Chapter 21: Can You Sleep?
"Haley..." Mark whispered. He was kneeling in front of her as she slept soundly on the couch. She didn't wake as he whispered, so gently he leaned in and kissed he eyelids sweetly. They fluttered open and a small smile grew on her face.
"Hey..." She smiled. She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was really late, and he seemed so wide awake. "What's wrong?" She asked as she sat up and rubbed her eyes.
"I couldn't sleep." He laughed. He got up and sat next to her. This seemed silly to her, but cute. It reminded her of herself when she was young and she'd run to her parents' room, because she couldn't sleep. Haley laughed too, and leaned into his shoulder. They sat there in silence, and Haley's eyes were almost completely shut again, when Mark spoke once more. " Do you love them still?" He asked sadly. It was a pitiful, sad question, like a little boy would ask.
"Of course..." She said in a dull voice. This seemed simple to her. Some people may have though she was insane. Being in love with two guys, and being with another. But it wasn't as complicated as it seemed. She loved Lucas and Nathan, she really did. But the truth was, she always would. That didn't mean she could hang on to that forever, fighting between the two. She had moved on, though the scars were still fresh, she was branching out, and she felt good about it.
"What are you doing with me then?" Mark asked.
"Im always going to love them, Mark. That doesn't mean I can't ever be with anyone else. It's over with them now. I need you to understand though, that Im always going to have feelings for them." She whispered. It was their dorm room, and no one else lived there, but still, in this dark night, they felt like it was mandatory to whisper.
"Do you have feelings for me?" He asked. He couldn't believe he asked it. He had always been bold, but not around her. She made him nervous and shy, and all of a sudden he was himself again. He wasn't sure if being himself, the real him, was a good thing.
Haley didn't answer, she just smiled and looked up at him, leaning in to give him a small simple kiss, then she fell asleep on his chest, his head on top of her's.
was it that hard
to give me away
are you that easily persuaded
by a memory that's faded
like a card
left out in the rain
and tears will fall like ink right off the page
Through all the bliss of new schools, new friends and new loves, no one ever saw how Lucas felt about the Haley situation. It seemed as if he had just forgotten. It was as though he had fought so hard for something he was sure he wanted, but when he got it, he didn't. That's how it seemed to everyone else though. And to them, that was okay, as long as he wasn't hurting. But it wasn't actually how it was. Lucas even had himself convinced that he was okay with it. He was happy, she was probably happy, though he hadn't heard from her. And everything was fine. Not quite.
He was sitting to his table in his dorm room. The night was long and dark, the moon barely shining in on him. There had been so much craziness in the first few weeks of class, that he had never been able to get his head around what happened. Everyone had been right. He wasn't hurting. Because up until this point, he hadn't felt anything at all. He was numb. But tonight, there must have been something in the air. He was breathing whatever it was in, thick and heavy in his lungs, sucking through his body, making his eyes water. He was sitting down, his head in his hands, tracing a circle in the table top. First, he thought of Brooke. She had been a great friend until this point, and there were times when he could actually see himself with her, but, then his thoughts would float back to Haley, all he had done to be with her, and what he had done to throw that away.
tell me can you sleep at night
knowing I'm awake
when you turn out the light
did you think that I was gonna be alright
kicked out of your life
now tell me can you sleep at night
When he stared at his hands, circling the table, he noticed them shaking. He hadn't noticed this before, but now they wouldn't stop. Everyone had spent so much time worrying about Haley, and her friendship with Nathan. What about him? He hadn't even seen how badly he had been bruised. He needed to get over this. He needed to move on. He kept telling himself that. But every single tie he said the word need, the only word he could think of to follow it was her. He had never needed anyone in his life. But now he needed her. And truthfully, he needed his brother.
Nathan was the only brother he had. And they had let a girl take that away. It wasn't as though Haley, or any other girl would be worth it. But, the fact that Nathan was so angry with him, that Nathan had kicked Lucas out of his life without once turning around to help him up again, that was the worst realization Lucas ever had. It was true too. Nathan had been so upset with Lucas, he had blamed him for everything, and he walked out of his life without ever checking in again.
Lucas could feel his breaths getting short in what now seemed like a small, frightening room. He stood up and kicked the chair over, angrily. The chair crashed down onto a small coffee table, making some small pictures which Brooke had generously arranged, to crash onto the floor, glass scattering everywhere. Then, those pictures reminded him of Brooke. He felt as though he didn't even have control over his won body anymore, like all he could do was watch it do the damage for him. His hand fell to his sides for a quick second, then uplifted his small table, books and paper scattering everywhere as it tipped in the air. It wobbled for a second on two legs, then finally tipped onto its side, taking the other chair with it. Lucas just stood there, breathing heavily as he watched the mess he had made, of his room and of his life.
do you think of me
when you're with her
is she filling all the blanks in
til the temporary space is empty again
just like you are
and now you'll have to smile and just pretend
"Hey..." Cara smiled shyly as she walked into Nathan's dorm room. He was sitting to his desk, studying, and had almost forgotten he had invited her over to hang out. She stood in the doorway, a small smile silently on her face. She looked so nervous that it made Nathan laugh. He smirked at her and motioned for her to come over on the couch. Getting up , he sat there too.
She had her hands jammed in her pockets, to stop them from shaking nervously. He couldn't believe how much she was like Haley. The way she smiled, the way she laughed, her shyness, the way she looked at him. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, just as he always did with Haley. He felt a tingling in his stomach as he did so, it wasn't the huge explosive fireworks like he got with Haley, but it was a nice feeling. He had been thinking about all this, while she stared at him. Then he could only ask himself one more question, why was it that every thing he ever thought about, ending with her name? He couldn't have that anymore.
He pulled Cara in close to him, bringing her lips extremely close to his. She could feel his breath on her face, she could almost feel his heart pounding through his chest, pressed against her's. Or it could have been her heart that she felt. One way or another, it was pounding hard.
"Hey..." He finally spoke. She smiled at him, her confidence growing as he spoke so gently. Finally, after so much teasing, he let their lips touch, softly and gently. She then pulled away and looked him in the eye.
"Hi..." She whispered, then went in for another.
so tell me can you sleep at night
knowing I'm awake
when you turn out the light
did you think that I was gona be alright
pushed out of your life
and tell me can you sleep
but all this time we've wasted
you were all I thought about
and this bitter pill I'm tasting
well its time to spit it out
oh no, no, no
There ya go.. let me know ( lol that rhymes...) by the way don't forget,,, Chaning Tides!!! lol...
Michelley P.