
"Love you."
The words had been murmured by Wilson as he fell asleep. Now three hours later, House lay awake, staring up at the ceiling. Wilson was sprawled beside him, curled up, one arm flung across his chest. His own arms were wrapped around Wilson in return as his thoughts tumbled around his mind in endless circles.
Two words. Hours of turmoil. Typical. Wilson always did like to do things like this to him.
House wasn't sure he believed the words, wasn't sure he wanted to believe the words. He was sure that Wilson had said those words to his wives many times before and look how that had always ended up. Had they been said by reflex? Out of habit? He hoped they were. He hoped they weren't. He wasn't sure what he hoped.
Did he want Wilson to love him? Did he love Wilson? He didn't know. Didn't really want to think about it. Last person he'd loved had ruined his life. Okay, he was man enough to admit it had been largely because he was being pigheaded and stubborn but still…it was his life that had been ruined, not hers. He was the one left crippled and in pain. She had left, moved on, got married, got a life.
He'd been left with Wilson. Not a bad trade, all things considered. They knew each other, knew each others strengths and weaknesses. Accepted those things about each other. Neither had illusions about the other or expected perfection. They worked well together, both professionally and personally. They fought…who didn't? But the fights were never final, never deal breakers.
But did he love Wilson? Did he want Wilson to love him? He wasn't sure he had a choice about the latter but the former was keeping him awake. He suspected there was a part of him that knew the answer to the question but was keeping quiet for reasons of its own.
Wilson shifted in his sleep, curling a little closer and burying his face into House's shoulder. House tightened his arms fractionally and Wilson murmured something sleepily pleased. House felt something clench in his chest and he swallowed. He determinedly closed his eyes and willed sleep to overtake him. He didn't want to think about this, couldn't think about this. If he didn't think about this, neither of them could ruin it. If he didn't think about it, everything could keep going as it had been. Things had been going well, he wanted nothing to ruin it. He wouldn't let anything ruin it.