After dinning on the veranda outside their quarters they were sharing a flask of Macaven wine as they sat talking about the day. Obi-Wan sipped from his glass and said, "Why is the East trying to feign anger?"
She shrugged and replied, "I can't understand it either. I am trying to connect it to what happened last night but nothing fits." He thought for a moment, "This other presence that we both believe is here. It is possible this is the source of their fear; it could be coercing them into deceiving us."
She shook her head tiredly, "But why? What would be to gain? Is there something on the planet they don't want revealed? There was nothing in the mission brief about Macaven having anything of value."
He set his glass down and leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes letting the warmth of the wine relax him, "I think we continue with our talks tomorrow and perhaps dig a little deeper especially with the East. I think with a little persuasion they would tell us more. I'm ready to call it a day."
She laughed, "You are such a light weight; you aren't done are you? There's still half a flask left." He smiled keeping his eyes closed, "I didn't get much sleep last night remember. Besides drinking with you is dangerous."
She knew he was referring to a rare outing a few years ago spent in a Coruscant nightclub. Competitive tendencies had escalated to attempting to levitate each other above the table. Obi-Wan had successfully levitated Amira over the table and then gently lowered her back down. She had done the same with him but had dropped him. They had returned that night to the Temple drunk, bruised and minus a hundred credits after paying for the broken table.
She teased, "Good thing that table wasn't glass." He shook his head and replied, "I thought Master Windu's head was going to explode, he was so mad. Because of you I had to conduct the pitfalls of indulgence training with the younglings for a month."
She replied, "I was punished too. I had to teach the younglings when it is appropriate to levitate and when it is not. It was worse for me, Master Windu was my Master then; it took months for him to get over his disappointment with me."
She had an evil glint in her eye and she said, "You are a big baby; letting a girl out drink you and then complaining about the punishment" He shook his head, "You aren't any ordinary girl. You can out drink a space pirate if so inclined. How do you do it?" She closed her eyes and sighed heavily, "My mother's ancestors have been making the finest ale in all of Alderaan for centuries. I grew up with it."
He looked across the table at her and asked, "Do you miss it, Alderaan?" She nodded, "Sure I do. It's been years since I visited. My father was reluctant to let me go to the Jedi Temple, but my mother convinced him that they should." He asked, "How did you come to be at the Temple, I don't think you ever told me."
She took another sip of the wine and continued, "At first I didn't know why I was able to control things, sense things that other kids could not. To be honest I used it to my advantage on more than one occasion. Especially with a certain governess that was always on my case. She was rather weak minded."
She smiled, "very un-Jedi like, I know. One day representatives of the Jedi Council came to Alderaan and i sought them out. Myabilities were discovered. I was given the choice of going with them to Coruscant or to stay and one day rule Alderaan."
He replied, "Must have been a difficult choice." She nodded and said, "It was. Not because I wanted to be Queen, but because my family and the people of Alderaan expected it of me. I knew they would not understand my decision but I felt by choosing to be a Jedi I could not only serve Alderaan but the rest of the Republic as well."
She pause to take another sip of wine then continued, "My parents had other choices as far as an heir to the throne. I have two brothers, Jade and Bail. Bail, as you know is Alderaan's Viceroy and is currently serving his first term in the Senate. Jade is still young and will be old enough to assume the throne in four more years. He will likely become King when my father steps down."
He nodded, "Obviously I think you made the right choice, a brave choice for a young girl, but have you ever regretted it?" She sighed heavily, "I think there are always regrets when we have to make difficult choices. I miss my family but my life as a Jedi has been rewarding. Over the years my parents have come to be very accepting of the choice I made."
A far away look came into her eyes and she put her glass down on the table, stood up and walked slowly over to the railing and stared out at the moonlit sea. Obi-Wan followed her and stood next to her. He sensed she was struggling to control her emotions, "What is it?"
She closed her eyes and let the warm sea air caress her face, "Nothing, it's nothing." He responded, "You don't have to conceal your feelings around me." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "I have always wondered had I stayed on Alderaan if I would have married and had children. I think that is my only regret the absence of love and family."
He knew exactly what she felt and said, "Amira what you feel is normal. I think that is true for most Jedi. We dedicate our lives to maintaining peace and justice in the galaxy and we do so at great personal sacrifice. It is the path we choose."
She nodded solemnly and said, "I know, most of the time I do not dwell on it. I have even come to regard you and everyone else at the Temple as family, but it seems to have become harder as the years go by."
She turned her head to look at him, "Have you had regrets?" He replied, "I've lived nearly all my life with the Jedi. I did not make a choice as you did to leave one life to pursue another. The choice was made for me long ago. How can I have regrets about a life I never had nor will ever have?" He was looking out at the water when he finished and Amira asked, "What about love? Have you ever wished you were free to love someone?"
He was silent for a moment as he contemplated his answer. He did not want to tell her the truth nor did he want to lie to her. Then he replied, "Amira…you know loving someone is out of the question. Attachment is forbidden you know as well as I do." His answer was not unexpected but his lecturing tone stung."
She responded in a hushed voice, "Yes, I know the Code very well. Forgive me I should not have pried." He knew in an instant he had hurt her, knew what she wanted him to say and he knew what he wanted to tell her, "Amira, please look at me."
When she looked up at him her eyes were full of embarrassment and sadness. She said softly, "Please forgive me for airing my feelings like this. I should know by now how to control my emotions and not let them get the better of me, especially in the middle of a mission. I think I had too much wine…I should get some sleep." She turned to go back to her room.
He knew he should just let her walk away and forget the whole subject. It was a path they couldn't go down. As she walked by him he grabbed her hand and turned her to face him. His eyes were sorrowful and he struggled with the words, "…Amira…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…I wish…I…"
She reached up and touched his face, "Don't; don't say anything more. This is my fault Ben." She turned and walked into her room closing the doors behind her. He stood looking after her and said softly, "It is you Amira, I wish that I was free to love you."
Obi-Wan returned to the seat on the veranda and sat down with his arms on his knees and his head in his hands. His eyes burned with unshed tears and his heart ached for the love they could never share. His feelings for Amira overwhelmed him. The sadness he had seen in her eyes wounded him.
He had been a single breath away from abandoning the Code and telling her how he felt. How he had felt for years. He had been a heart beat away from pulling her against him, kissing her and spending the remaining hours until dawn lost in her arms.
He wanted to tell her but she had stopped him. She had saved them both from making a mistake; a mistake that they would come to regret when their duties as Jedi and their adherence to the Code ripped them apart.
He needed to regain control; he needed to push his feelings to the farthest reaches of his mind, but his mind was not in control, it was his heart. He sighed heavily with frustration and ran his fingers slowly through his hair. His feelings for Amira had remained unspoken and carefully locked away. Why now, why were they surfacing now?
He did the only thing he could, the only thing he knew how to do. Slowly and deliberately he used meditation to focus his thoughts and push his feelings back as far as possible. He closed himself off to her and buried his feelings deep.
He focused his concentration instead on the mission blocking everything else out. He had to discover the identity of the mysterious presence. It was influencing the behavior of the Macavens and influencing Amira's dreams. When he finally went to bed he had accomplished his goal but the sadness of what could never be haunted him.
She slept fitfully; awaking sometime during the night and could not go back to sleep. She put her robe on over her nightdress and grabbed her lightsaber, being taught never to go anywhere without it.
After making her way down to the beach, she sat in the moonlight and began to meditate. She would be a liability to Obi-Wan and to herself if she did not gain control of her feelings and focus on the mission.
She had never had difficulty with this before. There is good logic behind the Code that governed their actions. Attachments and the emotions that go with them could be distracting and dangerous.
Her life had been about becoming a Jedi and that meant a life of selfless service and embracing the Code. She was embarrassed. Somehow, over the years, Obi-Wan had slipped in and taken hold of her heart.
Why now after all these years did she ask that question? For so long she had been able to ignore how she felt. She felt ashamed for even broaching the subject. It would never be possible for them to love each other.
She knelt in the sand and closed her eyes. There was no other option but to bury her feelings as far back as possible. She breathed deeply and concentrated on clearing her mind. The sound of the Sea and the soft warm breeze helped to move her into a deep meditative state. Deliberately she used her training to shut down her feelings and lock the emotions away.
She sensed the presence behind her almost a moment too late; a cold sensation penetrated her body alerting her to the danger. She rose to defend herself discarding her robe and igniting her weapon in one swift movement.
The figure was cloaked all in black and Amira sensed the evil emanating from it. To her surprise it too ignited a lightsaber. She realized it was the being from her dream, and it was a Sith.
He seemed to hiss at her acknowledging her thoughts, "You are correct Jedi." He made the first move swinging at her with his weapon. She blocked the move easily but she was instantly aware that his command of the Force surpassed her own. She was sensing an incredible amount of power from him.
They circled each other. He seemed to be contemplating her, taking note of her abilities. She sensed his attack coming and took a defensive stance blocking his first blow. As he advanced on her she continued to block and defend herself.
When she did go on the offensive, she used every technique and still he dodged and blocked her easily. She had no experience fighting a Sith and began to realize she was seriously outmatched.
There was very little chance that she could defeat him alone, she was nearly as skilled as Obi-Wan with a lightsaber, but it was not her strongest Jedi ability and would not be enough. Regardless, she continued to fight the dark assailant. He lunged at her again and she blocked his blow and flipped backward out of his reach before he could strike again.
Amira knew she needed help. He could easily read her thoughts and sneered at her, "Bring Kenobi here and I will destroy him." The image of Obi-Wan being struck down in her dream replayed in her mind.
This Sith wanted her to reach out to Obi-Wan, he was taunting her. Amira immediately closed herself off and channeled all her energy into the battle. She was going to have to do this alone.
She managed to drive him back a few steps disrupting his balance and concentration; her advantage did not last long. He seemed to be amused with her, toying with her. He entered her mind, "You will be the end of Obi-Wan Kenobi."
She lashed out in anger renewing her attack. Even before she made the move that would be the mistake Amira knew she had failed. In that instant the Sith knocked her weapon from her grasp.
Her hand burned. She quickly dismissed the pain as she watched her lightsaber tumble down the beach towards the water. In the instant she reached out with her mind to retrieve her weapon the Sith was holding his lightsaber perilously close toher throat. Her weapon remained in the sand. Any move she made now would end her life.
She could feel the heat and the energy against her skin. She was defeated. "What is he waiting for?" she thought. He closed the distance between them and extinguished his weapon. He placed his hand on her shoulder and forced her down onto her knees.
She felt her strength drain leaving her weak and helpless. She controlled her fear and looked him in the eyes, "Finish me, what are you waiting for?" He replied, "You may yet serve a purpose. I want you alive for now."
He sent a surge of energy through his body into hers and she crumpled to the sand her body immobilized by unimaginable pain. Her last conscious thought before her surroundings faded to darkness was for Obi-Wan, "I have failed; forgive me."