Chapter Fifteen: Trust

Revan and Carth just stared at each other. Revan's heart was beating so fast she was surprised it didn't leap out of her chest. Her blood pressure was rising, and her face felt warm. Revan wanted nothing more than to melt through the floor, to disappear, to have HK shoot her and have it done with. She couldn't read Carth's emotions, other than to try and interpret the look on his face, which she could hardly see in the candlelight.

Jolee stood up. "What are you doing here?" He sounded calm, almost conversational.

Carth ignored Jolee. He continued to stare at Revan. Revan was convinced that if Carth had been a Jedi, she'd be dead. She tried to calm herself so she could read Carth better, but it wasn't doing any good. The longer he stared that cold, hard stare, the faster her heart raced and the more she trembled.

Carth finally spoke. "Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered.

Revan closed her eyes. Carth's tone sounded like she had ripped his heart out and shoved it out an airlock. She didn't know what to say. Revan hugged her knees and refused to make eye contact.

"She was going to tell you," Jolee tried.

"Revan?" Carth asked, his tone wavering.

"I…" She couldn't speak. Her tone was even softer than Carth's. "How… much…"

"Did I hear?" he asked. "Enough to wonder… if you even trust me."

"Oh please, don't start with that," she whispered. No sooner had the words left her lips than did she wish she could retract them.

"Don't start with that?" he softly snapped. "How can you say something like that? Huh?"

Jolee tried to play diplomat. "Carth, Revan was going to tell you," he assured.

"Is that true, Revan?" Carth asked, pain slowly turning to anger. He clenched his fist and tried to regain his composure. "Were you going to tell me you saw my wife, or were you going to pretend it didn't happen?"

"I don't even know if it was her!" she softly cried, still avoiding eye-contact. "I don't know what I saw! That's why I was talking to Jolee."

"So you can tell him but you can't tell me?"

A single tear trickled down her face. "Please, Carth, don't do this to me."

"Dammit, Revan!" he cursed. "I asked you last night what you saw!"

"I told you I saw the destruction of a planet—"

"You forgot the part where it was Telos!" Carth roared. "You saw my home world destroyed. You saw Malak give the order. You know why he did it. Dammit, Revan, you should have told me!"

"What good would that have done?" Revan asked, holding her knees even tighter. "I don't know what it was I saw. It could have been a Force imprint, it could have been an actual vision, it could just have been a nightmare. I don't know—"

"You saw my wife!"

"I don't even know if it was her! I haven't a clue what she looks like—"

"You should have told me!"

"Told you what?" Revan cried. "What was I supposed to say?"

"Look, both of you just stop," Jolee said. "Right now. Stop." The room fell silent. Jolee took a deep breath. "This is getting us nowhere." He looked at Carth. "You want her to tell you her visions the second she has them. She can't do that. Force visions are very difficult to interpret. I've been usin' the Force longer than any of you have been alive, and even I can't figure out half the time what her visions are. And you, a Republic pilot, can?"

Jolee turned to Revan. "I understand that you don't want to tell Carth everything you saw until you know what it was that you did see. But that doesn't mean you should lie to him to make him feel better, either."

"So you lied to me, too?" Carth asked. "What the hell did you lie to me—" He stopped. "You did have visions of Malak last night, didn't you?"

Revan said nothing.

"Didn't you!" Carth threw his hands in the air. "Dammit, I should have known!"

"Carth," Jolee warned.

"Revan, I trusted you!" Carth cried. "Dammit, you trust me enough to sleep with you but you don't trust me enough to tell me about your visions?"

"Carth, that's enough," Jolee scolded.

Revan continued to tremble. She was angry and hurt, frustrated and dejected. She summoned the strength to look at Carth, and when she did, all her emotions poured into her tone. "You really have no idea what I'm going through, do you?" she managed to say, her voice shaking as she failed miserably to keep all her emotions in check. A single tear rolled down her face. "Do you?"

Carth looked at Revan. His heart leapt to his throat.

"You think I want to have these visions?" she asked. "You think I wanted to see Malak while you and I were making love? You think I wanted to keep telling myself that I wasn't making love to Malak, but making love to a man whom I care so deeply about?" Revan sniffed. Her tone remained unstable as she continued. "These aren't just flashbacks. I'm physically there, Carth. I can see everything clear as day. I can feel everything, sense everything… I'm there. I'm in her body. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it." Another tear trickled down her face. "I can't speak, I can't move. I see everything through her eyes and can't do anything! And all you can do is… is stand there and scold me out of jealousy because you're not the first person to know what I saw."

"Revan, I want to help you," Carth said. "And I can't help you if you don't talk to me!"

"I know you want to help," she whispered. "But I don't want to hurt you."

"You're only going to hurt me if you lie to me."

"I didn't want to," Revan said. She was trembling again. "I thought I was protecting you."

"Revan, you should have told me!" Carth snapped. "I worry about you, and when I specifically ask you if you saw something, I don't want to hear, 'Let me talk to Jolee first' or 'nothing' or anything else! I ask because I want to know, regardless if you think it's going to hurt me! Dammit Revan, do I mean anything to you?"

Revan was angrier now than she had been. "How dare you ask me that!" she spat. "How dare you, Onasi!"

"All right, that's enough!" Jolee roared. "Both of you!" He stood between where Carth stood and where Revan sat, his arms spread.

Carth snorted like Canderous, then exited the room. Revan hugged her knees and rested her forehead on her kneecaps, sobbing softly.

"Children!" Jolee softly cursed, then went after Carth. He passed Mission and Zaalbar in the hall and told Mission to go check on Revan. "Stay with her," Jolee said. "She needs a friend right now."

"I, uh, sure," Mission said, puzzled. "What's with Carth? He just—"

"Just stay with Revan," Jolee told her. "I'll tell you later."

Mission nodded. "Come on, Big Z."

Mission and Zaalbar opened the door to Revan's quarters. She was still curled up. Mission sat down next to her friend and put an arm around Revan's shoulders. "What happened?" Mission softly asked.

"I'm… I'm fine," Revan whispered.

"Jedis don't lie for a reason," Mission said. "Because they're terrible at it."

Revan sniffed. "I didn't mean to." She didn't want to lie to Carth. She wanted to protect him…

"I know you didn't," Mission smiled. "It's okay."

"Not according to Carth." Revan shook her head. "He thinks I don't… trust him…"

"Oh, like Carth's the one to talk," Mission snorted. Zaalbar growled in agreement. When Revan didn't smile or laugh, Mission bit her lip. "Look, uh, can I get you something? Maybe some of that Taris tea we found?"

Revan sniffed. "Yeah… Maybe that'll… help calm me down."

Mission nodded. "'Kay. I'll be right back." She turned to Zaalbar and gestured for him to take over. Zaalbar gruffed, then sat down on the floor and placed an arm around Revan. He growled in sympathy.

"I don't know, Zaalbar," Revan whispered. "I thought I was doing the right thing. I, I don't want to hurt him…"

Zaalbar huffed and barked.

Revan giggled. "No, ripping Carth's arms out of his sockets isn't going to help. But thanks for the offer."

Carth stormed through the common room, then headed down the hall towards the cockpit. "I don't want to talk about it!"

Jolee chased after him. "Carth, dammit, I can stop you in your tracks!"

The cockpit door slammed shut.

Canderous, who had been sitting in the common room, turned to HK-47. "What the hell was that?"

"Statement: It appears the Republic meatbag does not wish to discuss something with the cranky meatbag," HK answered.

"No, really?" Canderous asked. "I got that."

"Query: If you already knew the answer—"

"Ah, shut up," Canderous grumbled.

Mission entered the common room and headed for the kitchen. Her headtails were drooping and she looked upset. "Mish, what the hell's goin' on?" Canderous asked.

"I dunno," she answered, making Revan's tea. "Revan's in her room crying, Jolee's chasin' after Carth. Somethin' big happened."

"Query: Perhaps if I kill the Republic meatbag, then Master will be happy?"

"No," Canderous said. "She needs the Republic meatbag to… satisfy her meatbag needs."

HK was puzzled. "Query: The Republic meatbag doubles as a gratification device?"

Canderous shrugged. "You could say that."

"You're disgusting," Mission cringed.

Canderous just smirked. "So HK, you need me to explain how Carth serves as Revan's gratification device?"

"Statement: I have observed—"

"You two are nothing but Gamorrean Pigs!" Mission cried. She grabbed Revan's tea and a snack cake. "I'm glad I'm still Revan's friend!" With that she stalked out of the room and back to Revan's quarters.