Chapter 5: Emptiness

It was the third week of November, and Lily found herself in the Gryffindor common room, laughing and joking with Ellie, Remus and Sirius while James and Peter were serving a detention for putting slugs in McGonagall's orange juice.

For some reason, as the night progressed, Lily blushed more and more. Maybe it was because of the butterbeer Remus had pulled out from the Marauders' Hogsmeade stash, or maybe it was the fact that her three friends would not let up on the subject of James.

"Oh, and you won't believe it," started Sirius, practically choking himself on his own butterbeer. "I walked into their common room and found them barely centimeters apart, Lily redder than she is now, and James as elated as he was when he got his OWLs back. You should have seen her jump away from him!"

Lily threw him a dirty glare, "I'm right here you know!"

"I know sugar, it makes it even better!"

Remus whispered something into Ellie's ear, glancing towards Lily, and she erupted in laughter. Just as she was about to throw her butterbeer onto Ellie's lap, Lily noticed an owl tapping on the window nearest them.

With one last glare, she got up and opened the window, quickly shutting it after the bird hopped in, not wanting the rain to surge through. The owl shook itself, flicking water droplets onto her hand, but all Lily could see was the black envelope with her name on it. Trembling, she took the letter from the bird, opening it with shaking hands.

Dear Ms. Evans,

We regret to inform you that at 8:00 AM this morning there was an attack on your home by those calling themselves "Death Eaters." Part of a large assault on the neighborhood of Little Whining, your home was partially destroyed. We also offer our condolences for the death of your parents, Mr. Carl Evans and Ms. Jane Evans. Attached is a letter from your sister, Petunia Evans, obtained by the Auror assigned to the Little Whining attacks.

Again, we offer our deepest regrets.

Sincerely,

Dorothy Masterson

Head of the Auror's Department

Lily felt tears in her eyes, which spilled down on the second letter as she opened it.

Lily,

As you probably know, our parents are dead. I know they were attacked by one of your kind, so you must have done something to upset one of them. I blame you, but I know they always wanted us to get along. So I'm letting you know the funeral is in two days (the 20th). I won't cry if you don't show your face.

Petunia

Lily stared at Petunia's letter, frozen. When Ellie called her name questioningly, Lily just turned towards the exit and threw the letter at her. The tears pouring down her face now, Lily made her way as fast as possible towards the portrait.

Just as she was about to exit, James came in, Peter close behind. "Woah, Lily, what's wrong?" Lily only shook her head, pushing past him and running into the corridor.

When she finally reached her room, she let her sobs control her and flew herself onto her bed.

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Ellie had walked her to Hogsmeade where she would be able to apparate home. To the funeral. Because her parents had died. Lily's mind was full of grave thoughts. She did not desire to see Petunia again, especially after her letter. But she knew that if she didn't go to the funeral she would always regret it.

"Will you be alright by yourself, Lils?" Ellie's voice broke Lily out of her stupor.

"Yes, Ellie, thank you. I will be fine." It was almost as if she was reassuring herself more than her friend.

"Well…take care then. Don't listen to anything Petunia says, she doesn't know what she's talking about. I'll see you when you get back." Ellie drew Lily into a tight hug.

Nodding a silent thank you, Lily focused her mind on her home. A second later she was there, a loud pop resounding through the silent air.

Everywhere was still. Lily looked up at her house, or what was left of it. It looked as if a plane had crashed on the west side of the house, totally destroying everything in its path.

Lily felt herself walk through the doorway. The door had fallen off during the violence. Debris crunching beneath her feet, Lily walked into what had been the living room. Glass and pieces of furniture were everywhere. She glanced down on the ground, seeing the various broken frames of family photos. There was the family portrait they had taken before Lily had left for Hogwarts, then the photo of Petunia going to her first dance and then the photo of Lily in her dress robes that her mother had made her take.

Without a word, Lily moved on through the house. She walked past her parent's bedroom; she couldn't look in there, not yet. She moved on to her own bedroom.

Barely anything was left. The bright blue décor was tarnished by the fact that nothing in her room was still in one piece. Going into what had once been her closet, Lily rummaged around until she found the shoebox with all of her letters from the wizarding world. She pulled out her first letter from Hogwarts, the first letter she had been sent by Ellie, and more and more letters until she finally held the congratulations at becoming Head Girl.

Not able to contain herself any longer, Lily felt the tears flow down her face. Her family, her life had all been destroyed. And all she had left were broken pictures, and damaged memories.

"I had rather hoped you wouldn't come."

Lily whirled around, holding her shoebox. "Hi, Petunia."

Her sister sniffed at her, nodding toward the shoebox. "Lucky for me my room is still basically intact. I was also lucky in that I was out of the house. Or else I would be dead too."

Lily nodded somberly.

"Is that all you have to say Lily? Is that all you have to say when you know it's your fault they died?!" Petunia was in a rage now.

"Petunia, I had no way of knowing that-"

"Yes, but they wouldn't have even come here if you weren't one of them! You know Lily; deep down you know it's your fault. And I will never be able to forgive you."

Petunia turned around, walked towards the entrance of the house. Lily ran to catch up with her, and grabbed her sleeve. Petunia whipped around and glared at her. "You are not my sister. I hate you." She stalked off, but not before Lily could see the tears streaming down Petunia's face.

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The funeral had not been a pleasant one. Lily had wondered what magnificent lies Petunia had told, because everyone at the funeral seemed to snub her. She wondered how her sister could blame Lily for their parent's deaths without revealing she was a witch, but she didn't dwell on it. She couldn't help but feel partially responsible for them dying.

It was true, the attack on Little Whining had been a random attack on muggles and not Lily's family personally; however, Lily felt that if she had been there she may have been able to prevent her family's death.

Now she was on her way back to Hogwarts, walking from Hogsmeade slowly so she could think. Grief still consumed her, and she felt empty and lost. She didn't know how she should feel, but she knew her parents wouldn't have wanted her to be so sad. She knew they wanted her to be happy. But that didn't ease her pain.

She reported to Professor McGonagall that she had returned, and was offered a comforting pat and told she had been excused from classes for the entire week.

Exhausted from the emotional turmoil of the day, Lily dragged herself to her common room, hoping to find Ellie waiting for her.

Instead she found James Potter.

"Where's Ellie?" He looked up, worried. He had his hands in his lap and he was sitting there quietly. He must have been waiting for her.

"She's studying. She told me to tell her when you got here though. I let her use me and Sirius' mirrors." He flashed the mirrors that he and Sirius used to communicate across classrooms and common rooms.

"Oh, I see." Lily sat herself on the couch next to James, and she could feel her eyes become heavy again.

"I'll call her if you want, but you know I'm always here to lend a shoulder to cry on if you need one."

Lily snapped back with a sudden anger she didn't know was in her. "Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Comfort dear Lily, poor Lily. Maybe in her grief you'll get to second base!"

"That's not what I meant," said James quietly.

Not understanding what had come over her, Lily put her head in her hands and began to cry. After a few moments, James put an arm around her, and Lily pulled herself towards him and began to cry harder.