17. Day 75

The three of them were definitely having bad cases of cabin fever. They tried to stay out of each other's back, but that was not easy. Threepio had stayed deactivated in a corner since Leia had found Han trying to con him into touching a high voltage outlet, just out of boredom. Chewie growled and kicked a panel, randomly, from time to time. The fact that they have been reduced to ration bars and recycled water was not helping either.

Leia's mood swings had become very notorious. One moment she was laughing like a girl with one silly remark and the next one, she went to lock herself in her cabin, remaining there alone for hours. She had avoided any more physical closeness too. No more late chats in the gunner turret. Damn. He missed them, even if they sometimes frightened him. In fact, she seemed to prefer Chewie's company to his, to his chagrin, for the last few days.

Moreover, although he was starting to need some fresh air too, he was finding the idea of parting with Leia more and more unsettling, to say the least. He realized now that he had grown so used to her presence that saying goodbye to her would be a colossal task, even if he had every intention of coming back as soon as possible. Yes, he had come to that conclusion lately. He did want to come back. He had not mentioned the matter to her, though, because he did not like to make promises he may not be able to keep. Not about things that he really cared about. He did not want to hurt her with words that were nothing more than air.

She was having problems to sleep again. And nightmares too. Not as violent as the one that had started her confidences but he had heard her once that he was passing by her cabin. A muffled "No!" and he had been about to enter, but it was not repeated. He had stood there, almost for an hour, ready to intervene.

She was falling. She could even feel the whirling of the wind around her. A sense of dislocation, of being in two places at the same time. Something bad had happened to Luke and she had to go to him.

The billowing of a dark cape, and then everything became dark. A cave, someplace...dark. Han, lying very still, very pale... Han!

That's not true! Don't be stupid, Organa! Stop this, you can do it!

But she couldn't, and the nightmares now came every day, adding little horrible details everytime.

"Let's play sabaac," she proposed after dinner.

Her mood seemed lighter and her hair was half down. It was something unusual; she had maintained the same style since Hoth, with slight variations, until today after her nap.

"Aw, Leia, you already owe me half the galaxy..." Han Solo protested. "What are you planning to pay with this time?"

"I'm sure you would be able to think of something, Captain," she teased, reaching up on her toes and planting a soft kiss on his cheek. "C'mon, I'm bored..."

Had she been drinking something? They had run out of Whyren's Reserve weeks ago... He wondered if she had found... No, her breath was clean.

"Chewie, bring the deck!" She called, kind of overexcited. What the... ?

She had been winning round after round. Han and Chewie had gained a few, but Leia was leading the game by far. At first, Han had relaxed, convinced that it was only random luck. After a few more hands, he started to worry. The chips had somehow found their way to her side of the table. They had agreed in playing for tokens and then the final winner would choose the prize.

It was not as if he had never lost a game of sabaac. Just never against Leia, since he had taught her. Although she had the necessary coolness to put up a good sabaac face - she was a politician after all - she lacked the mathematical mind needed to calculate quickly the odds, given the combination of cards already exposed. Her talents run more along a holistic vein.

Then he caught a glance exchanged between his first mate and the Princess. The more he covertly observed them, the more he was convinced that there was something else going on.

He noticed then a subtle movement of her thumb rubbing a card any time she won a round and realized exactly what was happening.

With a dead serious expression on his face, he lowered his cards on the holochess table and crossed his arms on his chest.

"You're cheatin'," he announced, looking straight into those deceptively innocent chocolate eyes.

Leia covered her mouth with her cards, blushing deeply. Chewbacca let out a mourning growl. Han's trademark lopsided grin spread slowly through his face.

"You're gonna pay for this!" he menaced playfully, reaching to tickle her, but at the same time he gave her enough time and space to run away. She jumped away from him, giggling, and the chase begun.

Chewbacca rolled his eyes and started to collect the cards and chips, having a feeling that this game would never be finished.

Han Solo hunted Leia Organa through the ship, both laughing loudly. At some point, he cornered her in the same spot where they had kissed for the first time. But as he leaned down to reenact the original one, she sneaked under his arms and run away, looking back to make sure he was following her.

She finally sought sanctuary in her cabin but he was right behind her and interposed his hand between the closing hatch and the doorway. "Ouch!" he shouted when it shut on his wrist.

The hatch swung open again immediately.

"Are you alright, Han?" the Princess asked with genuine concern.

"Gotcha!" he exclaimed triumphal flashing at her his predator grin. Taking her by her shoulders, he pushed her on the bed, immobilizing her with the sheer weight of his body over hers. She did not try to free herself, but smiled brightly at him.

For a moment, they let the heat of their bodies mingle, feeling it spread and multiply by means of the intimate contact. Han brushed away the loose strands of hair that lingered on her face and his lips slowly descended over hers, almost touching them but backing up at the last possible moment. The third time he tried to tease her, she just sled her fingers into his hair, pulling him down.

It was a long, sweet, demanding kiss that made them become more breathless and sweaty than they already were. When they parted, though, there was a mischievous light in his eyes.

"And now, Missy, you're gonna pay for cheatin' on Han Solo," he proclaimed, and started to unceremoniously unfasten her jumpsuit's front.

Her body froze. He felt her stiffen under his frame and diverted his gaze from the zipper to her eyes. Her flushed cheeks had turned to feverish, and her bright eyes had a dull gleam on them, like thin ice over a piece of machinery.

"What... are you doing?" She whispered, gasping as if there were not enough oxygen in the room.

"Nothing... A joke, it was only a joke!" he protested lamely.

He had gone too far and it was too late. Everything was so confusing. But he could not stand the fear in her eyes. He disengaged from her and she simply stayed there, unresponsive, her face blank.

He lost control then. Completely and utterly lost it. Shaking her by her upper arms, he started shouting at her.

"Stop doin' this, Leia! Please! Can't ya understand I won't hurt you? Because I won't! I couldn't! I care for ya!"

Leia just stared at him as if he was talking a language she did not understand. Something shifted and rearrenged itself inside him then. His voice hoarse and strained, Han let it finally out.

"I know I'm not worthy of you, your Highness, but I love you!"

And with the last sentence, he let her fall on the bed again and strode out of the room.

Leia turned in the bunk, trying to breathe, to cry, to regain control of herself. Han's words echoed once and again in her soul. Care, love, love, care...

With a start, she stood in the room, feeling as if she was just awakening from deep sleep. Slowly, she looked around, finding herself alone.

"No," she whispered in horror. Her eyes scanned the wall for the hatch controls and palmed it open upon locating them. The door had not receded completely yet when she was throwing herself through the opening.

She did not go very far, though. She just bumped into the hard, broad chest of Han Solo. Their arms wrapped simultaneously around each other, with fierce desperation.

"Don't go," the Princess said.