Memories Keep You Near

A/N: OI! I forgot about something. I can't put the direct link in for some reason TT-TT so you have to go to my deviantart site at aurora-sakura. and find it. It's called "come out of the rain V.2" in my gallery i drew it before writing this story. Someone told me to write a fanfic for it, so this is it :)

On to the next chapter, and not the last because I just thought of something to add! Yeah me!

Chapter 4

She can't find Van anywhere, and wondered why she didn't send some sort of message ahead before visiting. Possibly because the thought of sending a letter to forewarn the one you love of a visit isn't something she wants to do.

But now she feels like an idiot, wandering around the hallways made of dark, shiny wood and passed every once in a while by a maid or other palace worker that recognizes her and makes a hasty bow which she unthinkingly returns. She's worn the dress he bought for her, intent of showing it off to someone besides Merle, Celena and the old women who runs the inn she lives in. The palace seemed the perfect place to wear it, but she felt awkward walking from the inn to visit Van. She got many strange looks, none unpleasant, but she wasn't used to such attention.

Sighing, she made to turn around and trace her steps back to Van's room, not realizing how large the palace of Fanalia was until now and finding it surprising that she didn't have full bearings yet. Of course, she didn't live here anymore though.

Making a left turn she started down the hallways she hoped would take her to Van's private quarters when the sound of a door sliding open -- the castle was rebuilt in the same style it was when she'd first come to Gaea. Doors on tracts, made of wood and paper for common quarters and heavy wood doors, polished like the floors, for the private rooms.

She would have kept going and not have turned around if it weren't for someone speaking to her.

"Lady Hitomi?"

She turned, a bit thrown off, as always, from the formal use of her name and found herself face to face with the queen of Fanalia, smiling faintly at her. One of her maids was just behind her, dressed almost as finely as she was, and a young woman whom Hitomi had met briefly and who worked in the castle stood behind the maid. "Your Majesty." She bowed, thinking it might be the proper thing to do inside the castle.

As she did so, she caught a small motion made the woman. A smooth motion that wouldn't have been significant in anyway if Merle hadn't told her about the miscarriage. A slender, tanned hand resting briefly on a flat stomach before she lowered it just as quickly.

Hitomi stood straight the queens insistence and shifted from foot to foot, feeling a little bit nervous at the situation. The young woman who worked at the palace was looking on with curiosity until Hitomi caught her eye. She returned to whatever it was she was doing. Pouring hot water into a basin along with a small amount of herbs from a cup. No doubt a relief soak of some sort.

"I don't mean to bother you, I was just-"

"Looking for Van?" Soriyah smiled. A real smile. Not the normal smile a wife would give her husbands mistress. "He's looking into something near the river. I believe it's something about a drainage problem."

"Oh..."

More silence and Hitomi realizes that Soriyah is just... looking at her. Smiling.

She suddenly motions for Hitomi to enter the room. "I was just about to soak my feet. You walked all the way from the Inn? You can soak yours as well. Arianna makes very soothing baths." She turned and smiled at the young girl who flushed a pleasant pink before ducking her head and standing, apparently done reading the water.

"It's not necessary." She felt herself blushing, and realized that this woman just had that effect on people.

"I insist. I wouldn't be a proper hostess as if I did not give my husband's guests the proper hospitality." She motioned her inside once more and this time Hitomi followed. Soriyah's maid shut the door behind them. "Of course, you are my guest as well. I've always heard such great stories about you from the war."

Her maid helped her remove the top layer of her robe and she sat on a cushion in front of the large basin, dipping her slender, small feet into the water before sighing like a child and smiling over her shoulder at Hitomi. "Come, sit."

And Hitomi did, and couldn't help but wonder at the feeling of contentment she felt as her own feet met with the delightfully warm water in the stone basin, and her backside on the silk cushions laid all around the room, her present from Van hiked up past her knees and pooling around her in a puddle of expensive cloth.

Their feet nearly touched underwater, and Hitomi suddenly felt herself giggle as she smiled across the space at the queen.

"Feels nice?"

"Yeah." She moved her feet around a little, marveling, not at the feeling of water against her legs and feet, but the feeling of being in this woman's presence. She'd never met someone who had such a feeling of... pureness to them before.

For a moment, she felt she could forget all her sins.

"Van has surely told you about my problem?"

She looked up in surprise at the other woman. Her face has transformed from it's calm smile to a calculating, regretful look that shook Hitomi to the core. She had to swallow before she could speak. The woman had such deep, brown eyes. "I heard, but it wasn't from Van."

She sighed. "Ah... I suppose everyone knows."

Her maid came over and handed her a wet cloth which Soriyah immediately set on the back of her neck with a smile of thanks. She let out a small sigh and visibly slumped for just a moment before sitting perfectly straight again. It reminded Hitomi that this woman was perfectly human.

"I would give anything to Van, and the one thing he needs, I can't give to him."

She felt the need to take all Soriyah's pain away. "I'm sure he still cares for you." And she was sure he did. Just... not in the same way he cared for her.

"Perhaps..." She pursed her lips a moment, as if thinking before that slow, beautiful smile crept onto her face again. "He is so kind. I'm glad my father chose him."

"Did you... have anyone else? I mean..." She blushed. "Were you ever in love before?"

Here her smile took on a shy undertone. A current just below the surface. "Maybe. I was young. Love is difficult to understand."

Hitomi smiled. She couldn't help it. "I think so too."

"But..." Here Soriyah looked directly at Hitomi. Her brown, expressive eyes met her emerald and she did not look away. Hitomi did not look away. "I am fine loving someone who does not love me in return. I know he will look after me, and love me in his own way. Even if it is not the way I want, I'm still happy. I know he is happy too."

Hitomi did not speak. Could not speak. Her thoughts were racing as she stared at Soriyah, this beautiful queen who was willing to give up everything for the sake of another.

She knew. Soriyah knew all along about the two of them. She knew her husband loved another, yet, she was still so kind to Hitomi. Even now she was smiling gently at the women she knew was her rival, and Hitomi just liked her more.

No wonder she could never hate her.

"I am not meant to be with him. The gods did not make it so." She looked up towards a ceiling a brief moment and Hitomi followed her eyes unconsciously. Beams holding up the entire castle. The woman carrying the burden of everything on her shoulders unraveling with such a beautiful moment.

They both looked down at each other once more. Both smiling, as Soriyah reached across the distance and placed both her hands over the back of Hitomi's. "Let's hope the gods allow for adoption." She chuckled, Hitomi feeling nothing more than happiness as she laughed right along with the other woman.

She suddenly felt lighter.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------- (A/N: memory time :P)

"Have you ever worried, when we were apart, that you would not love me after it all."

He looked across the bath at her. Across the expanse of bubbles -- she'd brought as a necessity from Earth -- and scented oils. Through the glow of the candles lit along the side of the tub and around the room. She'd thought the whole thing a little much at the time, but now found it hopelessly romantic and enjoyable.

Their shadows jumped around the small bathroom Van had joined to his room. The thought of being caught at any moment only seemed to thrill her. Besides, this had been the only plausible place for this. The inn was out of the question. Surely someone would talk. It would be all over the capital by the end of the week.

"What do you mean?" He'd narrowed his eyes, as if she'd insulted him in some way and she sighed, stretching out her legs so that they slid along his under the water and against his hips. A tangle of limbs.

"I mean..." She crept closer to him and he stiffened momentarily making her halt in her actions, deciding to remain in the middle of the tub instead of creeping closer to him. This was his first time bathing with anyone but himself, he'd admitted in a moment of embarrassment before he'd stripped out of clothes along with her. She'd only replied dryly that it didn't surprise her. "I mean, Van... did you ever worry that if I ever came back, we'd be to different from during the war. Like... our memories were the only thing keeping us together?"

He furrowed his dark brows for a moment in deep, concentrated thought and she couldn't help but grin across the bubbles at him. When he took too long to respond she playfully blew bubbles at him, lowering her head to blow down a tower of white foam. The caught in the air a moment, and she watched as some meshed into his dark mop of hair, matted down from the water. "You're taking too long. I'll take that as a bad sign."

She stuck her tongue out, feeling suddenly childish and free as she slid back against the other side of the tub.

Or tried to really. He'd grasped her arms and pulled her close so that she now sat between his legs, her side pressing into his pelvis, a shoulder resting against his chest. She twisted so she may look up at his face and found him, not smiling down at her like she was up at him, but watching her with that intense look of his. She loved that look.

"What?"

"I haven't answered your question yet. It's one that needs more than a quick thought."

"Why?" Still feeling rather playful, she leaned up enough so that she could kiss a line across his lower jaw and playfully nipped at his neck, tasting soap. "You're just trying to think of a delicate way to word it so you don't hurt my feelings."

He chuckled. She felt it rather than heard it and she kissed his neck again out of sheer joy.

"That's not it. I just never thought about it before."

"And your answer Mr. Fanel?"

He looked at her strangely a moment and she pretended not to notice, picking up mounds of bubbles and blowing them to the other side of the tub, snuggling against him in a less than innocent way just to see what he would do.

She didn't know how she became like this, even though she'd dreamed of doing stuff like this with Van before. It was hard to image Van and herself as they used to be. When they'd hugged innocently before saying good-bye.

They'd been away from each other so long that Hitomi believed she may never see him again.

Look at them now...

"I didn't think about it before... because I guess I never thought it a possibility." He was still a moment, and she felt his arousal as he pulled her tighter to him, his hands sliding along her leg. Along her stomach and chest. She sighed in contentment and leaned into him as he lowered his head to her collar bone. She watched, as he nipped lightly at her collar, the bubbles cling to the ends of his hair reaching the water and she felt herself smile.

"Did you think you'd be married?"

"I thought I would marry you." It was such a strong statement that she was momentarily completely put off.

After a moment of thought she spoke. "Would you have been able to?"

He sighed. A breath through his nose in her ear. "I don't know."

Wanting to get off the subject, knowing it was pointless, she continued in a more playful tone. "Well, we don't want to get into the whole fate, destiny situation again. Things just happen..."

She couldn't help but think about her tarot cards. If she still used them she might have seen this coming.

"No." He shifted, seeming to want her to turn in his arms but she didn't want to. Not yet.

"Van?"

"Yes?" His voice was more breathy suddenly. More needy.

"Are you still happy?"

"You said it yourself. We couldn't have changed anything. Things just happen."

She smiled, but couldn't help but wonder what would have changed if she had stayed all along.

People might be hurt less.

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A/N: man! I'm just popping them out like crazy!! I have absolutely no life apparently. -laughs- I just meant to start this chapter before I forget what I was going to write about and look! I finished! Amazing!

-laughs-

hope you all like it!