16. Day 67

"So, you got a degree in political science? At age sixteen?"

"Yep."

"Ya're a brain, ya know."

Her compulsion to excel had started, no, not started, grown, when she had discovered that the Organas were not her birth parents, shortly after Bail's wife passed away.

"Didn't you notice before?" she slapped his shoulder playfully.

"Don't start..." he warned, waving his finger, making her blush slightly. "Any exams failed?"

She was made of the right material, obviously, and that's why the Viceroy had given his agreement to her political career. Han wondered if he had ever noticed that everything Leia achieved was because of the need to feel worthy of her place in the Alderaanian Royal Family. All right, she was a righteous and compassionate woman, but those ideals could have been fulfilled in many other ways, not necessarily jumping into the senatorial hell. But she had tried to explain that it had been the need of the moment, some allegiances had shifted and Father needed a reliable person inside.

"One. My tutor was very surprised and I felt terrible."

"One? Very disappointing, Princess..."

"Long story..."

Her mood had changed. Something was bothering her, but he could not define what. Maybe all of them were having cabin fever. He shifted the weight of her upper body from the side of his chest to the curve of his arm and turned her slightly so he could see her face. They had achieved a new level of intimacy lately, where she would sit between his legs and he could enfold her completely. From a pragmatic point of view, it eliminated the limb numbness problem. From a more romantic point of view, she was slowly surrendering and he was enjoying every minute of it.

He had lost count of the number of women he had been physically intimate along the years and yet, he felt that he had never been so close to anybody ever. So close as he had became to Leia.

"I'm all ears, sweetheart."

She sighed but started. Her voice though, turned darker and darker as the story progressed.

Darek had been the one to give her her first kiss. Or whatever his name was.

They had met in the Royal Gardens, during one of the Flower Festivals. She was too old to dance by then but she enjoyed wandering between the people, unnoticed. No, her image had not been public until she started her Senate campaign. He claimed to be a student at Aldera University. She told him her name was Lari, the alias she always used when she went out of the Palace. They spent the day together in the city and by the end of it, she thought he was the most wonderful guy in the galaxy.

She made the mistake of telling Winter the next day. Her friend, a year older and less romantically inclined, located him immediately in the security holos. To make a long story short, the young man turned out to be a spy with whom the Emperor had tried to infiltrate the Organa family.

Her father did not get mad at her or punish her in any way, although it was clear how disappointed he was. He counseled her to answer any holos or calls from Darek, to meet with him if necessary. It was not wise to show that they had uncovered him. So, what should have been her first young love, became a massive counterintelligence operation, until the spy mysteriously disappeared. She did not speak to Winter until the incident was concluded, but it was more out of embarrassment than anger.

It was difficult to imagine that the often hard-as-durasteel woman and expert politician he had in his arms had been once a naive teenager that believed whatever the slug had told her. It made his blood boil in his veins with anger. But maybe this explained her compulsion for asking and asking about every little detail of his life. Maybe it explained her mistrust of anyone, except for a few selected people.

"I still can't understand how I bought everything he said!" She continued, her voice tense with anger. "Damn hormones!"

"So, you and Darek..." he asked, suggestively.

She lifted her head, half-annoyed, half-indignant. "Han! I was fifteen!"

"Well, I was thirteen..."

The little piece of information plopped out of his mouth before he realized it. Sithspit! What kind of sex-maniac would Leia think he was? But she seemed more sad than offended.

"You were a kid..."

"There were no kids on Shrike's ship."

"I know," she said, brushing softly her lips to his, the sweetest touch he ever felt. He could almost never predict her reactions and so he was in an almost permanent state of awe.

And then, without any questioning of her part, he felt the need of telling her the whole story, of sharing that part of him with her. It was an odd feeling, something new to him. Guilt and fear, like what had compelled him to confess about his Imperial past, did not accompany it. His survival instinct had always told him to share as little as possible of his privacy with anyone, Chewie being the only exception, to a certain limit. But now, her sweet touch had changed everything.

"It was the night Lannie died," he started. "I was out of my mind, wanted to kill Shrike for not giving her the proper care. She could have been saved, you know, if he had bothered to send her to a place with a bacta tank big enough for her. He said that she was too old to be profitable." His voice spilled a hatred she had never noticed in Han before. "Anyway, she saw my intentions and... Distracted me."

His gaze seemed a little lost for a moment and then he continued. "Her name was Teila-Nim. She was a couple of years older than I was, one of the girls the son of a Sith kept on board for his personal entertainment. She saved my life that night and gave me..." he chose his words carefully. "The only thing she had to give. I ran away the next morning," Han concluded.

"What happened to her?" Leia asked with trembling voice.

"Six months later Shrike's ship was taken down by a CorSec cruiser. Everybody died."

"I'm sorry."

He nodded into her braids.

The only thing she had to give... She suddenly knew she had to do something. Something had been brewing inside of her for days. She had to do something, soon, or she would explode. You can't, the Ice Princess said. Shut up! Leia shouted back.

The most amazing thing happened then, at least from Han's point of view. Leia took his hand and drew it to her lips, as she had done a few times before. But then, after kissing his palm, she made it slide down her throat. Both hands lingered for an eternal moment on her collarbone until her shaking one caught the fastener and started to pull it down.

He stopped breathing for a moment and his hand instinctively tried to halt the movement.

"Touch me, Han," she begged then. "I... Touch me, please," Leia repeated and guided his hand inside her jumpsuit.

Her breast was warm, and soft, and trembled with every breath she take. His fingertips explored the palpitating roundness, taking notice of how well it fit into his rough hand.

She emitted and odd sound, half sigh, half moan when he sled his fingers beneath the cup of her bra and he had to apply all his self control not to tear all her clothes apart and make love to her right there and then. Instead, he remained almost unmoving, feeling the nipple grow hard under his palm.

It was not the only thing growing hard and it wasn't the first time either but the intensity of it made him realize what in truth he had known for a long time: he had never desired any woman the way he wanted Leia Organa. How could this little concession of hers could arouse him so much and so quickly was beyond his comprehension but he had pretty clear that he could not afford to loose control now. Because he cared and he wanted it to be good for the both of them.

It had always been a matter of honor for him in his past relationships to give physically as much as he took. No woman had been disappointed in that department. But everything with Leia was different. He had learned by now that he had to let her set the tone, slow down to her speed, accept what she was ready to give and receive.

Straightening his back, he held her in a more upright position, so his lips could find the curve of her neck and then slid down to the shoulder. There, his free hand tugged gently the collar of her jumpsuit away. "You..." he said between kisses, "...Are... " -The bra's strap fell down her shoulder, leaving it bare – "So beautiful..."

He made his way slowly back in the same style, until his teeth nibbled softly at her earlobe. "What do you want me to do?" he whispered.

She could not answer the question hotly breathed in her ear. She was pinned between two wills, the woman that was fighting for her right to be loved and the Ice Princess. Who was going to win in the long run was a mystery to her.

It finished as quickly as it started. Her body went from soft and inviting to rigid marble. He had to ask, he could not avoid it any longer. They had been dodging the issue for weeks but they would not go anywhere like this. She had to face her fears, what had happened to her.

Nevertheless, before he could say anything, the Princess turned in his arms and hid her face in his chest. Hot tears mixed with sweat on his already damp shirt.

"I can't," she cried, "I'm not ready..."

"There's no hurry, Leia," he sighed, caressing her back.

He had never regretted so much never have installed a real water shower in his ship. Damn, he could use a shower right now. A cold one.