Okay, I'm getting started on this right away, because in a week or so, my cousin is coming to stay for 5 days, and I won't get to write while she's here.

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Words Once Spoken: Chapter 17

As we get older, our oldest memories fade into the depths of our mind. They are there for when something triggers them, and they arise, bringing with them an onslaught of nostalgia. For regardless of whether the memory was happy or sad, it was a time that no longer exists in the present. Mixed feelings always accompany change. The older we get, the closer to death we are. It's not so much that our past was better than our lives now, but that it was a time in our lives that we can never return to. It is that that we mourn.

When something does trigger them, be it a word, a picture, or some passing fancy of our subconscious, we are left with that impossible mixture of pleasure and regret. As memories continue to fade, they visit us less and less frequently, until we barely remember them at all. To many, this is called childhood amnesia.

Of course, there are some memories that were at one time so precious to us that we'd never want to forget them. But that is what it truly means for a memory to fade. Just as the sun gradually robs everything of color, time robs our memories of vividness; both clarity of recognition, and of the colorful feelings that were once attached to them.

For Youko, memories were especially elusive. His life span was just long enough so that every time it's setting changed; his memories of the past setting began to withdraw automatically.

First was his childhood, so long ago that he had only a few moments of intense feelings that were strong enough to leave traces even now. Then his early teenage years, unpleasant enough so that they all blurred together and hid away, only to come forth when similar feelings of misery made their appearance.

One fateful meeting, at age sixteen, surfaced more often than most of those early memories. Kuronue, reminiscent man that he was, often liked to recall their first meeting. His early years with Kuronue and the band had also been reduced to the level of mere facts that no longer bore any significance to his life.

Then, a couple hundred years of contentment, living as a thief, a mate, and a leader. While precious, no one's capacity for thought has the room for all of that information to remain at the forefront of one's mind. Memories continued to drown under the arrival of new times.

Negative memories naturally overpower positive ones, and the more negative, the more likely it is to remain clearly. Recent memories of Yomi and losing Kuro were still near the front of his mind.

Then there was his life as a ningen. Even as a teenaged ningen, he could close his eyes and easily recall any part of that life. Likewise, his memories of the Tantei were very close to his heart.

But it seemed now, that after only a month back in Makai, Kurama's memories of his old team mates didn't carry the same weight they had just a short time before. Now, to Kurama, this kind of "mental weakness" was something to be concerned about. While he was overjoyed to be back with Kuronue, those memories were recent enough that he didn't want to lose the "precious moments" he'd had among them.

Kuronue, of course, noticed his mate's concern at once. Judging by the way Youko's eyes gazed off before they slept, he decided this wasn't something that was going to go away. Even though he was getting used to little kit's obsessive need to worry over seemingly insignificant things, he still grew concerned when it happened.

So Kuronue decided they would go travel for a while. After all, what was better than a sort of 'honeymoon' to take the kitsune's mind off of pointless concerns?

Sensing his mate's frustration, Kurama did everything he could to stop getting distracted over things in the past. It seemed however, that his subconscious had other plans.

Shortly after their little 'trip' began, Kurama began to have strange dreams. Youko identified them as specters from his past, though he could not say anything more than that. At first, the dreams consisted of little more than short images of mist and a strange whisper that he heard loudly in his ears.

Then, he began to dream about her. She was one of his earliest memories. A wolf-child whom he had abandoned to a dreadful fate. Kasumi, her name had been. Youko remembered; she had been the only one who thought he was worthy enough to have a name. To a young boy, otherwise alone in the world, she was the moonlight in an otherwise pitch-black existence.

And as for her fate…

As many stories go, Youko was the mistreated slave, and she was the kind-hearted child of his abuser. In a village, surrounded by a permanently snowy forest, it was either survive among the group, or die in the snow.

Maybe that was why he thought of her now. This blasted snow was unceasing in its approach, and brutal in its stay.

Flickers of an image, like falling snowflakes, came and went. She'd been small. Wolf-children were a rarity, part wolf demon, part ice demon. Not like Hiei's people, more like Touya's.

And he remembered eyes. Not golden like his, but a gentle yellow. Many times, those eyes had seemed the sun to him.

The rest of her was lost. He did his best to ignore it for Kuro, but the consistency of his dreams made it difficult. The elusive whisper of his past brought forth a sense of guilt that he'd never before considered. Every part of her had struggled against her nature; a loving daughter in spite of her father's character. And he had abandoned her…

It'd been so long ago that none of it mattered now. In spite of that, those feelings remained. They were more or less stuck here, in this poor excuse for a town. Of course, that was just a prejudice brought with him from Ningenkai.

It seemed their band had begun to conduct heists on a larger scale than he'd ever imagined. He could just imagine the look on Yomi's face when he learned his random bribe had never reached Mukuro.

To a kitsune like him, this place was boring. Kuro kept him busy, but even he could only do so much. By this point, Youko was wishing desperately for something interesting to happen.

And then, Yusuke arrived.

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(sigh) Sorry about this. I had to cut the chapter in half if I wanted to get it up in time. My cousin is coming later today, so I'm out of time. The other half will be posted as soon as I get the chance to finish it.

In other news, I've been trying to learn to play Go. Have any of you played it? It's a fun game.

Okay, see you soon.

--Red Kitsune Flames