AN: I'M BACK! My holidays are almost over so I'm back in my flat and ready to study. But first I must finish this story!
I would like to thank all of those who reviewed the last few chapters I posted before I left, and for all the lovely comments. I will try to reply to those that I haven't already replied to, but to be honest, I can't remember who I replied to before I left! But I will do my best.
By the way, I was especially pleased (and deeply touched) to see new reviewers. It was so good to hear from you! Thank you very much!
Chapter 21:
To the public eye, Queen Clarisse appeared to have changed dramatically since her visit to San Francisco. Most believed it was due to her developing relationship with the new Princess, that she had found something to live for again. They believed it was all due to their meeting that the once cold Queen had begun wearing colour again, and appeared to be always smiling. Every Genovian citizen said that Princess Amelia was clearly the best thing that had ever happened to their beloved Queen, so they accepted her immediately; clumsiness and all.
But what the public didn't see, and didn't know, was the other person. They didn't realize that it wasn't all thanks to the Princess after all; it was actually a man.
Joseph had been by Her Majesties side ever since Prince Phillippe passed away. He was the one who saw her pain for what it really was and helped her through. He was the one who told her she had been 'wearing black too long'; he was the savior that only Her Majesty could see. Everyone else was too busy looking at what the obvious answer could be, and not the real meaning behind it.
Yes, Princess Mia had helped Queen Clarisse get over her sons death, and had brought a long forgotten family member back into her life to love. But Princess Mia wasn't the one who held the Queen in her arms as she cried bitterly, mourning the loss of loved ones; she wasn't the one who helped carry all the burdens of Her Majesty. No, it wasn't the Princess, it was Joseph.
Joseph was the one who held the Queen when she wept, who was there when ever the Queen cried out, and who was the one to take each of her burdens and placed them upon his own shoulders. He was the one responsible for the uplifting of Her Majesties spirit.
But this would remain unseen by the public; for now…
OoOoOoOo
It was then that I realized what Pemberton had been trying to tell me. The pain is swallowed in peace, and grief in glory.
He had been a guardian. He had known the pain and grief that now stood before me, and he wanted me to know that it would be all right. That, in the end, the pain of my guardianship would be redeemed, any grief I suffered would be swallowed in the glory to come. Ultimately, the blessing would be far greater than the burden.
Joseph smiled and closed the book once he had read the rest. He felt so moved by the story he had just read, as it had fed even more hope into his soul. He held the book in his hands as he laid his head back against the large library chair, and closed his eyes.
He was reflecting on the story when he heard the door open. A familiar woman's voice pulled him from his thoughts as she spoke to someone beside her.
"I am sure you will find something suitable in here, my dear," Clarisse said to the young woman beside her.
"Oh, Joe! I'm sorry did we interrupt?" Mia asked, no longer the awkward girl she was only months previously.
She had been living in the palace for two weeks now, and had adjusted to being a princess very well, in Joseph's eyes. She was growing to be quite a remarkable young lady.
"Not at all," Joseph replied, putting the book aside and giving both women his full attention.
"Grandma was just showing me where to get a good riveting read around here," Mia explained, beginning to look along the shelves as she ran her palms along the many spines.
"I see," Joseph smiled, sharing an amused glance with Clarisse as she sat down on the small couch opposite.
She graciously intertwined her fingers and placed them upon her lap as she leant back comfortably and sighed. To Joseph she appeared to be glowing with happiness, a sight that warmed his heart to the core.
'It's about time too!' he thought to himself, as they maintained eye contact, their smiles unfaltering.
It wasn't until Mia walked between them that their contact broke, and their attention was brought back to the young Princess.
"I don't feel like reading now," Mia sighed dramatically, flopping down on the couch beside her grandmother.
Clarisse and Joseph laughed softly at this, and Clarisse reached out and stroked her granddaughters' hair lovingly as Mia leant into her embrace.
"Do you ever get a break, Joe?" Mia asked suddenly, causing Clarisse to raise an eyebrow in surprise.
"I'm having a break right now," he said with much amusement.
"No, I mean, do you ever get to leave the palace? I only ever see you here and you seem to always be around. Don't you have family of your own?" Mia asked blatantly, her expression curious.
"I once had a family of my own but the palace is my home now," Joseph answered simply, catching the brief apologetic look from Clarisse.
"Oh," Mia replied, but her expression showed she was not satisfied.
Joseph did not have to wait long before the inevitable question came.
"What happened to your family?" Mia asked quietly, snuggling up to her grandmother even more, wrapping her arms around her waist.
"They passed away many years ago now, before I even came to work at the palace," Joseph replied kindly, understanding the young woman's curiosity.
Joseph could see that Mia wanted to ask more questions so he just carried on before she asked.
"I was married in Spain to a beautiful young woman by the name of Solana. We were married for a few years before she passed away in childbirth. I lost both my wife and stillborn Luca on that day, leaving me once again alone in this world," Joseph explained, watching the tears form in Mia's eyes.
"I'm so sorry Joe," Mia whispered, her eyes showing she truly meant it.
"Thank you," Joseph replied, "But I have since moved ahead in life and no longer mourn them."
Clarisse smiled at him knowingly at this, remembering their discussion on the matter some years before. She knew exactly what he meant.
"I think that's great you can now move on so easily, I mean, I never even met my dad but somehow I can't get over the fact that he's gone; I'm never going to meet him," Mia mumbled, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.
Joseph looked to Clarisse as her eyes widened in shock and met his. She was momentarily stunned before she spoke.
"He loved you very much, Mia, and I know he would be just as sad for not getting to meet his girl," Clarisse explained softly, her chin quivering softly as she fought the tears.
"Really?" Mia asked, looking up with large round eyes.
"Yes, really," Joseph replied, taking over from Clarisse after catching her lost watery gaze.
Mia looked to Joseph and fell silent, believing his words but still wishing for more.
"I was there when your father passed away, Mia, I was there holding his hand," Joseph revealed, feeling that now was the time to tell these women what had happened.
Mia looked up, surprised, whilst Clarisse locked her gaze on Joseph's face, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.
"He made me promise him something; two things actually. One was that I would take care of his Mother, always protect her, and be there for her always," Joseph explained, gazing into Clarisse's heart broken but touched eyes.
"And the other was that I protect and guide his daughter Mia, and always be there for her just as I was for him," Joseph finished, transferring his gaze to the silently weeping young woman clinging to her grandmother.
"I have held to both to this day, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life," Joseph promised, his words rising to Phillippe as a renewal of his promise.
"Thank you, Joseph," Clarisse murmured as she held Mia tight to her side, allowing a single tear to slide down her porcelain cheek.
Joseph just nodded, smiling comfortingly at the two women before him.
All three remained silent for some moments before Mia sniffed loudly and sat up, pulling slowly out of her grandmothers' embrace.
"Thanks Joe," she sniffed, smiling happily at him.
"I think I'm going to head off to bed now," Mia then stated, rising to her feet and straightening her clothes. For a moment she looked like a younger, more vulnerable version of Clarisse; Joseph kept the comment to himself.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Clarisse asked, not rising from the seat.
"No I'm all right, Grandma," Mia smiled, bending down and kissing her upon the cheek before straightening and heading for the door.
"Goodnight," Mia called softly, opening the door silently.
"Goodnight," Joseph and Clarisse chorused, falling silent once she had left.
Joseph looked across to Clarisse and took in her disheveled, tear stained appearance; it suddenly struck him how truly beautiful she was. But then, hadn't he always known that?
Clarisse sat in silence, her head tilted back as she swept a delicate hand over her closed eyes, and down the side of her face.
This simple action stirred a strange emotion in Joseph, a feeling that he wanted to explore by reaching out and touching her face. An action that he held himself back from making.
'What is happening here?' Joseph asked himself mentally, as he watched the woman with renewed interest.
The feelings that he could feel surfacing were so old, yet so new that he had trouble understanding them. Were these feelings real? There was no doubt. Was this really how he felt for the woman before him? He knew that he did, and always had in some way, but never before realized it.
Was he truly in love with Clarisse?
There was no doubt in his mind, heart or soul. No matter how much it shocked him, he knew that he loved this woman before him and had for a long time; before he even realized.
"I am glad you have told me of Phillippe's words, Joseph," Clarisse said quietly, drawing Joseph back to the present.
"It is how he would have wanted it," Joseph replied with new warmth.
Clarisse just nodded, gasping slightly from her sorrow, the smile remaining on her lips despite her apparent pain.
The pair remained silent and unmoving for a moment more before Joseph spoke.
"I would have done what he asked whether he made me promise or not. He didn't even need to say it for me to know what I must do," Joseph replied passionately, his own eyes brimming not only from this revelation, but from the revelation of his heart.
"I know, Joseph; I know," Clarisse choked before covering her eyes and submitting to her tears.
Joseph stood quietly and was sitting by her side in an instant, pulling her into his strong embrace. He wrapped his arms around her and let her lay her head upon his shoulder as he kissed her forehead.
"I will never leave you, Clarisse," Joseph whispered, rocking the silent woman slightly, holding onto her even though her tears were no longer falling.
Clarisse didn't say anything as she sat up slightly and smiled at him, running her hand down his face. Joseph caught the hand before it fell and lifted it to his lips. He placed a light kiss on her hand before turning it over and placing a kiss on her palm.
Looking up, Joseph found himself drowning in her gaze. Her eyes were searching his face, her look one of revelations but also slight fear.
Did she feel the same?
"You know, you have always been more than just my Queen," Joseph spoke softly, lifting his hand and wiping one of her tears away with his thumb.
Clarisse's look was questioning.
"You have always been a friend, a dear friend," Joseph explained, making Clarisse smile with agreement.
"But I have only just realized that it is more than that. You are more to me than just a friend," he said, searching her eyes for a reaction.
"What are you trying to say Joseph?" Clarisse asked, her expression growing wary.
"I am saying that I love you, Clarisse, more than I ever thought possible," Joseph revealed, feeling his love flow out as his heart burst upon his words.
Clarisse's eyes widened as her expression showed great wonder, and she appeared to be happily surprised by his confession of love. She lifted her hand as if to take hold of his face but suddenly faltered.
Joseph watched in horror as she dropped her hand, her expression changing to rejection as she jumped to her feet and looked down on him in shock.
"No Joseph, you mustn't!" Clarisse gasped out, stepping back from him.
"Do you not love me Clarisse?" Joseph asked simply, hurt by her reaction but not moving to his feet.
"I – I – Joseph please…" Clarisse stuttered, fresh tears rising to the occasion.
"Tell me Clarisse," Joseph pleaded, feeling her slipping away from him for the first time in his life.
"No!" she gasped, before turning and swiftly leaving the library.
Joseph sat alone once more, his head in his hands, the hope he felt previously lost in the confusion of his heart.
What had he done?
Joseph groaned slightly at his stupidity for moving so fast, and pushing her in such a way. He would just have to go to bed and sort it all out in the morning.
Lifting himself wearily from his chair, Joseph moved off to his own suite to end a night of mixed feelings and emotions.
AN: Angry with me? Then please review and let it all out! (By the way, the book Joseph was reading is called 'The Mystic Rose' by Stephen Lawhead.