A/N: OMG I love you guys! Such nice reviews, it's awesome! For those who were expecting more fluff (twentyfourrocks in particular!) I'm sorry but it will probably be more drama and angst than romance for the the next 4 chapters. I have 6 chapters planned and except for the last one they will be pretty serious. It all depends on wether or not I will find other songs that fit. I promise I'll do my best to put some sweetness in the chapters anyways. Now this chapter is set right after season 3 finale and it's from Michelle's POV.

Disclaimer: I still don't own 24, nor the lyrics of Here with me, by Dido.

Dedicated to: My adorable reviewers: Slug's bay, AliciaFB, Amy, Admiral R.T. and twentyfourrocks!

Chapter 2: Here with me

I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory

As soon as she could, she had left CTU, pushing away any person who came in her way. Jack had tried to reason with her, saying that she shouldn't be alone in these circumstances. But what he didn't understood was that she was already alone. Tony was the only one who could make her feel safe and OK and he was gone. So no matter how nice Jack was, he could never help her the way she needed to be. She just ran home. She was almost fainting from all the tears and the exhaustion. Mechanically, she walked toward the bedroom. Standing in front of the door, she suddenly found herself unable to open it. She wasn't able to face it, remembering how messed up it still was from the things they did that morning. She turned around and decided to rest on the couch instead. There didn't seem to be an end to her pain. She was curled up , desperately crying and sobbing. This living room was the only place she wanted to be. But, somehow, it was almost as bad as being in their room. Tony was all around her anyway. His scent, his belongings, the pictures of them together, all of this was reminding her of the wonderful moments they had and might never have again. However, even if it did hurt her, she didn't have the heart to either stay elsewhere or take all these things out of her view. It may be too much to bear but it was inconceivable for her to let go of him, as small a part of him these might be.


Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide

She kept thinking about that day. Seeing Tony be led out of CTU by those men, cuffed and with that sorry look on his face. She couldn't get that image out of her head. He did it for her. He sacrificed everything he had for her. How was she supposed to live knowing this? She simply wished it hadn't come to that. If only she wouldn't have let herself be caught by Saunders. He would still be near her, holding her and wiping the suffering away, like he always knew how to do. Instead he was imprisoned, alone, separated from all and everyone he cared for. She couldn't stop that guilt and loneliness that were continuously flowing in her mind. She wanted to be with him, to be there for him. He was all she had and now she was all alone, just like before he crossed her path.

I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

"I can live with that. Even in prison." When she heard him say that, she knew he meant it. The thing is, she didn't want him to do it. She didn't want him to cope, to endure this because of her. She knew how tough he was and how he would do anything for her. The way he stood up for her when they helped Jack against all orders, ready to take all the blame on himself, was a sign of his commitment to her, even if there was barely any relationship between them to commit to. That was a sign of his dedication to her. But then again, she wouldn't let him suffer the consequences of what she was responsible for. She would make up for what she made him do. Somewhere in her distraught mind, a clear idea emerged. She would get him out of this mess, at any cost. She already knew that Jack would do everything in that matter, using of his special relation with the President. But she wanted to do more. At that time, she had no precise idea on how she would act, but she was sure of one thing, and that was that she would not stand there with arms crossed, watching her bosses taking away her only reason to live away from her.

I don't want to call my friends
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been

"Honey, wake up. Come on baby, don't make me tickle you!" She could almost see him, teasing her about her legendary laziness. That, plus the fact that she was very responding to tickling, had become a running gag between the two of them. And now the image of him, leaned over her, with his adorable smile, was clear behind her closed eyelids. "OK sweetheart, I'll get up. But only if you're willing to shower with me" mumbled Michelle, half-asleep and all tangled up in the old quilt she wrapped herself in earlier. Deep in her brain, she was aware that this was all fake, just memories she wouldn't let go. It was just sweeter to hold on to them, escaping the harsh reality, even it wouldn't last very long. Considering her situation, she was willing to cling herself to every comforting dream or thought she might have. That was all she had from now on.

Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide

She was thoroughly ashamed of herself. She managed to fall into her old pattern. It had been several days now and she still hadn't done anything. When she was at work, before she even met Tony, she was able to put on the act of the strong girl, the organized and reliable Michelle. The one you could trust with anything, who could take on anything. He was the one who saw trough this façade. He witnessed the way she would be in fact deeply touched by all the horrible events that would happen around her. Once he did, it changed her. She had let herself open, which was good for them, but at the same time it had weakened her. Now that he wasn't there to support her, she couldn't do it. When he was besides her, nothing was enough to break her. But without him, she couldn't keep that masquerade going. Now she didn't even have the strenght to pull herself up and do what she should. She wasn't able to repay her debt. She had let him down. And she would never forgive herself.


I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

But when would that happen?