Here it is, the much-anticipated moment. I got really into this chapter, and I hope you do too. Also, I have two very important questions at the end of the chapter. So now, without further adieu, here's chapter 12!
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Words Once Spoken: Chapter 12
Kuronue awoke to the feel of sunlight on his face. His eyes became visible as he lay there, numbed still by the paralysis of sleep. Then slowly, nebulous memories of the previous night flooded into his mind like a river into an ocean. Kuronue instantly leapt to his feet, unprepared for the sudden lightheadedness that possessed him. He stumbled backwards into a tree, by good fortune alone remaining on his feet.
Unbidden, shivers unfolded across his skin, and something, something tried to force it's way into his mind. "No." It came out as a breathless whisper, slipped out between labored breaths. He buried his face in his pale, slender fingers. It couldn't be, it was just impossible!
When he had first seen Youko, a tattered silver beauty making his way through the woods, he had been intrigued. Certainly a silver Youko would make an interesting conquest, he had thought. One night, that was all he had intended to take. But something about that boy, the deep intelligence, or perhaps the haunted golden eyes, had called out to him. Perhaps it was that, much as he had, the boy was fleeing from his old life to start anew, running from his very being.
He'd brought Youko back with him, determined to puzzle out what it was that so intrigued him. At first it was purely lust that drove him to take the kitsune into his bed each night. That's what he had told himself at least. Slowly, grudgingly, he had begun to realize just what called out to him. It wasn't so much that they were alike in pasts, but their very souls had been drawn to each other. Youko, he realized, was his other half.
And from then on, there had been meaning in his life. For upon that realization he ceased to live for himself. From that moment forward, he had another being he wanted to protect. He had Youko, and because of that, everything had changed. He was content. For the first time in his life he was happy right where he was. His reckless abandon and carelessness regarding his own life vanished, replaced by his all consuming love for his fox.
Kuronue hesitantly raised his gaze, fearing the sight that awaited him. Why had this happened? Did fate have to throw every possible obstacle into their path? He had no doubt that Youko was his soul mate, but maybe that wasn't enough anymore.
Nothing was visible at first, nothing but the twigs and brush inbred into the earth. But then his eyes caught sight of red hair, and became riveted to the spot. "Youko." He breathed, transfixed at the sight of his broken form. Was this what fate had in store for them? Could nothing come of their love but endless pain?
For so many years, they had been together. They stayed alive for each other. Happy, peaceful, and full of love, it was only natural that it had come to an end. Yomi had sought to come between them; he had sought to take Kurama as his own. And Kuronue had been deceived by what his eyes told him. He had blamed Youko, and not even bothered to listen to his explanation.
Eventually he came to realize that if Youko had betrayed him, he would have known. The demon mating mark upon their necks ensured that he would have known of any infidelity. He realized this too late. His pendant had fallen, and he had gone back to retrieve it. Foolish, yes, but he couldn't bear to leave it behind.
His own stupidity had him pinned. Youko turned back, intent on saving him. Kuronue had known though, the situation was hopeless for him. "Run," he had told his lover. "Save yourself." It was the only unselfish thing he had ever done. The act in itself was a testimony to just how great a change Youko had made in him. If Youko was alive, he would be all right, as long as his other half remained.
And as he had predicted, Youko had survived, and everything was okay again. They had been reunited, and once again, his stupidity was quickly becoming their downfall.
Kuronue reached out, stumbling unsteadily towards the limp figure among the brush. Tears threatened to fall as more and more of his lover's body came into view. And upon the full sight of Kurama's body… "Oh shit." The trembling worsened with the pounding of his heart.
Reeling, vision blurred, he landed beside the still form with a resounding thud. Was he even alive? His skin was so pale. A sob escaped his moistened lips. This was his doing; he was responsible for all of this. Was it even possible for them to just live happily?
He reached out to touch him, his fingers feathery, just meeting the surface. The response was instantaneous. Kurama whimpered in pain as he was drawn back into awareness. Kuronue made no effort to stop the flow of tears that stained his cheeks. Youko, his Youko, was alive.
Those emerald eyes blinked open and settled upon him placidly. And as soon as he met Kurama's gaze, he knew just what would happen. He would be forgiven, told everything was all right. Just as he had been, Kurama would say that he didn't mind, because he had chosen this.
But it wasn't okay. Those gashes in Kurama's sides, those bloody cuts covering him, and especially the dark bruises that marred his beautiful skin, those things told him otherwise. He noticed that Kurama's head was bend awkwardly, and his hair was matted with blood. The memory rose to the surface, his body crashing to the ground, his head cracking against the tree.
And he couldn't even blame Youko for this. Youko's mother had died, and Kuronue had seen firsthand the grief that had caused him. He knew his soul mate well enough to understand that Kurama wouldn't be satisfied until he did something to avenge the human woman's death.
Doubt gnawed away at his thoughts, nagging him to do something. With the way things were going, love might not be enough to keep them together. Last night had been a turning point, he realized. It had been a test, and he had failed it. Despite how much he loved Kurama, he had hurt him. How could he ask to be forgiven?
So he prepared to do the hardest thing he had ever had to do. "Youko," he began softly. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you." He saw the redhead open his mouth to protest and raised a finger to his lips. "Not just what happened last night. That was somewhat justified, though I do apologize for that also."
Kuronue slid back enough so that he could bow, forehead to ground. "But what I'm about to say will hurt you even more than that. I have no expectations of forgiveness, nor do I ask it of you."
He sat back up and clenched his hands in his lap. "You may never want to forgive me for this, but for better or worse, I need to tell you what happened that night." Fear made a pit out of his stomach, yet still he managed to steady his hands.
"When I was returned to life, I found myself at the spot where my body was buried. I knew it must have been you who buried me there, since the grave was marked with a single blossom." He glanced up quickly towards Kurama, who showed no signs of emotion. "I wanted to find you right away, but I knew I wouldn't find you in that realm."
He could practically feel the questioning gaze directed at the top of his head. "You see, I pestered king Enma for years, trying to convince him to return me to life. After years, he suddenly agreed, saying there was one condition. As you can guess, I was willing to agree to anything, as long as I could see you again." As the words tumbled out, they began to flow more easily.
"He told me of your almost death. He told me how you resided in a human body. I was so proud; you had used the spell that we found together. And then he told me that he didn't want demons as powerful as you residing in Ningenkai. The condition was to bring you back to Makai, Youko." He cast another guilty glance at his lover.
"I returned to our camp, and surprisingly, it remained intact. For several weeks I remained there, until I left to find you." The tears had stopped now. The forest hushed, as though it also listened to his words.
"So I traveled to Ningenkai, ready to find you. And when I did, I was shaken. There you were, so different than I remembered you." Kuronue sighed; regret was a hard sensation to bear. "I wanted to approach you right then, but I was unable to act on that desire. Fear overwhelmed me, 'what if you were different? what if you no longer wanted me?' I was unwise in that.
"Then I saw you with her. I was appalled at the display of your obvious affection for her. I never once doubted your love of her, but never once did I understand its true depths."
He faltered here, but his will remained contrite and resigned to see this through. "For the first time since making the deal with Enma, I questioned whether or not you would come back with me.
"If only I could have seen through your eyes, through your heart! Maybe then I would have understood what I missed. She was your mother. I knew this, and yet grew envious of her. I felt as though she had replaced me." Kuronue slumped, hiding his face behind his hands. It was like the weight in his heart was pulling him down.
"When you left your home, I waited nearby instead of following you. After a day passed, I realized you must be doing something elsewhere. So I sat down and waited, contemplating how to approach you. Another day passed, and I began to grow worried. It was strange, you used to leave home for days, and I never once worried. But for whatever reason, I did so now."
Kuronue had no idea what Youko was thinking through all of this, his frozen exterior was impenetrable. However he looked at the situation, whether he continued or not, it seemed he would lose Youko. Terror gripped his heart and squeezed. If he had the choice, he chose to give his love closure, rather than selfishly hanging on while Youko suffered.
"I waited all through the day, and part of the night. By then, I just couldn't sit still and await you any longer, so I decided to go out and look. Naturally, I went to the place where she, your mother, lived. You weren't there. I was ready to leave when I saw her. And at that moment, I knew what I had to do." His heart was pounding so fast it felt as though it would burst through his chest. Then he managed to say, just barely loud enough to be heard…
"I'm the one who killed her."
His body instantly tensed, waiting for a scream, a cry, deadly vines, anything. But instead, he heard absolutely nothing, not even a change in his breathing pattern. Slowly, hesitantly, Kuronue raised his head to see Kurama's. And he nearly had a heart attack.
Of all the things he had expected to see, grief, rage, pity, even hatred, this was completely unexpected. His love was smiling. He had just confessed to killing the human, and Youko was smiling! He was confused now, what possible reason was there to smile?
"What?" he asked, still cringing. Though he wasn't sure that he wanted to know the answer.
"I know." Kurama said, his voice surprisingly stable despite his condition. Kuronue felt his mouth drop open, and he was unable to say anything. "When I saw her body, I knew right then. The way the cut on her neck was delivered so precisely she wouldn't have felt a thing, and the way your energy had coursed through her, ripping her already dead body into pieces, how could I not connect that to you? "
Fear was all encompassing for Kuronue. He had known? Why hadn't he said anything, given some sign that he was angry at him? He had confessed fully prepared for death, or at least to never see his mate again. It was his stupidity that had led them down this path, and now he would pay for it. That's what he had expected. Yet once again, his fox had completely changed everything. It was as if he stood, completely immune to the whims of fate.
"I wanted revenge." There, he had said it. Wait, wanted? "Didn't you wonder why, even after I recovered from the initial grief, I continued to act so obsequious?" Youko continued to smile as he spoke. "I know you better than anyone. I knew what would get to you the most was my pain, my suffering." Kuronue was beginning to understand now; did Kurama claim he had already gotten revenge?
"So I continued to stubbornly refuse to mark you. I couldn't very well have you feeling what I was feeling; you'd know that I was vengeful. Did you ever once realize that seeing me afraid of you, seeing me continue to grieve, is the most painful thing I could have forced you to endure?" Kurama sighed. "I'll admit it wasn't particularly enjoyable to deal with your mood swings. I decided that if I drove you to the point where you were completely miserable, to the point where you would admit to killing mother, I could forgive you."
Kurama's arms encircled him carefully, making sure not to press his injured torso against Kuro's. "Because I couldn't very well hate my other half. That would be hating myself." His lover's eyes smiled into his. "I love you, and nothing; no anger, no suffering, can ever change that."
And just like that, all of his doubt washed away. He was meant to be with Kurama, and he knew that, no matter what, he always would be. "Then mark me." He said, breath catching in his throat. His disbelief had faded, but this still felt impossible. "Bind us together again."
Kurama smiled and moved his head up over his lover's bare chest. His cold nose nuzzled the spot where his mark had once resided. Then, Kuronue could swear he saw Youko and Shuuichi separate, yet remain in the same spot. A sharp pain burst through his skin as fangs sunk into his flesh. Kuronue gasped as another energy swept through his body, completing him.
And then, at last, he was alive again.
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And there you have it. I really loved writing this chapter, and I think it turned out very well. I realized that the endless angst was getting old, so there will be some lightheartedness next chapter. Please review and tell me what you think.
Important: I have two things I need to ask you now.
A) There are two things I can do for the next chapter. I can show the return of Kurama's stepfamily and have a confrontation with them. That would probably be fun to write (They'd meet Kuronue). Or I can just skip past that and have them go to Makai. That will happen anyway, so I'm asking you if you want the confrontation first.
B) I have a crossover story I want to write, but that requires people to know about the other show. Well not really, since I'm going to be very thorough and explain everything. But just to get an idea, how many of you have seen/read Spiral? Please tell me, I really need to know.