Not Gonna Wait For You Forever
Chapter Three: River to Nowhere
She can't get over the strange feeling. She has the normal relief that she has always gotten from her injuries, and yet she is feeling something different. Guilt and anxiety. She couldn't understand why she felt this way. It has been her secret for several years now, why would that change now? She turns the corner bumping right into Paige. It all suddenly makes sense… I had never had anyone to feel guilt about.
"Alex, I was getting worried thought you got lost." She says kind of jokingly.
"Nope, Not lost just fine. I am fine so let's eat, you know at the table." Alex says nervously gesturing towards the table.
"Alright… you are acting so weird Al. and I have to ask you something." She says.
""What's up Blondie." Alex says with a smile, Paige's comfort never failing to soothe her.
"I saw you today in some science class… you were holding Ellie's hand." She says. At first Alex took it as concern, but there was something else that she couldn't quite put her finger on. It was jealousy.
"Oh gosh Paige, I know I'm pretty hardcore but that doesn't mean that you get to whirl around insults about me being gay." Alex says, with anger.
"I'm sorry I just look into a room and I see you holding her hand, and the way you were looking at each other…" Her voice trails off.
"So you assume we're gay for each other." Alex says, making it sound ridiculous.
"Just… what happened." She says, looking like a little kid.
"You of all people know how self-conscious she is. She actually had pulled her sleeves up and I could see her arms. She saw me looking and covered them. I was reassuring her of how great she was and that it was okay." Alex says, clearly deeply affected by this as she is no longer looking at Paige but watching Ellie looking very lonely and neglected at the table as Craig acts like an idiot with Jimmy. Craig doesn't mean to ignore her, He's just oblivious. Ellie doesn't deserve that though.
"Looks like we need to go rescue our girl." Paige says, looking somehow relieved and nodding towards their dark friend.
Alex smiles in agreement and they walked together back to the table. Paige instantly starts talking to Ellie, while Alex slides between Jimmy and Craig. She stares at him for a moment with intimidating glare. He instantly looks scared and looks around as though trying to find what he had done wrong, or maybe for someone to save him from the wrath of Alex.
"You see that girl down there?" She says in an I'm-gonna-kick-your-ass tone, not looking at Ellie but pointing to her and staring straight into Craig.
"Um. ye, yeah" He says, clearing his throat.
"That girl is wonderful. She loves you. She bends over backwards to be what you want, but you know what she's not Manny."
"I don't want Manny I.." He starts to protest.
"No, I speak you listen are we clear?" She says through her teeth, thrusting a finger in his face.
"You take care of her, Or I will kill you. And I swear to God, I will KILL you. All she wants is a little love and attention. And you are going to give it to am I clear?" She demands.
"Yes… yes ma'am." He says seriously.
"Good." She says with a smile, anger and seriousness melting away.
She moves to her usual spot next to Ellie and across from Paige and they begin normal lunchtime conversation for the last five minutes of lunch. Paige winks at Alex, having overheard most of her conversation with Craig. She then nods in approval. They smile at each other.
"Marco. It's okay to cry if you want. Tim meant a lot to you." Manny says.
"No, I'm not going to cry here. Not here." He says forcefully, voice tightening slightly with emotion.
"There's nothing to be ashamed of." She starts but is cutoff.
"Yes there is. Anyone else can cry and it's no big deal, or they get help. If I cry than everyone wants to come watch and laugh. Oh look Marco the little fag queen is crying what a pansy, what did he find a run in his hose? That's what happens when I cry." He says, having to stop at the end to sniffle, still burying his emotion.
"I'm sorry, I had no idea… come here." She says standing and extending her hand. He was hesitant at first, so she began to plead with her eyes. He slowly takes her hand and she leads him through the school. She finds an empty janitor's closet. She closes the door behind them.
"Now go…" She says watching him.
"What? Manny, I don't know what you are expecting of me, but I don't roll that way." He says, unable to laugh at his own joke.
"No, I'm not that much of a whore." She says slapping his chest.
"Cry. Just cry." She says gesturing to the fact that no one was there but them. He doesn't say much, but soon his eyes meet the ground and his face goes from stern concentration to pained grief. Manny grabs his hands.
"It's okay, just let it out." She says. A single tear falls down his cheek. She quickly wipes it away.
"There we go baby, just let it out." She says, falling into an embrace.
He shakes in her arms, crying to hard for the tears to come out, just shaking and convulsing. Soon, the sobs are slightly harder and deeper and tears start to flow. He calms some more after that, and just lets her stroke his curly hair.
"What can I do for you Marco?" Manny asks.
"You mean other than what you've already done? Hook me up with a hot guy… in like a month or so." He says, wiping his tears and realizing that he wasn't ready for another guy yet. Once his eyes were no longer red and they heard the bell ring, they walked out into the hallway.
"Thank you Manny. You're my girl!" he says kissing her cheek. She smiles as he walks away to go to class.
"Someone has a new fag hag." She hears behind her, she turns quickly, at first ready to fight but the n realizing that she isn't the best fighter, and it is a large grade 12 male hockey player, she decided against it. She did always have one good weapon, one that never ever failed.
"I'll tell Alex that you were messing with Marco!" She says. The laughter and smiles disappear immediately.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it really." He says, friends echoing their apologies. She smiles and walks to class. It felt good to almost stand up for what you believe in.
"Alex, do your homework!" Paige whispers, waking her friend who had managed to drool all over her geometry book.
"NO, busy sleeping, call back later." She mumbles sleepily.
"Come on, wake up! You need to catch up on your homework." Paige insists. Alex groans in disapproval as she sits up.
"Ughhh, It doesn't matter anyway! It's not like university is an option for me." She says, eyes still hardly open.
"You are smart, really smart you just to apply yourself Alex." Paige insists, all the while working on her homework.
"No, you are smart. I am not. I am a loser, I am going no where. You are going… wherever you want to go." Alex say. For the first time Paige stops what she is doing and looks at Alex.
"Hello are you blind? You don't even see your own potential. I have seen your test grades. They may have started out at C's, but you have been pulling straight A's since mid-term!" she says intensely.
"If I'm so smart than why do I have a D in this class?" Alex asks, still not fully awake.
"Because you don't turn in your homework. You act like you're in the same boat as your family just because they all dropped out, but look at you! you're a great big senior! You are going to graduate and if you would apply yourself, you would have university. I know you can." She says.
"Whatever you say." Alex says, trying to pretend that it doesn't affect her. Then she grabs her pencil and beat Paige at finishing the homework.
"You aren't on the river to nowhere. You are going… anywhere you want." Paige whispers, her chin on Alex's shoulder.
Though she couldn't say it out loud, She knew exactly where she wanted to go… wherever Paige was going.