Disclaimer: Not mine...

Pairing: Remus X Sirius

Loves: Reviews…

The most beautiful of all mornings

It had been a long night, Remus hadn't slept. He couldn't and he was so afraid of his dreams… He had cried all night, yelled at the walls of his bedroom. His bedroom. Not their bedroom! His and his alone. Sirius was not here. He wasn't anywhere on this world. He was behind that damn veil! Killed by Bellatrix and Remus wasn't able to do anything about it. He had seen his lover die in the ministry, just standing there, looking at Sirius who, looking at his lover, disappeared behind the veil.

And Remus would never forget that look on Sirius' beautiful face. When he had been stricken by Bellatrixes spell and fell backwards his gaze went straight towards Remus, his eyes full of love, regret and worst of all: fear. Remus had only seen his lover's gaze so intense, when he made love to him. He knew that Sirius was sorry to leave him behind and that he was sorry that there had not been more than two years for them together after Azkaban. Remus had seen all this in this split second in the ministry, his eyes never leaving those grey ones of Sirius.

'I love you.', Remus could read on Sirius' red lips and it hurt so much to see him vanish forever.

That was the last thing the werewolf remembered, everything was a blur of tears and fear. Dumbledore had been there talking to him, just like Tonks and Moody, but Remus hadn't listened to what they had said. In his head there were things Sirius had said to him in their time together.

I love you so much, my Moony. The first time Sirius told him. At Hogwarts after a night in the shrieking shack. He had cared for Remus' new cuts and scratches and told him as if it had been the most natural thing he could have said in that moment. Never did Remus know that Sirius loved him back, never had there been a hint and these words took him by surprise. Remus had wept out of pure joy.

You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Remus often doubted his beauty and his handsome face. Sirius often told him otherwise.

Marry me! Under their Christmas tree, the year Harry had been born.

I won't ever leave you. Such a sweet lie when Remus had been uncomfortable. The war had left him in fear and confusion and Sirius was all he needed to know what he fought for.

I couldn't sleep without you. They often clung to each other just for the sake of it, needed to know they were together and were not left alone. Remus often had thought of himself as too clingy but he could not help it. He often had had the feeling that he would loose Sirius too soon.

And oh, how right he had been. A tear slipped down his face and disappeared beneath his collar.

Love me! These words spoken in his need, when Sirius wanted to feel his Moony and needed him in his arms. Oh, how Remus loved to comply!

Remus looked up at the window, it was indeed such a beautiful morning. A morning he would have loved to share with his comparable beautiful lover. He would have kissed him, wordlessly pointed towards the window and the stunning sunset over the roofs in front of their window.

With a deep sob, Remus broke down again on their bed – his bed – and began to cry so hard he could barely breathe. It had been a week now and he couldn't believe it. He could not believe the love of his life would never come back.

There was a knock on his door and he could hear the worried voice of Tonks. "Remus, may I come in?"

"Leave me alone!", he tried to yell but his voice was hoarse from crying.

"Please, Remus, there is something I…"

"Leave me alone!", this time the anger in his voice was that of the werewolf and if she would give it another try he would go out and yell at her, shove her towards the stairs or simply kill her. He wanted to be alone, he wanted to smell Sirius and he still could smell him in this very room, his scent clinging to the soft cushions, the sheets, the pillows, everything.

His whole day was spent in tears again, like the others before. He just sat on the bed, crying, wasting his time with thinking about Sirius. The man would hate him for his sadness, for the tears and that he didn't go on with his life. But he simply couldn't.

Tonight would be the night of the full moon. He would miss Padfoot by his side, he would miss his heavy head lying on the wolves neck, after he had calmed the werewolf. Remus was sure he would wake up the next day, more cuts than ever on his arms and chest, his head hurting like hell and his heart breaking again, when he realized Sirius would not come to him and care for him.

When the evening came and the moon rose, it got worse than ever. Remus felt the cracking of his bones, when he transformed into the wolf, he could feel his skin breaking and his teeth grow painfully longer. The wolf grumbled deep in his throat before he gave a loud howl.

Tonight Remus couldn't do anything about cutting and clawing at himself, there was nothing to soothe him, Padfoot wasn't there and he was alone. Utterly alone.

Nothing could calm him tonight and the wolf nearly killed himself so that Remus lay in a pool of blood, when he woke up again. It was morning – he did not know how long he had slept – and again it was such a beautiful sunrise… the first thing he realized was that Sirius was dead and his head sank back to the floor. Why hadn't he just died? It would have been so easy: he would be dead, united with Sirius, never feeling this pain again.

He heaved his body from the cold floor, every movement brought new pain to his limbs and made his way into the bathroom, where he cleaned his wounds – like Sirius would have done. The cuts were so bad and he wept all the time, missing his lover's fingers. They would've healed these wounds instantly, like they had never been there.

Slowly he walked back towards the bed and fell onto in again. What would he do with his life? He did not know. He didn't know anything right now except from that he missed Sirius more than anything. His heart ached and he wanted nothing but die right now. Perhaps an Avadra Kedavra would do? Or some sharp razorblades… he went to the bathroom, checking if there were any, when a knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.

"Leave me alone, damn it, Tonks, I don't wanna see anyone, got it?", he screamed.

"May I come in?", the voice startled Remus the most. He had not heard the words, but only this voice. This deep and gentle voice. Could it be? How? Why? As if he cared…

Quivering he looked towards the door which agonizingly slow opened and in there stepped Sirius Black. Tonks was nowhere to be seen, but Remus didn't care. Before Sirius could say something he had a bundle of crying and shivering Moony in his arms, rocking him gently.

"Forgive me.", Sirius whispered. "Please, my love, forgive me."

Remus just shook his head, sobbing and pressing his head to Sirius' chest. "Love you, Sirius, so much.", he managed to say, sounding like a drowning man. The raven haired man drew soothing circles on the werewolves back.

"Shhh… I promised I'll never leave you. See? I kept my promise.", when Remus did nothing more but crying, Sirius grabbed his chin and forced him to look up into his eyes. "beautiful Moony… please. Don't you suffocate on me now.", he said and saw Remus give a slight smile. "Yeah, that's the Moony I know.", he said and gently kissed his lover's lips.

Remus thought his knees would give in. if Sirius had not held him tight to his body, he would have collapsed to the floor. This short and innocent kiss was the best thing he ever felt. "You're back.", he whispered, his mind slowly registering that the man he clung to was real. He felt so good, he felt so wonderful. "I love you, Sirius.", he said, before he broke into another fit of crying.

"Yes… it was just... I don't know. I don't remember anything. I saw Bellatrix, casting a spell on me and then there was Dumbledore who brought me back from nothingness.", Sirius explained and closed his eyes. It was the strangest thing he ever had experienced and he was so glad that Moony was back in his arms. The man shivered against his body and Sirius tightened his grip on him, pressing him even closer. He kissed the top of Remus' head, his soft gold and silver hair. "I love you, dear.", he whispered and went over with him to the bed, where they sat down, Moony still clinging to him, like he would leave again, if he let go.

"I…I thought I'd die, too.", Remus whispered. "I can't live without you, Sirius, I need you.", he confessed and Sirius smiled. A sad smile.

"Don't say things like that. I'm here for you, only for you, my love."

"Sirius…", some more sobs escaped his lips, before he finally looked up at his lover and tried to smile. Sirius wiped the tears away and kissed Moony's face all over. "If you leave me ever again, I'll follow you.", he whispered. And he meant it.

END

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'Sigh' I can't kill Sirius, I can't believe he's dead and I will bring him back in every story if need be! He survived Azkaban, escaped from Demetors and is killed by drapery? Ridiculous! I refuse to believe it! That had to be a trick! Believe me!!!

Me? Lunatic? Why, of course!

And please: Review!

Thank you!