Not Gonna Wait For You Forever

Chapter Eight: I Should Tell You

"Hello?" Alex asks.

"Hey Alex, it's Paige." Alex's heart speeds up and her lips start to throb. She would love to blame it on her hangover but she knows that she just feels guilty.

"Oh hey Paige, how are you?" She says nonchalantly

"Worried sick actually I called you like thirty times and you still didn't call me back, where were you last night?" Paige says.

"What are you my baby-sitter? I was out." She says rubbing her temples.

"With who? What were you doing?" Paige asks frantically.

"Since when are you so concerned about my personal life?" Alex says.

"I'm just worried and I want to know where you were." Paige says not letting her change subjects.

"I was with Ellie, and we hung out, and I got drunk. So now I'm gonna have to let you go because I need to go throw up now. So you go ahead to school, I'm not going to be there, maybe we can get together after school when I feel better." She says with her eyes closed, letting light in hurt indescribably.

"Fine." Paige says hanging up on her friend.

She really hated that Alex would go get wasted. It was so stupid and wasn't good for her future. She started wondering about Ellie. Had Alex let Ellie drink? She's only a little predisposed to alcoholism. That would be pretty low. She then thinks about when she saw them holding hands in Earth/Space Science. She hated feeling jealous over someone that she couldn't have, especially when she knew that nothing happened. It didn't stop her from feeling anger rolling around in her stomach at the thought of them together. She knew it wasn't that way though, so she just bottled it up, and got ready for school.

Dear Mr. Del Rossi:

On the date of 5/17/06 you participated in an audition/cast call for this year's Curtain Company® production RENT. We received your headshots and were very impressed with your performance and memorization skills. We are happy to inform you that you got the part of Angel. Congratulations on your hard work and talent. The first practice will be on 6/20/06 at 6:00 PM. Thank you for your time.

Ross Anderson

Director, Curtain Company

"Oh my god…" He mumbles in shock. He feels his throat tighten with emotion.

"OH MY GOD!" He screams jumping around the room. His mother rushes in wondering what had come over her son.

"My Marco, what is the matter?" she asks him.

"I got the part! I got the part!" He exclaims, showing her the letter.

"Oh my goodness! Congratulations Marco!" She says with tears in her eyes, hugging him. He can't stop smiling. He keeps reading the letter over and over.

Dear Ms. Santos:

On the date of 5/17/06 you participated in an audition/cast call for this year's Curtain Company® production RENT. We received your headshots and thought that you gave a satisfactory performance. We are happy to inform you that you are the first spot understudy for the role of Mimi. We thought that you would have been good for the role, but you seem slightly to young. If you work on the maturity of your voice, then there shouldn't be a problem. Congratulations, continue to work on your acting to sharpen your skills. The first practice will be on 6/20/06 at 6:00 PM. Thank you for your time.

Ross Anderson

Director, Curtain Company

A smile took over her face. She would have loved to have been first choice for the part, but being the first choice understudy is a huge step! She wanted to scream and let out her excitement but she knew that if her father found out that she was acting again, particularly in the role of a stripping junkie with AIDS… she would never be forgiven. This was her dream role though and she would work harder than anybody to get her part.

"They call me… they call me… Mimi!" She sings quietly to herself, suppressing the tears of excitement almost hurt.

"Feeling better?" Paige says with a biting edge as she pushes into Alex's house. Normally Alex would freak out but her mom and Chad were both gone for the night, and probably tomorrow. They had gone to the Galmeyer's house and they never left there after a few hours.

"Yes actually." Alex says.

"Well… what the hell were you thinking letting Ellie drink? Why would you drink? The things that could have happened to you two…" Paige says. She looks angry but she is really more hurt and concerned than anything.

"What all did Ellie tell you?" Alex says, nervous. It suddenly dawns on her that she may have just lost Paige.

"She said that you guys talked a lot and that you got a lot closer, and that it was because you guys got drunk together. I thought that you know being a friend meant that you were supposed to protect them not let them get shit-faced in a dark alley." She says. Alex breathes a sigh of relief inwardly. She doesn't know…

"I know and I feel badly now, but she had already started and it really is her decision." Alex says.

"No, you don't even understand…" she says, suddenly overcome with emotion and she turns her head attempting to hide her obvious tears from Alex. Alex is in shock and doesn't quite know what to do.

"What don't I understand Paige?" Alex asks turning her head so that she is facing her.

I should tell you… I should tell you… NO!

"Nothing Alex… Nothing at all." She says wiping some of her tears away. Alex stops her and takes the job of wiping them away.

"You can tell me…" Alex says, keeping her hands on Paige's cheeks.

I should tell you… I should tell you…

"It's just family stuff. I don't want to talk about it anymore though. I really don't want to talk about it." She says almost in a pouty voice.

"I think that you need to." Alex says, she usually never pushes it but she can tell that Paige really needs her.

"Not yet I just can't right now. But you haven't seen Ellie like I have. I've seen her mom in action, I've seen her in her most vulnerable state…" She says closing her eyes at the memory of Ellie's blood.

"I know you're right… I need to talk to her about it." Alex says. The look on Paige's face could kill her. She hates seeing her sad. She had really fucked up this time.

"It's okay though. You can't let her do it again, and I'm worried about you I don't want you to drink again, please don't drink again…" She says sobbing all over again. Alex was so confused. Why was it such a big deal? She had never seen Paige like this and she knew that something was going on but she decided to just let her cry for awhile. She opened her arms and held her for awhile. She felt nice in her arms. She was always warm. Alex never wanted to let go, she just wanted to stay wrapped around her shielding her from the world so that she'd never have to experience pain again. Paige suddenly pulls away.

"Okay but I have some good news, Marco got the part in RENT. So we are going to Dylan's house to watch it so we don't have to pretend to know what he's talking about anymore." She says after one last sniffle.

"Oh my gosh that's so great!" Alex exclaims. With Paige, everything was just a rollercoaster of emotions.

"This is so amazing Manny!" He exclaims. She is finally letting her tears of joy show sitting in Marco's car and sharing the news with him.

"Oh I wish I would have gotten the part first choice but I am so thankful to be the first understudy! I am going to work so hard on this!" She exclaims unable to contain the sheer joy that she was experiencing.

"I'm so glad that you dragged me to that audition!" Marco laughs wrapped his tanned muscular arms around her bony frame. It lasts a lot longer than their normal hugs. He loves hugs, to feel that connection with someone it is such a powerful thing.

"I am to, I'm so happy that you got the part, you will be perfect… and I'm glad to be able to do this with you." Manny says. He kisses her cheek and slides his RENT movie soundtrack CD into the CD player. They start to sing the Angel/Mimi parts of La Vie Boheme Part A.

"So… what about Dylan. What are you going to do?" She asks after about 5 minutes of silence.

"Nothing. He is nothing to me now. I am ready to really move on. From him and from stupid Tim, I'm ready now." Marco smiles, for the first time he says this without lying.

"That's good Marco… that's really good." She says.

"Alex… are you smiling… at a musical filled with gay drama?" Paige asks eying her friend curiously.

"It's more than that… it's so much more!" She says, her eyes wide and intensely starring at the screen. Paige smiles, then reaches down and grabs Alex's hand, just gently cupping it in her own. Alex almost jumps, her heart fluttering. She looks down at their hands to confirm what she was praying was true. Just before she smiles she looks a little farther… she's also holding her brothers hand. And she suddenly realizes that it is nothing. But what if?

I should tell you…I should tell you… I love you…

As those words are sung, their eyes meet, then worriedly look away, only to meet and lock once more. Paige's lips dare to smile, just slightly. Alex can't look away from them. She wants to taste her lips again. Cherries may be sweet but apples were her forbidden fruit…