Chapter 32: Face Down
♬ Hey girl you know you drive me crazy
one look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down. ♬
The cool wind blew in her hair as she sat on the front steps of the college campus. The night seemed to be getting darker, and the grass around her feet was damp and sticky. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly, but winced as she felt the bruises on her arm that Mark had placed there a few nights ago. She was in love with him, but as she sat there alone, tracing her fingers over the cuts on her forehead, the bruises on her arms, she wondered what had made her stay in this relationship all this time. She had spent years being close to Nathan and the only bruises she had received were from competitions, or small accidents. She spend a great deal of time in a relationship with Lucas, and he never so much as raised his voice at her, let alone leave a mark. For the first time in a really long time, she had found herself completely lost in her love for this guy, and lost she was. Somewhere between the parties and the drugs, she had lost herself. This life she had built for herself here in college with Mark, wasn't her life. She felt like someone on the outside looking in on a stranger.
She thought back on her conversation with Nathan that night, when she had called him, needing so desperately to hear his voice. And the lie she had told to Mark about who was on the phone. Her whole body began to shake with her sobs as she thought of the mess she had made of her life.
"That wasn't your dad you were talking to tonight was it?" A voice said as a strong body sat next to her, staring coldly ahead. Haley's body began to shake with fear as she saw the look in his eyes. In order to protect herself, from the monster he had become in this second, she wanted to lie. But, in order to save a relationship which she loved- most of the time- she knew she had to tell the truth.
She turned to him, reaching her hands out to his, but he pulled away angrily. "No..." She whispered sadly. He stood up abruptly and gave her a hard, terrifying look. This look was not the look she had received hours before when he was sweet, when she lied, telling him that the person she was talking to was her father, not her ex. She stood up and moved toward him, reaching for him again, reaching for something worth fighting for. But she failed to receive it.
"Dammit Haley!" He screamed. Pushing her back away from him, causing her to fall on the ground on her back, hitting her head on the step. She knew it must have hurt, she could almost feel her head throbbing, but she couldn't feel the pain. After all the bumps and bruises he had caused her, her body was now completely numb. "Who was it?" He asked. He didn't yell at her, but the anger in the quivering of his voice was more startling then his usual yells. She could see the way she had finally pushed him over the edge, she saw it as she searched his face for something more. For that look that used to give her butterflies.
"Nathan." Haley whispered. It was her own fault he was like this, she knew it. She had been the one who talked to other guys, who thought of Nathan and Lucas, who wished for the comfort she had in her relationship with Lucas, for the safety she had with Nathan. She dreamt of her life with them, and sometimes she contemplated which one she dreamt of more, Nathan's or Lucas's. All she knew was that this life she had now, wasn't the one she had dreamt of when she was a little girl. The pain she had just felt as his foot connected with her side, causing her to lose her breath, wasn't what she had dazed off, dreaming of in history class. But the love she felt for Mark right now, for the real Mark, the one she had met on her first day of college, was the feeling she had dreamt of.
♬ Cover up with make up in the mirror
tell yourself it's never gonna happen again
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you. ♪
"Mark..." Haley cried as he once again kicked her, making her curl up in a little ball on the ground. The college campus was abandoned, students had left for the long weekend, the remaining ones were partying hard, music blaring, too loud to hear her cries. "I love you..." She cried softly through the forced pain in her side. She heard him yelling at her, but this time his foot connected with the side of her face, hitting her right in the temple. Her vision blurred and all she could wonder was if it was the force of his foot, or the tears in her eyes causing it. "I love you..." She whispered again.
"Do you think I like doing this?" He yelled softly as he bent over to try and look in her eyes, but she refused to look at him through the red tint covering her eyes. He reached down and roughly pulled her head up by her hair to look him in the eye. "Huh? This is your fault! You keep sneaking around... I see the way you look at those other guys. None of them will ever love you like I do..." He yelled, this time his voice echoed in the air, dangling over her then swopping down to suffocate her as he slammed her head back down on the step.
"Im sorry." She sobbed. But he obviously needed her as his punching bag. All of his drama throughout his life, all of the pain he had ever suffered, if there was any, was being poured out on her now. She was his own personal punching bag, and the only thing she wanted to do was stand up and love him more. "Please..." She cried softly, feeling completely weak beneath his foot. She could taste the blood in her mouth, mixed with the dirt which her face was smeared in. She did her best to try and pull herself up, using the last bit of her strength to pull her small fragile body away from his foot which was now coming at her full force again. She tip on her side, dragging herself along the dirt, her hair tangled with her own blotchy blood, when his foot finally met her side, tipping her over onto her back where she stared straight up at the sky.
For the first time since his beatings had started, she felt her body so weak that she had had enough. She loved Mark, but she didn't love the guy standing in front of her, rather, crouching, trying to pull her to her feet by her arm. She felt as though her arm may come out of joint with his pressure, and when she gathered enough energy to look up at him, she could see a sparkle in his eye. He was crying. He actually cared, no matter how much had was represented by the rest of his face, his eyes showed the love which he once showed to her. But she couldn't hang on to that small spark anymore. He had made her body become so weak that she hadn't had enough strength to hold on to who he used to be. All she could do was see who he was now, and through her blood tinted eyes, she saw him clearly for the first time. She loved him, but she couldn't go on any longer.
♬ Do you feel like a man
when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found. ♬
"Leave me alone..." She pleaded through her sobs, with that he let go of her arm and let her fall to the ground, landing on her shoulder. She could actually feel it when it smashed, like a fragile glass which he had created himself, she could feel her bones shatter. Her body had actually reached its breaking point. She screamed out in pain, and watched him as he repeatedly kicked her, pulled her up and kicked her so that she went flying. "Get away from me!" She screamed. For the first time, she was trying to fight back, she had raised her voice in the situation, but she was afraid that she had been so blinded by the so called love they shared, that she couldn't see what a toll this had taken on her body. He stood over her, staring down at her, his breaths heavy and strong. The moment was silent and all she could hear was foot steps gradually getting closer. Soon, she heard Mark's footsteps as he stepped over her body, which hadn't made a move in so long that it started to scare him when he realized how far he had went this time. She heard his footsteps disappear behind her, and the new footsteps get closer, and it wasn't long until she heard voices as well. She wanted to shout for whoever it was, but she didn't have enough strength left in her body to do so. She tried to think of everything she had done to deserve this, and for the first time she couldn't find one thing.
She thought about Nathan and Lucas... and Brooke... she abandoned them and that life, for this one. She felt her heart smile as she thought of how happy she had been with them. They made one simple mistake, and she condemned them for it. This must have been what it was like to be condemned for something you didn't do. Had they felt this pain she was feeling?- or had felt, because now she couldn't feel anything but her body slipping away from her.
"I haven't seen her in so long. Nathan said that she's staying here with Mark... or whoever... for the long weekend." A voice said with enthusiasm. She knew the voice and she tried her best to shout to the footsteps which were approaching a different stairwell. They weren't walking near her, and they were her only hope. "I can't wait to see her."
"Me neither, I haven't really spoke to her since she left..." Brooke said. Haley smiled, she could picture her now, jumping around happily and cheerfully, the same old Brooke as always.
"Luke..." Haley tried yelling. She was pretty sure that was as loud as she'd be able to yell, because she felt like she didn't have enough breath left to breathe, let alone yell.
One day she will tell you that she has had enough
its coming round again.
Face down in the dirt she says,
this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..
"Lucas..." Brooke said, reaching out to stop him as she looked over towards the steps. She saw a small figure on the ground and she heard a small voice. "Look..." She said in curiosity.
"What?" Lucas asked, walking quickly behind her as Brooke recognized the body and gasped. She dashed towards her, falling to her side and rolling her over to look at her face. Brooke's whole body shook as she stared at her. Haley's eyes finally closed and she let go, knowing they were there. "Oh my god..." Lucas cried as he bent down and pulled her into his arms, standing to rush her to his car. Her head tipped back and her arms flared out. Brooke ran next to him, holding Haley's head up to support her neck. Haley had lost all control of her own body... and her own life.
"Where's Mark?" Haley managed to breathe. "I need him, I can't...not without him... please..." Then she lost her breath, almost choking on her own blood, and even though it was all his fault, she loved him still.
♬ FACE DOWN IN THE DIRT SHE SAYS "THIS DOESN'T HURT..." SHE SAYS, "I FINALLY HAD ENOUGH..." ♬
Okay... now... tell me what you think...
four more chapters and counting... the faster you review, the faster Ill update. and for those of you who read my other fanfics, I may be alittle longer update... god, talk about writers block... gah!
Michelley P.