A/N: Reviews make me all warm and fuzzy inside… along with exceedingly hyper! It's a wonder I can sit still enough to type this.
Special thanks to GeekGrrl, my fabulous new beta!
This is just a kind of small scene that lets you see how bad Buffy has been hit by Spike dying. I love the song so much, which is why it's described so well. Just as a warning, this fic is mainly fluff, but there is a hidden plot somewhere… hehe!
Disclaimer: If I owned this, that would make me Joss, and Joss I am not, because if I was Joss, I wouldn't be writing this.
Chapter Two – Recollections
The door to Buffy and Dawn's apartment gave an audible click as a very drunk Slayer slinked inside and shut it. It was well past four in the morning; she should have been home three hours ago to see the Immortal off. Sure, he and Dawn could smooch all they wanted, but sex in her house was out of the question.
Buffy fumbled around the living room, trying to find the coffee table to steady herself and point her in the way of the bedroom. Instead her heels tripped over the carpet, causing her to fall directly in between said table and the couch housing Andrew, who was snoring uproariously in her ear. She unceremoniously pushed his face away, then used it to pull herself off the floor. The boy sputtered for a bit but gradually his breathing became even again, and he muttered something about how Godzilla was supposed to be in Tokyo.
Buffy managed to get into her bedroom on unsteady feet, closing the door on Andrew behind her. Dawn was already asleep, dreaming and sighing softly in her bed. She turned over and faced Buffy, who cringed as though she was going to reprimand her for being out so late. The Slayer stood stock still for a moment, assessing that her sister was still in her own little world before sighing and taking off her heels. She threw them next to the wall, placed her purse down on her nightstand, and collapsed onto her bed, still fully dressed.
Buffy woke to the sound of alternative rock and a slight prickling in her leg. She adjusted, and the sensation turned to pain. "Ow," she muttered, hiding her head under her pillow to block out Dawn's radio. She wiggled her leg a little, trying to find a comfortable position. The pain grew, and she groggily lifted her head and cracked open an eye, staring at a little feline with it mouth fiercely wrapped around her jeans.
"Ow," she said louder and directed it at the kitten. "'Ow,' as in 'shoo, retarded cat, you're hurting me!'" She kicked her leg and sent the brown form toppling overboard. A moment later she noticed a figure of dark fur hurtling out the door of her room, which was slightly open. Buffy rubbed her eyes with her knuckles and reluctantly swung her legs over the bed. She yawned, stretched, and walked over to the door, clutching her head, but before she could close it, she listened to the slow song that was on the radio and she almost broke down in tears as it went on.
How can you see into my eyes like open doors,
Leading you down into my core, where I've become so numb
Without a soul
My spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
The now semi-loud, semi-fast music paused for a second before becoming a hard beat. The part was sung by an ethereal female voice that reminded her faintly of Tara. But as she finished the first verse, she was joined by a rough male voice that sang the intros to the chorus.
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
The music stopped its breakneck pace and returned to a slightly slower rock beat. The girl was singing alone again.
Now that I now what I'm without,
You can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real.
Bring me to life.
The music paused again, and the man rejoined her for the chorus.
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
The girl's voice was much quieter now, and joined by other females, while the guy's came out as almost a hiss.
Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie,
There's nothing inside)
Bring me to life
There was a build up in the music, and the girl's voice returned to normal. This time, though, there was another female voice that sounded suspciously the same. The two sang the same words, just in a different rhythm and at different times, causing them to overlap.
Frozen inside without your touch,
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead
The note was carried out by the original girl's voice alone. The music changed, and this time it was the guy's voice singing solo.
All this time, I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me
The girl's voice returned, continuing the verse.
I've been sleeping a thousand years, it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Then it was the guy again.
Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
The woman was back, her voice taut with emotion.
Bring me to life
And then came the chorus. Buffy hurriedly wiped away a tear and forced herself to listen to the end of the song. She needed it to have a happy ending.
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie,
There's nothing inside)
Bring me to life
The girl held the last note out as the song dwindled and faded into a finish.
Buffy bit her lip to keep from sobbing. Two lines of the song stuck in her head. Sighing, she tried to sort out her thoughts – songs always got stuck in her head for a reason, and generally it was an emotion she wasn't facing. Well, she was going to face whatever she wasn't facing, because she was a brand new Buffy, and she wouldn't let herself get mopey and cause her little sister any worry. Sighing again, she let the waves of the first part of the song stuck in her head wash over her as she tried to figure out what they reminded her of.
It was the girl's part in the chorus. As she mentally listened to it again in her mind, she realized exactly what it reminded herself of.
Me, came the thought. It was the exactly replica of when she came back from the dead. She used Spike to make her feel, to wake her up, to bring her to life. And one line stood out in the verse: Bid my blood to run. She remembered when she asked him to bite her. It was about a week before Mr. and Mrs. Riley came and ruined it all, and she was still trying to make sense of things. She remembered it clearly now.
Buffy was in Spike's cemetery. She appeared to be patrolling, a stake in her hand and a look of concentration on her face. But she was really thinking, reliving the night she had Spike tell her about the Slayers he killed. And his voice came back to her as if he were saying it all again.
"The only thing about the dance is you never get to stop. Everyday you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you – is today the day I die? Death is on your heels, baby, and sooner or later, it's gonna catch you. And part of you wants it. Not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it. Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day, that final gasp, that look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know – what's it like? Where does it lead you? And now, you see, that's the secret... Every Slayer has a death wish."
And as she thought about it, she understood what he meant. Okay, so he wasn't one hundred percent correct, because, hello, been there, done that, but she got it. She wanted to know how it felt to be bitten, to feel her blood flow and to feel another creature enjoy it. Sure, Angel had bit her, but something told her Spike would be different. He would savor it. She smiled. She wanted to know tonight.
She quickly approached Spike's crypt and opened the door to find the vampire bending into his refrigerator, picking out a packet of blood. She waltzed over to him as he stood up and snatched the bag out of his hands, throwing it onto the chair without turning around. He glared at her. "What was that for? I'm bloody hungry."
He made to move past her, but she stepped in front of him. He opened his mouth, about to say something about how he was going to bite her if she didn't let him drink, when he saw her hand pulling her shirt away from her skin, head tilted to one side, exposing the soft flesh of her neck. He licked his lips involuntarily.
Her voice was a whisper. "Bite me."
He had protested so quickly and vehemently – something about him never being able to stop once he tasted her – that she forgot about it over night. But now the memory came flooding back, and Buffy smiled through her tears. He really had loved her.
The other part of the song decided that this was the time to make an entrance. They were just five words, but they sank to the pit of her stomach like stones weighing her down. Don't let me die here. That's exactly what she did. She'd let him die there. There were so many ways she could have saved him – grabbed his hand, yanked the necklace off, showed him she truly loved him. And even if none of those things worked, she could've stayed. They would have died together.
Buffy shook her head angrily at herself. No use dealing on what I have should have done, she told the guilty part of her heart, which was practically all of it. He's gone, and I have to deal with it.
And with that, she crawled back into bed. She was suddenly exhausted. She pulled the covers over her head without bothering to see what time it was, and listened to a slow ballet before she faded to the dark waters of sleep.
A/N: Yeah for flashbacks within flashbacks! And the Buffy getting drunk thing didn't work out as well as it should have... Well, let's pretend Slayers sober up real fast and I don't have to write it.
The song is 'Bring Me to Life' by Evanescence. It's an absolutely amazing piece, and my favorite of all time.
Thanks muchly to all my reviewers: Mony19, all10xs, willow-wiccan, EMBER91, GeekGrrl, and satelliteblues21. I totally appreciate all of the comments. (hands out cupcakes)
Yes… I've been a bad person and not written in a while. Actually, I have, but it was for school and another piece I started two years ago that's completely my own. Don't worry, I'll get Little People up soon… Once I finish everything else.