Memories Keep You Near

A/N: This won't even be the last chapter :P Unless it becomes a really long one. -sigh- we shall see.

P.S. I'm writing this in my college cafeteria... just so you all know. -laughs- thought it might be important considering people are very loud in here and it's difficult to write with these stella girls sitting right behind me talking like "omg I know!" and saying "like" every few damn seconds. I should bitch them out... As a second year I should have some liberties over firsties. -laughs evilly-

...not going to happen. They're taller than me.

Chapter 6

Her stomach hurts and she has a splitting headache and blames it on her nervousness and unbelievable sadness as she climbs up the hill behind the castle, taking the winding steps built into the cliff-side to the sanctuary up at the top. She presses her hands against her side trying to still the cramps and groans as she pauses a moment to look behind her, letting her bag drop to the steps at her feet. It's early morning, and the capital seems to be just waking up. She sees the farmers in the distance however, and knows they'd been up since the sun rose, readying their crops for harvest season. The weather had cooled some.

The sting of tears is there, as it has been all morning and she blinks them back, angry with herself as they blur her vision until she rubs them away with the back of her hand.

She'd left a note for him. He would know that nothing bad had happened to her.

She was simply going home.

Merle and Celena had taken her in with open arms, despite their obvious opinions in the matter. They still firmly believed with woman's fancy that her and Van could still live happily-ever-after despite the presence of Soriyah. As she lived with them for weeks she realized they were hopeless romantics, and despite the fact Hitomi found this funny, she was also highly annoyed with this finding as they pushed such thoughts on her all the time.

She wouldn't let herself believe their words of comfort. She wouldn't let herself be swept away in little scenarios planned out in her head. Could not daydream of the possibility of happiness awaiting when she knew that it wasn't exactly possible that way.

She supposed she'd just grown up in that respect.

Gone were the days she waited with anticipation to talk to Amano or get her first kiss. Gone were the days she wished to be Allen's only and was able to get swept up in the idea of her shining knight. Gone were the days she thought of returning to Gaea to marry Van, become his queen and have many children, thinking that if she had a girl she would name her Varie after Van's mother.

She bit her lip and hauled her bag back up onto her shoulder, packed with some of the dresses she'd gotten here, not wanting to part with them because they reminded her of Van. She'd packed the comb that Soriyah gave her, still wrapped in it's silky, fine fabric and had packed the dress that Van had given her out of guilt.

Hitomi was dressed now in the clothes she'd arrived in. A jean skirt and t-shirt that reminded her of her arrival. Van had seen the beam of light and had raced out to greet her in the fields just outside of the capital.

She'd been so happy and had shyly threw her arms around him in greeting, whispering how much she missed him into his ear while he simply tightened his grip around her waist.

Of course she'd been heartbroken to come to the castle and find out how naive she could be. To think that Van could remain hers, even if she left and decided to come back on her own accord years later.

She bit her lip and continued up the stairway, reaching the top after a few agonizing minutes of pressure in her head as hot wind rushed against her aching temples.

Escaflowne. Here in the clearing. The bottom half plagued with greens and browns of mosses, growing like a decease along the large mechanical being's legs and lower torso. She had originally been surprised that Van didn't take care of the machine better, but he'd told her that he wanted it to serve as a monument here.

'Besides', he'd told her, 'I don't want to ever have to use it again. Covered in moss and hidden from everything, nobody will be able to use it either.'

She didn't point out the fact that with the unstable government in Zaibach and the growing tension between the Northern countries, another war was still a strong possibility if past history on Earth taught her anything.

Right beside the metal humanoid weapon was a medium sized monument of stone, dedicated to those who had lost their lives in the war and before. Van's parents. Balgus. Folken and the cat-twins. Most people that Van was ever too near to he had lost, and Hitomi suddenly realized that he had just about the worse of luck and she was about to add to this string of terrible events in his life.

No wonder people thought his wings were cursed.

Setting her bag down in front of the monument, in front of a black iron gate just a little bit higher than her knees, she leaned down to open her bag and extracted a glass box with a flower inside. A beautiful white flower that she found symbolized Van and the innocence she'd lost within herself the moment she came back.

A present in memories of all lost in the past, and all that was about to lost in this moment.

She placed it on the other side of the iron gate, at the base of the monument, feeling as she did so, another blast of warm air that picked up her honey colored hair and made it dance across her face. She closed her eyes and lifted her face into the warmth, relishing in the wonderful smells of his country.

She felt the tears come again, this time in a horrible rush she had no control over and she sunk the ground in a desperate attempt to find some sort of root in everything, clasping the iron fence tightly in her hands, the coldness of the metal biting into her palms and the dirt and grass pressed into her knees. Her body wracked with the sobs she couldn't control, and the sounds of her cries seemed to echo through the whole clearing. She felt warm all over, and sore and wanted everything to end.

She waited for the beam of light to come and take her away from all of this. To take away all her pain. She prayed for it to take her away, and placed her hand where her pendent would normally be, her pendent that was around Van's neck.

It didn't come.

Instead, she felt two slender arms encircle her, crossing at her middle. Expensive bracelets decked her wrists that jingled together as she moved and her dark hair feel onto her shoulder as she continued to shake with the sobs. Familiar perfume and the familiar sound of her voice made the moment seem somehow surreal and she held the sobs back a moment while the woman whispered in her ear. "Don't go. Please."

Feeling disorientated, she twisted so that she could see the queen properly, noticing upon doing so, and with shock, that the beautiful woman had tears in her eyes as well. Building up at the edge of those wide, expression filled eyes that right now show such sadness that she'd never seen.

Hitomi couldn't stop the tears, and spoke through gasps, her voice coming out in hard to understand shudders. "I'm leaving so you can be happy."

"Don't. Please. You don't understand."

She felt her head start to pound again. "What don't I understand? I didn't know you knew. I'm sorry I hurt you." Her back pressed against the cold metal of the small fence. "I'm leaving so that nobody gets hurt."

"You don't understand." The tears broke away now, running down her tanned face without resistance. "You'd be hurting people more if you leave. Van will hurt. I will hurt."

She didn't understand, Soriyah was right on that point. "You should hate me."

Soriyah, previously crouched down, went to her knees completely, and Hitomi wondered how much the dress she was wearing cost her, as the fine fabrics might be destroyed from the dirt. She found she cared for this woman. This woman who seemed to care more about others happiness than her own.

"I knew that Van would never love me when I married him. I took the risk. I am happy to be the queen of Fanalia. I am happy to be with Van. But I won't be happy until Van is happy and Van is happy with you."

Hitomi shook her head. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You are not." She edged closer to Hitomi, dragging her dress in the loose soil even more, one hand reaching for Hitomi's while the other steadied her in the grass. "I like your company."

She smiled through the tears reflected in her deep brown eyes and Hitomi could only look on in confusion.

"Van is sad that you have not visited him in a long while. I advised him to come to you, but he refused. He said you told him not to follow you."

Hitomi nodded, not knowing what else to do.

"You are living closer to the castle than before? With Merle and Lady Celena?"

Another nod.

"You want to be closer to Van, but you do not even notice." She smiled brighter this time, and she was so close that Hitomi could make out a splashing of freckles, probably formed from the sun, along her nose and cheeks. "I know what that is like. To be close to him." She shifted closer and Hitomi held her breath, pressing closer into the gate at her back. Her stomach hurt.

"I know that you both want me to stay... but..."

"You are doing it for selfish reasons too?" Hitomi frowned. "Don't get me wrong, please Lady Hitomi. I know you suffer from this all too, and I wish you didn't. You stayed when I would have left."

They both seemed frozen, suspended in this strange moment that Hitomi couldn't seem to comprehend. She was caught between complete adoration for this woman and pain at not having left when she had the chance.

She knew she couldn't possibly leave now.

"You are a wonderful person. I want to be around you, just like Van."

Hitomi blinked in confusion before furrowing her brows at the comment.

Even more confused when Soriyah started to lean towards her and startled when the other woman placed a gentle, if not shocking, kiss straight on her lips. With another woman's lips on her, strangely all Hitomi could think of was how dark and long the other woman's eyelashes were and how different this day turned out to be.

What was happening? This was all so complicated and confusing. More than it should be.

When Soriyah pulled away, after not too long, she was flushed a bright, wonderful pink through her tan, but had a look on her face that was both confidence and embarrassed. "Do you understand."

She was compelled to tell the truth. "Not really..."

And Soriyah laughed, a clear beautiful laugh that reverberate through the clearing just as Hitomi's sobs had done earlier. "I see why Van loves you so much. Please stay and make him happy?"

"Uh..." She didn't want to ask the obvious question. Afraid that she may offend the queen. Perhaps this was just how they did things in whatever country she came from? "I-I'll stay."

She sat back and placed her hands together in both delight and something like prayer, grinning from ear to ear. "And will you live in the palace?" Her excitement was a little overwhelming for Hitomi, considering she'd been recently so set on leaving Gaea and had recently been kissed by her love's wife...

"I could..."

The young queen reached forward and took both Hitomi's hands in hers. "Thank you." She suddenly realized just how strange this woman was and suddenly felt like laughing.

So she did. And Soriyah joined in, oblivious to what Hitomi was thinking, simply enjoying the moment like a small child.

What the hell had just happened?

She was laughing so hard that tears came to her eyes. Doubled over with it. Once she could control herself, she reached into her bag and extracted a plastic, bead bracelet that her little brother had found for her before she left. Smiling shyly she handed it to the still giggling queen. An offering of peace.

"It's not as nice as the comb you gave me... but it would mean a lot to me if you had this."

She took the bracelet with something like amazement on her face and Hitomi couldn't help but grin in amusement at her enthusiasm over such small things. The bracelet was handled delicately in her hands as if made of glass as she slipped it onto one slender wrist and she examined it. It was seriously out of place with her expensive bracelets, and Hitomi didn't quite understand why the queen looked so amazed with it until she realized that they didn't have plastic on Gaea.

"Thank you!" She suddenly threw herself into Hitomi's arms, obviously feeling fine from the miscarriage and happily pulled the shorter girl towards her, Hitomi found her face pressed into sweet smelling, smooth hair and she laughed again.

She couldn't help but wonder how this day got so strange so quickly.

She could never hate this woman, and was happy to realize that that would never happen and wasn't an option.

Loosing Van wasn't an option anymore, she thought, as she secretly made a promise to Soriyah and to herself to stay as long as she could. As long as Van wanted. As long as Soriyah wanted.

Though she knew her guilt would never go away...

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A/N: this is my way of fixing things. O.o I don't know if she's a lesbian or bi or whatever. Probably not... she's just... innocent in a way thats hard to describe, the queen is. -shrugs- I hope this all doesn't seem too farfetched. I was kind of building her all along as this sort of character, so that there would be a possibility of Hitomi and Van staying together. I didn't want to go with the traditional "the queen is a bitch and is plotting against Van" idea where he finds out and the queen is no longer in the picture. Nor did I want Soriyah not in the picture in anyway. So... I made her lovable and childlike but at the same time grown in a way that is mature enough to handle the situation.

She is happy to stay with Van, and that is enough for her. She also loves Hitomi in a way that makes her want Hitomi near as well, and Hitomi can't help but care for her in return. :)

I think the last chapter will be next. :) A little surprise is coming up (or something that isn't so surprising...lol! )

Cheers!