Chapter Nineteen: The Night Before

Revan stood alone in the kitchen, nursing a warm cup of tea. She leaned against the counter, her head lowered. Sometime tomorrow afternoon Carth had said they'd be at the Star Forge. Revan wasn't ready. She'd trained with Canderous a few times, and Jolee had taught her some new Force abilities, but she wasn't ready. Revan could train for three years solid and she'd never be ready. The task of tracking down Malak and stopping him didn't seem as difficult when she was simply Liana, a scout recruited by the Jedi Council to help. But now that she knew the truth, things were different. What if she was tempted to turn to the Dark Side, whether by Malak or on her own? What was that dream she had in the cockpit trying to tell her?

Revan knew what it was trying to tell her: if she turned to the Dark Side, she'd lose everything. Jolee, Juhani… Carth…

Why couldn't she just be Liana? Why couldn't she just be an ultra-talented newbie? Why did she have to be a former Sith Lord?

Why did she have to know she was a former Sith Lord? If they had just moved faster on the Leviathan, they wouldn't've run into Malak—

Malak. Her former lover…

Things just kept getting worse.

"Hey, it's getting late." Revan turned and saw Carth standing in the doorway of the kitchen. He smiled at her, but she didn't smile in return. His smile fell. "You should get some sleep," he said.

Revan nodded, then stared at her tea cup.

"C'mon, Beautiful," Carth half-smiled, "I'll walk you home."

Revan bit her lip. "I can't do this, Carth," she whispered.

"Can't do what?" he asked. He stopped. "The Star Forge?"

"I can't do it," she repeated. "I'm not ready…"

Carth stepped in front of her and cupped the side of her face. "Hey, of course you can," he reassured. "Beautiful, you're the strongest person I know. We'll be with you. Every step of the way." Revan looked up at him. "You're not doing this alone. I'm gonna be there, fighting by your side like always. So will everyone else."

"I don't know, Carth," she whispered. "I just… It seemed so far away, and now…"

"Shhh," he said. "I know. I can't even begin to understand what you're going through right now, or what you'll go through when we get there. I'm sorry I can't help you with that."

"I don't know what's going to happen when we get there," Revan said. "I know he knows I'm coming… I just don't know what to expect… What if he's stronger than I am? What if I can't defeat him? What if I turn? What if—"

"You won't turn, Revan," Carth said. "You won't go back to being that, that horrific monster you once were. You've changed, Revan. You've come so far."

"It doesn't work that way, Carth," she whispered. "Not for a Jedi. One slip… just one… In my dream I thought I was doing the right thing, that, that I could regain my title but do good instead… I thought I was going to give you Telos back—"

"We've discussed this," Carth said. "And what did I tell you?"

Revan looked up at him. "That you agreed with yourself in my dream; that you'd rather lose Telos forever than have me turn to the Dark Side in order to save it."

Carth smiled and nodded. He brushed strands of hair away from her face, then kissed her forehead. "I made a promise to you that I'd give you a reason not to fall to the Dark Side."

"I know," she whispered. Revan's eyes met his. "Keep reminding me."

Carth held her chin with his thumb and index finger and tilted her head up. He brushed a kiss against her lips. "C'mon. Let's get you to bed." He took the tea cup out of her hand and placed it on the counter.

"Carth?"

"What?"

Revan hesitated, then turned away. "Never, never mind."

"No, tell me," he said. Carth turned her head so she was forced to look at him. "Talk to me, Beautiful."

Revan looked deep into his eyes. "Make love to me tonight. Please?"

Carth blinked. "You have to ask?"

"I just want… I… I could die tomorrow, and—"

"Don't talk like that," Carth said.

"It's a very real possibility, Carth," Revan said. "You have to understand—"

"You're not going to die, Revan," he said.

"Malak almost killed me on the Leviathan. I wasn't strong enough. If it wasn't for Bastila intervening when she did, I might very well—"

"You're stronger than Malak now. You'll—"

"I'm not so sure about that. And now I know more about him than I did back on the Leviathan, which makes it even harder. I know more about us, about what he and I—"

"Revan—"

"Carth, please," Revan whispered. "I don't want to die tomorrow, and I promise you I will do everything in my power not to, and everything in my power to stay with the Light Side, the good side. But if something happens that I can't foresee now, that's beyond my power to control… Carth, I just… I just want the night before… to be happy… I—"

Carth kissed her. He gathered her in his arms, held her tight, and kissed her as hard as he could without breaking her. When he broke the kiss, Revan just stood there, her eyes closed, frozen in place. It took her a few seconds to realize he had stopped. She caught her breath and looked into his eyes.

"This won't be our last time together, Beautiful," Carth huskily said.

Revan shook head. "I don't want it to be," she whispered. "Just… our last time before, before the Star Forge."

Carth nodded. "Before the Star Forge."

Revan bit her lip and stared at his face. She wanted the Star Forge to be a week away again… a month even. Why couldn't she and Carth have been at this stage in their relationship months ago? All this time they could have spent in one another's arms…

"Is the coast clear?" Carth asked.

Revan's brow wrinkled. "Huh?"

"Is the coast clear?" Carth repeated.

Revan blinked, reached out to the Force, then nodded. "Why?"

"Good," Carth smiled. He bent over and scooped Revan in his arms. Revan giggled, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him as carried her off to her quarters and locked the door behind him.

Carth held Revan close and tight as she slept. He prayed that she slept peacefully, that no visions or nightmares kept her awake. With the exception of her earlier dream in the cockpit, she hadn't had one since their huge fight, which was days ago. Revan needed rest… lots of rest.

Revan sighed in her sleep. Carth gave her a gentle squeeze.

What if she did die tomorrow?

Carth closed his eyes. Images of a burning Telos flashed before his eyes. He quickly opened his eyes and again and stared into the darkness. He couldn't lose Revan like he lost Morgana. He wouldn't lose her… Jolee had said that he and Juhani should be the ones to accompany Revan on the Star Forge, but Carth wouldn't hear any of it. He was going to be there, fighting along side. If she fell, he was going to be there to catch her. But the top priority was ensuring she didn't fall.

After a few minute of just laying there in silence, Carth gently and carefully untangled himself from Revan's arms, then sat on the edge of the bed. He wasn't going to be much help tomorrow if he didn't get any sleep. Carth raked his fingers through his hair, then fished around in the dark for his clothes. He got dressed then headed out to the common room to get something to drink.

Carth entered the common room, then stopped. Canderous was sitting at the common room table, a mug in his hand, staring at a gizka who had perched himself on top of the table. The gizka was staring back at Canderous.

"Am I interrupting something?" Carth asked.

Canderous took a sip of his drink, all the while staring at the creature on top of the table. "We've been at this for half an hour," Canderous answered.

Carth's brow furrowed. "Why?"

"Because."

Carth opened his mouth to ask a question, but decided not to. Instead he asked, "So if you're in here, who's—"

"HK."

Carth blinked. "HK's on cockpit duty?"

"Told him Revan was concerned the navi-computer was going to attack," Canderous said. "He's standing in the cockpit ready in case."

"How is the navi-computer—"

"I dunno, but he bought it," Canderous answered.

Carth shook his head. "So he's in there so you can sit out here and stare at the gizka?"

"No, he's in there so I could come in here and eat something," he said. "Then this frog-thing hopped up on the table and… just… stared…"

"So you stared back?"

"When a warrior is challenged, he doesn't back down," Canderous said.

"Uh-huh. So, uh, how many glasses of Tarisian ale have you had in the past half hour?"

Canderous took another sip, then slammed his mug down. "Nine."

"Uh-huh. And you broke the stare to refill—"

"Nope." Still staring at the gizka, Canderous pointed to his left.

Carth took a few steps forward, looked into the kitchen, then sadly shook his head. "You've got a top of the line astromech droid bartending for you?"

"Gotta find some use for the garbage disposal," Canderous said. He held his glass out to the side. T3 rolled into the common room carrying a pitcher of Tarisian ale. The droid filled up the Mandalorian's glass, then wheeled the pitcher back into the kitchen.

Carth closed his eyes. Maybe he should have stayed in bed.

"How's Revan?" Canderous asked.

"Sleeping," Carth answered, walking into the kitchen. "Thank the Force. She's going to be a basketcase tomorrow, I just know it."

"How so?"

Carth opened up the ice chest. "She's scared to face Malak. She's got it in her head that she's going to die."

"Ain't that Dark Side talk?" Canderous asked. "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, all that junk?"

"I-I don't know," Carth sighed. "She's more afraid of the what if's. That's what's gonna get her. She's gotta just… stop thinking about what he might do or what might happen."

"You tell her this?"

"Not in so many words."

Canderous nodded. He heard Carth pull something out of the ice chest. "What are you drinking?"

"Some of that Dantooine Milk to help me—"

"You damn Republics," Canderous snorted. "Have T3 pour you a glass of Tarisian ale. That'll mellow you out."

"Oh, and what, take after you and go on an all-night Tarisian ale drinking binge?" Carth asked. "Just how am I going to fly the ship tomorrow?"

"Have HK do it for you."

Carth snorted. "If he hasn't destroyed the navi-computer yet." Carth poured himself a glass of milk.

"Take my word for it, Carth," Canderous said. "We're facing the Sith tomorrow. You're gonna wanna wish you had a few drinks."

"And fight with a hangover?"

"It'll distract you from the pain," Canderous said, "and the gravity of the situation." He took a swig of the ale. "Besides, we should celebrate. Tomorrow we battle. And this will be a fine battle."

Carth looked down at his glass of milk. They'd worked for almost a year to get to this day. He'd done what he set out do to; he'd killed Saul and gotten his revenge. Now it was Revan's turn. This battle wasn't his, it was Revan's. They'd worked so hard for so long, and if they won… if they won, the entire fate of the galaxy would change for the better. Revan would be redeemed, proving to herself most importantly that she had changed for the better.

If they lost tomorrow, they wouldn't live long to talk about it.

Carth turned and looked at Canderous staring at the gizka, then back at his milk. "Screw it," he mumbled. "T3? Pour me a glass."

Canderous chuckled and waved Carth over. "Come. Let us warriors share a few drinks before battle."

"One," Carth stressed, walking over to the table. "I have no intensions of staring at gizkas for the rest of the night. Just… just one drink."

Canderous leaned back in his chair and took another swig. "That's what they all say."