Chapter Eight

"You sure this is a good idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

Carth sighed in the partial darkness of Revan's quarters. She'd asked him to spend the night again, and he had agreed. But now he was having second thoughts. Carth reached over and brushed a lock of hair away from Revan's face. "Don't get me wrong, Beautiful," he said. "I'm happy to be here with you. But…"

Revan frowned. She reached up and turned on the light above her bed. Carth winced until his eyes adjusted. "But what?" Revan asked.

"I'm just… worried about—"

"Carth," Revan smiled, "I don't care what the others think."

"But I do," he said.

"I'm a big girl, Onasi," she smiled. "I can take care of myself."

"I know, but—"

Revan looked into his eyes. "Carth, I know what you're trying to do. And I appreciate it." She slid closer. "But I don't care what they think. Jedi's aren't supposed to be this… close to others, let alone kiss… share a bed…" Her voice trailed off. "Carth, what I'm trying to say is… you want to give me a future with you?"

Carth nodded.

"Then you're gonna have to get used to the dirty looks, flyboy," she smiled.

"I… I know, but…"

"Carth?"

"Hmm?"

Revan smiled. "Shut up, turn off the light, and kiss me."

Carth did as he was told. He wrapped Revan in his arms and pulled her close, her body aligning with his. Carth kissed her gently, not wanting to get carried away like that morning. He had fallen for her. She was more than just the woman he had saved from the escape pod, more than just another member of the crew. When he pulled her out of the escape pod on Taris, not once did he ever think that months later he'd even consider letting her close, letting her into his heart, allowing himself to trust someone again…

Revan broke the kiss, then hugged Carth, holding him tight. She smiled as he kissed the nape of her neck. To think that all this time they could have spent it in one another's arms…

Carth could feel Revan's muscles suddenly tense. "Rev?" he softly asked. "You okay?"

Revan smiled and walked over to Malak's side. She placed her hand on his strong back and lazily traced his spine, over his backside…

Revan started to shake.

"Rev?" Carth asked again. He pulled her away slightly and looked at her face. She looked distant…

"Oh no," Carth gasped.

Malak kissed Revan.

"Revan?" Carth asked. "Can you hear me?"

Malak pulled off his shirt while Revan undid his belt. She pushed him up against the wall…

"Revan, wake up!" Carth cried. He didn't know what to do. Was Revan supposed to wait these visions out? Could they be interrupted?

Malakuntied her black robes, letting the fabric pool at her feet.He kissed her…

Revan started to sob in Carth's arm. He tried to get her to sit up, tried to talk to her, but Carth got no response.

Jolee… He had to get Jolee…

Revan let out a cry. She clung to Malak, the sweat on her palms and his back making it hard to hold on. She heard Malak moan her name…

Clad in only a pair of black drawstring pants, Carth ran down the halls of the Ebon Hawk. He reached Jolee's quarters and entered without knocking. "Jolee!" Carth cried.

Jolee's eyes snapped open. "What in—"

"Revan's having another flashback!"

Jolee sprung to his feet.

They lay on Revan's bed, the sheets tangled around them. Revan giggled in the darkness, lazily tracing a pattern on Malak's chest. "As soon as the Star Forge cranks out more ships, no one will oppose us," she said. "Doesn't that sound wonderful?"

Malak grinned. "It does indeed, Master."

"I never get tired of hearing that," she smiled.

Carth and Jolee ran inside Revan's room. They found her lying on the floor, half the blankets wrapped around her. Carth picked her up and sat down on the edge of the bed, holding her in his arms while she sobbed softly.

Jolee placed a hand on the side of her head. "What was she doing when the vision came?"

"Nothing. We were just…hugging," Carth answered.

Jolee said nothing.

"Do we just wait until it clears?"

Jolee stared at Revan. "I don't know," he admitted.

Revan continued to softly whimper in Carth's arms.

Carth tucked her head under his chin. "She's worried about them coming back to her—"

"—When she's on the Star Forge," Jolee finished. "I know."

Carth looked at Jolee. "I'm worried, too."

Revan's eyes blinked a few times. She looked around, then realized Carth was holding her. She closed her eyes and started to cry again.

"Shhh," Carth soothed, gently rocking her. "I'm here. I got you."

Jolee sat down next to Carth. "What did you see?"

Revan squeezed her eyes shut. "I… I can't…"

"You have to tell me so I can help you, my dear," Jolee said.

That only made her cry harder. Carth cradled her and stroke her hair, the same way he did when Dustil was younger and woke up from nightmares. Revan's muscles were still tense, and it seemed like nothing was going to get her to calm down.

"What did you see, Revan?" Jolee asked again.

"Malak," she forced out.

"Malak what?" Jolee asked. "You and Malak? Just Malak?"

Revan buried her head into Carth's shoulder. "I… can't… can't…"

"Tell me then, beautiful," Carth tried.

That only made it worse. Revan placed a hand on his bare chest, then slowly clenched it into a fist. Carth took that hand into his and laced his fingers through hers. "We can't help you unless you tell us what you saw," Carth said.

When Revan still wouldn't talk, Jolee stood up and said he was going back to bed. "Keep trying, son. Let me know if you need anything," he told Carth. Then he left.

Carth rested the side of his chin against Revan's forehead. "Jolee's gone now, gorgeous," he said. "You can talk to me now."

"No," she insisted. "I can't…"

"We can't help you otherwise," Carth calmly said.

"Don't make me…"

"It can't be that bad."

That was the wrong thing to say. Revan pulled her hand away from Carth's and climbed off his lap. "How can you say something like that?" she snapped, standing in the middle of the room looking ready to pounce.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Carth tried. "I'm just trying to help—"

"You're not helping!" she cried. "All you care about is the entire crew thinking we had sex! You have no idea what I'm going through, and forcing me to talk isn't going to work! You wouldn't understand even if I did tell you! So just leave already and take your paranoid ideas with you! Get out!"

Carth continued to sit there. He said nothing.

Revan let out a cry of frustration, then leaned against the wall of her quarters, tears still rolling down her cheeks as she wept. All she could think about was Malak… and her. Malak wasn't just Darth Revan's partner, he was her lover. The stakes had just risen. She couldn't tell Carth what she saw… she justcouldn't.There was no telling what he'd do. But screaming at Carth wasn't the answer; he'd done nothing wrong. Revanwept harder.

Carth stood up, waiting to see if she really wanted him to leave. His heart ached as he watched her weep. When it looked like her knees were going to buckle, Carth got up and wrapped an arm around the small of her waist. Revan leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on the middle of his chest. She apologized through her tears, and Carth responded by holding her tighter and kissing the top of her head.

Revan's sobs softened. Carth was trying to help; she knew that. He was trying to protect her from the memories the only way he knew how. She could feel it in his embrace. As she slowly calmed down, she concentrated on feeling him hold her, the touch of his arms around her. Revan could hear his heart beating inside his chest. She closed her eyes and listened, the rhythm strangely soothing.

"I don't deserve you," she whispered.

"I don't deserve anyone," Carth answered, just as hushed. "So we're even."

Revan pulled away slightly, but didn't break the embrace. She looked up at Carth. "Yes, you do," she said. "You deserve someone… someone who's not a nutcase, someone who makes you happy, who hasn't done horrible things…"

"It's you I want, Revan," he said. "Don't ever think otherwise." Carth pulled her back, moving one of his arms to wrap around her shoulders.

They stood like that in silence for while before Revan whispered, "So now that we've concluded that we don't deserve each other, now what?"

Carth cracked a smile. He kissed the top of her head again. "You want to tell me about that vision?"

"Not really."

"You sure?"

"It'll ruin the mood."

Carth rested the side of his head on top of Revan's. "Tell me in the morning?"

Carth felt Revan tense up again. "Carth? You… you have to promise me something."

"What?"

She closed her eyes and held him tighter. "Whatever… whatever I remember… from my past, that… that it's my past. You… you have to promise me that… that you… you won't change your mind about me, about us… if there's stillan us."

"There's an us," Carth assured.

Revan pulled away and looked in his eyes. "You have to promise me," she whispered, her voice slightly wavering.

"Revan—"

"I'm serious, Carth," she said. "And don't just say you will. You have to mean it."

Carth brushed the hair away from her face. "I promise."

Revan looked as if a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She hugged Carth again. "Thank you."

"Always, beautiful."