Chapter Thirty-Seven: Tension Rising

"But I need this stuff, Zaalbar!" Mission said as she took down the 'Mission's Room' sign from the wall outside of her door. Zaalbar reminded her they were guests on board the admiral's ship, not moving in permanently. "I know that," she said. "But this is my stuff!"

Zaalbar pointed out that Mission left Taris without anything but the clothes on her back and a vibroblade at her side.

"That was different," she told him. "I didn't have stuff then. Now I do. And I'm taking it with me!"

Zaalbar sat down on Mission's bed and grumbled that no one was going to steal anything from the Ebon Hawk while they were away.

"You never know," Mission said, adding three more vibroblades to her footlocker. "We're gonna be here for a while. Where're my other shoes?" She looked around her cramped quarters. "They were here somewhere."

There was a knock at her door. Mission and Zaalbar turned to see Jolee standing in the doorway. "Are you ready to go?" Jolee asked.

"Almost," Mission replied. "I can't find all my stuff."

Jolee raised an eyebrow. "Your stuff?"

"Yeah," Mission said. She got down on her knees and looked underneath the beds, her backside sticking up in the air. "And I can't find everything."

Jolee crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Maybe if you had kept your room clean…"

"You're not gonna go all Carth on me, are you?" Mission sighed. She slid across the floor on her knees, then looked underneath a third bed. "Besides, it's not my fault. The Sith messed everything up when they stole my stuff the first time. Zaalbar, help me look!"

Jolee looked at her over-stuffed footlocker. "Dare I ask how you plan on closing your footlocker, let alone carrying it off the Ebon Hawk?"

"That's what Zaalbar's for."

Zaalbar's eyes widened as he growled that was news to him.

Jolee shook his head. "Mission, you can come back anytime and get your belongings. Why don't you take what you need for now—"

"I need all of it," Mission said, standing back up. She brushed the dust off her slacks. "Revan shoulda trained HK to housekeep. This place is disgusting."

"Kid, we're only gonna be on the admiral's ship for two days at the most," Jolee said.

"Huh?" Mission frowned. "But it took us over a week to get here from Korriban."

Instead of giving her technical, engineering-type answer, diving into mathematical equations about bigger engines and more power, Jolee simply said, "Yeah, but we're going to Coruscant this time. It's closer."

Mission paused. "Oh."

Zaalbar snorted an 'I told you so.'

"So," Jolee said, "why don't you bring a change of clothes and your bare essentials?" He reached into her footlocker and took out the vibroblades and blasters, piling them on the ground. "For example: These can be left behind."

"But I might need them!" Mission protested.

"This is a Republic vessel, not the Taris Lower City."

"Knowin' our luck, I wanna be ready just in case!"

"Kid, you don't need—"

Zaalbar growled loudly, then suggested a compromise of allowing Mission to keep one blaster. Jolee sighed in agreement, and Mission plucked her favorite from the pile.

Jolee looked around her room. Spotting a small bag in the corner, he walked over, picked it up, then tossed it at Mission. She caught it and held it against her chest. "Fill this up with your bare essentials for the two-day maximum trip, then meet up in the common room. Everyone's ready but you." He headed for the exit.

"But—"

Over his shoulder, Jolee said, "Zaalbar? If she protests? Tie her head-tails together."

"HEY!" Mission cried.

Bastila walked down the corridor towards the common room. Tension had escalated amongst the group ever since Revan tried to end her life. Carth hadn't spoken to anyone unless absolutely necessary, and even then it was more of a grunt than anything. Canderous had kept to himself, only sharing his concern about traveling on a Republic ship with HK-47. (The assassination droid had offered to kill the various Republic meatbags they'd encounter to help ease the Mandalorian's nerves, but Canderous said that Revan would never approve. Plus they needed the various Republic meatbags to operate the ship. HK-47 sadly agreed.) Bastila had been meditating in her old shared room with Revan. She was concerned for Revan, that Revan was beating herself up for no reason. Bastila understood that Revan felt responsible for all the death and destruction caused by her former self, but that wasn't who she was now. The Force Bond they shared assured Bastila that Revan truly had changed… provided Revan let her in. Ever since Revan had woken up, she'd kept Bastila out, not allowing Bastila to hear her thoughts, feel her emotions, or talk to her through the bond. Bastila could still feel Revan was present through the bond, which told her the bond hadn't been severed. She simply couldn't reach out to her through it.

Maybe the Jedi Council should not have programmed her with the memories of a smuggler, Bastila thought. Maybe they should have programmed her to be a Jedi instead. They gave her back her old personality, made her the way she used to be… too emotional, too radical, too susceptible to guilt… and love.

Bastila had done her best to keep Padawan Liana Suul on the straight and narrow, making sure every decision she made was for good. She'd constantly remind Padawan Suul about the Jedi relationship with the Force, about the benefits of doing the right thing, following the code, and the dangers of the Dark Side. Canderous had once told Bastila to stop preaching, but it was the only way Bastila knew to help. She was afraid that if Padawan Suul did not have the constant reminders, that if she was left to her own to figure things out, that Revan would eventually return. True, Bastila wasn't all that sure how and why Liana became Revan all those years ago, but she wasn't about to take any chances. She didn't want Liana to slip and revert to her old Sith ways.

Bastila sighed. Look who's talking, she thought. She looked down at her bare hand, at the paleness of her skin. The Dark Side had almost consumed her fully. She'd told Liana how easy it was to slip to the Dark Side, but Bastila truly didn't comprehend just how easy that was until Darth Malak…

She didn't want to think about it. She'd done some horrible things in the name of Darth Malak and the Sith. Not nearly as horrendous and unspeakable as Darth Revan had, but just the taste of darkness was enough to make chills run down her spine.

If anyone should have jumped, it should have been me for being such a hypocrite, Bastila thought. But as long as everyone else was focused on Revan, no one could see the false sense of confidence she was displaying. Truth be told, she was scared as to what the Jedi Council would do to her for slipping. Although she had been a Sith for barely two weeks, she'd done enough damage simply by becoming Malak's apprentice.

She cleared her mind, recited the code twice, then entered the common room. Carth, Canderous, Juhani, and the droids were present, presumably waiting for everyone else to arrive. Carth had radioed Admiral Dodonna that they needed a few extra minutes to get their belongings together before departing the ship. That was close to half an hour ago.

Bastila tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, then sighed. "Carth, I can't get her to come out of her room," she said, sounding exhausted.

Carth looked up at her. "Is she okay?"

Canderous snorted. "She tried to kill herself, and when that didn't work, she locked herself in her room, and now refuses leave it or allow anyone to go see her." He pretended to think. "Yup. She's fine. All normal."

Carth turned to him and glared. "That's not what I meant."

"Well, it was a stupid question," Canderous said.

"No, it wasn't!" Carth snapped. "How do I know if she's okay or not? Excuse me for being concerned!"

"You think you're the only one around here who's concerned?" Canderous snapped. "Don't forget, Republic, I'm the one who caught her before she jumped!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That means if it wasn't for me, she'd be dead!"

"You gonna ram it down my throat for the rest of my life?"

"If that's what it takes—"

"All right!" Bastila cried. T3-M4 let out an alarmed, whirled cry. Carth and Canderous stopped, then looked at her. "Honestly, I thought you two had grown to behave yourselves since Taris."

"Observation," HK-47 said. "The Republic meatbag and Mandalorian meatbag have, by meatbag definition, been behaving themselves. They have not tried to kill each other since the Republic meatbag attacked the Mandalorian meatbag in the cargo hold and broke his nose."

Bastila looked at Carth. "You broke his nose?"

"Inclination: I do hope the day returns when the Mandalorian meatbag and Republic meatbag go back to hating each other. Such violence is what this HK unit lives for. And it seems that day will soon approach if their manner of behaving keeps up."

Canderous jabbed a thumb at HK. "See, Carth? We're making him happy."

"Good," Carth scowled. "I'll break your nose again so HK can dance with joy."

"Gentlemen, please!" Bastila said.

Juhani grumbled, then looked at Bastila. "They've been like this for the past hour."

Bastila took a deep breath, then said, "Revan just needs more time. If we—"

"More time?" Carth asked. "How much more time does she need?"

"I… I don't know," Bastila admitted. "She's trying to block the bond, and I can't—"

"Block the bond?" Juhani asked. "Is that possible?"

"Yeah," Canderous said. "Thought you two were hooked together for life?"

"The Force works in mysterious ways," Bastila said. "It—"

"Admit it, Princess. You haven't a clue."

Bastila bit her lip, then shook her head. "Revan's very powerful. More than she realizes. She has yet to tap into her full potential, although she's come very close on numerous occasions, fueled mostly by her anger."

"She cleared an entire platform of Dark Jedi and Sith soldiers when you got shot, Carth." Everyone turned to see Jolee enter the room. Jolee looked directly at Carth. "There were easily thirty to forty Sith soldiers and Dark Jedi she sent flying off the platform to their death. One motion was all it took."

Carth said nothing.

"If there's a way to block the Force bond, believe me, Revan would be the first to find it," Bastila said. "The only thing we can do now is respect her wishes and leave her alone. There's nothing else we can do at this point."

"So we're just going to leave her on board while the rest of us are on the admiral's ship?" Juhani asked. "Is that wise?"

"No," Carth said. "I'm not leaving her alone like this." He shook his head, then raked his fingers through his hair. "Why is she doing this? Why won't she let me or you or anyone else help?"

Because she feels she betrayed you, Carth, Bastila thought. She feels she can't face you after what she tried to do. She's so scared of hurting you. Bastila bit her lip. "I don't know," she lied. "Only Revan can tell you when she's ready to talk."

"I hate this!" Carth cried. "I hate being left out of the loop!"

Canderous snorted. "Wouldn't be the first time."

Carth's eyes narrowed. "Listen, you piece of—"

"Stop it, you two!" Jolee snapped.

Canderous stood up and glared down at Carth. "You wanna piece of me, is that it?"

Carth jumped to his feet. He stared into Canderous's eyes. The Mandalorian outweighed Carth by a good fifty pounds, but that didn't intimidate the Republic pilot in the least. "You sure you wanna? Last time you wept like a youngling because you didn't get a med pack after I kicked your ass!"

"Pleasing Statement: This is getting good," HK-47 declared.

Canderous stared Carth down. "Oh yeah? Well you had to have a Jedi heal your frackin' broken bones after I was done with you!"

"You didn't see Revan layin' a hand on you, now, did you?"

"WILL THE TWO OF YOU KNOCK IT OFF!" Jolee roared. T3-M4 beeped and whirled. HK-47 let out a displeased sigh. "What the hell has gotten into you two?" Jolee asked Canderous and Carth. "Now sit down, shut up, and stop acting like you're five!"

"All right, Jolee!" Mission called from the hall. She entered the common room, her bag flung over her shoulder and bulging from the sides. Zaalbar was right behind her, a frustrated look on his face. "I packed the bag with all the stuff I could fit in it. And Zaalbar didn't have to tie my headtails together, or nuthin'. Happy?"

Jolee crossed his arms. "Overjoyed." Then he wrinkled his brow. "What's Zaalbar carrying? Is that another bag?"

"That's his stuff," Mission said.

Jolee frowned. "Zaalbar doesn't have any stuff."

"Uh, yes he does," Mission said. "My stuff is in my bag, and his stuff is in his."

Jolee pinched the bridge of his nose. "Whatever. Just… just go sit down over there."

Mission wrinkled her nose at Jolee, then turned to everyone else. "So what's goin' on?" she asked. "Where's Revan?"

"She'll be joining us later," Bastila said.

Mission flopped down on a chair. "How much later? Is she okay?"

"She'll be fine," Jolee said, not wanting to dive into that argument again. "Carth? Why don't you go tell Admiral Dodonna we're ready. Bastila, go tell Revan we're leaving the Ebon Hawk now. See if she's coming with. The rest of you—" he turned to the others in the room "—grab your stuff and let's lower the ramp."

Bastila reached the door to Revan's quarters. She took a deep breath, then pressed the button opening the door. She poked her head inside and saw that the room was dark. Though the aid of the hall light, she saw Revan curled up in the corner of the room, the blanket from her bed wrapped tightly around her. "Revan?" she asked. "We're getting ready to leave the Ebon Hawk."

"Go away," Revan whispered, pulling the blanket around her tighter.

"Please come with us," Bastila said.

Revan said nothing.

"Revan, please," Bastila tried. "Everyone's worried about you. Please come."

"No," Revan whispered. "I can't. I have to stay here. Just go away."

Bastila reached out to her through the Force, but couldn't sense Revan's emotions or thoughts. "I can't sense your emotions through the bond," Bastila said. "I can't feel what you're thinking."

Revan looked at Bastila. "I know."

"Please stop blocking me," Bastila said. "Let me in. Let me help you."

"There's nothing you can do," Revan said. "Just go away."

"If you won't let me in, then what about Carth?" Bastila asked. "I know how you feel about…" Bastila searched for something to say. "Revan, he loves you. He wants to help. Let him—"

"I can't face him," Revan said. "You know that."

"Revan—"

"I betrayed his trust," Revan whispered. A tear ran down her cheek. "How can I face him? It's bad enough I had to face Malak after what I did…" Her voice trailed off. "Just go away," she whispered.

"Revan—"

Revan raised her hand and used the Force to push Bastila out of the way. Bastila let out a squeak as she stumbled backwards. Before Bastila could say anything else to Revan, the door slammed shut.

Bastila sighed. "That went rather well."