Chapter Twenty-Five: Voices
"Focus, dammit!" Jolee cried. He was kneeling in front of Revan, his hands on her shoulders. "Concentrate on the sound of my voice."
Darkness… Death… Destruction… Embrace the darkness again, Lord Revan. Revel in it. Drink it in. Defeat Malak and the Star Forge will be yours for the taking! We will be together again!
Revan whimpered. "The darkness calls…" She looked away from Jolee. "I can't… stop… Loud…"
Welcome home, Lord Revan. We've missed you.
Mission and Carth stood behind Jolee, watching the Jedi try and reach through to Revan. Mission held onto Carth's arm, worried for Revan, worried for her friends. She looked up at Carth and saw a stoic look on his face. When Mission screamed for Carth and Jolee, they nearly trampled the teenager as they rushed into Revan's room. Jolee immediately knelt in front of Revan, telling Carth to stay back, that there was nothing Carth could do for her. Carth protested, but Jolee ignored him. Carth's eyes were now focused on Revan, and Mission couldn't read his face as to what Carth was thinking.
"Listen to me!" Jolee snapped. "Listen to me! Listen to my voice, Liana!"
Liana Suul… You abandoned that name when you became Lord Revan. A wise decision, indeed.
"Liana Suul," Revan said in a sing-song voice. "Liana Suul, little fool."
"Don't give into the darkness!" Jolee cried. "Dammit, woman, ignore it! Don't slip! Don't do it! Focus on me, Liana!"
Liana Suul doesn't exist anymore. There is only Lord Revan. There will only ever be Lord Revan.
"Liana Suul," Revan sang as she wept. "Only Lord Revan now… No more Liana…"
Jolee slapped Revan across the face.
"HEY!" Carth yelled. He rushed over and grabbed Jolee's shoulder, turning the older Jedi so he could look him in the eye. "What the hell's the big idea?"
Revan's eyes focused on Jolee. She grabbed her cheek. "You hit me!"
Jolee sighed. "At least I know you're still in there. Welcome back."
"Revan!" Carth cried. He abandoned Jolee, knelt in front of Revan, and cupped the sides of her face. "Beautiful, are you okay?"
Revan pushed Carth's hands aside. "I… I don't know." She looked at Jolee again. "He hit me…"
"To break you out of that trance you were in," Jolee said.
"It hurt."
"You should thank me," Jolee snorted. "Ungrateful child."
Kill the old man! He cannot break you from your destiny of darkness! KILL HIM!
Revan cringed. "Carth!"
"What?" he asked. "Revan, talk to me!"
Kill all who stand between you and Us!
"It won't go away," she whispered. "The… voice…"
"You have to resist it," Jolee said. "The Star Forge knows you're here. It'll do anything to get you to fall again. It's focusing on you, just like it was focusing on me and Juhani."
Lies! All lies! Kill the old man!
"You have to resist the temptation!" Jolee said. "Shut that voice up or you won't do any good against Malak!"
Malak the traitor. He took Us from you! Kill the traitor and reclaim your title as Dark Lord of the Sith!
Revan grabbed the sides of her head. "I… can't," she cried. "They're… louder…"
"Beautiful, listen to me!" Carth said, gripping her shoulders. "You can beat this!"
Foolish pilot! Kill him!
"No," Revan wept. "No… I can't…"
"Focus on my voice!" Carth said. "Focus on my emotions! Focus on whatever you have to!"
Your feelings towards the pilot are the same as they were towards the traitor! Kill the pilot like you should have the traitor! He will only weaken you, prevent you from following your destiny! This is your calling, Lord Revan! Kill the pilot!
"No!" Revan cried again. "I can't… I can't…"
The traitor tried to kill you when you gained power! Now the pilot is trying to prevent you from doing it again! KILL HIM!
"You can do it, Beautiful," Carth said. "Focus!"
"Carth," Revan cried. "Help… me…"
"I'm here," he said. He sat down and pulled Revan onto his lap. "I'm here."
Revan wept and tried hard to focus on Carth. She focused on the feel of his arms around her, and the feel of his beard scratching her forehead as he tucked her head under his chin. She focused on the texture of his jacket, feeling the front of the orange-leather jacket with her fingers. Revan thought of the numerous times Carth held her, and the promise he made to protect her…
"I want to give you a future, with me. I think I could love you if you give me the chance."
But there will be no future, Carth, Revan thought. The Star Forge was the end of her journey. She'd known that for a while. Her job was to rid the galaxy of the threat that was Malak.
Malak, the traitor. He used you as a puppet to seize control, control that was never his to take!
Revan cringed at the voice. But she had to admit it was right. All along Malak had manipulated her into doing what he wanted done, then tried to kill her in a cowardly way so he could take over the Sith army she'd worked so hard to build.
That is the way of the Sith. Take your revenge!
There's no revenge to take, Revan thought. She and Malak would both die, together. The galaxy needed to be saved from Malak, and saved from the potential of Revan returning to the dark side. Revan needed to die once and for all as punishment for all she had done in her reign, all she was responsible for. She might not have been there, been in charge of the evilness, but she helped put it in motion. Malachor V, Telos, Taris…
Revan would die on the Star Forge.
There's no need to, Lord Revan! Once you kill Malak—
No, Revan thought. She couldn't shut the voice up by declaring her alignment to the Jedi. The voice would always be there until her death. There is no death, there is the Force.
No, Lord Revan! Do not think these thoughts! The Star Forge is yours—
"Not mine," Revan whispered.
"What's not yours?" Carth asked. "Talk to me, Beautiful."
It's not mine, Revan thought. It never was mine. I used it. And now I must pay the price for my evil acts, the past life that I know only through stories and horrible flashbacks.
Lord Revan, no!
"Something's happening," Jolee said. "I can feel the voice… grow quiet."
"Is she beating it?" Mission asked.
Jolee and Carth looked at the teenager, both men almost forgetting she was still standing in the room. "She's doing something," Jolee said.
I'll never forgive myself for my past actions, Revan thought. Never! I destroyed too many lives, especially the lives of my friends, the people I love. They say they forgive me, but how can they? And others… no matter where I go, I'll see people who I've scarred and ruined because of the Sith. I can't… I won't… The Star Forge is the end…
"Liana," Jolee said, "say something."
No, Lord Revan!
"I'm sorry," Revan whispered. This is the way it has to be…
"Sorry for what?" Carth asked.
Revan looked up at Carth. "Everything," she whispered.
"Are you okay?" Jolee asked.
Revan didn't answer. She continued to look at Carth, not breaking eye-contact.
"Beautiful?" Carth asked. "You all right?"
"Better," she said, then fell silent again.
Jolee shook his head. "C'mon, get your stuff," he said. "We landed on the Star Forge, and it's time to do what we came here to do."
Revan looked at Jolee. "Why… Why did you call me Liana?"
"To try to get you to notice," he said. "If both the Star Forge and I were calling you 'Revan,' it would have been hard to figure out which one to listen to."
Revan didn't say anything.
"C'mon, Beautiful," Carth said. "We've all got to get our stuff. Admiral Dodonna's arrived with the fleet. They're fighting the Sith as we speak. We've got to get a move on."
Just a while longer, Revan thought. Hold me just a while longer. Make me feel safe one last time…
"Carth and I'll come with you," Jolee said. "You're not fighting this fight alone." He turned to Mission. "Get her lightsaber."
Mission nodded and opened Revan's footlocker.
Carth told Revan to stand up and grab her things. She did, taking the lightsaber from Mission and clipping it to her belt. Jolee then left Revan's quarters, taking Mission with him, leaving Carth and Revan alone. "Get whatever else you need," Carth told her. "I've got to go change into my armor—"
"Stay here," Revan said. "Stay on the Hawk, where it's safe—"
"Not on your life," he said. "We're in this together. I made you a promise, and I'm going to see it through."
"I don't want you hurt protecting me," she whispered.
Carth sadly smiled. "I'd be hurt a lot worse if I didn't try."
Revan's eyes filled with tears. I want to die knowing you're safe, you stubborn pilot. She embraced him. "Thank you," she whispered, feeling Carth's arms wrap around her. "For everything."
Carth gave her a squeeze.
"I love you." I'm going to miss you so much…
Carth smiled. "I love you, too." He broke the embrace. "You ready?"
"I… I think so," she lied.
"Good," he said. "Now get your stuff. We've still got a lot to do."
Big thanks to the Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl soundtrack. I had it looping in the background while writing this chapter.