Chapter Seventeen: Amends

Carth spent the day in the cockpit, thinking about his earlier words to Revan. It angered him so much that she hadn't told the full truth, and angered him even more that no one seemed to have a problem with it. He tried seeing things through her eyes, through Jolee's eyes, and through his eyes, re-analyzing what he could remember of the argument. He cared so much about Revan. Didn't she see that?

He eventually dozed off in the cockpit, and as a result slept through lunch and dinner. When he awoke, his stomach growled loudly at him. Carth wrinkled his nose, stood up, stretched, and then headed for the kitchen to find something to eat. Canderous and HK were sitting in the common room, HK polishing his blaster rifle. Carth wasn't sure it was such a good idea putting those two together, but at least they were out of trouble. He nodded at them, then entered the kitchen.

Carth made himself a quick sandwich, all the while thinking about much he needed to talk to Revan. He didn't want to stay angry at her. The visions weren't he fault; that much he knew. But why did she continue to stay so closed mouthed about them? He knew this much: Revan wasn't going to start talking to him until he apologized for exploding in her face. The pain on her face when he unleashed his anger at her… it hurt him so much to see her so crushed. Carth promised he'd never hurt her, and he was certain his words did more damage than any lightsaber or blaster pistol could. He was still angry, but she didn't deserve all he had said.

Carth finished his dinner, tossed the crumbs in the trash, then turned to exit the kitchen. He saw Canderous standing in the doorway, his arms crossed, and a scowl on his face.

"What?" Carth hesitantly asked.

Canderous said nothing.

"What?" Carth asked again.

HK came into view. "Statement: The Mandalorian meatbag has been ordered not to cause bodily harm to you, although he desires to greatly. I, too, have been ordered not to shoot you, which is an insult to my ability to protect my Master."

Carth took that as his cue to leave the common room.

He walked down the hall towards Revan's quarters. It was best to talk to her now rather than wait until morning. And judging solely on Canderous and HK, it really was a good idea to talk to Revan now.

Carth reached Revan's door only to find Zaalbar and Mission sitting outside it, playing Paazak. "Hey," he said, anticipating hostility. After all, Mission and Zaalbar didn't play cards outside Revan's quarters because there was no other place to play. They were most certainly on guard duty. "Can I get by?"

"Zaalbar, you hear something?" Mission asked.

Zaalbar woofed.

"Can I please get through?" Carth asked again.

Mission flipped over a card. "Zaalbar, your turn."

"Mission, I want to see Revan," Carth said. "I want to talk to her."

She looked up at Carth. "Oh, now you want to talk to her? Or do you just wanna scream at her s'more?"

"Mission—"

"Don't you 'Mission' me, you Telosian slime devil!" Mission snapped, standing up. She barely came up to Carth's chin, but that didn't stop her. She jabbed a finger in Carth's chest. "In case you hadn't noticed, if you wanna talk to Revan, you gotta get past me and Big Z!"

Carth closed his eyes. "Mission—"

"I'm not done yet!" she snapped.

"Mission, you don't understand—"

"Oh, I understand enough to know that you can be a real—"

Zaalbar growled.

"You said it, Big Z," Mission said, her arms crossed.

"Mission, I just want to talk to Revan," Carth said.

Zaalbar huffed.

Mission turned to her best friend, her eyes narrow. "All right." She poked Carth in the chest again. "You try anything funny and Zaalbar'll smack you so hard you'll forget how to fly the Hawk!"

"I'll, uh, be careful," Carth said.

"You better," she warned. "We're gonna be out here the whole time makin' sure."

Carth pushed passed Mission and opened the door to Revan's quarters, mentally adding Mission and Zaalbar to the growing list of people pissed off at him. Although he hadn't run into Juhani or T3, he was fairly certain they were on Revan's side, too.

The door closed behind him, plunging the room into darkness. "Revan?" he softly asked into the darkness.

He heard the sound of a person rolling over in bed, the rustling of blankets, and the sound of someone settling down on the mattress…

"Revan, I—"

The light above Revan's bed snapped on. She sat there wearing a t-shirt, her hair loose and resting on her shoulders. The blankets were wrapped around her. Carth's heart leapt to his throat as he took a step closer and saw her eyes were bloodshot, and the color drained from her cheeks. Revan was a wreck, but she still looked so beautiful.

"Revan, I…" Carth sighed. "I want to… to talk."

Revan sat there, looking at him. Carth felt uncomfortable under her stare. It was too calm of a stare. He'd seen her take on Dark Jedi, insane Selkath, and Darth Bandon with that same stare. Carth's heart skipped a beat as Revan shot to the top of his People Not To Upset Ever list.

"I… I was wrong," Carth sighed. "I'm sorry, Revan."

Revan still said nothing. Her head tilted to the side. Carth knew what that meant; he'd seen that look on her face before. She was reading him, sensing his emotions.

"Revan, I… I didn't mean to overhear the conversation you were having with Jolee," he whispered. "I was on my way to the 'fresher, and I heard you talking. I, I wasn't paying any attention until I heard 'Telos'…" His voice trailed off.

Revan still stared.

Carth didn't know what else to say. "Beautiful, if, if you can read my emotions, you know I'm telling the truth. And, and you know I know I over-reacted, especially when I heard you saw my wife—"

"I think I saw her," Revan corrected.

Well, at least she was talking. "Think you saw her, yes," he said.

The room fell silent again.

"Revan, I…" Carth hung his head. "Revan, you, you have to understand that I want to help you. Seeing you tremble in your sleep tears me apart. I, I feel so, so helpless. And when you tell me you don't want to talk about it… Beautiful, I feel… useless, that I can't even help the woman I—" He stopped. "I can't even help the woman I promised I'd protect. You have to let me try, Revan. If you want to, to meditate with Jolee and try to figure out what the vision was trying to tell you… then, then fine. But just… just don't lie to me or tell me a half-truth because you think it'll protect me. I want to help you, Revan. You have to believe me. You have to let me try."

Revan closed her eyes.

"Please, Revan," he pleaded. "We've been through so much together. We've come so far. Let me do my best to help you with this."

Revan still just sat there.

"Beautiful, I'm barin' my soul here," he whispered. "I don't know what else to say."

Revan stared at Carth for a few more seconds before she broke the gaze and looked down at her lap. "It was a dream, Carth," she whispered. "Nothing more. It wasn't a vision. It wasn't a Force imprint. I've… I've done a lot of meditating on, on what I saw."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

Revan nodded. "I don't know about, about Malak's order. But… I know that everything I saw on Telos's surface was just a dream."

"And my wife?"

"I don't know if it was her, Carth," Revan repeated, looking up at him.

"What makes you think it was her?"

Revan closed her eyes. "Because of… of what she said to me."

Carth gestured at the bed, asking if he could sit down. Revan hesitated for a moment, then nodded. Carth sat down next to her, yet careful to keep his distance, just in case. "What did she say to you?"

Revan bit her lip and closed her eyes. "I… I was standing in the middle of, of all these dead and injured bodies. She… she called to me. I went over to help. I held her hand, told her everything was going to okay. She, she kept repeating that her son was lost. I told her there were survivors and that I was sure he was okay."

Carth slid closer. "Did she say his name?"

Revan shook her head. "She told me… that her husband was a Republic officer; that he promised to come to Telos, but the Sith got their first."

Carth closed his eyes.

"She… she told me, 'Take care of him,'" Revan said.

"Take care of who?"

"I asked her," she said. "She just… looked at me and smiled, then said, 'Take care of Carth.'"

Carth felt a chill run down his spine.

"I just… just looked at her," Revan continued. "Then she kept repeating, 'I'm so proud of him…'"

Carth felt a lump in his throat. "What else?" he managed to say.

She told me to love you. "I woke up," Revan whispered. They sat in silence for a few seconds before Revan said, "I should have told you. I'm so sorry. I just… I just wanted to be certain of what I saw—"

"It's okay, Revan," he said.

"No, it's not," she whispered. "I should have told you. I shouldn't've lied—"

"I understand why you did," Carth said. "I'm not… entirely happy, but I understand."

"I shouldn't've kept you in the dark—"

"Beautiful, I've done a lot of thinking about this, too," he said. "And I think… I think I'm more upset over what you saw more than the fact you didn't tell me." She looked at him, her head tilted to the side again. "Just hear me out," Carth said. "What happened to Telos and my family is something… something I'll never be able to get over. I thought I died that day; that my life was over. Now I've gotten to a point where I'm looking forward again, all because of you. Then I find out you have a dream about Telos and you think you saw my wife… Everything came rushing back again…"

Carefully, Revan spoke. "When you asked me last night what I saw, my first thought was I couldn't tell you. I was scared of what you might say, and how you'd take the news. You don't exactly… blurt out in bed that you think you dreamt about the other person's planet being attacked… or their dead spouse."

"That… would have been a bit chilling," Carth softly admitted.

Revan screwed up her courage. "Or tell you during… that I kept seeing Malak."

Carth's eyes met hers. He could see the tears forming again.

"I didn't want…" Revan bit her lip. "I wanted our first time… I wanted it to be… special."

"I don't know how you were able to stand it," Carth said, "with, with all the visions."

"I don't know either," Revan whispered. "I just… kept trying to focus on you. It, it wasn't so bad the, the other times. I could block it… better. But the first time… Carth, it was just… the visions… It was horrible. I tried so hard…"

Carth reached over and gently tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I shouldn't've exploded at you. I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't've lied."

Carth sighed. "Revan, I'm not even going to pretend that I understand what you're going through. I don't. And I hope it never happens to me. And honestly, it wasn't until you, you screamed at me what you go through every time…" His face fell. "I'm not going to stop asking you what you saw after a vision. But promise me you'll, you'll tell me something of what you saw, even if you just talk it out to get it off your chest."

"Only if you promise me that if I tell you I'm not ready to talk, you'll respect my decision and let me be until I am ready," Revan said.

"Done."

Revan smiled. She stared into Carth's dark eyes, then looked at his face as whole, like she was trying to burn his image into her mind. "She was proud of you, Carth," Revan whispered.

Carth nodded. "I know she was."

"I'm proud of you, too."

Carth cupped the side of Revan's face. "I… I see so much of her in you," he admitted.

"But I'm not her."

"I never said you were," Carth said. "No, you…" He sighed. "You share a lot of her qualities, but you're so different at the same time. She, she would have liked you." Carth smiled, then looked away briefly. He turned back to Revan and looked into her bright eyes. "Are… are we okay again?"

Revan smiled, then nodded. "We're okay," she whispered.

"I don't want to have another fight about this, Beautiful."

"I don't either."

Carth smiled, then lowered his head and kissed her. Revan kissed back, slid closer, and wrapped her arms around his neck. Everything wasn't entirely back to normal. Revan could still sense pain and sorrow from Carth. It would take some time, but they were better off now than they were that afternoon. It was a start, at least, Revan thought as she mindlessly fingered the hair at the back of Carth's neck. And that was better than nothing.

Again, there's a longer version of this chapter... but I gotta keep this a "T" rating... Sorry! And since I've just stated there's a longer version of this chapter, I guess you can pretty much figure out what happens next...