Chapter 3
Erase Your Love
"Well does anyone notice, there's a corpse in this bed?"
Reno's eyes flickered against the candle in his cold, damp room. The absence of the small, warm, body against his skin was sorely missed, and his body- so used to the warmth- refused to indulge in sleep.
Cloud is sleeping enough for the both of us…
Tomorrow Reno will be tired, he will be vulnerable, and though he knew this, he wasn't fretting- he wasn't scared like he was two days ago- he just didn't care.
So are you going to think about him again?
A little smile crept along his face…
He is all you think about now.
-
"What is love exactly?"
The sweet voice filled the red heads ears early one morning. It was Sunday, it was two months ago. They had been rooming together since the night Sephiroth stile Clouds innocence; it was Sephiroth's idea, but not shot down by the boys.
"I thought you know," Reno responded groggily, flipping his body so he was laying on his stomach. It was their day off from both training and the general.
"I know," Cloud argued, "I just…"
Cloud stopped- he couldn't form the right words to make a coherent sentence- and he laid next to Reno, his blue eyes getting lost in the forest of green pictured in Reno's own eyes.
"How do I know if I am in love?"
"My mom once told me it is in the kiss," Reno smiled at the lost memory, "How true."
Clouds eyes burned into Reno's, a fire erupting inside his young soul; he wanted to know, the torment was worse than the pain from the general. "Kiss me.."
The red head couldn't count the list of reasons why kissing the younger boy was wrong. He could feel the pull of those negative voices trying to draw him away as he sat up and stared into the eyes of the confused boy. And he knew he was making a mistake when he glided his hand over the soft check, and he knew he didn't care when Cloud closed his eyes and moved into the touch. And he knew he was risking their young lives the moment he pressed his lips against Clouds willing ones, and he knew, in some way, all of this was wrong. He knew…but he didn't care.
"I love you Reno.."
"I love you to."
-
He stared at the clock; he had to be at Sephiroth's office in an hour. His body was so worn out from the last time Sephiroth forced himself upon him.
Why can't I walk away?
--
Punch! You're against the wall, shirtless, your bare body marred with the scars of previous encounters. The man stomps towards you, pushing you body against the wall. "You're late." He punches you in the stomach, blood starts to drip from you mouth. He licks the stain, moaning at the taste of your metallic life force. He yanks your hair and throws you across the room; your stomach against the cold surface. He presses up against you- you can feel his hardness throbbing. You know what comes next and yet still beg him to stop. Salty tears rain from your eyes as he unloving-ly rips off your pants. You feel his cock slam into your tight hole. You scream in pain, "Stop! Please stop!" But he doesn't, he continues to slam into you as he smiles and moans in ecstasy. You try to numb the pain with your thoughts. Mind over matter, mind over matter…
-
"Hey Reno, can I ask you a question?"
"You already did."
You smile coyly linking your fingers with his.
"Why do you want to be a Turk?"
"Well it looks like fun. Why, do you want to enlist when you are eighteen?"
"No…I was just curious…"
-
It is funny- the most insignificant conversations seem so important when you are pinned against the wall.
-
"Please stop crying…" you hold him tightly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"
"Stop saying you're sorry."
You clutch you eyes close, praying it was all a horrible nightmare.
"I'll never do it again."
"You were forced."
"I didn't mean to cum in your mouth."
"He wouldn't let me move."
"Your eyes…you were in so much pain…"
"It felt good…"
"I am just like him!"
"You are nothing like him; you didn't hurt me!"
"Please stop crying…"
"I am not crying," he faces you, his blue eyes torn between pleasure and pain. He touches your face- wet to the touch, "You are."
-
You feel the generals hands roughly move up and down your naked chest. You continue to ignore his demands to scream his name, but he was to engrossed in his pounding to care.
-
He was crying in front of the mirror when you walked in, touching the bruises on his face. You walk to him, staring at your own reflection with the same horror; you are dead.
"You know he is a coward right?"
He stopped crying, " I know."
"And you know I love you, right?"
You sat behind him, legs extended, pulling him closer. You smell his hair, freshly wash, clean, with the pleasurable scent on strawberries. He links your fingers with his, and you wrap yourselves around this sweet silence that hangs in your room.
"I wish he would die, so there were only you. I would be happier."
"You want me to stop?"
"…I don't know.."
"I'll stop for you."
He pushes himself away from you, turning so you had to look into his eyes. "Why do you have to stop!" he cried, "You make me happy! Not him!"
You place your cold hands on his soft, wet, cheek and stare deeply into his eyes- his sad eyes.
"Cloud…" you start, choking back your own tears of frustration, "your too young…your to young to understand- "
"Understand!" he shouted, "Understand! I grew up a long time ago Reno, I don't need you to baby me!"
Silence. You stare at one another sadly…"We were to young…" He arises from the floor in the bedroom you share, "we can't turn back time…our childhood is as dead as my family."
--Thirteen is a fragile age for a boy, mess up this age and you could be marred for life. This is exactly why Sephiroth chooses to play with them. They love to hate him, and hate that they cannot break free of the web they are tangled in. You can't understand to much about life and death, hate and love- you may just explode—
The darkness consumed you and the blonde one, covering you in an un-protective curtain, laid out for whatever villain crept in. You keep your arms tightly wrapped around his thin waist. Cloud was sleeping soundly, his chest slowly rising with every intake of breath. Shouldn't that be enough to convince you he is alive…
Or do you have to fuck him to know!
Reno shot up from the lonely bed, a thin layer of cold sweat coaxing his body- it was 12 am.
"No," Reno rubbed his bloodshot eyes and looked at the clock again- 12 am. He flow to the window, and threw up the shade, revealing early darkness covering the entire campus; not even the street lamps illuminated the dark pathways- there was nothing. The last thing he remembered was staring at the flashing clock- screaming 5 am- knowing he would have to be in the office of the general in an hour for his daily "training" session. He was thinking of Cloud…he dreamt about him; he fell asleep.
But there was no way he slept the day away- the alarm would have woken him up, or the horrible scent of the general slithering into his sacred fortress would have snapped him out of any pleasurable dream. This wasn't logical…
"You are just like him…"
Reno swung around, his eyes darting from corner to corner, searching for the owner of the chilling voice. His mouth went dry, his body shivered at the no existent cold, and his muscles felt week. He wasn't thinking straight…hell he could barley keep himself upright- thoughts flooded his mind, pouring down on him in a rush of pain. He heard the screams of people that didn't exist, shouting in terror at an evil he couldn't see. He wanted to throw up. Now he could hear bones cracking, blood gushing, the thumps of people falling to the ground, their corpses but a marred shell of what they were. And fire…
The crackling of fire in the distance, skin melting off, people….no people…every ones dead…
He fell to the floor, clutching his body for protective…what was this?
The voice laughed, "Exactly like him.."
"Sho…sho…show yourself!" Reno ordered.
"I can't….this is how he sees us," the voice started to change, man to woman, to beast, back to man…Reno's head began to swirl, "a disembodied voice."
"Whose he?"
The voice...or voices…laughed harder, "Look into the mirror."
The red heads eyes dances to the mirror…the same one Cloud looked into before he slit his wrist, and there…he saw in the reflection the blonde, crying, hair draped in front of him clinging to the wetness on his face. He looked so fragile, lost, afraid; Reno crawled over to the mirror, and watched the horrible last moments Cloud was awake.
"No Cloud," Reno choked, "No Cloud don't do it…"
Cloud revealed a small razor he had bought just a few hours before. The blade was sharper than a knife, and the small razors shined a dead looking light into the mirror...hypnotizing Reno to looking at it. He watched as the razor brought itself to the tiny wrist of Cloud, and gliding across the flesh, blood leaking out of the fresh wound.
"It happened during training…"
The lost image of the boy was drowned and washed away thanks to the blood that covered the mirror. Reno stared at his image, waiting for Cloud to return-just to see him again…even if it was in pain.
"Do you love him?" The voice went down an octave, sending stabbing chills down his spine. He contemplated the answer, the question tumbled around his head, and banged and shattered within his fragile sanity. "Do you love him?" What's love? Love is everything, love is taking the flaws and loving every single one of them. It's wanted to be with that person always, and every second you're without them you're a mess. It's beautiful, it's ugly, but everyone needs it.
Reno shut his young green eyes, "Yes, I love him more than anything."
The room grew colder at the declaration, a feeling of harsh uneasiness washed over him, drowning him in his own conflicted mind. "Then you will help us destroy the evil that killed him."
"What would I have to do?"
A unknown force opened his eyes and manipulated them to focus at an alien image of him- a tall man in slacks, a dress top, jacket, and holding an EMR. His eyes were hallow orbs, mixed with the redness of alcohol…a zombie he was.
"You will have to wash away all weak emotions, except for hatred."
"Why?" he choked.
"So you can kill the general…but remember…if you do this, you could never see Cloud again. It is written in this path, you could never hold him, love him, remember him if you erase all the love you have for him, to succeed in this mission."
Throw away emotion, kill the bastard, but loose the only person who ever understood the pain…or live in weakness and fear forever with the threat of Cloud never waking up.
What would you do..?
-
He held the boy's hand, caressing the soft flesh with his thumb. "You will be okay now." the red head kissed the innocent boy's sleeping lips for the last time. "I'll find a place in this heart for you…"
He released his grip, taking the long walk out of this cold hospital room leaving his emotions as well as his lover behind.
"Are you sure about this?" I said.
"Yes, that bastard has to pay for what he did."
-
But, if I knew for a second what was really going to happen, I would have chosen a different path…I would have never let you go…
Never.