Chapter 23: Lips Of An Angel
Haley was sitting on the edge of her bed. Mark was in the washroom after a long night out. He had actually gotten sick this time, but not half as sick as she was of it. She listened to him in there, clinking things on the sink. Once more she stared down at the books in front of her, trying to prepare herself for misterms. AS she lifted her pen, she could help but wince a the sharp pen that went through her wrist, and now, the rest of her body. She outlined one of the bruises on her arm, and realized that there was one person she could have been with, who would have never done this to her. She loved Mark, but when she thought back to the thigns his mother said to her, she realized that his mother was right. Love wasn't enough. It wasn't even close to enough. Before, the love she had for him blocked out the pain in her body, but now that pain was getting bigger, and her love smaller.
Nathan sat at his desk, gripping his forehead in frustration. Mid terms started tomorrow, and his first one was biology. He didn't understand any of this. He slammed his pen down and leaned back in his chair, letting his fingers run through his hair as he gazed around his dorm room. Looking back on his bed, he saw Cara, sleeping soundly. He smiled at her, how peaceful she looked sleeping in his worn blue t-shirt. She was great to him, but in the pit of his stomach he felt a sudden urge for someone he had tried not to think of in so long. And he was doing well, he felt as if he was finally moving on with his life, and he finally found someone who was more than happy to fight for him. He walked over to the bed and kissed Cara's forehead, as the dark hair that softly laid there fell gently over her eyes. He just stared at her, thinking about how his life had gotten to this place, when he was awaken from his thoughts by the sound of his cell phone ringing on the bed stand. He rushed over and picked up the phone before it woke Cara.
"Scott..." He whispered as he rushed into the other room when he noticed her starting to stir. She fell back asleep as silence filled the bedroom once more.
"Nathan?" A voice whispered as Nathan slowly pushed the door partly closed, still opened enough so he could ensure he'd see Cara of she woke.
"Yea..." Nathan said, oblivious to the voice on the other line. He heard the voice sigh a sigh that made his heart weaken. The sound of her sigh alone made her so recognizable that his knees became weak and he fell into the empty chair behind him.
Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
He heard Haley's voice break into small quiet sobs that she was obviously trying to control.
"Haley..." He whispered with a certain desperation in his voice. A desperation for her to speak, to just hear her voice. As if this would be a sign for him, breaking him from this numbness from not being able to believe she was calling him right now. "Why are you calling me?" He asked as he stood up and started to walk around in circles. Now his body was filled with a different emotion. It was only a couple seconds ago he knelt by his bed staring at what was now his world. Now he was standing in a small storage room, his eyes still on what his world was, sleeping soundly, as he spoke to and ached for the person on the other phone line, what he wanted his world to be. If he could rewind his life, he'd rewind it to five minutes ago, where he would have turned off his cell phone and settled with what he has, not long for what he doesn't have.
"I..." Haley sighed. "I don't know." She screamed as she ran her fingers through her hair. Around her, the lights flickered a little from the rain that was beating down outside.
"I can't really talk right now." Nathan whispered, trying to keep his voice even quieter as he noticed Cara turn over, obviously being disturbed by Nathan voice which was growing louder from the sound of Haley breathing through the phone.
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
"She there?" Haley asked as she sniffled a little, trying to calm the tears that refused to stop falling.
"Yea, but even if she wasn't, I can't talk to you." Nathan said harshly. Closing his eyes tightly as he heard himself sound so harsh to her. "It's not right. After the other day, I don't think we should ever talk, or see each other again." Nathan whispered sadly. It was a lie, that may have been what he thought, but what he knew? He knew he needed her right there with him, he knew he wanted to see her again, and talk to her again. But he also knew that he needed to be stronger and better, for Cara. "Where's Mark?" He found himself asking. He shouldn't have.
"Sleeping." Haley said nervously as she walked over and pushed open the door to make sure he was still sleeping. "And... her?" She couldn't say her name, because that would mean she was real, she existed, and Haley couldn't handle that.
"Sleeping..." Nathan sighed. He could picture Haley, running her fingers through her hair as she cried quietly. Probably the same way he was beginning to. He wondered what she was thinking... if it were the same things as she was.
"Oh..." There was a silence.
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
"Nathan?" Haley said, her voice high and crackling as she bit her lip, feeling her knees weakening.
Nathan shut his eyes tight, refusing to answer, not wanting her to hear his voice. "Hmm?" He responded, biting his lip to stop it from quivering. He hated talking to her. He hated seeing her. He hated thinking of her. And most of all he hated loving her. And he hated the way he loved talking to her, seeing her and thinking about her.
"Do you ever think about me?" She asked. She knew that this probably sounded completely conceited, and she never wanted to turn out like that. But even as she knew she was with Mark now, and she loved him. But lately, more than ever, she found herself thinking of Nathan more. She could feel herself fall far away from the new life she had built, and wanting badly to land back into her old life. But that life was gone and all she needed now was to know she wasn't alone in this. She needed to know that she wasn't the only one who thought of them together, she needed to know that he thought of it too.
"Haley..." Nathan protested, not wanting to answer the question. But Haley didn't say anything. She just waited, wanting an answer.
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
"No." Nathan said harshly. He ran his fingers through his hair. His own body ached from hearing him say that, he couldn't imagine what it did to her. He heard Haley laugh a little. It was a sad laugh, but a laugh all the same.
"Liar." She whispered. Nathan this time laughed with her. He used to love to hear her laugh, he'd tickle her and do whatever it took just to hear it, because it meant she was happy. But now, her laugh was sad and desperate, fake, and he knew she was holding back her emotions.
"When did you get so cocky?" He whispered, noticing that he was getting comfortable talking to her once more, it made him relaxed and regrettably happy.
"Last... Thursday... I think." Haley laughed. Her laughed was a little loud at first, then she hushed it and Nathan heard a small clutter in the background.
"That him?" He asked, his voice was filled with an unintended jealousy. He usually called him by name when referring to him, which wasn't very often. But with Haley's voice in his ear he felt an urge to own her, for her to be all his, not Mark's. And if he said his name, it meant that he was real, and he was that someone she was beginning a new life with.
"Yeah, Listen, Dad, can you hold on for a second?" Haley said in a happy voice, obviously trying to cover up the emotion which had began to surface whenever she thought of Nathan.
"Oh, so Im you're daddy now huh?" Nathan laughed. He wasn't sure where the laughs were coming from. It was only a few seconds ago that he told her he didn't think of her, that he didn't want to talk to her. Now he loved it. He loved to make her laugh. Haley laughed and shushed him.
"Hey baby." Mark whispered as he walked over and placed his arms around Haley's waist. Haley couldn't deny that she loved him. Because she did, he was amazing, he was perfect, but he wasn't Nathan. But that didn't mean she didn't love him, or love being with him. But for the past couple weeks she felt herself growing distant from him, she began to feel that the love wasn't strong enough, not as strong as her's and Nathan's.
Nathan could hear Haley laugh, as he quietly slid the phone from his hear, not wanting to hear them do, whatever they were doing, which was probably kissing. "Nate?" he heard a distant voice from his phone which had been by his side as he tried to catch his breath which was getting short and staggered.
"Im here." He whispered. Back to this. To the sadness and reality of the situation. "You guys seem to be doing great." He found it hard to say.
"I guess." Haley tried to find more words to say, but she couldn't.
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to meWill it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
"He's gone now." She whispered again aft er the phone line went silent for awhile. She could hear Nathan breathing on the other line, his breaths came with a small sniff every once in awhile.
"We shouldn't be talking." Nathan said once more as he leaned against his door frame and gripped his forehead tightly.
"I know..." Suddenly Haley fell into dreadful sobs. He was definitely gone now. And it was safe for her to let it out. She was miserable. She couldn't eat, sleep, think, not without each and every one of her actions leading her to ache for Nathan. "I love you so much." She whispered. Nathan let himself fall to the floor slowly, his back against the door as it closed quietly behind him. His chin rested on his knees and he wrapped one arm around them, while the other hand still held the phone to his ear, barely.
He didn't speak, he didn't breath, he just sat there, not sure what he should say. He knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops like she had always wanted, he wanted to spread banners and signs around the world, declaring to everyone that he still loved Haley James. He wanted to be the guy who woke up to only wrap his arms around her waist. But he was here, sitting in an old storage room, while she was there, in an room she shared with someone else.
"You don't love me anymore?" She asked, his silence serving as some sort of sign to her. The one she hadn't expected to get, and definitely not the one she wanted. Her voice was broken with cries between her words. Since she left Tree Hill, she had tried her hardest to build a happy life, she spent her time convincing everyone that she was happy, that she had almost convinced herself. That was until she found herself desperately needing to call him, as if it were her personal fix, he was her own drug, the one she used to help her escape the miserable life she pretended to love.
"Of course I do!" Nathan finally shouted. He glanced around his shoulder, peeking out the door to make sure he didn't wake that someone else. And he hadn't, he turned his attention to Haley, a girl who would never just be someone else. "Of course I love you, of course I think of you. And I dream about you, and I need you. But I can't have you, so what's worth arguing about?" He began to cry with her, both of them needed each other so much, but they were both so deep into their new lives, that there was no way they could get out now.
"We're worth arguing about..." Haley whispered. "Aren't we?" She asked him, wanting an answer to everything.
"Sure, we're worth it, but it's too late. Im sorry." Nathan said. He hadn't planned on leaving the conversation at that. But he had no other choice as he heard a silent, slow click, which gradually turned to a dial tone. He sat there, phone in hand, listening as it signaled that she was gone. But he kept listening, as if she would soon start talking again, the dial tone had been an illusion.
"Nathan?" A voice said as a girl peeked in through the door, smiling down at him. "What are you doing?" She laughed as she snuck in and sat next to him, pulling him in to kiss him tenderly. The kiss almost hurt him now, it was nothing it used to be, the sound of Haley's voice changed it all. But he reluctantly kissed her back, hoping she could help him leave the conversation behind.
Haley stared around her apartment. At all the pictures of her and Mark, of everything there that was so significant to them. And she cried. For everything that her life had turned out to be, she cried. Sitting there, her shoulders shaking with each sob, she fell apart in her own ruins.
Alright... there you go, what to you think? Let me know okay? I have the next few chapters already written, so... please let me know...The next chapter is a huge chapter.. the climax really... Pam... you already know about this one, lol. SO I'll stop rambling and let you guys review! Thank You
Michelley P.
p.s. since this chapter wasn't supposed to come for a while, Im not sure how long ahead I had set it. Ive checked already but didn't notice anythign Else I should have changed, but if there is... I apologize!