Memories Keep You Near

A/N: thanks for all the comments guys! I really appreciate all the feedback I've gotten so far! -hug-

This is the last chapter TTTT

Chapter 8

Van had her moved into the castle within a few days. Settled into the room she was in upon first arriving on Gaea this time around, the one that had originally been intended for Merle. She found the four walls a little more comforting since her stay at the inn and in the garden cottage, and guessed that her new comfort in surroundings had to do with her new sense of comfort in the situation, no matter how confusing and frustrating everything still was.

During the first few days of her having been settled she the castle she worried about things. Constantly. She worried if Van moving her into the castle and providing this new onslaught of things brought to her room was just another act of guilt. The new bedding. The constant desserts, hot baths and surprise breakfasts she would awake to. She worried he was simply shoving these luxuries on her to "butter her up" in essence, so she wouldn't be angry if he suddenly decided to no acknowledge her.

Was it a possibility. She most certainly thought it was, and because of this felt sick to her stomach from not just the baby growing there.

The only ones she found comfort in were Merle and Celena and seemed the only ones not tiptoeing around her. They were ecstatic with the news of a baby on the way, bringing her presents as well and choosing to take picnics with her outside their cottage on wonderful, warm days. They seemed to be off in their own world where there was no worry about the fact this child should not even exist. Hitomi wished she could retreat into that world without guilt and fear too, but knew that would never happen.

The two girls were also a link to the going-ons of the castle to Hitomi. Merle was about to sit in on some meetings with the council and fill her in on the happenings while Celena was closer to Soriyah's maids than Merle and always got inside information on the queen. Celena was also a good source of information when it came to her other friends in other parts of Gaea. It was from Celena that Hitomi learned about Millerna's worry over the whole affair, and had learned that Millerna offered a place near Millerna in Asturia if she wished it.

Hitomi had to turn it down, asking Celena to write a letter in reply to the comment to Millerna saying they should get together soon, but not until she had a good sense of what was happening here. Asking Millerna to please understand that she couldn't leave yet.

Not yet.

Hitomi felt a rise in tension after Merle returned from a meeting with the council one day -- she'd been eavesdropping on it -- and announced that the council was getting on Van's case about the rumors of "an affair" circulating the castle and that "if Soriyah's father were to find out" it would only go badly for Van.

The thought of escaping from Fanalia only seemed more appealing after that announcement, and she'd been fully resolved to leave when Van snuck into her room that night.

She hadn't seen him for so long it felt like. Not really. Small glances in the dining hall and around the castle. She'd watched him practice sword skills with a few of his guardsmen the other day too from afar, and knew he hadn't seen her watching. He'd been sending her stuff and smiling at her in the hallways, but besides that nothing much.

He looked exhausted always, so she felt she didn't want to push him, no matter how much it made her uneasy not to.

Was he even happy about the baby?

She'd been sleeping when he entered the room, having dealt with a bad stomach all day, morning sickness coming more and more. She was relieved to hear all that would be over with very soon, but she was still exhausted from the entire thing.

He'd come in and woken her, like that night many months ago on his birthday, with a light touch to the shoulder.

She'd been just as surprise to wake to completely darkness, but this time knew it was him, rolling over to face him before sitting up. Her curtains were open, and she could see him perfectly, just in shades of gray. He was wearing dark clothing, and if she weren't wrapped up in this intrigue she might have found the whole amusing. Van dressed in black pants and a black, loose shirt. A thief sneaking around in the night.

He blinked down at her, as if he was still adjusting to the darkness and without a word she pulled him down onto the bed next to her, so suddenly that he had to scramble to remove his boots. She heard the dull thud as they hit the floor boards, and the bed creaked under his weight as he struggled to catch his balance on the mattress, nearly toppling into her.

She did laugh then, holding him close to her while he exhaled sharply through his nose as if in relief.

Perhaps she should have been mad at him, she thought, for ignoring her this past week.

She couldn't be mad at him.

"I heard about the meeting today." She spoke when they had both stilled, his breath blew across her right ear, tickling her neck. She pressed her face into his neck to breath in the scent of him, having missed him so badly.

He sighed, his body slumping against hers and she lay down so that he wouldn't knock her over. Carefully he stretched out beside her and she was pleasantly warmed and happy as a strong hand stretched out over her belly.

Where her baby was growing. Where they're baby was growing.

"They're cranky and old men." He she felt him tense beside her as he spoke, obviously not very happy with them at the moment. "And where I know they're just looking out for the country, and for me, I wish I didn't have to deal with the lot of them."

Hitomi did not say anything, as she could not come up with anything to say.

Van seemed to find the silence too uncomfortable. "I've been looking for something to help us."

"What?" She'd been facing the ceiling and now turned to look at him through the darkness. He had his eyes closed, his mouth set in a tight line.

"I know there is something about it, somewhere. Something that could help us. I heard about it once... a rule or guideline allowing for the king to have a..." he hesitated with the word, and she felt herself tense at the pause. "...lover."

"Would it allow for a baby?"

He stiffened, and it was times like this that she felt he might maybe not want the baby. However, those thoughts were soon dashed as he untensed and ran his hand along her belly, just the starts of something forming. A tiny, not even visible bump. They could hide it for now... but in a few months?

He gently kissed her shoulder. "I don't know. If not, I'll make something up."

She snorted, relishing in this a moment. The feel of his hand along her belly. His breath on her neck. His old stubborn behavior showing through. "Make something up?"

He sighed through his nose and she fell silent, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he might be able to pull it off.

"The only problem with most of this is Gava."

"Who?" She wrinkled her nose at the sound of the foreign name.

"Soriyah's father."

"Oh..." Hitomi fell silent again, wondering if there was anything Soriyah could do on the matter, but thinking it might be a bad idea to ask. Besides, she knew things didn't work like that here on Gaea. Afterall, Soriyah was practically sold to Van in exchange for a better trade agreement between the countries.

What if she was born on Gaea? Would she be in the same situation? Worse off?

They were both silent for a long while, and when Hitomi turned to face him, opening her mouth to comment more she found that his breathing had evened out completely, and his face had changed to it's natural, childish innocence created by sleep. She smiled at him, brushing his bangs away from his eyes slowly and gently before placing her forehead against his, delighted as he stirred a moment to slip his arm under her pillow and slid his hand along her stomach again.

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Everything changed the next day.

She'd been getting ready to go into the capital with Merle and Celena. She'd gotten dressed in a pretty dress she'd bought while living in the inn from a street vendor, and was enjoying the feel of the soft fabric against her skin. She'd been so giddy with the thought of dressing up and going into town with her girlfriends -- it almost felt like being on Earth again -- she'd dressed in front of the mirror and spun around several times playful to watch the knee length dress spin and curve around her body, enjoying her still petite body before her feet swell up from the pregnancy and her belly sticks out. The healthy glow that seemed to accompany all pregnant women, or so she'd been told, made her tan look even better and she suddenly wished it was with Van she could traipse around the town with, feeling this pretty suddenly.

Even though she knew they couldn't ever really do that.

She'd been slipping into her sandals when she lost her balance and bumped into the small desk off the side of the room. The books she had spilled off the top onto the floor and she sighed as she bent down to quickly scoop them up again. She'd found the yellowing, aged slip of parchment just as someone knocked on her door.

Sitting up to her knees she folded the piece of parchment back over and quickly scanned the article just as Merle entered the room chanting something about Hitomi falling behind.

Hitomi wasn't listening. All she could do was stare in shock at the words scratched in the parchment by someone long ago. Her eyes wide, her mouth open in a moment of surprise.

Merle had stopped in the doorway and was saying her name, but Hitomi didn't respond, having just remembered where and when she got this paper, and by who it had been sent.

---------------------------------------------------

"Soriyah."

The queen looked up from a pile of fabrics, as did the many women surrounding her, holding out yards of ribbons, silks and other such apparel for her scrutiny. Most of the women were young. Some Hitomi had met before, and she stood at the doorway a bit awkwardly before Soriyah stood in all her tall, beautiful glory and motioned her into the room with a smile.

This was the first time Hitomi had been her presence since the day on the cliffs, when she'd confessed her need for Hitomi to stay on Gaea. To stay with Van and her...

Hitomi had wanted to avoid the queen, feeling both a little awkward from the kiss, and altogether guilty about the pregnancy, thinking it wouldn't be right to flaunt it in front of the young Queen of Fanalia.

She felt a fool.

"Lady Hitomi..." Her smile was still the same, quiet, innocent smile that Hitomi always noticed, only now she caught a surging undertone that, now that she knew was there, was sure she'd seen it on her before. Something like triumph.

Still Hitomi couldn't hate her. Not with that smile. Not with those beautiful expression-filled eyes.

As Hitomi entered, stepping over and around drapes of fabric and a mess of sewing supplies, Soriyah enveloped her in something like a hug, planting a small kiss on her forehead as if Hitomi were a small child, and Hitomi heard, rather than saw the women in the room get back to their work.

"I expected you earlier." Soriyah grinned down at in what could almost be called a playful manner before clapping her hands together once to get the attention of the numerous seamstresses. "Everyone. That is enough for now, thank you."

The bowed and left in a hurry, passing Hitomi curious glances as they left. News travels fast in a castle where most of the staff is women, and Hitomi felt distinctly uncomfortable as the door closed behind them.

"Well?" She smiled and moved away from Hitomi, going back over to the pile of fabric and picking up a long strip of fabric of a dark blue. "You must have come here for a reason. You've been avoiding me otherwise, but I wanted to congratulate you on the baby."

She stiffened, turning her gaze towards the floor. "Soriyah..."

No, she wouldn't revert to feeling sorry again. She resolutely turned her chin up and shoved the parchment in the taller woman's general direction. "What is this?"

Soriyah looked at the paper for just a second before smiling and turning her eyes on Hitomi. "Exactly what is says I believe."

"I don't understand."

Soriyah stepped forward and took the parchment than. "I got it from a book in Van's private studies after my first miscarriage." She unfolded the parchment and looked over it a second, as if she'd forgotten what was there, but Hitomi knew it was just for her benefit. "It somehow lasted through the fires. Full of information that didn't make much sense to me... rules and guidelines for running this country. Laws..." she smiled and handed the sheet back to Hitomi.

So this was what Van had been looking for.

Hitomi couldn't seem to wrap this whole thing around her brain. "Explain what it means."

Soriyah continued to smile. "You're a very smart girl, Hitomi. Far smarter than I... you already understand what it means."

She did, she just wouldn't believe it. "Please."

"It means..." Soriyah turned to the window facing out towards the garden rather than the city. She leaned against it before turning back to Hitomi. "When the queen is unable to give the King an heir to the throne, the king is allowed to take up a concubine... or a mistress of sorts and obtain a child through that union. However..." here she looked Hitomi directly in the eyes. "The child would have to be adopted into the royal family and claimed as the queens own to be legitimate. Do you understand?"

Hitomi clenched her fists together in frustration. "You knew this all along."

"Yes..." She trailed off. "Don't get me wrong please, Lady Hitomi. I really do wish you to stay."

Hitomi took a desperate step towards her. "So that you can keep your claim to the throne!"

She seemed a little surprised at the outburst, and she shook her head, dark hair sliding over tanned shoulders. "You don't think I could have simply found someone else?" She brandished the parchment again. "The queen is the one to choose the other woman. In order to keep her role alive, especially if the position is held through union with another country."

Hitomi felt tears sting her eyes. She didn't know what hurt worse. What was written on the parchment? Or the fact that Soriyah had been lying to her all along.

"In my country, the king would simply be allowed to find a new wife. In Fanalia, it's a little different."

Hitomi clenched her fists so tight that her nails bit into her palms, but untightened as Soriyah made her way towards her.

"Don't look at this as a betrayal, please, Hitomi. I meant it only out of good conscious. I love Van... but my father made it very clear to me that my position as his Queen is important to the connection between our countries. I don't want a war to start..."

"Neither do I!"

Soriyah smiled. "I know that... which is why you're going to go along with it."

Hitomi felt herself nodding. After all... she did still get what she wanted.

This was why Soriyah didn't get in between her and Van. "What about now... once I have the baby?" She felt tears coming down her face. "Will I be sent away?"

Soriyah looked a little hurt, and surprised at her comment. "Heavens, no, Lady Hitomi." She shook her head. "I know that in an instant you could leave and take the baby to the Mystic Moon. The baby and my position are more important than whether or not my husband loves me or not..." Though she seemed just as sad as Hitomi.

Hitomi nodded again, feeling her throat grow tight, her eyes sting from tears, and suddenly Soriyah had her in a hug.

"I know that he will never look at me the way he looks at you." Soriyah smiled through tearful eyes.

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Van was asleep at his desk when she came in. He'd fallen asleep upright, his head slightly tipped to one side, his legs spread out under the desk, one had dangling over the side of the chair, the other in his lap. She couldn't help but smile at the scene, approaching him quietly so as not to wake him.

Stopping in front of his desk she noticed all the thick volume books littering his desks dealt with laws and such things.

He was still trying to find a way out for them.

Hitomi sighed and placed the worn parchment on top of a particular nasty and boring looking book, then carefully reached out to touch his hair.

He awoke with a start and she quickly retracted her hand. He looked blearily up at her before sitting up a bit straighter with a sleepy smile. She knew he was trying to look awake for her.

"Tired?" She asked quietly, slipping in beside him, leaning against the desk and facing him.

He nodded, running both hands over his eyes, palms pressing into his eyes before running hands through his bangs. "Ah... if I have to read through another-"

"Van..." She reached around herself to pick up the parchment, brandishing it before him. "Would this help?"

He took it from her with a wry smile, and as he opened it and read down the page the smile slowly disappeared to be replaced with a look of shock. "Where did you get this?" He lowered it to look up at her.

"Soriyah..."

Van once again looked shocked. "She knew about this?"

Hitomi nodded, and Van looked quietly down at the parchment before setting it down on his desk. He looked suddenly miserable, and Hitomi knew that he thought he was going to turn up something different in his search. He knew what the implications of this were.

After a moment of silence in which Hitomi just stared at the top of his head as he looked at the ground, he looked back up at her with a sigh. "I guess this is the only way... At least the advisors will have to accept this..."

Hitomi tried to smile. "Are you unhappy with this?"

His eyes snapped to hers, looking surprised a moment before that old stubborn fire came back to his eyes. "It gives me a way to be with you. How could I be mad?"

She smiled in earnest now before slipping into his lap, curling her feet up so that her heels pressed in this thighs as he wrapped his arms around her back and legs. She fit her head, near perfectly, against his shoulder, her face into his neck and breathed in his scent, his hair ticking her forehead as she listened to his heart beat, and felt the blood pulsing through his neck. His chin felt stumbly against her own as she brushed her cheek against his, placing a small kiss on his lips when he looked down at her.

It was in that moment that she understood why she gave up everything for him. Why she left her home to stay with him, through everything, and continue to stay with him as long as she could. It was in the way she felt whole in his arms, how he carefully pulled his hand from her legs and pressed it carefully, tenderly against her stomach. How he dipped his head down to carefully kiss her gain. How she knew he would take care of her.

She would give up everything a thousand times over for him, and was suddenly fine with it.

"I love you..." She breathed it out, as she felt his lips graze against her forehead, as he whispered it back to her.

She knew that everything wouldn't be perfect. Would never be perfect... but that was all right with her. As long as she could stay with him like this for a while.

If they were ever separated. If she suddenly couldn't be with him. If she needed to leave... she knew that the memories they shared together -- would share together -- would keep him near to her, always.

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A/N: END!

pretty lame ending... but this is what i've got. haha last chapter!

please review! I would appreciate it.