Pairings: None really, give one-sided Tatsuha/Ryuichi
Warnings: POV, teeange/adult issues, romance, angst - life in general is a warning, may contain SPOILERS if you have not read Gravi book 12
Author's Notes: Thanks everyone for the reviews, I really appreciate and live for it! ;
Thankie to Aja again for beating it!
Feedback is humpable!
Chapter 3
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I knew I had to leave the next morning. It sucked beyond the most suckiest thing in the world, but it's what I had to do. I knew that Ryuichi would eventually find out what was going on if I stayed, and he would tell Tohma, who would tell Mika, who would tell dad and Eiri, and I'd be on my ass performing funeral rights all over again. At the very least, he'd ask about school and all that shit. Stupid shit.
Despite what everyone tells you, the teenage years suck. Almost as much as that suckiest beyond sucky I just told you about.
But why did the universe have to be so cruel as to use all that to tear me away from Ryuichi? I felt like I was finally getting somewhere with him! That's all I was given, that little glimpse to the dream I'd been trying to seize since I first saw Nittle Grasper on TV.
Murphy has always had a fucking ass sense of humor, the bastard.
Why was it so wrong to want to be around Ryuichi?
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The television mumbled incoherently in the background. The changing colors casting a glow were the only light in the room, illuminating the faces watching it with boredom. Tatsuha and Ryuichi, along with Kumagorou, were lounging on the bed, flipping channels. Ryuichi was on his back, head hanging upside-down off the edge, holding Kumagorou to his chest and the remote outwards. Tatsuha was only an inch or two away, although he had started out at least a foot away, lying on his stomach with his chin resting on his folded arms.
After dinner Tatsuha had brought out his camera. Ryuichi and Kumagorou had a ball taking pictures of one another and their guest as well. They took pictures of the city, the room, even the left over dishes from room service. Then Tatsuha asked if he could have one special picture and he got it. Ryuichi sitting on the bed, holding Kumagorou close with a big smile and a shine in his eyes, backlit by the sliding glass doors behind with the setting sun illuminating the skyline.
"If I see another one of those banking commercials I'm going to kill something."
A wave of laughter followed. "Na, you don't need to get violent, Tatsuha-kun!" He paused, holding his plushie to his own ear. "Ahh, Kumagorou agrees with you, though! He's getting sick of the same things too. You get along so well!"
Tatsuha propped his head up with a hand, giving the former singer an amused smile. He let his eyes casually run down the length of the older man's body when the TV distracted the actor. "Naturally. I happen to be very good with rabbits."
Ryuichi snickered again, rolling back over onto his stomach. He bumped Tatsuha in the process, and even as he got into a comfortable spot, there was no longer any space between them. Tatsuha felt more self-conscious, and his nerves were on fire. He still casually leaned more of his weight against the actor. Ryuichi did not seem to notice.
"Kumagorou and I had a good time today, Tatsuha-kun. We should do this all the time!" The smile the brown-haired man flashed could have melted a glacier. Tatsuha found himself truly, deeply regretting his next words.
"Yeah, that would be really cool if we could." Ryuichi looked a little put off. Yet there was something about the look on his face that hinted perhaps he was expecting that answer.
"Could? Does Tatsuha-kun not want to spend time with us?" he asked with a pout, starting to chew on one of the pink plushie's ears.
The teenager looked shocked by the mere thought. "Of course I do! I just-"
"-can't?" Ryuichi filled in. He nodded, looking at Kumagorou in thought for a moment. The television continued to drone on, still flashing a glow into the room. Tatsuha did not know what to say, if he should speak at all. Instead, he just watched the different colors play on the contours of the other man's face.
"Tatsuha-kun is leaving, huh?"
He blinked back into reality, dark eyes running across the former singer's profile. Ryuichi gently patted his rabbit's head, smiling a jaded little smile. "Tatsuha-kun is going to go away for a while, no da." He turned to look at the boy with his stage eyes, shining with a worldly quality that was hard to decipher
"Where is he going?"
The dark-haired boy's mouth opened, then shut. Did Ryuichi know? He highly doubted it, yet even still…
"Is he going someplace we can't follow? Or does he just want to go alone?" The television seemed almost nonexistent. Ryuichi leaned in closely, until their faces were only centimeters apart. "Why does such a beautiful boy want to be by himself?"
Tatsuha did not know what to say. He gaped, suddenly feeling the weight of the air around them, of the other man's words. Ryuichi simply watched with something that could only be described as worry and eternal patience. It was that look that pulled the teen in like a moth to a flame. Yet to him, Ryuichi was more that just a simple flame, he was a supernova.
It was an explosion the size of that nova that he felt when he closed the distance between them. He did not want to hear any more words, just revel in the feeling of the lips opening beneath his.
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I'm not even going to try and attempt describing the feeling of kissing Ryuichi for the first time. Saying something like it was the gates of Heaven opening is just not doing justice. Ryuichi is Ryuichi, and nothing can compare to him. Feeling him, it was an honor. Kissing him was like taking a sip of sin, and it was the best sin I'd tasted.
Well, I guess that was an attempt, but it really doesn't even begin to scratch the surface.
The second kiss was even better than the first, and so on and so forth. I lost track of how many kisses there were as we went along, and that was perfectly fine with me. Ryuichi had such a unique taste that I couldn't stop myself, though he didn't seem to be complaining. But even that didn't give me a clear enough sign to what he had planned.
When Kumagorou had strangely disappeared and the light in Ryuichi's eyes changed to something darker, I was beginning to realize what was really happening. It was Ryuichi's confidently searching hand that began to pull the threads of my undoing.
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The glow that woke Tatsuha up no longer came from the television. Sunlight was peaking through the curtains, sending beams onto sleepy eyes that would rather retreat back into the world of dreams. The bed was too warm and welcoming, but the call of the morning was pulling him from rest.
Tatsuha groaned as he rolled over, trying to shut his face from the approaching day. Yet instead of the day he found the sun itself lying just next to him. Ryuichi looked as peaceful and content as anyone could be, amongst the tangled sheets. That was a sight that he would have liked to wake up to every morning, it was as comforting as it was appealing. He let his sleepy gaze linger on the former singer for a few minutes before finally pulling the covers back to slip silently out of bed.
Leaving like a one night stand was the worst possible thing he could think of, but he decided to do it anyway. He slipped his pants on quickly, shirt following soon after. His duffle bags were repacked in a few seconds, except for his most prized possession – his camera. The image of Ryuichi was too tempting to pass up. Turning off the flash, Tatsuha took his last picture of the actor, hiding the camera back into the depths of his bag.
Without looking back, Tatsuha shouldered one bag and grabbed the other, making a beeline for the door. The pang in his heart…he just had to ignore.
"Tatsuha-kun?"
He froze, hand almost at the door handle. His skin prickled in a pleasant and frightened tingle. The teenager felt his heart sink into his stomach.
"Leaving already?" Tatsuha took a deep breath and turned around. Ryuichi looked even better sitting up, hotel sheets covering his lower half. Brown hair was slightly mussed, hanging around his face and eyes in all the right places. Tatsuha's heart moved its way back up into his chest to give a powerful beat.
"I see." He was smiling.
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He just let me go. Ryuichi Sakuma gave me a kiss on the cheek from himself and Kumagorou, told me I was always welcome, and opened the door. I just walked through and left.
Leaving Ryuichi felt worse than leaving home. I felt a little guilty about that, all things considered. While Ryuichi was Ryuichi, my family was still my family, and my home was still my home. Yet there was just something in the way Ryuichi looked at me that made me feel wanted, even if it was only temporary.
Not to sound like a brooding, ungrateful son, but I never felt wanted with my family. I knew I was needed, taking up Eiri's place and all that jazz, but even still, it was Eiri they wanted, not me. Ironically, I think it was seeing that genuine want that helped me decide to leave.
Looking back on it, maybe I have been ungrateful.
I've always liked sex, if that wasn't obvious to you before. I'm quite open about it, too. I was too reckless with it when I was younger, though. I started before I should have and continued on without looking back once. I've almost always enjoyed it, even the times when it wasn't one hundred percent consensual - Yes, there have been those times, but don't you dare call it rape, because it wasn't. – I've liked it because, even if for only those moments, someone else truly wants to be around you, wants to touch you and be with you.
And it feels good, too.
My family has always been full of lonely people. I guess it was stupid of me to think going out on my own was going to solve that.
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"Sweetie, I'm not trying to rain on your parade but you don't have the proper job experience, references, equip-"
"I know, I know but I can get it!" Tatsuha insisted, sitting further forward in his chair. He practically pleaded with his eyes, turning on a bit of the puppy dog eyes too.
She sat there studying him for the nth time that afternoon. The begging was annoying as it was cute, it seemed, for she finally sighed with a short bow of the head. Putting on a good smile, she nodded, looking exhausted.
"All right. One week, only because you're a nice boy who wants this so badly. You should think about getting an album for your pictures in the mean time." With that, the woman handed back the old, tattered folder. Tatsuha took it with a very thankful smile and gave her a graciously deep bow of thanks before he left.
Walking down the short steps in front of the average-looking building, Tatsuha was practically skipping. He had a chance, even if it was a small one. He had enough money to buy some of the things he needed, and there were personal items he had brought to sell for just such an occasion. He was feeling better than he had in days.
He mounted his bike, wiping the extra sweat from his brow. Dazaifu was humid and hot that July day, but Tatsuha was in too much of a good mood to let it affect him.
He had left Osaka without looking back once. He sold a pair of shoes in Okayama to start to build up his personal funding; noticing the dent just paying for gas was putting in his plans. Tatsuha had decided to go south, away from Kyoto and Tokyo, off of Honshu and down, down to Kyushu where he felt no one would think to find him. He had considered Nagasaki, but decided on a smaller city instead. Right outside of the island's largest city was Dazaifu. He liked the slightly quieter feel, and the plethora of temples and shrines reminded him of home.
High school was out of reach at that moment. What he was concentrating on was setting himself up a new life, so his first goal was to get a job. Somewhere along his sixteen years Tatsuha had gathered a bit of good karma, for upon reaching Dazaifu in one piece, he found the office for the city's newspaper rather easily. Things could not have been better, because they were hiring and Tatsuha planned to bring his love of photography as a worthwhile source of income.
He had a chance at that spot and he refused to pass that up. It may have been a hesitant offer at best, but the opportunity was still there if he managed to pull himself together in time. What thrilled him the most, however, was that he was choosing his job. Its success lied in his hands and ambition, and it gave him a rush with the feeling of liberation that he had amost forgotten was possible.
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I spent my first night there sleeping near the train station on a bench. Benches had become my new best friends, but I really didn't mind. They served their purpose. Too bad Dazaifu was notorious for mobster activity.
If you couldn't tell, that was sarcasm.
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The third day there, Tatsuha found himself with the proper camera equipment for something other than a flashy, pocket, digital one. He had developed more pictures from his digital camera to add to his portfolio and try to be more convincing. Part of it was for a different reason, though. A picture of a smiling Ryuichi in the Osaka hotel room rested peacefully in his wallet, hidden behind old receipts and his license.
He had taken to walking most places, wanting to keep his bike in the best condition and save money on gas as much as he could. Almost all he had eaten the past three days were dried ramen right out of the package. It was starting to make him sick to his stomach, but Tatsuha would not dare chance buying something more.
Gnawing on such a piece, he mumbled to himself as he felt the dried noodle break underneath his teeth. It was not the best food for sustenance, but it would do. He hoped a steady income would quickly change that.
Tatsuha was sitting on his usual bench near the train station as that platform closed down for the night. There was an elderly man there who cleaned up the place at night. He questioned Tatsuha the first night he was there, and then left him to be on his bench. The man's name, Tatsuha had learned, was Yasuo, and he had retired a few years ago, doing this job only for an extra little income to support himself and his wife. The night before, Tatsuha had received a cutely sized package of crab sushi from Yasuo as a delivery from his wife when she heard about 'the boy that sleeps on a bench'. They had assumed he was a high school or college flunkie trying to get back in. Tatsuha just did not try to correct that assumption.
He sighed, frowning a bit around another crunch. He was missing that sushi already.
"Excuse me."
Mid-chew, Tatsuha stopped, turning his head slightly to look up at the person standing in front of him. It was not Yasuo, but a much younger woman.
Wow.
"You'll have to pardon me for being so forward, I usually keep such impulses to myself, but I've seen you sitting by yourself here for the past few days. If you don't mind me asking, why?" She appeared so soft but was hard spoken at the same time. Tatsuha guessed she must have been in her mid-twenties, but she had the presence of an independent woman. She almost reminded him of Mika, but he quickly dispelled the thought.
Tatsuha switched on a charming smile, quickly tucking the ramen away into a duffle bag. No need to let her see him eat the 'poor man's cuisine' out of the bag. "I'm waiting for the doors of opportunity to open," he said cryptically through the smile. It earned him a pleasant laugh in return.
"Did you miss your ride or lose your ticket?"
He shook his head. "No ma'am, my ticket is downtown." To that he got a slightly puzzled look. "I'm trying to land a job."
The woman nodded in understanding. Tatsuha took in her manner of dress. She was in a casual dress and shirt, but looked more like she had come from a business meeting or something of the sort, yet all she carried was a purse.
"So you're staying at a train station?"
"Well…um…yup." He grinned widely, letting an arm rest on the back of the bench. This time she shook her head, but she was smiling too.
"I take it you're on your own, then?" He nodded a 'yes' in response. "No one at all?" He shook his head. "That's unfortunate. I couldn't imagine what a cutie like you would be doing all out alone at night." Noting the flirtatious curve to her lips, Tatsuha raised an eyebrow, before returning the expression perfectly.
"I could say the same thing to you, Miss," he said, idly playing with a few of the longer strands of his hair.
"Well," she said, looking pleased and taking a seat next to him. Close enough to be friendly, but far away enough to still have her own space. "Where are you applying? Don't worry, I'm not trying to steal a potential job from you."
The teenager gave a short laugh to that. "Newspaper, I want to be a photographer for it."
Her hazel eyes seemed to light up at that. "Oh, that sounds like fun! I hope you get it."
He grinned. "Yeah, believe me, so do I." There was a short pause as he took in her face again. She had a softness but also a wordly quailty. That almost reminded him of Ryuichi, a name that sent warm tingles and sharp pangs to his heart at the same time. "It's nice to meet you, Miss…?"
She sat up straightly, giving him a gentle bow of the head in greeting. "Hitomi Yoshikuni." Looking back up at her new acquaintance, she nodded towards him. "And you?"
Tatsuha repeated the gesture. "Tatsuha U…eda," he lied at the last moment.
"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Ueda-san." Hearing his 'new' family name like that felt so wrong. This young woman was pretty; he hated having to lie to her.
"'Tatsuha' is fine," he reassured with a smile. At that she gave him a long look, which he simply returned with the same intensity.
"You're a nice guy," Hitomi finally said like it was a fact. "No place to stay?" She got another shake of the head. "I have a couch I can offer you if you'd like. Until you're able to stand on your own two feet, that is."
Tatsuha practically gushed.
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Hitomi said she didn't want rent money. She knew I couldn't help pay for much food; she had seen my high class meal of dried ramen. All she said was that she wanted to help someone out and that maybe later we could think of something I could do to repay her.
Well, we found something pretty quickly…and all I could remember was the way Ryuichi had looked only a few nights before.