Memories Keep You Near

A/N: Oh god! I've become so attached to this. This won't be the last chapter either I don't think TT-TT

thanks to jossi-31 for the correspondence through messages. You really helped with this chapter and made me realize some faults that need to be worked out. Thank you:hug:

there are no memories in this chapter, as I couldn't think of one that would suite everything.

Chapter 5

She sits on her bed, looking down at the street below, watching as a young woman paces back and forth from the door of the inn to the alley a few shops down, a bundle of dried flowers in her arms. Hitomi makes a mental note to go down there before the girl leaves to buy some as she pressed her forehead against the glass, warm still from the afternoon sun.

Hitomi figures the young girl kind of looks like Soriyah, only dressed in clothes that showed her lack of money. Hitomi worries that Gaea will reach the same point that the Earth is someday, and hopes with all her might that it won't happen in her lifetime, or the during the lives of her children if she were to ever have any. She is reminded of Soriyah's miscarriage.

Her encounter with the young queen earlier opened her eyes to things, and she suddenly feels more than a little selfish for her actions, feeling no better than she did when playing god with her tarot cards years ago. She should just return to Earth. Look after her brother. Finish school. Get a job.

Get away from this entire mess.

So what if she didn't love again. The love she'd shared with Van could satisfy her for a lifetime, and since she knew she could never forget him, she could at least relish in the thought that he was once hers. However, she would never enjoy relishing in the thought that she stole him from someone else who loves him just as badly.

Biting her lip, she tucks her knees up to her chest and leaned more into the window in order to see further into the street. All of the shops in this part of the city have small living areas over top them. She can see where a woman has hung her laundry outside her window further down, and directly across from her an old man draws the curtains back so that him and his family may watch the stars come out while they eat supper. The stars are another thing she loves about Gaea. She can see them.

Her attention drifts from the buildings further up the street to the palace that stands over the city. It's bigger than the last palace, and Hitomi had been happy to hear it had only grown from a few private quarters to the magnificent building it is today after the rest of the city had been completed. Typical Van, looking out for his people before himself. she couldn't help but smile at the thought, resting her cheek against her knees as she continued to study the building. Made of wood and stone combined it was certainly beautiful and practical. That giant tree still grew on the cliff above it.

She couldn't help but long to be part of that palace. Van was there.

'Or, maybe not...'

Her attention instantly drifted to the street below as several people had suddenly hoarded around someone before backing away to respectable distance, not returning to whatever they were doing until after the black haired young man had entered the inn.

Hitomi held her breath as she watched Van enter into the building below her window, frustrated and annoyed but still just as happy to see him.

There was a knock at her door a few minutes later before it opened without her invitation. He stuck his head around before entering, and she noticed he was dressed in rather dirty pants and an old looking shirt. He must not have changed after wandering around the river all day.

She didn't give him a chance to speak. "What are you doing here?" She stood from her spot on the window sill and crossed her arms over her chest. A normal stance now for when she was going up against him in any matters.

He opened his mouth to interject something but she cut him off. "Do you want to start a scandal?"

He smiled wryly, and his eyes narrowed, a clear sign that he was fast getting annoyed, and with his stubborn nature, it wasn't very hard to set him off. "You sound like Ramuel."

An old man on his council whom Hitomi disliked most of all.

Outraged, Hitomi opened her mouth to kick him out, feeling the old frustration with her traveling companion from the war return in full force as she glared him down. It was around these times she would normally slap him, but she felt she might be safer from his undeniably wonderful aura if she stayed where she was.

Van, however, seemed suddenly completely unmoved by her anger and crossed the room to place something on the bed.

Distracted, she turned her attention on it.

A small, elegantly decorated comb lay there on her comforter, half wrapped in some silky looking fabric.

"Is that another bribery gift?" She refused to move, no matter how curious she was to look at it more closely.

"No." He straightened, looked her squarely in the face. His face was blank. "It's from Soriyah."

She froze before her mouth formed a small "oh" of realization, but she still did not move.

"She told me you came to the palace looking for me." Here his gaze became questioning rather than intent and he looked her up a down before smiling. "The dress looks beautiful on you."

She huffed and threw her arms up in a childish way before plopping herself back on the bed near the window once more. "I don't know why I went." She felt herself flushing.

He was silent, and remained standing near the other side of the bed. She could feel his eyes on her, but she refused to meet them. "She told me you two had a pleasant visit."

"She knows about us." She wanted to get it out in the open right away, and found she was suddenly biting her thumb nail. She looked tentatively up at him, and was surprised to find he didn't look at all thrown off by the news.

"I know."

"You know?" She stood quickly from the bed and moved around to his side. "For how long?"

"Since I told her."

She couldn't speak. She couldn't breath.

It turns out Van was a better human being than herself. "When?"

"A few days after we first slept together. She asked if it would continue, and I told her that I'm in love with you."

Once again, Hitomi was speechless. "Van..."

"She likes you. She told me so."

Hitomi shook her head, as if she would not except the information. This was all wrong. The poor woman should hate her. Not be as nice as she was being. Offering to share an aromatic foot bath with her. The entire thing was insane.

But she didn't hate Soriyah either.

Pressing a hand to her forehead she stared intently down at the comb on her bed. "This is all off."

Van chuckled. Actually chuckled, and she looked up at him in shock.

"Hitomi. I will look after her as best I can, as her husband." He smiled, slowly. "I want to look after you the same way, only you're a little more stubborn than she is."

Here comes the slap.

He took a step back from the impact, more from shock than the force of it and Hitomi instantly felt guilty as he stared across the room rather than at her. His cheek went from white to red in a matter of seconds.

But her anger wouldn't let her apologies for anything. "You arrogant..." She fought for words. "asshole! We're not your toys."

He sighed. A sad sigh, but Hitomi was to enraged to pay attention. Conflicted with both anger and sadness, and the need to get away before doing anything else to hurt him... she ran.

She got the door open and was out of the room before he caught up to her. She hadn't even heard him coming before his arms were around and her she was pinned to a wall, his face just inches from her. Both were breathing deeply.

"You know what I mean, Hitomi! You know what I meant to say!"

She did. She just didn't want to hear it.

"I need you with me. I need to be with you."

She stared up at him. Hopelessly out of words. Hopefully confused. Hopefully lost in every aspect of her life.

All she knew was that she needed to be with him too.

"I- I can't do this right now." She quietly pried his hands from her, and watched as callused fingers drifted from her shoulders down to her fingers before hesitantly letting go.

Gods, she loved him.

"Hitomi..."

"I don't want to hurt anyone, but there is no way out of this without doing that." She took a deep shaking breath, and felt, to her horror, that she may cry. "I love you... but... please don't."

He looked confused.

She wanted to kiss him. Bring him back into her room and hold him close to her. She wanted to hear all his words of comfort and hear all the sweet nothings he could come up with. She wanted to make love to him over and over. She wanted to be with him without feeling guilty, like on the first night, before she really got to know Soriyah.

"Please... don't follow me."

Without another look back, she inched around him and hurried the rest of the way down the hall and hurled herself down the stairwell and out the doors of inn without a real destination in mind.

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How she'd ended up here she had no idea, but here she stood, still wearing that elegant dress and without any bags. She wondered why she even thought she would go further than this without any money or belongings.

Funny how she runs away only to end up closer to Van than she was at the inn.

She was getting ready to turn away from the small door, having been staring at the ivy type plant growing on either side of the cottage door for quite some time. The cottage itself was rather large, as it housed many women, and the location was wonderful. Set at the base of the cliff that hovered over the palace. Right inside the palace's garden.

This was stupid. Surely this would be the first place Van would think to look if he decided he wouldn't listen to her wishes and follow her.

He probably would.

'Stubborn idiot...' She thought to herself, not sure whether she meant Van or herself, as she finally gathered enough nerve to knock on the solid wood door before her, taking a step back so as not to crowd the doorway.

There was complete silence a moment before the door unlatched and a young girl with braids stuck her head through the opening. She was tanned, just like a good portion of the residents here in Fanalia. Or possibly she had been one of the girls to come and make permanent residence here as the queen's entourage?

"Lady Hitomi." She quickly, realizing who was standing on the front step, stepped back and opened the door fully, gesturing for her to come in. Her dark eyes were wide with either surprise or something else.

"Is- Is Lady Merle or Celena here?"

"They both are. Can get them for you?"

Hitomi smiled and shook her head. "Can I come in and see them?"

She nodded, her braids sliding over her bare shoulders before she motioned shyly for Hitomi to follow her through the homely cottage.

She wouldn't mind staying here for a bit. If she were allowed.

As they walked past an open window, she halted as her attention drifted up towards the sky. She felt rather than saw the young girl hesitate at a doorway, but she didn't look around.

A figure with shocking white wings was flying over the garden and had disappeared past a wing of the castle. Out of view. Out of touch.

She felt her heart may break all over again, and for the hundredth time wandered why she stayed.

The only reason wasn't much of a reasonable one, and she figured it never would be anymore.

Because she loved him.

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A/N: argh. This is crap. I'm so lost with this story. -laughs- Now what I have I done! I don't even know how to turn this into a happy ever after. It will just have to be melancholy. You'll have to deal with it. :)

Final chapter may be next. Not too sure...