Title: Today 'They Won the Battle' Part 3
Author: Rhasa
Category: Drama
Keywords: Max and Alec developing relationship.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money being made.
Summary: Max wonders if she's done the right thing. Sometimes being a
leader is a bitch.
Max looked out at the city skyline. The space needle, her favourite haunt of past, loomed far in the distance. Like a beacon it called to her, but she knew it would be a long time coming before she could scale its heights ever again.
She sighed, and scanned her eyes across the streets below. The view may be different but the heartache that resided beneath her was just the same. Broken lives in a broken world. Some great 'recovery' America was having.
A cool breeze swept over her and she tightened the hold she had on her knees against her chest. She welcomed the sudden drop in temperature despite its foreboding. Winter was on its way and would be here soon. Preparations had to be made to make Terminal City a more comfortable environment for its occupants during the cooler months. Pushing those worrisome thoughts out of her head, she was happy just for now that the cool wind allowed her to feel something. She had been numb for days and her detachment to everything and everyone around her had caused her a little concern.
A shiver ran through, but this time she knew it wasn't the cold. She had heard him approach - so much for his stealth and other skills supposed to be imbedded into, she could always hear Alec from a long way off.
"I thought I might find you here," he said softly as he moved to take a seat next to her, she didn't answer. "It was easy to figure out. 'Just wondered where the highest point of Terminal City was, far away from the maddening crowd as it were, and voila. Here you are."
"Guess I can't keep anything from you, hey?" she said solemnly.
Noticing her dark mood, Alec tried to cheer her up. "Hey, I've got great news," he said, perhaps a little too enthusiastically. "Kyra said the last two have come off the critical list. They're going to live, Max. They're going to make it."
"That is good news," she agreed, but she still didn't look at him.
"But that's not what's bothering you, right?" Alec hedged.
He knew she was down. She had withdrawn from him, hell from everyone, over the past few days. She had spent more and more time by herself, just thinking it seemed. He had initially put it down to the guilt she felt for the raid almost two weeks ago. Too many of their own kind had died and Max, typically, took all the blame herself, despite there being no way any of them had known it was a trap. She felt as if she had failed as a soldier but more importantly as a leader. He tried to help her understand, and when that didn't seem to work he vowed to give her some space, to help her get through it. But after a while her solitude bothered him and his concern grew by the day.
"Max, what's wrong," he whispered while nudging her with his shoulder. "Come on," he urged. "You've been down for days. Tell me what's bothering you."
"Oh, you know. Life, the universe and everything," she joked.
Alec sighed. He was trying, he really was. But getting Max to open up sometimes was like getting blood from a stone.
Hearing him next to her, Max turned to look at him. He stared straight back, not afraid to meet whatever he would find in her eyes.
"I never thanked you," she whispered.
"Thanked me?" he asked surprised. "For what?"
"For two weeks ago. The raid. What you did."
"I just did what any other soldier would do."
"No you didn't. You went above and beyond that day, Alec. Mole told me how you went back, to get Anita as well as the others."
"I didn't even know her name," he said softly. The memory of his futile attempt to save the unknown transgenic was still raw in his mind. "I couldn't save her. I wasn't fast enough."
"You tried. You went back," Max said. "That's more than-" she stopped abruptly.
"More than what? More than what you expected me to do?"
She shook her head sharply. "No. It's more than a lot of others would have done," she said.
"Well, I just can't stand to leave a man - or woman - behind," he shrugged.
"I know the feeling," she said, remembering that she had done just that to him only two nights later when they had gone on a run for medical supplies.
"I'm sorry, Max," he whispered, remembering the sacrifice she had made in order to deliver the medical supplies safely back to terminal City. "You did what you had to do."
"Same goes for you," she said. "Thankyou."
"Well this is one for the books. Max, thanking me. Now I know something is definitely up with you," he tried to joke, but it fell flat for some reason. "You don't have to feel guilty about leaving me behind, Max. It was what we agreed we should do if I missed the rendezvous."
"I know. But it didn't make the decision any easier."
"You're doing okay," he said. When she looked up at him with questioning eyes, asking just what he meant, he continued. "You're doing okay - as a leader."
She scoffed at his words and looked out at the city below her once more.
"I never thought I would miss it," she whispered. "For all my bitching and moaning about Seattle, Jam Pony, the queues for almost everything, the checkpoints, the sector police, for all my complaining I didn't think I would miss it."
"But you do," he said.
"Yeah, I do," she sighed. "I miss everything. The brown outs, having to take over an hour to fill a bath from boiling pots of water, the tussling at the market to get even the most basic of stuffs, the shakedowns, the payoffs, hell, I miss Normal and his 'bip,bip,bip,' how sick is that? And Crash, boy do I miss hanging out at Crash. I would do anything for a pitcher of beer right about now."
Alec chuckled at the sound of desperation in her voice.
"I just don't know if I've done the right thing," she said sadly.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I burned Manticore down to set us all free. But are we? We're holed up in TC and we're still like animals, except this time we're in a bigger cage. What was I thinking, Alec?"
"It's not the same, Max," he said trying to be convincing.
"Isn't it? We have to sneak out to get supplies. We risk lives every time we run out of toilet paper. We can't walk the streets. We set foot outside those gates and we'll be shot on sight and that's only if we're lucky and the rest of the world and the vigilante psychos out there don't decide to have a little fun with us first. What kind of a life do we have here? Is it any better than if we would have ran?"
"Yes. Yes it is better. It's better than being hunted. Never being able to stop running, stop hiding. Anything is better than that. Knowing that nowhere is safe because someone would always be after you, on your trail, biting at your heels. At least, at the very least, here we can pause, rest even, at least we are together, with family. It's not the safest place in the world, no. Terminal City isn't a transgenic utopia. Maybe we should be looking for an Island or something. Make a real life "Island of Dr Moreau" with a happy ending, but until then, this is the best we got, Max. And it's better than we could ever have hoped for and we owe it all to you."
"Don't say that," she mumbled, with tears in her eyes. She didn't want to be responsible for the mess they all found themselves in.
"We owe it all to you. We are alive, here, now because of you. Can't you see that?"
"No," she cried. "I can't."
He pulled her closer, his hands on her forearms, pleading with her to listen to all that he was saying. "We would never have stood a chance if we had ran. You gotta believe that."
"I want to, I really do."
"Then just trust me," he said. "Trust what I am saying."
A sob broke from her and Alec reached out and pulled her head to his chest folding her into his embrace. He held her, rocking and soothing her muffled cries as he straightened her hair with the palm of her hand. His heart ached for her, but he was glad that he had the chance to be with her like this. He had only held one other time - the night she told him about Ben's death and he had been as surprised then as he was now - not of what she had done, but of her strength, her resilience and her sacrifice. Whether she could see it or not, Alec knew that Max had managed to give part of her soul up for the greater good and benefit of others, making her a true leader.
"I'm sorry to get all girly on you," she whispered against his chest after she had been crying for some minutes.
"Don't worry about it. In fact, I kind of find it refreshing."
She pulled back and looked up at him, a questioning look on her face.
"It makes a change from you wanting to kick my ass all the time," he shrugged.
"Who said I didn't want to kick your ass?" she joked.
"Whatever makes you feel better, Max."
"I guess we'd better head back inside. It's starting to get cold," she said pulling completely back from him and noticing the truth in her words now that she didn't have his arms to warm her.
"Nah. I'm not ready to head back in just yet," he said, looking out over the city once more.
"Me neither," she said giving him a small smile an turning to look out over the broken city before them once more, knowing this time, she wasn't alone.
TBC
Rhasa4@yahoo.com
Max looked out at the city skyline. The space needle, her favourite haunt of past, loomed far in the distance. Like a beacon it called to her, but she knew it would be a long time coming before she could scale its heights ever again.
She sighed, and scanned her eyes across the streets below. The view may be different but the heartache that resided beneath her was just the same. Broken lives in a broken world. Some great 'recovery' America was having.
A cool breeze swept over her and she tightened the hold she had on her knees against her chest. She welcomed the sudden drop in temperature despite its foreboding. Winter was on its way and would be here soon. Preparations had to be made to make Terminal City a more comfortable environment for its occupants during the cooler months. Pushing those worrisome thoughts out of her head, she was happy just for now that the cool wind allowed her to feel something. She had been numb for days and her detachment to everything and everyone around her had caused her a little concern.
A shiver ran through, but this time she knew it wasn't the cold. She had heard him approach - so much for his stealth and other skills supposed to be imbedded into, she could always hear Alec from a long way off.
"I thought I might find you here," he said softly as he moved to take a seat next to her, she didn't answer. "It was easy to figure out. 'Just wondered where the highest point of Terminal City was, far away from the maddening crowd as it were, and voila. Here you are."
"Guess I can't keep anything from you, hey?" she said solemnly.
Noticing her dark mood, Alec tried to cheer her up. "Hey, I've got great news," he said, perhaps a little too enthusiastically. "Kyra said the last two have come off the critical list. They're going to live, Max. They're going to make it."
"That is good news," she agreed, but she still didn't look at him.
"But that's not what's bothering you, right?" Alec hedged.
He knew she was down. She had withdrawn from him, hell from everyone, over the past few days. She had spent more and more time by herself, just thinking it seemed. He had initially put it down to the guilt she felt for the raid almost two weeks ago. Too many of their own kind had died and Max, typically, took all the blame herself, despite there being no way any of them had known it was a trap. She felt as if she had failed as a soldier but more importantly as a leader. He tried to help her understand, and when that didn't seem to work he vowed to give her some space, to help her get through it. But after a while her solitude bothered him and his concern grew by the day.
"Max, what's wrong," he whispered while nudging her with his shoulder. "Come on," he urged. "You've been down for days. Tell me what's bothering you."
"Oh, you know. Life, the universe and everything," she joked.
Alec sighed. He was trying, he really was. But getting Max to open up sometimes was like getting blood from a stone.
Hearing him next to her, Max turned to look at him. He stared straight back, not afraid to meet whatever he would find in her eyes.
"I never thanked you," she whispered.
"Thanked me?" he asked surprised. "For what?"
"For two weeks ago. The raid. What you did."
"I just did what any other soldier would do."
"No you didn't. You went above and beyond that day, Alec. Mole told me how you went back, to get Anita as well as the others."
"I didn't even know her name," he said softly. The memory of his futile attempt to save the unknown transgenic was still raw in his mind. "I couldn't save her. I wasn't fast enough."
"You tried. You went back," Max said. "That's more than-" she stopped abruptly.
"More than what? More than what you expected me to do?"
She shook her head sharply. "No. It's more than a lot of others would have done," she said.
"Well, I just can't stand to leave a man - or woman - behind," he shrugged.
"I know the feeling," she said, remembering that she had done just that to him only two nights later when they had gone on a run for medical supplies.
"I'm sorry, Max," he whispered, remembering the sacrifice she had made in order to deliver the medical supplies safely back to terminal City. "You did what you had to do."
"Same goes for you," she said. "Thankyou."
"Well this is one for the books. Max, thanking me. Now I know something is definitely up with you," he tried to joke, but it fell flat for some reason. "You don't have to feel guilty about leaving me behind, Max. It was what we agreed we should do if I missed the rendezvous."
"I know. But it didn't make the decision any easier."
"You're doing okay," he said. When she looked up at him with questioning eyes, asking just what he meant, he continued. "You're doing okay - as a leader."
She scoffed at his words and looked out at the city below her once more.
"I never thought I would miss it," she whispered. "For all my bitching and moaning about Seattle, Jam Pony, the queues for almost everything, the checkpoints, the sector police, for all my complaining I didn't think I would miss it."
"But you do," he said.
"Yeah, I do," she sighed. "I miss everything. The brown outs, having to take over an hour to fill a bath from boiling pots of water, the tussling at the market to get even the most basic of stuffs, the shakedowns, the payoffs, hell, I miss Normal and his 'bip,bip,bip,' how sick is that? And Crash, boy do I miss hanging out at Crash. I would do anything for a pitcher of beer right about now."
Alec chuckled at the sound of desperation in her voice.
"I just don't know if I've done the right thing," she said sadly.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I burned Manticore down to set us all free. But are we? We're holed up in TC and we're still like animals, except this time we're in a bigger cage. What was I thinking, Alec?"
"It's not the same, Max," he said trying to be convincing.
"Isn't it? We have to sneak out to get supplies. We risk lives every time we run out of toilet paper. We can't walk the streets. We set foot outside those gates and we'll be shot on sight and that's only if we're lucky and the rest of the world and the vigilante psychos out there don't decide to have a little fun with us first. What kind of a life do we have here? Is it any better than if we would have ran?"
"Yes. Yes it is better. It's better than being hunted. Never being able to stop running, stop hiding. Anything is better than that. Knowing that nowhere is safe because someone would always be after you, on your trail, biting at your heels. At least, at the very least, here we can pause, rest even, at least we are together, with family. It's not the safest place in the world, no. Terminal City isn't a transgenic utopia. Maybe we should be looking for an Island or something. Make a real life "Island of Dr Moreau" with a happy ending, but until then, this is the best we got, Max. And it's better than we could ever have hoped for and we owe it all to you."
"Don't say that," she mumbled, with tears in her eyes. She didn't want to be responsible for the mess they all found themselves in.
"We owe it all to you. We are alive, here, now because of you. Can't you see that?"
"No," she cried. "I can't."
He pulled her closer, his hands on her forearms, pleading with her to listen to all that he was saying. "We would never have stood a chance if we had ran. You gotta believe that."
"I want to, I really do."
"Then just trust me," he said. "Trust what I am saying."
A sob broke from her and Alec reached out and pulled her head to his chest folding her into his embrace. He held her, rocking and soothing her muffled cries as he straightened her hair with the palm of her hand. His heart ached for her, but he was glad that he had the chance to be with her like this. He had only held one other time - the night she told him about Ben's death and he had been as surprised then as he was now - not of what she had done, but of her strength, her resilience and her sacrifice. Whether she could see it or not, Alec knew that Max had managed to give part of her soul up for the greater good and benefit of others, making her a true leader.
"I'm sorry to get all girly on you," she whispered against his chest after she had been crying for some minutes.
"Don't worry about it. In fact, I kind of find it refreshing."
She pulled back and looked up at him, a questioning look on her face.
"It makes a change from you wanting to kick my ass all the time," he shrugged.
"Who said I didn't want to kick your ass?" she joked.
"Whatever makes you feel better, Max."
"I guess we'd better head back inside. It's starting to get cold," she said pulling completely back from him and noticing the truth in her words now that she didn't have his arms to warm her.
"Nah. I'm not ready to head back in just yet," he said, looking out over the city once more.
"Me neither," she said giving him a small smile an turning to look out over the broken city before them once more, knowing this time, she wasn't alone.
TBC
Rhasa4@yahoo.com